Guest guest Posted September 22, 2005 Report Share Posted September 22, 2005 In a message dated 9/22/2005 1:20:56 P.M. Eastern Standard Time, marianchen@... writes: thanks Jayne, i think it's easier for some to be more zen- but unfortunately I have to work on it. The Serenity Prayer God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him Forever in the next. Amen. --Reinhold Niebuhr Carol Trishasmom She isn't typical, She's Trisha! If we always do what we always did, we'll always get what we've always gotten! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 22, 2005 Report Share Posted September 22, 2005 In a message dated 9/22/2005 12:35:36 P.M. Eastern Standard Time, marianchen@... writes: Anyone know what I mean and can offer some advise? Life's just overwhelming, isn't it? It's been crazy here too. While I have three in college, they still require *coaching* (oh, NEVER MIND the $$$$$ part...LOL) and Alison is a god-send when it comes to Maddie, but you know, she's 13....there's dances, and lessons, and social outings, and then there's Maddie who HATES all that......it's tough. And we just lost my FIL, so I'm dealing with a needy MIL (she's so sweet, but I am cooking for her, checking up on her...all that) and my SIL is suffering a recurrence of her MS. So I'm feeding her family as well (they live across the street). She just started trying to go back to work half days, so I'm picking her up downtown each day and driving her home. THEN there's just life with Maddie, which is at least 5 full time jobs!!!!!!! ;-) The only advise I can offer n, is to be good to yourself. You are a wonderful mother and a good person. We ALL have too much on our plate, and it's not humanly possible to be perfect (frankly, I find perfect people very boring....;-). Pat yourself on the back every now and then. Recognize that you are doing a monstrous size job AND doing it while others are constantly throwing roadblocks at you. I know it's hard to do, but it's really a skill you can work on achieving. Have pep talks with yourself. Sounds silly, I know, but it works. What would you say to a friend who came to you feeling the same dejected way? Whatever that is, say it to yourself. Reward yourself for working so hard. We ALL need to be good to US!!!! We deserve it!!! Donna Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 22, 2005 Report Share Posted September 22, 2005 In a message dated 9/22/2005 1:46:10 P.M. Eastern Standard Time, Csvillars@... writes: The Serenity Prayer God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him Forever in the next. Amen. Yea, I love this prayer Carol. We have it etched on a rock outside our door (well, just the beginning phrase). I also love the Footprints in the Sand one. I still get chills every time I read it. My MIL has it hanging in her house. Hope it comes through without all the number mumbo jumbo. Donna One night a man had a dream. He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the LORD. Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand: one belonging to him, and the other to the LORD. When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of his life there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in his life. This really bothered him and he questioned the LORD about it: " LORD, you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me. " The LORD replied: " My son, my precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you. " Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 22, 2005 Report Share Posted September 22, 2005 In a message dated 9/22/2005 1:58:10 P.M. Eastern Standard Time, duffey48@... writes: I also love the Footprints in the Sand one. I still get chills every time I read it. I like the Footprints in the Sand as well. I also think we need to stop comparing ourselves to what others do and feeling like we aren't doing enough. We all have different talents and strengths. I must admit I read about all the things that some of the other parents do not only for their child but educating others as well and there are times I feel like I'm a bump on the log and then I think, I'm doing the best I can do at this point and time and that is ok. When I start comparing what I do to what other moms do not only is it depressing it actually decreases what I was doing in the first place. So when I read I learn with the idea that I might not be able to do all that they did but that I have learned from them and will put that to good use as able. I can only be me heck that tires me out enough, there is no way I could be supermom now or even 20 years ago. lol I'm just not supermom material. But I am a good mom even with all my short comings and I will continue to fight the good fight and do my best and that is all anyone can honestly expect from any of us. :-) Carol Trishasmom She isn't typical, She's Trisha! If we always do what we always did, we'll always get what we've always gotten! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 22, 2005 Report Share Posted September 22, 2005 In a message dated 9/22/2005 2:32:18 P.M. Eastern Standard Time, Csvillars@... writes: I'm just not supermom material. But I am a good mom even with all my short comings and I will continue to fight the good fight and do my best and that is all anyone can honestly expect from any of us. :-) That's right Carol. And I have really learned not to beat myself up too. Have NO clue where THAT came from since I'm a good Catholic girl....LOL I really think that Maddie is the one responsible for helping me go easier on myself. I do credit her with giving me more confidence in myself, and obviously for appreciating the small things. Also, I AM married to a man who is wonderful and tells me constantly how wonderful I am. That surely helps....LOL We've talked before on this list about ways to be *kind* to ourselves. I really truly believe it's crucial to being able to be up and out there each day to face the battle. When you look at it that way, you won't feel guilty for being good to yourself. I am the QUEEN of it....just ask my family. I'm MISS SOAK IN THE TUB. Probably take a soak at least 4x a week. With book in tow (my novels all are three times their size from taking dips in the water). I walk 4 miles 5x a week (religiously....if I have to schedule someone to come and fix something, they have to work around me). And now thanks to Duff, we have Jen take Maddie every Thursday, so he and I, and often, Allie (13) can do things together. Do I feel spoiled??? Yes, but I deserve it.....;-) Donna P.S. Today is Thursday, but no fun stuff here. Just came home from taking Allie for a throat culture. Poor baby!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 22, 2005 Report Share Posted September 22, 2005 In a message dated 9/22/2005 3:53:36 P.M. Eastern Standard Time, marianchen@... writes: When I've been able to let go for various amouts of time, " se la vie " and " take life in stride " , something brings me back to the fear and guilt. we all have our ups and downs and we all probably cry at times because it can be so frustrating. That is normal. None of us just let things go. But we do set our boundries and we do understand we are only human and therefor can only do so much. It's not about letting it go, it's more about taking it in small steps and do what you can each day and then tackle more the next day. There are times when I feel like the whole world is coming down on me but in reality it isn't and I know this too will pass so to speak. The reality is for all of us there will be good days and bad days and the rest will be in-between. We don't always see in ourselves what others see. Our behavior consultant is always saying how much I do and what a good advocate I am for Trisha and anyone else I can help. I don't see it that way, I see, I didn't work with Trisha today, I didn't get to go to this seminar or that one, I didn't buy all these books that everyone is talking about and so on. But when you think about it, I sat down and played with my daughter if only for a few minutes and heard her laughter and saw the sparkle in her eyes. I spent hours working with boardmaker to make overlays for her communication device so that she will have as many words as possible to use, I washed her clothes, cleaned her room, cooked her food and worried that she was alright on those long rides to and from school. Even right now, I'm torn between worrying about my grown son who just called to say he is on his way to the hospital because he hurt his back at work and feeling down because he is our ride to a special event taking place this weekend where we all would be put up in a hotel from Friday to Sunday for a family getaway and some workshops on alternate assessments. I just hope he doesn't have to have surgery on his back. But this too will all work out. Trisha came home in a great mood from school and a half hour early to boot. We'll just have to take it a step at a time and see what happens but no guilt feelings are allowed because we all are doing our best. :-) Carol Trishasmom She isn't typical, She's Trisha! If we always do what we always did, we'll always get what we've always gotten! