Guest guest Posted October 11, 2008 Report Share Posted October 11, 2008 , I wasn't going to respond to Helen's question to the group, but now I have to. I didn't want to add any more discomfort for Bill or Helen. I value Bill's and Helen's comments most of the time myself. Helen responds to people with great sensitivity. They both have some dead-on insights to issues. However, lately and in the posts that are being discussed, I took Bill's meaning much in the same way that Helen and did. I said 'ouch' for all the new people who may be struggling with issues. You said - " you get some desperate needy and genuine cases that need help. but you tend to get desperate people who have multiple problems , gravitate to this site and blame everything on AS. its not venting, what this latter group does, its difficult to describe politely. " Me here: I also wonder what other problems some of the people here post about, but since I do not really know them and their circumstances, I try to help and not attack them. I give them some benefit of doubt. Some of your posts are not so kind or sensitive at times. Do I blame this on AS? I really don't know and therefore don't. I really don't know what other multiple problems you may have that leads you to respond in this way and give you some leverage. My AS husband would not say these things like you did. I think personally that your post should be removed because of the above cited statement. Its really pretty nasty and I would imagine that newer people who are struggling with problems can feel its belittling sting. Perhaps we all need to take a little more time in posting to be sure that we are being sensitive to other people. Also, maybe all should just apologize (me included) and get on with life. Verleen P.S. Gosh, are we having a spat....lol? > > > > > > > > > > > helen  said: > >  we are counting on a pragmatic > Aspie to come out and call a spade, a spade. >  >  >  > > Seeing as how you have put this out there in the group, it would be > interesting to see how others perceive your approach to problems that > are presented to the list. I suspect that the answers would be > surprising - to me, also. I'd like to know too. Am *I* being overly > sensitive, hypervigilant in my reaction to you, sometimes? >  > me here: >  > i have been biting my tongue for a little while here, so i would respond because you have asked for a pragmatic reply. >  > it has been my observation that bills words tend to be the chosen font of the list. his comments appear to be the most valued , accurate and penetrating, he has a reasonably easy to read and understand written prosody and i find myself rarely disagreeing with him and rarely misunderstanding him. > for me his words are a truth. >  i have noticed lately that both you an dlinda have received bill badly wrong. > you have both misread him and have both, in my observation kicked into him. > until now. > bill had to stick up for himself, quite subtly, and slowly less so, until he said... " please explain " >  > it has stopped now. >  >  > you said: >  >  >  >  > > Interestingly enough, I have observed that usually, the recipients of > your responses don't seem to mind. They come here shell-shocked as it > is, so they seem be inured to any further injury to their psyche. > They are, like, " ... oh. okay. thanks for the paradigm shift. i needed that... " > > It's the old timers like and me (and some who comment off list) > " yeesh, that was heavy handed! " . > > > Maybe this is just me being me and heaven knows I'm not always right > (though my husband would at this point say, " really? is that so? are > you admitting that? " <grins!>) I see some new members coming here > in pretty desperate straights, like drowning people in three meter > high waves, and they have finally grasped at a life-raft, so now they > are coughing out all the inhaled sea water while trying to breathe at > the same time.... So, I feel they are entitled to vent ... for awhile > ... without us spectrum members straight off cramming > " neurodiversity " down their gasping throats, LOL. THAT comes later <grins!> >  > me here: >  > you get some desperate needy and genuine cases that need help. >  > but you tend to get desperate people who have multiple problems , gravitate to this site and blame everything on AS. >  > its not venting, what this latter group does, its difficult to describe politely. >  > i think you have answered your question, you are being hypervigilant to bills post.. sensitive and i am sensing a distraction in your recent posts as well. >  > you seem irritable, annoyed, too easily. >  >  > .bill will often give us words of his experience and often mix his observations with a clinical precision that comes with being a highly qualified scientist. >  > he connects these two assets( precision and experience) and an emergence of original thought comes from and flows from bill, that no one has ever read or expereinced, seen or heard before. >  > he puts new ideas out there to be digested or knocked down. >  > it has been my observation that he has been getting more knocks lately than he should. regardless he doesnt need me to defend him, i only am sharing my observation as you have asked. please there is no critiscism intended, > and if there is critiscism perceived here i will apologise now. >  >  > i have met a few people in my life, face to face who i know you can hit them with a sledge hammer and they will fall over, but they wont stay down, they keep going. >  > some people are just made like this, and i do admire them. >  > 37 m diagnosed AS >  >  >  > > > > > >  > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 11, 2008 Report Share Posted October 11, 2008 verleen said: , I wasn't going to respond to Helen's question to the group, but now I have to. I didn't want to add any more discomfort for Bill or Helen. I value