Why does the NT partner.....Rozann

[Guest guest]

Rozann,

As has been said before on this list and can't be said to many times...

behavior like this is not limited to AS people nor even AS men. It's NOT,

NOT, NOT his AS. My NS husband does this very thing to me. He has had

absolutely ZERO compassion. When I had a gall bladder attack while pregnant

with our second daughter and already having lost a child to miscarriage

(gall bladder attacks mimic childbirth) my husband SLEPT as I paced the

floor until the pain got so horrific I finally woke him and informed him he

needed to drive me to the hosp. That was back before I knew I had AS and

didn't know what to do. I thought that if I really need a doctor he would

automatically bring me... after all he's my husband...that's what I would do

for him if the tables were turned. That's just one example of his complete

lack of caring. The fact is, as we have recently talked about empathy,

sympathy and all that on this list.... AS people HAVE compassion. I do, lots

of people with AS do. Lack of compassion is a seperate issue from AS and

some NS people have the same issue. To be pefectly blunt from my way of

seeing it now that I know about AS and know about my husband and know more

about people in general... there's nothing stopping your husband from saying

to himself.... Rozann has a broken neck... bones have to be held still to

heal... clearly there are motions and movements she simply cannot do, esp.

since the neck is connected to the backbone and it all moves fluidly

together, therefore there are things she needs help with so she can heal

faster and get out of pain faster. Clearly this is not the same as a gall

bladder attack. Etc. He's not lacking in basic reasoning *ability* from

being AS. He may be lacking in basic reasoning *skills* from how he was

raised (or other reasons) thus is in a bad habit.

AS could exaggerate a problem like that but isn't in and of itself the

problem. He may need something explained in the clearest literal sense...

Like telling him word for word what the doctor told you to do (or not do).

Or asking your doctor to write it down for you and then showing it to your

husband. I say this because it's possible he has compassion available inside

him but he's just not connecting the dots between things breaking being

different and requiring a longer healing time than a gall bladder attack.

Literally giving him statistics and numbers on healing time of the two,

typical pain levels of the two (if you can get your hands on something like

that) might make it clear to him that your healing taking longer is NORMAL

for the human body and is what would happen to HIM if his neck was broken.

Jennie -does not believe 1 of any couple should carry all the weight or

there is no 'couple'.

Re: and all.. something personal

> Got hit by a tow truck on 3/28 and the airbag broke my neck. God was on

> my side - the head of neurosurgery was on call that Sat and he pulled his

> team together and operated on a Sunday. put metal screws and rods in my

> neck. Still wearing a neck brace but am doing very well.

> My poor aspie husband is trying to deal with it, but having a time. He

> has no idea the pain and frustration I have and brings everthing back to

> " When I had my gall bladder out, 30 years ago " .

> It is a good thing I can't drive or I would be so out of here. I know it

> is the AS but sometimes I really need a put of compassion and caring and

> I'm not getting anything but being ignored. Since he hasn't done anything

> about getting some help, I am looking for a counselor that can help me

> deal with him. BIG QUESTION??? Why does the NT partner have to do all

> the changing and not get any needs met?

> At least you kitten has unconditional love and acceptance. I know you will

> come through it just fine, we need you invaluable prospective on things.

> God bless,

> Rozann in Dallas