question

March 9, 2009

ï»¿

Hi Greg,

I tried to stay - I guess he did too.........

but without the diagnosis and the acceptance of it, the problem has then to be one or the other of us. I have tried so hard to help him see that the problem is not defined by pointed a finger at each other, but both of us focusing on what AS is to us and coming up with that middle ground where we both could breathe, live, be safe, and while not get all our needs met, at least get some - enough - to keep on.

He is not willing to take the risk of being wrong. Again, I have pointed out that trying anything at all raises his odds to at least 50%, but he is scared I guess and certainly feels inadequate. I don't know how things would have been different had I always known, or had he chosen to see this discussion in another light. His family is not helpful at all, and he is surrounded with them all day, every day as they have a family business.

How I wish he had the openness to see what could be created. Instead, it is an ocean of tears and heartache.

I know from this and other posts that you struggle - but how I admire your willingness to do that. Your willingness to ask those tough questions.

I miss him, and can really not say why. It was so hard with him, and not that much easier without him. I just keep thinking of the one more thing to try or say.

Please keep on sharing your small steps and successes. Hope is so important - but a double edged knife as well.

Cheryl

Re: question

Sorry I found this note so late after it was posted. I can provide a view from my own personal; experience regarding how AS progressed for me. As a child I was one of the many that was never diagnosed and therefore no intervention was possible. Growing up was awkward and bullying was a regular feature of school experience. AS folk tend to try to fly under the radar due to this because they do not want to stand out. This resulted in average academic performance and from a sports perspective the inherent clumsiness was a barrier to performing well at that. This is when avoidance behaviours set in and got reinforced and this becomes more entrenched over time. Into adulthood I seemed to be "normal" and threw myself into organisations like Lions, Jaycees, Rostrum and Toastmasters to try and develop some skills to get involved . The social awkwardness remained and I found it challenging sticking to these types of endeavours, but I never had to account to anyone while single. I led my own private life away from work tending to isolate myself. Then came the marriage, which from day one seemed fine but due to lack of awareness and the inherent inflexibility characterised by AS, became after the first few years very challenging for my wife. She took on board the task to keep the marriage ticking but it was a huge effort by her to do this. When she reacted to this after a time I did not understand why she was so angry and tended to blame her. This led to a lot of dysfunctional behaviour and I developed a siege mentality which then precipitated panic attacks because I did not know how to deal emotionally with what was going on. The usual thoughts regarding the situation were that marriage counselling was required but I said no to that to the disappointment of my wife because I did not see that there was anything wrong with me. I saw it as others who had a problem and that drove the wedge further until the relationship started breaking down. Eventually I read in a local paper an article on AS and found that I could identify so much with what was being described. I was desperate at this stage as by then I had isolated myself from my wife and daughters. I was not functioning emotionally. I contacted Aspires who directed me to a clinical psychologist who specialised in AS. Getting a diagnosis vindicated what my wife had been thinking for some time. Basically I did not accept that I had a problem and thought it was still about relationship issues and I fought the diagnosis for a couple of years. Any emotionally charged issues I had expected my wife to fix and she was in a downward spiral which I did not know how to help her with. She became totally emotionally exhausted and concentrated on what she could control rather than deal with someone who refused to engage in a collaborative process to make some real improvements. From my side it seemed that I was totally clueless about what I could change. I was successful career wise but the avoidance behaviours led to feelings of rejection by my wife. All of the life decisions I left up to her because I felt that if she made the decisions that would make her happy. One of the key issues was my inability to listen to my wife because I was interpreting things based on limited information. I could not read body language and facial cues which people with NT seem to do intuitively. I was always focused on a solution while she was trying to get a mutually agreeable outcome based on compromise. If I saw how something could be solved I went ahead and did it. She felt excluded from the process while I was stunned when things did not turn out to her liking. I always assumed that I had the right information and acted on it which led to some disasters and my wife not getting what she wanted. This reinforced the avoidance behaviours which hurt my family more and more. My own family have not been supportive of my wife, tending to blame her for what was going on. They were wrong and despite me trying over the last few years to convince them of this they believe it is something her and I have to sort out. They do not realise the huge toll it has taken of her and do not believe her. This is for life it is not something that can be cured as it is a cognitive difference with how both her and I perceive the world and think about things. It is a life sentence for both of us. Eventually I started to make some progress but not anywhere near fast enough for my wife. That said things are starting to get better but there is the 1 step forward and 2 steps back that occur from time to time. Still finding it challenging but trying to make a difference. Things do get worse as time progresses with AS, unless the person who has it wants to do something about it. That is the key. No one else can do it for you. Thank God I have a very compassionate wife who wants to see things improve but is just as challenged as I am in making that happen. Lets hope we get there. I hope this helps from an AS perspective. I did not develop this awareness until after the diagnosis. Greg dx AS at 53