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 22, 2005 Report Share Posted September 22, 2005 Relating to Holly and 's situation, I have had very similar experiences with twice district telling me the classroom I most want for my child is full. It is already difficult trying to find a good match- kids change every year, the teachers and aides compentancy and personalities, distance of the schools...etc...THen when you finally feel somewhat decisive about one (not perfect, but will do...) they tell you its FULL?!!!! Then when you go to the placement they suggest, it doesn't work out- I feel so helpless. There is just too much at stake in this trial and error process...I feel if I knew what I was doing- making right decisions- rather than trial and error, we would be making progress. Who else but the mom feel the most responsible? This is the first year we said- no to the district's offerings and hired a lawyer. Since, they have treated me horribably. It seems if I'm a good little girl, they keep things amicable. As soon as I put my foot down, they retaliate. Whereas I volunteered in my child's classroom for the past 2 years, now they are not " allowing " me to volunteer for more than 30 min. (a rule they sited that I've found out to be none-existent). It got ugly- the teacher called the principal on me to eject me from the classroom. I was depressed for a month over that. Does anyone feel helpless and unequiped to go through this over and over? I often feel guilty over " if I only were more insistent " , or " if I onlyl were more on top of the going ons of the classroom " , " if I only knew the law better " . I've always known how to get a " job " done- what I need to do first, next, last to get yield the goal. Since taking on the job of a mom- especially the special needs world where everything seems to be a battle, every step is an uphill climb- I feel so lost and incompetent. I don't feel like I'm making good decisions. I feel like I decide something- then wait and see what happens- without any sense of control. I've become complacent about this- My husband calls it " letting go " - " do the best you can " . I've really had to try hard to do this. Afterall, who doesn't want to relax and enjoy life and not worry so much!!!! But I keep going back and forth between- " I've got to do everything for my child- it's his life at stake- if you just did a, b, or c, you could help him improve- do do do... " - to " do what you can and let it go- live your life- be happy " . I can't seem to reconcile the perspective of wanting to do everything for your child and doing " what I can " - even if my child is not thriving as much as I would like to see. I can't understand everyone's advise about " balance " when these two perspectives are philosophically opposites- you either think this way and do accordingly, or think the other way and do accordingly. I can't think and do one way some of the time, and believe and do another way the rest of the time. Anyone know what I mean and can offer some advise? n (isaac- 5.5yr) No place for -venting I had a meeting today with the district psychologist and my child's consulting resource teacher. Her teacher, the teacher they want to reassign her to, another autism teacher and the communication specialist sat in. I felt like crying when we left because it was so clear that no one wants to take ownership of my precious little and none of them seem to know what they are doing. The only reason I accepted this placement that was forced on me was that I thought the teacher would come to the plate but he just doesn't have the time because they've given him ten kids and no help. I'm infuriated now because I observed so many classes last year to plan for her high school transition and made a request for a class that had a spot and we did not get it. Now her placement is turning into a disaster and they are saying she should be where I selected in the first place but of course, now there is no room. Today her placement turned dangerous when she became lost outside the school after taking a wrong turn going to lunch. Her teacher said he just lost her. She is his only nonverbal child. All the other kids are much higher functioning than . The ratio is 10:1 so the teacher who seems wonderful has his hands full. The district wants to switch her to an autism class within the same school with a 4:1 ratio but the teacher there was blatantly unreceptive and flat out said she couldn't handle another child especially one requiring any augmentative communication system because she didn't have enough help. She has three nonverbal autistic children in the class and was just starting to implement rudimentary PECS with those children. She didn't even have access to a Boardmaker program or training to use one. And they have her teaching an autism classroom??? I feel like I know ten times what they do about implementing communication systems. This is just insane. They want me to switch to the class with an incompetent teacher who doesn't even want her- all on the promise they will implement her communication system in the future. All this when the class she really needs is a mile from our house. I guess it's time to pull out my inner assertive you know what and strongly suggest that they make space for my child where her needs will be met. Sorry to vent. But you guys are the only ones who understand what it feels like to have people not want your kid in their class. During this two hour meeting she is sitting patiently writing, drawing, dangling her rag and smiling at them all. It breaks my heart because is such a sweetheart and I love her so much. How could anyone not want her???? Therese -------------------------------------------------- Checkout our homepage for information, bookmarks, and photos of our kids. Share favorite bookmarks, ideas, and other information by including them. Don't forget, messages are a permanent record of the archives for our list. http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ -------------------------------------------- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 22, 2005 Report Share Posted September 22, 2005 In a message dated 9/22/2005 4:29:46 P.M. Eastern Standard Time, liz.desantis@... writes: And then I say, " What am I crazy? " when she has a meltdown. Damn, it is so hard! Sorry.... actually, it helps to be a little crazy! :-) Any you are so right about yelling at the world. They should be so lucky to have kids like ours!!!! If it will make you feel better, I'll be glad to shout with you! lol Carol Trishasmom She isn't typical, She's Trisha! If we always do what we always did, we'll always get what we've always gotten! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 22, 2005 Report Share Posted September 22, 2005 In a message dated 9/22/2005 4:09:59 P.M. Eastern Standard Time, marianchen@... writes: I'm not sure if there isn't a slight bit of truth in it. If acceptance means I'm not worried or feel like I need to help him everytime he is stimming in the corner by himself or making weird gestures or noises or if he is not making gains in fine motor or speech development, then I guess I have not accepted him. There is a big difference in accepting his dx and having expectations of him. Next time the school says that to you try and remember to say to them: It seems to me that you are the ones who cannot accept him and being unrealistic by not having expectations of him, by not understanding he has the right to succeed or fail just like everyone else and if you don't help along the way then you are the ones who are not accepting in fact you are the ones who are in denial by the very fact that you don't think he can do...... When you have low expectations it's basically saying " there's nothing we can do " . I don't believe that, there is always something else we can try and that may not work either then you try something else and so on. I accept that my child has , hoh, low vision, apraxia and anything else they care to dx her with but that is not who my child is. My child is a human being with all the rights that come with it and she has the right of my respect, my expectations, my faith in her, my love, my dreams for her just like my son did and does. Her body is different, not her soul! In fact in just these few weeks of school she has shown that when someone has expectations of her she can do more than the old school thought. Her report today was: She was wonderful! Did I ever hear she was wonderful or how great she worked before? No, I heard how she didn't want to do or just sat. She had a mini-meltdown today but they said she was very easy to re-direct and even went on to earn all 3 of her breaks. What a kid! lol Carol Trishasmom She isn't typical, She's Trisha! If we always do what we always did, we'll always get what we've always gotten! