Bullying

[Guest guest]

At 11:49 PM 9/26/2008, you wrote:

>I've also had to start studying the effects of bullying as an adult.

Hi Ann

I had wanted to respond to this part earlier ... but ran out of time.

I have also experienced some bullying as an adult. It's interesting

that I wasn't bullied as a young person. It started happening to me

when I was forced to change vocations due to becoming a parent and

not having the same flexibility with work hours anymore, and having

to settle for something that worked around day care hours.

I have some of the most wonderful long time friends in the world and

feel very fortunate in that way. But I've also experienced a lot of

frustration when I'm in situations that really aren't a good fit for

me, but I'm forced to be there for one reason or another, and this is

where I'm more likely to experience bullying.

I went to the link that you suggested www.bullyonline.org and there

are is a lot of material there! When I clicked on " how people are

vulnerable to bullying "

http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/vulnerab.htm that was an eye

opener. In one workplace situation, due to being the sole breadwinner

at that point I had no choice but to keep putting up with being bullied.

As a young person I could just tell the bully to " stuff it " and move

on to the next job, but now, the choice is no longer there. When you

are married and established in your community and you have children,

what you say or do can affect the rest of the family and that can

make things dicey if you fight back. Soooo, it all makes sense -

bullies know they have you over a barrel, and they take advantage of

that. And here I thought it was just *me* - something I was doing to

invite the behaviors. I now am working towards re-entering the

workforce and I have a lot of anxiety about having to go through the

same thing all over again. I will read through this site - there is

probably a lot that can help. Thanks!

I think it's really unfortunate that this is happening to you in a

setting (church community) that is supposed to promote fellowship and

kindness towards one another. If you are being bullied I'm not sure

how this can continue to be the " backbone of your marriage " in the

long term, or be a good faith to raise your children in. Would they

not start picking up the same behaviors? Maybe it's time to start

looking at other church communities? Or is this one of those

situations (like what I faced in the last workplace I was in) where

you really don't have a choice?

- Helen