Content vs. emotion

[Guest guest]

I was watching part of a Dr. Phil show from the 1st season that dealt with communication. It was an NT woman who wanted to figure out why 75% of her relationships fail so he was addressing communication mishaps we all make. This had NOTHING to do with autism it was geared at folks in general. He was also addressing body language and had her walk up and down the ramp. When she finished he said, "what do U think U sounded like?" lol He said U sound like a principal stomping down the hall. What message do U think that sends? She said, "get out of my way!' lol He was telling her these are thing U can work on.

He told her to make up a story that she was late to work because her dog just died this morning and I will respond with just content as U need content + emotion to communicate. She tells her story and he responds just using content. He sounded just like me EX (Larry). Nothing he said was inappropriate or wrong but he came across as cold and unfeeling and not really connected to the conversation. She than told the story again and he used content and emotion and totally connected with her and her loss.

I was telling a member offline yesterday that my AS daughter really impressed me as Elisheva the munchkins mom showed up at our home on Wednesday when I was out and she agreed to watch the girls till I got home. Britt NEVER says yes when I am not in the house. I was having my hair cut and Britt was able to tell by her body language that she was in some sort of crisis and on the verge of tears so Britt said yes. It was only an hour and she did GREAT. Dad picked the girls up after work.

Last night she came by and asked if I would take the girls overnight. Something is going on in her life and she said she was not comfortable talking about it but she is like a 2nd daughter to me and they live with her parents, so with out thinking and being NT I asked, "does this have anything to do with your parents? Are they OK? She said, "they are OK it is not them!" "Well are U OK?" and she said NO and said AGAIN, I can't talk about it right now and I said OK and YES I would love to have the girls who were in the car. She hung around for awhile and shared a CD of their families last photo shoot. She just needed support and kept thanking me for being there for her family. I just said, go out and enjoy the night with Lorenzo. Have a good time! They came back later to bring the kids tooth brushes and mouth wash as they have a room in my home just for them. My house has always been a 2nd home for them.

She picks the kids up this morning and they have been fed and bathed and we have had a GREAT time. She looks good and rested and said Lorenzo is getting off work early and they are going to take the kids for a picnic in the park.

At one point she is standing in my dining room with the sun shining in and I make a BIG social blunder. No filter in my brain, the question just pops out of my mouth as I am really concerned for her as she had said her work sent her home the other day. "Are U pregnant?" And she said, no I have just gained weight but my father and work and everyone keeps asking me this?" She is a small woman and normally is great shape for Lorenzo but looks about 5-6 months along. Appearances can be deceiving. Maybe she just gained weight like she says????

Bottom line, she will tell me when she is ready and that is OK. The girls are doing good and I hope whatever they are working through has a positive ending. I did ask her is she and Lorenzo are OK or thinking about breaking up. She said no. That is the NT in me. lol

At the end of the day, I just reinforced my love for them and said, "I will do whatever I can to get you through this hump in your life." U can count on my support and I think that is what she needed to hear at this time in her life.

Life can be tough and it storms sometimes before the sun shines. It is called LIFE.

Whatever is going on with her has not affected her girls. I am proud of her for that and reaching out for help. She can't weather this storm without help and she knows that. Reaching out can be a good thing and the foundation of support.

Just me.

Over and out