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 22, 2005 Report Share Posted September 22, 2005 n, I think we all struggle with inner demons telling us to do more for our child. I know I do! I struggle everyday afterschool when he comes home. I know I should sit with him and do more work,play, reading, computer games, fine motor activities, etc.. Afterall - I've had a break from him since 8am. BUT - he's tired, he's not interested, he's focused on his obsession - wanting to watch a movie and eat chips, I have two other children that need help with homework, and sports to taxi to and fro! The hard part is that life does go on around us regardless of what our " to do " list says. I find I go through periods of understanding what is realistic and periods of feeling totally guilty. Right now - guilty! But we know how exhausting the time afterschool is - homework, dinner, sports, bath, bedtime - it's tough just when you have typical kids. Throw a child with Ds/Autism into the picture and things really go askew! Hang in there. It helps when you talk about it out loud or at least bounce it off others - writing your feelings down is a great step in finding your happy medium. You can only do so much in a day and still be the wife/mother/friend that you want to be - We all struggle, at one time or another, with the same feelings - that's what's so wonderful about having this outlet available to us - thanks Joan AGAIN - this list is my saving grace. Hugs to you n - from someone who struggles with some of your same feelings... Now go have some chocolate! And tune into " 3 Wishes " on NBC Friday night for your good cry... Take care, Jayne n Chen wrote: Relating to Holly and 's situation, I have had very similar experiences with twice district telling me the classroom I most want for my child is full. It is already difficult trying to find a good match- kids change every year, the teachers and aides compentancy and personalities, distance of the schools...etc...THen when you finally feel somewhat decisive about one (not perfect, but will do...) they tell you its FULL?!!!! Then when you go to the placement they suggest, it doesn't work out- I feel so helpless. There is just too much at stake in this trial and error process...I feel if I knew what I was doing- making right decisions- rather than trial and error, we would be making progress. Who else but the mom feel the most responsible? This is the first year we said- no to the district's offerings and hired a lawyer. Since, they have treated me horribably. It seems if I'm a good little girl, they keep things amicable. As soon as I put my foot down, they retaliate. Whereas I volunteered in my child's classroom for the past 2 years, now they are not " allowing " me to volunteer for more than 30 min. (a rule they sited that I've found out to be none-existent). It got ugly- the teacher called the principal on me to eject me from the classroom. I was depressed for a month over that. Does anyone feel helpless and unequiped to go through this over and over? I often feel guilty over " if I only were more insistent " , or " if I onlyl were more on top of the going ons of the classroom " , " if I only knew the law better " . I've always known how to get a " job " done- what I need to do first, next, last to get yield the goal. Since taking on the job of a mom- especially the special needs world where everything seems to be a battle, every step is an uphill climb- I feel so lost and incompetent. I don't feel like I'm making good decisions. I feel like I decide something- then wait and see what happens- without any sense of control. I've become complacent about this- My husband calls it " letting go " - " do the best you can " . I've really had to try hard to do this. Afterall, who doesn't want to relax and enjoy life and not worry so much!!!! But I keep going back and forth between- " I've got to do everything for my child- it's his life at stake- if you just did a, b, or c, you could help him improve- do do do... " - to " do what you can and let it go- live your life- be happy " . I can't seem to reconcile the perspective of wanting to do everything for your child and doing " what I can " - even if my child is not thriving as much as I would like to see. I can't understand everyone's advise about " balance " when these two perspectives are philosophically opposites- you either think this way and do accordingly, or think the other way and do accordingly. I can't think and do one way some of the time, and believe and do another way the rest of the time. Anyone know what I mean and can offer some advise? n (isaac- 5.5yr) --------------------------------- Yahoo! for Good Click here to donate to the Hurricane Katrina relief effort. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 22, 2005 Report Share Posted September 22, 2005 we could all hold hands and sing that song I forget the name but it's something like I'd like to tell the world. Now wouldn't that be something. Carol Trishasmom She isn't typical, She's Trisha! If we always do what we always did, we'll always get what we've always gotten! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 22, 2005 Report Share Posted September 22, 2005 Here is a great BIG HUG from me! I guess I should consider myself as one of the lucky ones I suppose, because Tori is our little one and the only one left home. I can't even imagine what it is like has 2-3 more little ones around and trying to deal with her challenges. And I still find myself struggling. When I hear you all about trying to do the balancing act, I thank God Tori was our Baby. However, with all life's struggles, we still fight and move forward. No matter how much we feel we have failed in one way or another, our kids are here to remind us that we are the Chosen Few. Liz Re: emotional advise > n, > I think we all struggle with inner demons telling us to do more for our > child. I know I do! I struggle everyday afterschool when he comes home. > I know I should sit with him and do more work,play, reading, computer > games, fine motor activities, etc.. Afterall - I've had a break from him > since 8am. BUT - he's tired, he's not interested, he's focused on his > obsession - wanting to watch a movie and eat chips, I have two other > children that need help with homework, and sports to taxi to and fro! The > hard part is that life does go on around us regardless of what our " to do " > list says. I find I go through periods of understanding what is realistic > and periods of feeling totally guilty. Right now - guilty! But we know > how exhausting the time afterschool is - homework, dinner, sports, bath, > bedtime - it's tough just when you have typical kids. Throw a child with > Ds/Autism into the picture and things really go askew! > Hang in there. It helps when you talk about it out loud or at least > bounce it off others - writing your feelings down is a great step in > finding your happy medium. You can only do so much in a day and still be > the wife/mother/friend that you want to be - > We all struggle, at one time or another, with the same feelings - that's > what's so wonderful about having this outlet available to us - thanks Joan > AGAIN - this list is my saving grace. > Hugs to you n - from someone who struggles with some of your same > feelings... > > Now go have some chocolate! And tune into " 3 Wishes " on NBC Friday night > for your good cry... > Take care, > Jayne > > n Chen wrote: > Relating to Holly and 's situation, I have had very similar > experiences with twice district telling me the classroom I most want for > my child is full. It is already difficult trying to find a good match- > kids change every year, the teachers and aides compentancy and > personalities, distance of the schools...etc...THen when you finally feel > somewhat decisive about one (not perfect, but will do...) they tell you > its FULL?!!!! Then when you go to the placement they suggest, it doesn't > work out- I feel so helpless. There is just too much at stake in this > trial and error process...I feel if I knew what I was doing- making right > decisions- rather than trial and error, we would be making progress. Who > else but the mom feel the most responsible? > > This is the first year we said- no to the district's offerings and hired a > lawyer. Since, they have treated me horribably. It seems if I'm a good > little girl, they keep things amicable. As soon as I put my foot down, > they retaliate. Whereas I volunteered in my child's classroom for the > past 2 years, now they are not " allowing " me to volunteer for more than 30 > min. (a rule they sited that I've found out to be none-existent). It got > ugly- the teacher called the principal on me to eject me from the > classroom. I was depressed for a month over that. > > Does anyone feel helpless and unequiped to go through this over and over? > I often feel guilty over " if I only were more insistent " , or " if I onlyl > were more on top of the going ons of the classroom " , " if I only knew the > law better " . I've always known how to get a " job " done- what I need to do > first, next, last to get yield the goal. Since taking on the job of a > mom- especially the special needs world where everything seems to be a > battle, every step is an uphill climb- I feel so lost and incompetent. I > don't feel like I'm making good decisions. I feel like I decide > something- then wait and see what happens- without any sense of control. > > I've become complacent about this- My husband calls it " letting go " - " do > the best you can " . I've really had to try hard to do this. Afterall, who > doesn't want to relax and enjoy life and not worry so much!!!! But I keep > going back and forth between- " I've got to do everything for my child- > it's his life at stake- if you just did a, b, or c, you could help him > improve- do do do... " - to " do what you can and let it go- live your life- > be happy " . I can't seem to reconcile the perspective of wanting to do > everything for your child and doing " what I can " - even if my child is not > thriving as much as I would like to see. I can't understand everyone's > advise about " balance " when these two perspectives are philosophically > opposites- you either think this way and do accordingly, or think the > other way and do accordingly. I can't think and do one way some of the > time, and believe and do another way the rest of the time. > > Anyone know what I mean and can offer some advise? > > n (isaac- 5.5yr) > > > --------------------------------- > Yahoo! for Good > Click here to donate to the Hurricane Katrina relief effort. