Guest guest Posted April 9, 2008 Report Share Posted April 9, 2008 Dear Ron, Your post sure has touched many hearts here. Hopefully you know how much we all care about you, your mom, and Drake. Courage had a good idea. I don't know what area you're in, but in the Chicago area and many others around the country, care facilities are always in desparate need of CNAs. You have valuable training and skills! Ron, if you're like me - lacking independent wealth - you probably need to work. Is this a job you want to take? Is it absolutely essential that your mom remain in her own home? What are the options: a series of family members coming to stay forshort periods? full-time non-family caregivers? Etc? And, if your mom does move in with your sister, is your sister up to taking full-time care of her? We all know this is a huge job. Who will be there with your mom if your sister takes an afternoon off? Guess my question is: who's the reliable back-up for your sister? Ron, is it possible your mom could move into the NH that has extended you a job offer? Certainly every family situation is different, but I'm wondering about this from my own experience. I had the choice of quitting my job when my mom needed full-time care OR moving her to the care center where I work. I need to work - no income otherwise - and I was the only family member willing to be responsible for mom's care. She had to leave her home, which was very painful, and I still years later feel guilty about that. But . . . there was no other option. Family would stay only briefly, and it seemed the ongoing changes in routine each person introduced was actually becoming a strain. My sib and other supposedly close relatives would not help. So, I had to let go of trying to get their involvement. If given, it was grudging, and my mom could sense that. So, since I could not be with her in her home, she had to be where I was. It was very difficult for quite a while, then just difficult for a little while longer, now it's okay. She knows she's not in her own home, but both of us have adapted. Frequent tradeoffs are one of the horrible " side effects " of this disease. I learn every day that change is constant and so is the need to be willing to do things differently than I used to or than I want to. Please keep us posted. Hugs to all, Lin --- gaat wrote: > Ron, > I so wish I knew what to say or had ideas to make > this work but I don't. I am really feeling it for > you, and your mom. Are your siblings aware > of what a strain this is causing your relationship > and the ability to get employment???? Do you think > you could talk to the NH and explain the situation > and see if they can extend your start date? > Grasping for straws here Ron. Wish I could offer > more. > Courage > > still tough choices > > > Hi everyone.A quick update is probably due being > that I hardly ever post anymore.Life has been > changing by the day for us.Mom is still in her own > house with my nephew.I am with , and yesterday > I got offered a fulltime position as a cna at a > nursing home here in town.But my nephew called last > night and said they were only going to stay with mom > for 20 more days and Ive been on the phone with > family members trying to work something out for > after the twenty days , but to no avail.My sister is > buying a home and should be in it in about 8 weeks > and she said that when she gets it mom could stay > with her.But I cant find any solutions for mom to > live at home until then unless I turn down the job > and move back home.So thats where things are at > right now and I may have to move back with mom, if I > do then it will be sooner than later because I dont > want to start work and then quit and also if I dont > start work I dont have an income and cant afford to > drive to > moms everyday to help her and take her to > appointments.So it looks like Im moving home within > the next few days.I wish I knew what else to do and > I hope my brothers and sisters someday realize what > theyve done to me by not caring at all.I will never > forgive them.I hope your all well. Ron > > __________________________________________________ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 9, 2008 Report Share Posted April 9, 2008 Dear Ron, Hope you won't mind if I throw in another two cents. Really and truly, people do adjust to NHs - and they adjust to taking meds. My mom refused anything that looked like a pill for weeks. The DON finally told me bluntly to stop arguing with mom. She began crushing all mom's meds, getting the pudding or ice cream or applesauce or mashed potatoes - whatever mom was having for lunch - and mixing it all in. Mom had a a good appetite, and there went the pills. When she had no appetite, we mixed pills into a small amount of a drink we knew she'd take- offer her a " taste test " - there went the pills. You've been to CNA classes and know better than I how it's done. Getting pills into your mom may seem to be the obstacle to moving your mom into a care center. But, Ron, is there anything else going on? Like you, I always said " no NHs for my mom. " And I said in an earlier post I still feel guilty, but I'm also relieved because it's a decent place, I'm around all the time, being around gives me some control of her care, and also allows me to earn a living and have just a bit of free time for myself. It also means I don't have to struggle anymore to find home care, fight with relatives to do their part, etc. My own sanity has been helped. Ron, if one of us posted with this situation, what would you advise? We love you lots, you know! Lin --- dawgg4456 wrote: > --- > Hi Norma, > Yes thats pretty much it.When I moved her in with > and I in > s house she got exellant treatment but would > get very upset and > stay that way, she would refuse her meds and wed > have to argue with > her for hours just to get her to take them.Thats > with me and so > I know it would be worse in a nursing home. > > > > > > > > > In LBDcaregivers , Norma > Loeb/CORPHQ/NYTIMES > wrote: > > > > > > Dear Ron, > > > > I don't remember all of the circumstances, but is > there a particular > reason > > your Mom couldn't be moved into the nursing home > in which you will be > > working a full-time position as a CNA? It seems > like the perfect > solution, > > but there must be a good reason you're not > considering it. Is it > that you > > think she would be very upset--even if you're > there? > > > > Norma > > > > > > > > > > > > Ron > > > > <dawgg4456yahoo (DOT) > > > > com> > > To > > Sent by: > lbdcaregivers > > > LBDcaregivers@yah > > cc > > oogroups.com > > > > > > Subject > > > still tough > choices > > 04/09/2008 10:23 > > > > AM > > > > > > > > > > > > Please respond to > > > > LBDcaregivers@yah > > > > oogroups.com > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Hi everyone.A quick update is probably due being > that I hardly ever post > > anymore.Life has been changing by the day for > us.Mom is still in her own > > house with my nephew.I am with , and > yesterday I got offered a > > fulltime position as a cna at a nursing home here > in town.But my nephew > > called last night and said they were only going to > stay with mom for 20 > > more days and Ive been on the phone with family > members trying to work > > something out for after the twenty days , but to > no avail.My sister is > > buying a home and should be in it in about 8 weeks > and she said that > when > > she gets it mom could stay with her.But I cant > find any solutions > for mom > > to live at home until then unless I turn down the > job and move back > home.So > > thats where things are at right now and I may have > to move back with > mom, > > if I do then it will be sooner than later because > I dont want to > start work > > and then quit and also if I dont start work I dont > have an income > and cant > > afford to drive to > > moms everyday to help her and take her to > appointments.So it looks > like Im > > moving home within the next few days.I wish I knew > what else to do and I > > hope my brothers and sisters someday realize what > theyve done to me > by not > > caring at all.I will never forgive them.I hope > your all well. Ron > > > > __________________________________________________ > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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