Re: Re: IEP's/Ellen

[Guest guest]

Hi Ellen,

Your posts may have been long but you gave very useful information to Becky. I

have done the same with Zeb regarding the socialization piece with his typical

peers. It is a very important not only to the disabled child but with the

typical peers as well. My son has been to school with these same children since

kindergarten. They understand him, include him and advocate for him with the

teaching staff that may not be as familiar. The typical peers learn that there

are differences in the world at a young and more accepting age. Many adults in

my son's school follow their lead. I once had a friend call asking my how to

prepare her preschooler for a disabled child that would be in the nursery school

class with her child. My advice was nothing that her child will understand and

accept the limitations and teach her. It happened exactly that way.

Charlyne

Mom to Zeb 12 DS/OCD/ASD?

h_meiring wrote:

Hi Becky,

Our daughter, Ellen, has been diagnosed with autism and likes to play

alone also. What we've done recently is to invite one of her

" normally developing peers " from her 1st grade class over for

playdates. This was at the suggestion of the school psychology intern

- I'll get into that in a minute. We asked the teacher to recommend a

student that got along with Ellen well and took an interest in her,

called her parents, and have had several playdates since. We have

them in our home so that Ellen is in comfortable, familiar

surroundings. We guide them in specifically interactive (as opposed

to parallel) play (e.g. throwing a ball back and forth, games where

they have to take turns, etc... - still working on ideas here). It's

been working out well - Ellen has actually started asking for her

friend spontaneously! It's a work in progress - Ellen still has

moments when she wants to ONLY do one thing, regardless of her

friend's wishes. But its a great first step.

The hardest part was actually getting up the nerve to call someone - I

didn't want any kids to have their feelings hurt when playing with

Ellen. That's why I think a peer with the capacity to understand how

quirky behaviors are not necessarily to hurt someone's feelings may be

a good first step as a playmate (not to mention a good role-model).

Also, the intern suggested that, since it's difficult for people with

autism to generalize ideas from specific circumstances, that teaching

socialization with a peer may be easier for our kids to generalize

from than teaching socialization with an adult. Makes sense to me -

if you bridge the gap between specific and general, then take baby

steps from there to the even more general cases, it's easier to learn.

One more idea - I went to Ellen's 1st grade class and spoke to them

about autism. I told them how it makes it hard for Ellen to

understand and deal with loud noises, pain, etc... I also told them

about her trouble with understanding how other people feel. I read

them a children's book geared at explaining autism, then answered

their questions. They were so excited to show off how much they knew

Ellen - how she likes high-fives and Mickey Mouse - that it was a

great pick-me-up for me. They also had great questions, but tough -

" Will Ellen always be like this? " was one that really stuck in my

mind. I think it paved the way for the class to understand things

like, if Ellen knocked over their block tower, it's not because she

was trying to be mean, or if she went to the corner, its not because

she didn't like them. I don't think we could have done the playdates

otherwise - and I would recommend this to any parent.

I understand the frustration with the diagnosis issue. In addition to

guiding teachers about specific teaching methods that might work, it

also comes in handy in that you qualify for more services - such as

in-home training - that are not available to you otherwise (at least

that was the case with us). We had the intern I mentioned over to

observe her in the home and help diagnose the function of problem

behaviors. She also helped us deal with them - made picture schedules

for us, etc... While that training may not be available to you yet,

there are so many resources online (and on this website alone) to help

you get started. In the meantime, my best advice is to hang in there,

see what kind of evaluations you can request, and perhaps suggest

(respectfully) some reading material for the teachers - the dual

diagnosis is still hard to swallow for many teachers, doctors, and

therapists, as the two conditions overshadow each other a bit. It

makes life confusing, to be sure.

Sorry this is so long - I just hope you can glean a little bit of

usefullness from it.

(mom to Ellen, 8, ds/autism)

> We had Dylan's IEP this Monday. Dylan's not officially " diagnosed "

> with autism, but I'm 99% sure it's what we're dealing with.

>

> When we were talking about his social skills, the teacher said, " his

> social skills are fine, he just would rather play alone all of the

> time " . I am thinking, how can social skills be fine if he never

> plays with any other kids????

>

> So then my mom, Dylan's grandma happened to be dropping something

> off at his school during recess. Dylan was sitting on the " naughty

> wall " where the kids are sent when they misbehave. So my mom went

> and asked the recess aide what had happened. She said, " oh, Dylan

> sits there all the time, he didn't do anything bad, he just likes to

> sit there all recess " ARGH!!!!! I had specifically asked the

> teacher how Dylan was doing at recess, in previous years we had

> problems with his continually digging holes in the lawn & eating

> dirt as well as throwing it at others. So, I wanted to make sure he

> was not having these behaviors anymore & interacting with the kids.

> She said there were no problems though when I asked her. I am so

> frustrated. He loves to play at the playground when I take him

> (alone).

>

> So, if part of this is due to autism, what should I do, encourage

> him to play with others or just let him sit there? I can't see how

> just letting him sit there is good in any way. I asked the teacher

> this morning to have them get Dylan involved in something so he's

> not sitting there - ask him to pick dandilions or something...he

> loves being assigned repetative jobs....hopefully that will help.

>

> Becky

>

--------------------------------------------------

Checkout our homepage for information, bookmarks, and photos of our

kids. Share favorite bookmarks, ideas, and other information by including them.

Don't forget, messages are a permanent record of the archives for our list.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/

--------------------------------------------