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 22, 2005 Report Share Posted September 22, 2005 thanks Jayne, i think it's easier for some to be more zen- but unfortunately I have to work on it. It is of course easier to let go when things are going well. Everytime the school district gives me trouble, or if medically or developmentally there is a set-back, the guilt, inadequacy and helplessness comes back full force and pulls me the other way. I know so many moms on prozac!!!!! It's such a roller coaster ride! n Re: emotional advise n, I think we all struggle with inner demons telling us to do more for our child. I know I do! I struggle everyday afterschool when he comes home. I know I should sit with him and do more work,play, reading, computer games, fine motor activities, etc.. Afterall - I've had a break from him since 8am. BUT - he's tired, he's not interested, he's focused on his obsession - wanting to watch a movie and eat chips, I have two other children that need help with homework, and sports to taxi to and fro! The hard part is that life does go on around us regardless of what our " to do " list says. I find I go through periods of understanding what is realistic and periods of feeling totally guilty. Right now - guilty! But we know how exhausting the time afterschool is - homework, dinner, sports, bath, bedtime - it's tough just when you have typical kids. Throw a child with Ds/Autism into the picture and things really go askew! Hang in there. It helps when you talk about it out loud or at least bounce it off others - writing your feelings down is a great step in finding your happy medium. You can only do so much in a day and still be the wife/mother/friend that you want to be - We all struggle, at one time or another, with the same feelings - that's what's so wonderful about having this outlet available to us - thanks Joan AGAIN - this list is my saving grace. Hugs to you n - from someone who struggles with some of your same feelings... Now go have some chocolate! And tune into " 3 Wishes " on NBC Friday night for your good cry... Take care, Jayne n Chen wrote: Relating to Holly and 's situation, I have had very similar experiences with twice district telling me the classroom I most want for my child is full. It is already difficult trying to find a good match- kids change every year, the teachers and aides compentancy and personalities, distance of the schools...etc...THen when you finally feel somewhat decisive about one (not perfect, but will do...) they tell you its FULL?!!!! Then when you go to the placement they suggest, it doesn't work out- I feel so helpless. There is just too much at stake in this trial and error process...I feel if I knew what I was doing- making right decisions- rather than trial and error, we would be making progress. Who else but the mom feel the most responsible? This is the first year we said- no to the district's offerings and hired a lawyer. Since, they have treated me horribably. It seems if I'm a good little girl, they keep things amicable. As soon as I put my foot down, they retaliate. Whereas I volunteered in my child's classroom for the past 2 years, now they are not " allowing " me to volunteer for more than 30 min. (a rule they sited that I've found out to be none-existent). It got ugly- the teacher called the principal on me to eject me from the classroom. I was depressed for a month over that. Does anyone feel helpless and unequiped to go through this over and over? I often feel guilty over " if I only were more insistent " , or " if I onlyl were more on top of the going ons of the classroom " , " if I only knew the law better " . I've always known how to get a " job " done- what I need to do first, next, last to get yield the goal. Since taking on the job of a mom- especially the special needs world where everything seems to be a battle, every step is an uphill climb- I feel so lost and incompetent. I don't feel like I'm making good decisions. I feel like I decide something- then wait and see what happens- without any sense of control. I've become complacent about this- My husband calls it " letting go " - " do the best you can " . I've really had to try hard to do this. Afterall, who doesn't want to relax and enjoy life and not worry so much!!!! But I keep going back and forth between- " I've got to do everything for my child- it's his life at stake- if you just did a, b, or c, you could help him improve- do do do... " - to " do what you can and let it go- live your life- be happy " . I can't seem to reconcile the perspective of wanting to do everything for your child and doing " what I can " - even if my child is not thriving as much as I would like to see. I can't understand everyone's advise about " balance " when these two perspectives are philosophically opposites- you either think this way and do accordingly, or think the other way and do accordingly. I can't think and do one way some of the time, and believe and do another way the rest of the time. Anyone know what I mean and can offer some advise? n (isaac- 5.5yr) --------------------------------- Yahoo! for Good Click here to donate to the Hurricane Katrina relief effort. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 22, 2005 Report Share Posted September 22, 2005 n: I keep joking that I am going to start taking Tori's Risperdal when things get bad. Liz Re: emotional advise > > > n, > I think we all struggle with inner demons telling us to do more for our > child. I know I do! I struggle everyday afterschool when he comes home. > I know I should sit with him and do more work,play, reading, computer > games, fine motor activities, etc.. Afterall - I've had a break from him > since 8am. BUT - he's tired, he's not interested, he's focused on his > obsession - wanting to watch a movie and eat chips, I have two other > children that need help with homework, and sports to taxi to and fro! The > hard part is that life does go on around us regardless of what our " to do " > list says. I find I go through periods of understanding what is realistic > and periods of feeling totally guilty. Right now - guilty! But we know > how exhausting the time afterschool is - homework, dinner, sports, bath, > bedtime - it's tough just when you have typical kids. Throw a child with > Ds/Autism into the picture and things really go askew! > Hang in there. It helps when you talk about it out loud or at least > bounce it off others - writing your feelings down is a great step in > finding your happy medium. You can only do so much in a day and still be > the wife/mother/friend that you want to be - > We all struggle, at one time or another, with the same feelings - that's > what's so wonderful about having this outlet available to us - thanks Joan > AGAIN - this list is my saving grace. > Hugs to you n - from someone who struggles with some of your same > feelings... > > Now go have some chocolate! And tune into " 3 Wishes " on NBC Friday night > for your good cry... > Take care, > Jayne > > n Chen wrote: > Relating to Holly and 's situation, I have had very similar > experiences with twice district telling me the classroom I most want for > my child is full. It is already difficult trying to find a good match- > kids change every year, the teachers and aides compentancy and > personalities, distance of the schools...etc...THen when you finally feel > somewhat decisive about one (not perfect, but will do...) they tell you > its FULL?!!!! Then when you go to the placement they suggest, it doesn't > work out- I feel so helpless. There is just too much at stake in this > trial and error process...I feel if I knew what I was doing- making right > decisions- rather than trial and error, we would be making progress. Who > else but the mom feel the most responsible? > > This is the first year we said- no to the district's offerings and hired > a lawyer. Since, they have treated me horribably. It seems if I'm a good > little girl, they keep things amicable. As soon as I put my foot down, > they retaliate. Whereas