Bill's and Helen's comments most of the time myself. Helen responds to people with great sensitivity. They both have some dead-on insights to issues. However, lately and in the posts that are being discussed, I took Bill's meaning much in the same way that Helen and did. I said 'ouch' for all the new people who may be struggling with issues.You said - "you get some desperate needy and genuine cases that need help. but you tend to get desperate people who have multiple problems , gravitate to this site and blame everything on AS.its not venting, what this latter group does, its difficult to describe politely."Me here: I also wonder what other problems some of the people here post about, but since I do not really know them and their circumstances, I try to help and not attack them. I give them some benefit of doubt. Some of your posts are not so kind or sensitive at times. Do I blame this on AS? I really don't know and therefore don't. I really don't know what other multiple problems you may have that leads you to respond in this way and give you some leverage. My AS husband would not say these things like you did. I think personally that your post should be removed because of the above cited statement. Its really pretty nasty and I would imagine that newer people who are struggling with problems can feel its belittling sting. Perhaps we all need to take a little more time in posting to be sure that we are being sensitive to other people. Also, maybe all should just apologize (me included) and get on with life. Verleen P.S. Gosh, are we having a spat....lol?i said in my original post ( to helen): please there is no critiscism intended,> and if there is critiscism perceived here i will apologise now verleen your offended and have asked for an apology when one has been given. your baiting, goading for an argument. no spat, no argument....no. 37 m diagnosed AS Recent Activity 5 New MembersVisit Your Group Meditation and Lovingkindness A Yahoo! Group to share and learn. Yahoo! Health Achy Joint? Common arthritis myths debunked. Health Groups for people over 40 Join people who are staying in shape. .. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 11, 2008 Report Share Posted October 11, 2008 > verleen said: > > You said - but you tend to get desperate people who have multiple > problems , gravitate to this site and blame everything on AS. > its not venting, what this latter group does, its difficult to > describe politely. " > > Me here: I also wonder what other problems some of the people here > post about, but since I do not really know them and their > circumstances, I try to help and not attack them. I give them some > benefit of doubt. Some of your posts are not so kind or sensitive at > times. I > think personally that your post should be removed because of the > above cited statement. Its really pretty nasty and I would imagine > that newer people who are struggling with problems can feel its > belittling sting. >> > i said in my original post ( to helen): >  >  please there is > no critiscism intended, > > and if there is critiscism perceived here i will apologise now >  > verleen your offended and have asked for an apology when one has been given. > your baiting, goading for an argument. > no spat, no argument....no. >  > 37 m diagnosed AS >  *** , a person cannot preface some nasty criticisms as in your above statement that " no criticism intended " and not have the nasty statements criticize and get away scot free. If I were to say " I'm so sorry but I don't mean to hit you " and then smack you in the face, are you still physically assaulted and owed an apology? I'm stunned that you feel you can read into a person's postings and know who they are, what their true intent is and hence, that I am " baiting and goading for an argument " . Is this the same intuition that leads you to those conclusions about new people who come here to vent? If you really knew me, you would not come to that conclusion. And I was trying to add some humor to it all with my PS about having a spat. Verleen 63, f NT diagnosed a grandmother Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 11, 2008 Report Share Posted October 11, 2008 Subject: Re: that is a spade.To: aspires-relationships Date: Saturday, 11 October, 2008, 1:15 PM > verleen said: *** , a person cannot preface some nasty criticisms as in your above statement that "no criticism intended" and not have the nasty statements criticize and get away scot free. If I were to say "I'm so sorry but I don't mean to hit you" and then smack you in the face, are you still physically assaulted and owed an apology?I'm stunned that you feel you can read into a person's postings and know who they are, what their true intent is and hence, that I am "baiting and goading for an argument". Is this the same intuition that leads you to those conclusions about new people who come here to vent? If you really knew me, you would not come to that conclusion. And I was trying to add some humor to it all with my PS about having a spat. Verleen 63, f NT diagnosed a grandmotherme here: sigh..........point out the critiscism. sorry i re-read your post...point out the "nasty critiscisms" point them out and i will apologise. divorce the words you read ( mine) from the emotional guff you added (yours) and then point out the critiscim. when you try this, try and see what i wrote and what you inferred, presumed, added, over reacted to and suddenly created. your fighting with yourself. you dont see this yet. 37 m diagnosed AS Recent Activity 4 New MembersVisit Your Group Meditation and Lovingkindness A Yahoo! Group to share and learn. Yahoo! Health Achy Joint? Common arthritis myths debunked. Search Ads Get new customers. List your web site in Yahoo! Search. .. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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