Guest guest Posted May 3, 2009 Report Share Posted May 3, 2009 , I don't want to be taking things wrongly, but are you coming out and saying that in a high-conflict situation, you blame the person with AS for the conflict and ask questions later? Why not just take that person asside, and make sure he or she understands what each side knows, what the rules are, and what will really happen. My ex's attorney repeatedly used my inablilty to answer a question concisely to cut me off in the middle, and interpret my answer in a negative light, and then paint me as uncooperative if I complained about this- and neither I nor my attorney knew a thing about AS at the time. I would have hated to think that the very thing which could have helped me is something I would have had to try to hide, to get a fair hearing. I know plenty of other AS who feel the same way (not on this list): one friend is tgerrified of getting a divorce, though she is married to someone with an addiction that has hurt the family quite a bit, because he threatened to use her AS against her to take her children, in order to make her stay. Attorneys can use a tool that is given to them. It is not fair to give them this tool, I believe- is there a balanced presentation of this? I do hope I am still welcome here. even though I will never, ever, agree that there should be discrimination on the basis of dx alone in family court, where AS is concerned. This is not about friendship with anyone from anywhere- why not still be friends? This is about civil rights. I have recommended good parts of books that have this stuff in them about bias in custody matters, and stated which chapters I recommend and which I do not. I am not being black and white, or throwing away the good with the bad. Still, in England, a young mother had her child taken from her solely on the basis of an AS dx, and she had to go through a lot to get her baby back, even though there was no evidence of neglect or abuse. I am not deleting any of your letter, because I believe it would take away from my reply if I did. Thanks for reading this, To: aspires-relationships Sent: Saturday, May 2, 2009 3:13:15 PMSubject: Doing less damage Jean: A GREAT book to read is Life with a Partner or Spouse with Asperger Syndrome: Going over the Edge? I am half way through the book and LOVE it. It is written for the NT half of the equation but sprinkled with the ASPIE side as well. Very respectful of both sides. I think if anything she is harder on the NT side with giving advice on how to avoid some pit falls that many of us have fallen into. Her book is about moving FF and leading a healthy life. Her chapter on divorce was hard for me to read as the advice she gives is one of the reasons I fired MY attorney. Lol It really is sound advice when dealing with a high conflict divorce when the other party has means and motive. She does mention Sheila and her article and provides a web link only in passing in reference to high conflict divorce in our community. : If you are reading this she tells a story of a woman with a different divorce solution that is very similar to yours that had a happy ending. This book covers a lot of ground and really is a must read for families that are NT. I see myself in a lot of the pages. Some good and some not so good. Maybe that is the point to her book. None of us our perfect but self destructive behavior is no excuse and often a side bar when a family member has autism. Her book is about empowering both sides with suggestions on how to avoid some pit falls. It is a powerful book. Just me. Off to read the rest of the book. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 3, 2009 Report Share Posted May 3, 2009 Thanks, : ~ ) I love the fact that you can care about someone and respect someone who is as different from you as many of the people on this list. Since I am AS, I find it easier to be myself than to be fake- that would feel quite painful to me emotionally, and require a lot of effort - LOL. To: aspires-relationships Sent: Saturday, May 2, 2009 10:23:25 PMSubject: Doing less damage PS: : You are a GREAT asset to our community. Your voice like others makes a difference every day. Just keep being YOU. Life is that simple. We don't always have to agree, but TOGETHER we make a difference. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 3, 2009 Report Share Posted May 3, 2009 --- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 4, 2009 Report Share Posted May 4, 2009 Ok Greg How did you come to the realization YOU had AS? Was it a particuliar situation that made you seek counsel, did your spouse suggest it to you or did you self diagnose yourself? If you saw a medical professional, did you have talk therapy, occupational therapy, medication or nothing at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 7, 2009 Report Share Posted May 7, 2009 Newland wrote: > > Bill: > > " Untapped market " was _my_ words and not hers. There is no or little > research on mixed adult relationships. [ snip ] Oops! Actually , I wondered about that. Decided to let it go out anyway, because it's true that way too many professionals see way too many dollar-signs. Apologies to Ms Aston -- should she be reading this. - Bill, dx AS -- WD " Bill " Loughman - Berkeley, California USA http://home.earthlink.net/~wdloughman/wdl.htm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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