I volunteered in my child's classroom for the > past 2 years, now they are not " allowing " me to volunteer for more than 30 > min. (a rule they sited that I've found out to be none-existent). It got > ugly- the teacher called the principal on me to eject me from the > classroom. I was depressed for a month over that. > > Does anyone feel helpless and unequiped to go through this over and over? > I often feel guilty over " if I only were more insistent " , or " if I onlyl > were more on top of the going ons of the classroom " , " if I only knew the > law better " . I've always known how to get a " job " done- what I need to do > first, next, last to get yield the goal. Since taking on the job of a > mom- especially the special needs world where everything seems to be a > battle, every step is an uphill climb- I feel so lost and incompetent. I > don't feel like I'm making good decisions. I feel like I decide > something- then wait and see what happens- without any sense of control. > > I've become complacent about this- My husband calls it " letting go " - " do > the best you can " . I've really had to try hard to do this. Afterall, who > doesn't want to relax and enjoy life and not worry so much!!!! But I keep > going back and forth between- " I've got to do everything for my child- > it's his life at stake- if you just did a, b, or c, you could help him > improve- do do do... " - to " do what you can and let it go- live your life- > be happy " . I can't seem to reconcile the perspective of wanting to do > everything for your child and doing " what I can " - even if my child is not > thriving as much as I would like to see. I can't understand everyone's > advise about " balance " when these two perspectives are philosophically > opposites- you either think this way and do accordingly, or think the > other way and do accordingly. I can't think and do one way some of the > time, and believe and do another way the rest of the time. > > Anyone know what I mean and can offer some advise? > > n (isaac- 5.5yr) > > > --------------------------------- > Yahoo! for Good > Click here to donate to the Hurricane Katrina relief effort. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 22, 2005 Report Share Posted September 22, 2005 I love that prayer! Liz Re: emotional advise > > > In a message dated 9/22/2005 1:20:56 P.M. Eastern Standard Time, > marianchen@... writes: > > thanks Jayne, i think it's easier for some to be more zen- but > unfortunately > I have to work on it. > > > The Serenity Prayer > God grant me the serenity > to accept the things I cannot change; > courage to change the things I can; > and wisdom to know the difference. > Living one day at a time; > Enjoying one moment at a time; > Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; > Taking, as He did, this sinful world > as it is, not as I would have it; > Trusting that He will make all things right > if I surrender to His Will; > That I may be reasonably happy in this life > and supremely happy with Him > Forever in the next. > Amen. > > --Reinhold Niebuhr > > > > > Carol > Trishasmom > She isn't typical, She's Trisha! > > If we always do what we always did, > we'll always get what we've always gotten! > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 22, 2005 Report Share Posted September 22, 2005 Well, how 'bout a big hug!!! Yes it CAN be overwhelming! I am probably one of those that is more " zen " then others LOL. Although I am not complacent I am happy to always hop on the same page as the teachers and admins at IEP's. And when I do think something is amiss with , usually they have seen it too or they are always willing to listen to me and us all get to what we need for . So, even though we've changed 's placement alot and have had wonderful teachers who still didn't teach him the way he should have been taught, I have never felt less then fortunate for our experiences. I think we all are so different too. How we preceive things, our wants for our kids, if we are a theraputic mom, how we walk into an IEP or meeting... it ALL comes into play. And after being around the net for 5 plus years, some districts just tend to give more unwanted obsticles then others... don't know why... but it's just how it is! I do think if I am doing all for like at home. But it's a little known fact that I am NOT a theraputic mother, so my goal then shifts to loving and making him happy at home... and then getting him teahers and staff that " know " and can get through to him. I don't know about your kids, but is very delayed across the board... we have found " magic " a few times... but it's hard really, and again that term " appropriate placement " could mean one thing one year, and another the next. Rollercoaster ride in deed!!! But that is why I am grateful to have places to come to like here and the other boards I go to... SO much knowledge to learn from and offer!!!! A. > Relating to Holly and 's situation, I have had very similar experiences with twice district telling me the classroom I most want for my child is full. It is already difficult trying to find a good match- kids change every year, the teachers and aides compentancy and personalities, distance of the schools...etc...THen when you finally feel somewhat decisive about one (not perfect, but will do...) they tell you its FULL?!!!! Then when you go to the placement they suggest, it doesn't work out- I feel so helpless. There is just too much at stake in this trial and error process...I feel if I knew what I was doing- making right decisions- rather than trial and error, we would be making progress. Who else but the mom feel the most responsible? > > This is the first year we said- no to the district's offerings and hired a lawyer. Since, they have treated me horribably. It seems if I'm a good little girl, they keep things amicable. As soon as I put my foot down, they retaliate. Whereas I volunteered in my child's classroom for the past 2 years, now they are not " allowing " me to volunteer for more than 30 min. (a rule they sited that I've found out to be none-existent). It got ugly- the teacher called the principal on me to eject me from the classroom. I was depressed for a month over that. > > Does anyone feel helpless and unequiped to go through this over and over? I often feel guilty over " if I only were more insistent " , or " if I onlyl were more on top of the going ons of the classroom " , " if I only knew the law better " . I've always known how to get a " job " done- what I need to do first, next, last to get yield the goal. Since taking on the job of a mom- especially the special needs world where everything seems to be a battle, every step is an uphill climb- I feel so lost and incompetent. I don't feel like I'm making good decisions. I feel like I decide something- then wait and see what happens- without any sense of control. > > I've become complacent about this- My husband calls it " letting go " - " do the best you can " . I've really had to try hard to do this. Afterall, who doesn't want to relax and enjoy life and not worry so much!!!! But I keep going back and forth between- " I've got to do everything for my child- it's his life at stake- if you just did a, b, or c, you could help him improve- do do do... " - to " do what you can and let it go- live your life- be happy " . I can't seem to reconcile the perspective of wanting to do everything for your child and doing " what I can " - even if my child is not thriving as much as I would like to see. I can't understand everyone's advise about " balance " when these two perspectives are philosophically opposites- you either think this way and do accordingly, or think the other way and do accordingly. I can't think and do one way some of the time, and believe and do another way the rest of the time. > > Anyone know what I mean and can offer some advise? > > n (isaac- 5.5yr) > No place for -venting > > > I had a meeting today with the district psychologist and my child's > consulting resource teacher. Her teacher, the teacher they want to reassign > her to, another autism teacher and the communication specialist sat in. I > felt like crying when we left because it was so clear that no one wants to > take ownership of my precious little and none of them seem to know > what they are doing. The only reason I accepted this placement that was > forced on me was that I thought the teacher would come to the plate but he > just doesn't have the time because they've given him ten kids and no help. > I'm infuriated now because I observed so many classes last year to plan for > her high school transition and made a request for a class that had a spot > and we did not get it. Now her placement is turning into a disaster and > they are saying she should be where I selected in the first place but of > course, now there is no room. > > Today her placement turned dangerous when she became lost outside the school > after taking a wrong turn going to lunch. Her teacher said he just lost her. > She is his only nonverbal child. All the other kids are much higher > functioning than . The ratio is 10:1 so the teacher who seems wonderful > has his