All is well that ends well...

[Guest guest]

,

I'm really glad to hear that the outcome is okay. Hope Larry starts

practicing better self care though ... for the sake of his children,

who you have raised to respect their dad, despite the fact that your

marriage ended. This is a good story with a happy ending .. and a

teachable moment.

As an aside, I would have acted as Cass did when I was young. I tend

to " freeze " when forced to react quickly, so some of the less

critical details (such as telling the rest of the family) might get

pushed off the page, but not deliberately. My brain processes

information at a slower rate ... and this is a challenge that some on

the spectrum have. With age and experience, I'm better equipped to

respond to a crisis, but even so, I've often wished I had a manual

that I could use to cover every contingency, LOL.

- Helen

[Guest guest]

Hi :

Thanks for the kind words and I will cherish this email and hold it close to my heart for ever. Our journey has been shared by many on ASPIRES. We have been through good and tough times and always been there for each other. We have not always agreed, but TOGETHER have made a difference in each other’s lives throughout the years. I could never have made this journey without “you” and all the others that have graced our board through the last 6 years as our website came after we came together online.

Life is not always black and white and sometimes partners/spouses just grow in different directions. Life is what it is and what we choose to do with it is our choice and that was something Larry and I finally got. We were better apart than living together. It took time to spread our wings and heal and we had three kids that bound us together that we loved in our own ways. It took me a year not to walk on egg shells around him and now we have found our way back to friends. It has been a long road for all of us including our kids and we are all stronger.

Did you ever see the movie, “6 Degrees of Separation?” Every life touches another in some way. Years ago I worked with a young mom who had a daughter with CF and a son with ADHD. Her ex to sum it up? If there was a wrong way to do or the right way to screw it up no one did it like ! I never understood WHY she even allowed him to see the kids. One day she said, little grasshopper you worry too much. HE is their father and I can’t change that. IF I bad mouth him to them they might hate ME. They will grow up and be able to sort this out on their own but my hatred towards him is mine and not theirs. At the time I could not see that and years later I was in the same boat and my mother gave me the same advice and it was the BEST advice I got. My friends EX cleaned up his life and reconciled with his kids and was killed in a fatal car crash a year later. The moral of this story? Don’t drag you kids through your issues and I say this to new members and NOT you as I know you have never done that.

It sounds like you have come to that fork in your road and I wish you all the best especially YOU as YOU deserve it. No one has been a more tireless advocate on ASPIRES than YOU. You have given us a gift by allowing us to share your journey and expertise in the law. We have not always agreed but that has been the beauty of ASPIRES, the freedom to disagree that gets others to think, “hey, maybe I need to rethink my position?”

Like you, I think the line between AS and NS is blurred and it is hard to see whether we are on the spectrum or ASPERGATED but that would be your call. Either way we love you and will support you while wishing you New Beginnings when you think the time is right or support you in any decision you make should your life change in the opposite direction within the next 3 years.

You have been a rock for me and everyone on ASPIRES for so long, I hope you will consider allowing us to return the favor? We are here for YOU!

The very BEST.

[Guest guest]

,

You are really and truly a sweetie.

" Six degrees of Separation " is on my list to see. I've heard good things

about it but unless I take the time to rent something I don't see too many

movies-- but I will make it a point as it sounds wonderful. Reminds me of

the philosophy of a close friend, that is at the core of his novels, that

all things are connected.

Thank you SO MUCH for your good wishes, as they mean a lot. It has been and

I'm sure will continue to be a little hard to go on this way living together

with the end of the marriage " out in the open " as opposed to, always there

at least for me but not spoken about, but I felt that it was not fair to him

for me to know it is what I will defnitely do in a few years, and not tell

him outright, for he has not been willing or able to " see " all of the signs

that would be obvious to me if the tables were turned, and grew up in a

household where his parents (who I do believe were both Aspie) had this

relationship of dependence and loyalty in spite of, I don't think, liking

each other very much, which continued 50 years till my motherinlaw died,

last year. So I felt I owed it to him to understand that I am not willing

to exist that way, and that he deserved the honesty, time to prepare for it

mentally and emotionally, and the chance to even start a relationship with

someone new, if he so desires. I just asked that if he does, that he not

" bring it home " . I know that sounds really weird and that as a practical

matter, if it does happen, he might not want us to still live together, but

that will be okay too because then it will be his desire to separate rather

than mine, and my daughter will not suffer for it, which is all that I

really care about.

I do not see that happening though, realistically, so I think it will just

be this sort of weird limbo for the next few years. I did offer that we

sign sort of a postnuptial agreement, dividing everything now (and there is

almost nothing that I want, in truth, except some " certainty " in my life)

but he will not sign because he is convinced (wrongly) that I have some sort

of big money coming down the pike <G>. Hey, what can I say, I married a

lawyer....

Best,

All is well that ends well...

/snipped for bandwith/