Re: Daneka:

[Guest guest]

Hi Daneka,

I do know where is coming from because I said some of the same

things to her 8 years ago. <sheepish grins> Right now I am dealing

with a very long time friend who is a very psychologically abusive

marriage. THANK HEAVEN there are no children. Of late he has been

freaking out if she puts on any item of clothing that shows her

feminine curves in any way. He criticizes her in front of friends,

accuses her of making a spectacle of herself and so on.

Sometimes I have to listen to her litany of horror stories for two

hours every two or three days. I put on a headset so I can do some

work while I listen but that is still a very long time for me, and

after a year of this, it is very frustrating for me to hear this and

not say anything! She keeps hoping he'll leave. She makes more money

than him and he is frequently unemployed and I told her there is no

chance of him leaving - he is waiting for her to make the first move

and then he'll sue for support. I told her that unfortunately that is

what freedom may cost because he is NOT leaving. I know his leech-

type and short of offering to drive to her province and offer to run

him over myself, there is nothing I can do for her. She is stuck,

stuck stuck, but if I push her to leave then she clams up about him

and I don't want her to feel she can't talk to anyone.

As says - it's empathy, LOL. I know sometimes the best thing we

can do is just let the other person talk and HEAR themselves talking

so that they might realize " OMG, this is what it sounds like when I

say it, it IS bad! " I too feel frustrated that your spouse is abusive

towards your children. NO that isn't his intent but do the children

KNOW that? Not likely. And he is modelling " bad behavior " to them and

you are also modelling " doormat behavior " if you aren't putting a

stop to this. (never mind what the original topic was, LOL) In

another tragic case I know of, a young man who grew up with a cruel,

bullying dominineering father and he is now a misogamist (woman

hater) with a real whore/madonna complex because that is what he

learned in the home - women are either long suffering saint/servants

or if they stand up for themselves and are independent, they are

bitches. Sorry for the language and hard hitting words. I do see both

sides, LOL. I know it may take years and years to resolve and many

members here stay as long as they have to.

- Helen

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> Daneka: If I offended U in any way, I apologized.. You are

correct, the subject is empathy and I allowed my emotions to play

into this topic which just makes my point.

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