hands full. The district wants to switch her to an autism class > within the same school with a 4:1 ratio but the teacher there was blatantly > unreceptive and flat out said she couldn't handle another child especially > one requiring any augmentative communication system because she didn't have > enough help. She has three nonverbal autistic children in the class and was > just starting to implement rudimentary PECS with those children. She didn't > even have access to a Boardmaker program or training to use one. And they > have her teaching an autism classroom??? > > I feel like I know ten times what they do about implementing communication > systems. This is just insane. They want me to switch to the class > with an incompetent teacher who doesn't even want her- all on the promise > they will implement her communication system in the future. All this when > the class she really needs is a mile from our house. > > I guess it's time to pull out my inner assertive you know what and strongly > suggest that they make space for my child where her needs will be met. > > Sorry to vent. But you guys are the only ones who understand what it feels > like to have people not want your kid in their class. During this two hour > meeting she is sitting patiently writing, drawing, dangling her rag and > smiling at them all. It breaks my heart because is such a sweetheart > and I love her so much. How could anyone not want her???? > > Therese > > > > -------------------------------------------------- > Checkout our homepage for information, bookmarks, and photos of our kids. Share favorite bookmarks, ideas, and other information by including them. Don't forget, messages are a permanent record of the archives for our list. http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ > -------------------------------------------- > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 22, 2005 Report Share Posted September 22, 2005 In a message dated 9/22/2005 6:34:02 P.M. Eastern Standard Time, marianchen@... writes: I am one of those boring perfectionists- never boring I'm sure! And to be honest no matter how hard anyone tries no one walking this earth is perfect and never will be no matter how hard they try. :-) Trisha is 13 will be 14 in February, I have yet to have the first real traditional conversation with her but yet we still talk in our own way. I'd love to hear her tell me about her day or just tell me silly stories or even just tell me how she feels but if she can not ever do it the traditional way that is ok. I guess the one good thing going for me is that I do have a background in mental health so for me it was probably easier to understand and accept she had a disability than it might otherwise have been. Having multiple dx's doesn't even rattle me but I can't say the same when it comes to her education and her rights. There are times I just want to go to the schools and to quote my Dad, " knock some sense into them " but I know I can't do that but some times I have been known to pitch my little hissyfit when I just can't take their bull any more. I've been pretty good but a couple of years ago they made me so mad I remember standing up and telling them to be quiet that I was speaking and I didn't care if they liked what I said but I was going to say it and they were going to listen. That's when I told them that they were holding my child back more than her disabilites ever would and that they might be professionals as far as their jobs went but none of them had the credentials that I had as far as my child is concerned. I also told them just this past summer that if they weren't planning on following my child around the rest of her life and doing everything for her then they had better start working on finding the appropriate placement for her where she could begin to learn because if they didn't I was going to bring Trisha to them everyday to babysit! The special ed director started saying now Ms..... and I said stop right there, don't 'now' me anything, listen to what I say, understand that no matter how many times I have to call an IEP meeting I will do so until I get what I feel will work for Trisha. I said whatever it takes I ready to do it, if it means due process, going to the papers, radio, T.V. or other legal action. They just looked at me for a few minutes and then they called me by my first name and we have worked on getting Trisha's new placement. Sometimes it isn't the cookies and the gifts that open the door (I tried all that, never worked) I even withheld the cookies I took one time because I told them they hadn't earned them. What did happen though was they finally saw just how strongly I felt and I think it finally sunk in that I was going to be a pain in the _$$@$_ (mailto:$$@$) # until they did something. Carol Trishasmom She isn't typical, She's Trisha! If we always do what we always did, we'll always get what we've always gotten! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 22, 2005 Report Share Posted September 22, 2005 Liz- If he ever get desperate enough, I think my husband may slip some meds into my drink! Re: emotional advise > > > n, > I think we all struggle with inner demons telling us to do more for our > child. I know I do! I struggle everyday afterschool when he comes home. > I know I should sit with him and do more work,play, reading, computer > games, fine motor activities, etc.. Afterall - I've had a break from him > since 8am. BUT - he's tired, he's not interested, he's focused on his > obsession - wanting to watch a movie and eat chips, I have two other > children that need help with homework, and sports to taxi to and fro! The > hard part is that life does go on around us regardless of what our " to do " > list says. I find I go through periods of understanding what is realistic > and periods of feeling totally guilty. Right now - guilty! But we know > how exhausting the time afterschool is - homework, dinner, sports, bath, > bedtime - it's tough just when you have typical kids. Throw a child with > Ds/Autism into the picture and things really go askew! > Hang in there. It helps when you talk about it out loud or at least > bounce it off others - writing your feelings down is a great step in > finding your happy medium. You can only do so much in a day and still be > the wife/mother/friend that you want to be - > We all struggle, at one time or another, with the same feelings - that's > what's so wonderful about having this outlet available to us - thanks Joan > AGAIN - this list is my saving grace. > Hugs to you n - from someone who struggles with some of your same > feelings... > > Now go have some chocolate! And tune into " 3 Wishes " on NBC Friday night > for your good cry... > Take care, > Jayne > > n Chen wrote: > Relating to Holly and 's situation, I have had very similar > experiences with twice district telling me the classroom I most want for > my child is full. It is already difficult trying to find a good match- > kids change every year, the teachers and aides compentancy and > personalities, distance of the schools...etc...THen when you finally feel > somewhat decisive about one (not perfect, but will do...) they tell you > its FULL?!!!! Then when you go to the placement they suggest, it doesn't > work out- I feel so helpless. There is just too much at stake in this > trial and error process...I feel if I knew what I was doing- making right > decisions- rather than trial and error, we would be making progress. Who > else but the mom feel the most responsible? > > This is the first year we said- no to the district's offerings and hired > a lawyer. Since, they have treated me horribably. It seems if I'm a good > little girl, they keep things amicable. As soon as I put my foot down, > they retaliate. Whereas I volunteered in my child's classroom for the > past 2 years, now they are not " allowing " me to volunteer for more than 30 > min. (a rule they sited that I've found out to be none-existent). It got > ugly- the teacher called the principal on me to eject me from the > classroom. I was depressed for a month over that. > > Does anyone feel helpless and unequiped to go through this over and over? > I often feel guilty over " if I only were more insistent " , or " if I onlyl > were more on top of the going ons of the classroom " , " if I only knew the > law better " . I've always known how to get a " job " done- what I need to do > first, next, last to get yield the goal. Since taking on the job of a > mom- especially the special needs world where everything seems to be a > battle, every step is an uphill climb- I feel so lost and incompetent. I > don't feel like I'm making good decisions. I feel like I decide > something- then wait and see what happens- without any sense of control. > > I've become complacent about this- My husband calls it " letting go " - " do > the best you can " . I've really had to try hard to do this. Afterall, who > doesn't want to relax and enjoy life and not worry so much!!!! But I keep > going back and forth between- " I've got to do everything for my child- > it's his life at stake- if you just did a, b, or c, you could help him > improve- do do do... " - to " do what you can and let it go- live your life- > be happy " . I can't seem to reconcile the perspective of wanting to do > everything for your child and doing " what I can " - even if my child is not > thriving as much as I would like to see. I can't understand everyone's > advise about " balance " when these two perspectives are philosophically > opposites- you either think this way and do accordingly, or think the > other way and do accordingly. I can't think and do one way some of the > time, and believe and do another way the rest of the time. > > Anyone know what I mean and can offer some advise? > > n (isaac- 5.5yr) > > > --------------------------------- > Yahoo! for Good > Click here to donate to the Hurricane Katrina relief effort. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 22, 2005 Report Share Posted September 22, 2005 Marien: I think sometimes wishes he did! =) Liz Re: emotional advise > > > > > > n, > > I think we all struggle with inner demons telling us to do more for > our > > child. I know I do! I struggle everyday afterschool when he comes > home. > > I know I should sit with him and do more work,play, reading, computer > > games, fine motor activities, etc.. Afterall - I've had a break from > him > > since 8am. BUT - he's tired, he's not interested, he's focused on his > > obsession - wanting to watch a movie and eat chips, I have two other > > children that need help with homework, and sports to taxi to and fro! > The > > hard part is that life does go on around us regardless of what our " to > do " > > list says. I find I go through periods of understanding what is > realistic > > and periods of feeling totally guilty. Right now - guilty! But we > know > > how exhausting the time afterschool is - homework, dinner, sports, > bath, > > bedtime - it's tough just when you have typical kids. Throw a child > with > > Ds/Autism into the picture and things really go askew! > > Hang in there. It helps when you talk about it out loud or at least > > bounce it off others - writing your feelings down is a great step in > > finding your happy medium. You can only do so much in a day and still > be > > the wife/mother/friend that you want to be - > > We all struggle, at one time or another, with the same feelings - > that's > > what's so wonderful about having this outlet available to us - thanks > Joan > > AGAIN - this list is my saving grace. > > Hugs to you n - from someone who struggles with some of your same > > feelings... > > > > Now go have some chocolate! And tune into " 3 Wishes " on NBC Friday > night > > for your good cry... > > Take care, > > Jayne > > > > n Chen wrote: > > Relating to Holly and 's situation, I have had very similar > > experiences with twice district telling me the classroom I most want > for > > my child is full. It is already difficult trying to find a good match- > > kids change every year, the teachers and aides compentancy and > > personalities, distance of the schools...etc...THen when you finally > feel > > somewhat decisive about one (not perfect, but will do...) they tell you > > its FULL?!!!! Then when you go to the placement they suggest, it > doesn't > > work out- I feel so helpless. There is just too much at stake in this > > trial and error process...I feel if I knew what I was doing- making > right > > decisions- rather than trial and error, we would be making progress. > Who > > else but the mom feel the most responsible? > > > > This is the first year we said- no to the district's offerings and > hired > > a lawyer. Since, they have treated me horribably. It seems if I'm a > good > > little girl, they keep things amicable. As soon as I put my foot down, > > they retaliate. Whereas I volunteered in my child's classroom for the > > past 2 years, now they are not " allowing " me to volunteer for more than > 30 > > min. (a rule they sited that I've found out to be none-existent). It > got > > ugly- the teacher called the principal on me to eject me from the > > classroom. I was depressed for a month over that. > > > > Does anyone feel helpless and unequiped to go through this over and > over? > > I often feel guilty over " if I only were more insistent " , or " if I > onlyl > > were more on top of the going ons of the classroom " , " if I only knew > the > > law better " . I've always known how to get a " job " done- what I need to > do > > first, next, last to get yield the goal. Since taking on the job of a > > mom- especially the special needs world where everything seems to be a > > battle, every step is an uphill climb- I feel so lost and incompetent. > I > > don't feel like I'm making good decisions. I feel like I decide > > something- then wait and see what happens- without any sense of > control. > > > > I've become complacent about this- My husband calls it " letting go " - > " do > > the best you can " . I've really had to try hard to do this. Afterall, > who > > doesn't want to relax and enjoy life and not worry so much!!!! But I > keep > > going back and forth between- " I've got to do everything for my child- > > it's his life at stake- if you just did a, b, or c, you could help him > > improve- do do do... " - to " do what you can and let it go- live your > life- > > be happy " . I can't seem to reconcile the perspective of wanting to do > > everything for your child and doing " what I can " - even if my child is > not > > thriving as much as I would like to see. I can't understand everyone's > > advise about " balance " when these two perspectives are philosophically > > opposites- you either think this way and do accordingly, or think the > > other way and do accordingly. I can't think and do one way some of the > > time, and believe and do another way the rest of the time. > > > > Anyone know what I mean and can offer some advise? > > > > n (isaac- 5.5yr) > > > > > > --------------------------------- > > Yahoo! for Good > > Click here to donate to the Hurricane Katrina relief effort. > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 22, 2005 Report Share Posted September 22, 2005 be good to yourself I think that being good to yourself is important. From book clubs, to dinner with your spouse or friends, to getting nails/hair done, to shopping- Whenever I do- its a great escape from all the problems at hand. But the realities are still there- looming in the background- needing attention and resolution. I think that I need to see things differently- a new perspective- so that when I have to deal with the struggles, it doesn't send me over the edge each time. I just don't know what that new perspective is. When I've been able to let go for various amouts of time, " se la vie " and " take life in stride " , something brings me back to the fear and guilt. n Re: emotional advise In a message dated 9/22/2005 12:35:36 P.M. Eastern Standard Time, marianchen@... writes: Anyone know what I mean and can offer some advise? Life's just overwhelming, isn't it? It's been crazy here too. While I have three in college, they still require *coaching* (oh, NEVER MIND the $$$$$ part...LOL) and Alison is a god-send when it comes to Maddie, but you know, she's 13....there's dances, and lessons, and social outings, and then there's Maddie who HATES all that......it's tough. And we just lost my FIL, so I'm dealing with a needy MIL (she's so sweet, but I am cooking for her, checking up on her...all that) and my SIL is suffering a recurrence of her MS. So I'm feeding her family as well (they live across the street). She just started trying to go back to work half days, so I'm picking her up downtown each day and driving her home. THEN there's just life with Maddie, which is at least 5 full time jobs!!!!!!! ;-) The only advise I can offer n, is to be good to yourself. You are a wonderful mother and a good person. We ALL have too much on our plate, and it's not humanly possible to be perfect (frankly, I find perfect people very boring....;-). Pat yourself on the back every now and then. Recognize that you are doing a monstrous size job AND doing it while others are constantly throwing roadblocks at you. I know it's hard to do, but it's really a skill you can work on achieving. Have pep talks with yourself. Sounds silly, I know, but it works. What would you say to a friend who came to you feeling the same dejected way? Whatever that is, say it to yourself. Reward yourself for working so hard. We ALL need to be good to US!!!! We deserve it!!! Donna Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 22, 2005 Report Share Posted September 22, 2005 I think we all are so different too. How we preceive things, our wants for our kids,... The school district has accoused me of " not yet accepted my child " . They perceive me as unrealistic. I was offended when an administrator said this to my face. But to self-examine, I'm not sure if there isn't a slight bit of truth in it. If acceptance means I'm not worried or feel like I need to help him everytime he is stimming in the corner by himself or making weird gestures or noises or if he is not making gains in fine motor or speech development, then I guess I have not accepted him. My husband says that however Isaac turns out to be is however he turns out to be. Pretty zen I suppose. But I feel like I need to help him overcome his difficulties and help him progress. If that means I'm trying to change him when I don't like his self-stim, or inappropriate behavior, then I guess I am trying to change him- and not accept " however he will turn out to be " . It's just that changing or helping him overcome takes so much effort with a system that is full of red-tape and difficulties- I wonder sometime if my husband's thinking or being zen is selfish and taking the easy way out. marian No place for -venting > > > I had a meeting today with the district psychologist and my child's > consulting resource teacher. Her teacher, the teacher they want to reassign > her to, another autism teacher and the communication specialist sat in. I > felt like crying when we left because it was so clear that no one wants to > take ownership of my precious little and none of them seem to know > what they are doing. The only reason I accepted this placement that was > forced on me was that I thought the teacher would come to the plate but he > just doesn't have the time because they've given him ten kids and no help. > I'm infuriated now because I observed so many classes last year to plan for > her high school transition and made a request for a class that had a spot > and we did not get it. Now her placement is turning into a disaster and > they are saying she should be where I selected in the first place but of > course, now there is no room. > > Today her placement turned dangerous when she became lost outside the school > after taking a wrong turn going to lunch. Her teacher said he just lost her. > She is his only nonverbal child. All the other kids are much higher > functioning than . The ratio is 10:1 so the teacher who seems wonderful > has his hands full. The district wants to switch her to an autism class > within the same school with a 4:1 ratio but the teacher there was blatantly > unreceptive and flat out said she couldn't handle another child especially > one requiring any augmentative communication system because she didn't have > enough help. She has three nonverbal autistic children in the class and was > just starting to implement rudimentary PECS with those children. She didn't > even have access to a Boardmaker program or training to use one. And they > have her teaching an autism classroom??? > > I feel like I know ten times what they do about implementing communication > systems. This is just insane. They want me to switch to the class > with an incompetent teacher who doesn't even want her- all on the promise > they will implement her communication system in the future. All this when > the class she really needs is a mile from our house. > > I guess it's time to pull out my inner assertive you know what and strongly > suggest that they make space for my child where her needs will be met. > > Sorry to vent. But you guys are the only ones who understand what it feels > like to have people not want your kid in their class. During this two hour > meeting she is sitting patiently writing, drawing, dangling her rag and > smiling at them all. It breaks my heart because is such a sweetheart > and I love her so much. How could anyone not want her???? > > Therese > > > > -------------------------------------------------- > Checkout our homepage for information, bookmarks, and photos of our kids. Share favorite bookmarks, ideas, and other information by including them. Don't forget, messages are a permanent record of the archives for our list. http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ > -------------------------------------------- > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 22, 2005 Report Share Posted September 22, 2005 Carol: I am the same way. I may not be able to " help " Tori, but always feel that maybe from our triumphs and failures I can help others. I am always told to slow down and do something for me. And my response is " I am. " I am doing all I can to make Tori's life easier on her. I want Tori to be the best that she can be, even with her short-comings. I want her to be President! But deep in my heart, I know that will never happen. I just want her to be able to survive in this world where ignorance is still so prominent! I want to just yell at the world- " Hey, this is my kid..and you should only be so lucky to have a child like her! She is the greatest gift we could have asked for... " And then I say, " What am I crazy? " when she has a meltdown. Damn, it is so hard! Sorry.... Liz Re: emotional advise > > > In a message dated 9/22/2005 3:53:36 P.M. Eastern Standard Time, > marianchen@... writes: > > When I've been able to let go for various amouts of time, " se la vie " and > " take life in stride " , something brings me back to the fear and guilt. > > > > we all have our ups and downs and we all probably cry at times because it > can be so frustrating. That is normal. None of us just let things go. > But > we do set our boundries and we do understand we are only human and > therefor > can only do so much. It's not about letting it go, it's more about > taking it > in small steps and do what you can each day and then tackle more the > next > day. There are times when I feel like the whole world is coming down on > me but > in reality it isn't and I know this too will pass so to speak. The > reality > is for all of us there will be good days and bad days and the rest will > be > in-between. We don't always see in ourselves what others see. Our > behavior > consultant is always saying how much I do and what a good advocate I am > for > Trisha and anyone else I can help. I don't see it that way, I see, I > didn't > work with Trisha today, I didn't get to go to this seminar or that one, I > didn't > buy all these books that everyone is talking about and so on. But when > you > think about it, I sat down and played with my daughter if only for a few > minutes and heard her laughter and saw the sparkle in her eyes. I spent > hours > working with boardmaker to make overlays for her communication device so > that > she will have as many words as possible to use, I washed her clothes, > cleaned > her room, cooked her food and worried that she was alright on those long > rides to and from school. Even right now, I'm torn between worrying > about my > grown son who just called to say he is on his way to the hospital > because he > hurt his back at work and feeling down because he is our ride to a > special > event taking place this weekend where we all would be put up in a hotel > from > Friday to Sunday for a family getaway and some workshops on alternate > assessments. I just hope he doesn't have to have surgery on his back. > But this too > will all work out. Trisha came home in a great mood from school and a > half > hour early to boot. We'll just have to take it a step at a time and > see > what happens but no guilt feelings are allowed because we all are doing > our > best. :-) > > Carol > Trishasmom > She isn't typical, She's Trisha! > > If we always do what we always did, > we'll always get what we've always gotten! > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 22, 2005 Report Share Posted September 22, 2005 We'll have to chose a central location...for others to join in! Then we will all wind up in Bellevue Hospital in the rubber room! =) Hey, that sounds like a good vacation place at times.... Liz Re: emotional advise > > > In a message dated 9/22/2005 4:29:46 P.M. Eastern Standard Time, > liz.desantis@... writes: > > And then I say, " What am I crazy? " when she > has a meltdown. Damn, it is so hard! > > Sorry.... > > > > actually, it helps to be a little crazy! :-) Any you are so right about > yelling at the world. They should be so lucky to have kids like ours!!!! > If > it will make you feel better, I'll be glad to shout with you! lol > > Carol > Trishasmom > She isn't typical, She's Trisha! > > If we always do what we always did, > we'll always get what we've always gotten! > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 22, 2005 Report Share Posted September 22, 2005 It's so true, I always wonder if the people at 's school think I am a pain in the _$$@$_ (mailto:$$@$) or if they respect me for doing what I do in regards to advocating for . but I do feel it is the only way to get what he needs. I am relentless!! Viola it finally sunk in that I was going to be a pain in the _$$@$_ (mailto:$$@$) # until they did something. Again, against my nature, but it seems to be the only way to advocate...too bad it has to be this way- it is so draining Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 22, 2005 Report Share Posted September 22, 2005 In a message dated 9/22/2005 8:25:45 P.M. Eastern Standard Time, wfarmerswife3@... writes: Here you go ladies, I sang in in Brownies. Were you older than that when I was singing? I'm afraid so!!!! lol Carol Trishasmom She isn't typical, She's Trisha! If we always do what we always did, we'll always get what we've always gotten! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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