"Jo Orr" <westromewestrome> Sent by: aspires-relationships

20/02/2009 10:57 PM

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question

To everyone who responded to my question re: â€œechoâ€.

This term was told to be by an OT (occupational therapist)

and I had never heard of it before. Thank you all for your responses.

I have learned a lot about AS thru this site and I am grateful for

everyoneâ€™s honesty and candid answers. Does anyone know what effect

AS will have on someone as they become older? Do the actions/behaviors

become worse? I have a friend who is over 60 and am concerned if her

spouse passed, would she be capable of taking care of herself? She is

very dependent on her husband. Just a caring friend.

__________ Information from ESET Smart Security, version of virus signature database 3873 (20090220) __________The message was checked by ESET Smart Security.http://www.eset.com

March 9, 2009

CJ,

I find this easy to write about, but

having to do it can be very hard. There is such a long way to go

and we have figuratively just reversed out of the driveway and starting

out.

Getting my wife to believe it could

be better when there has been so much hurt and disappointment is the first

really big step in all this.

I look forward to the time when she

can start smiling again.

Greg DX AS at 53

CJ

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09/03/2009 12:32 PM

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Re: question

Greg, I just wanted to take a moment to commend you on your post with

respect to the progression of your own AS.

It's really refreshing to see someone carefully analyze and accept

responsibility for their own strengths and weaknesses within a relationship.

Too often those on the spectrum lash out at NTs as being responsible for

all of their struggles, without any compassion for the difficulties AS

may present for both sides of the relationship.

Excellent post.

Best,

~CJ

March 9, 2009

Greg Greer wrote:

<< Getting my wife to believe it could be better when there has been so

much hurt and disappointment is the first really big step in all this. >>

I agree, Greg. Much of this hinges on trust, which sometimes becomes so

shattered that it is very difficult to open one's heart again.

I only wish that I had been more successful in my own marriage. For me,

the opportunity to begin believing once again came far too late.

Now that my husband has passed on, I can only take the lessons I have

learned and apply them to future relationships.

Best,

~CJ

March 10, 2009

Greg,Thanks again for a wonderful post. It is so important for others to read about your struggles and your reasons for continuing working towards your goals. Since you have put certain main problems into words, I have a much better understanding of what went wrong in our relationship. I eventually came to the understanding that I would have to leave or continue to live a life full of avoidance, and staying under the radar. I chose to leave. My self-esteem has grown but I am so used to adapting to my husband, that I find it hard to live a fuller life according to my needs. What I have though, is a deeper understanding of my husband, something which only I have.Tell your wife that I and many others have been helped by the efforts that you and she have made. Your struggle is not just yours alone.Mem To: aspires-relationships From: ggreer@...Date: Mon, 9 Mar 2009 13:38:47 +1100Subject: Re: questionCheryl,Thanks for the response. My wifehas been the main conduit for me understanding what had been going on,but it was only after the diagnosis and I started really listening to herthat this became apparent.I still get things wrong and have beenworking with the psychologist to control the avoidance behaviours whichby no means have disappeared. I have to learn to take risks and askdumb questions so that I can get things right.I don't know if the same applies inyour case but I became scared of taking the initiative on anything in therelationship because I felt so inadequate. My wife is still strugglingto understand that as she cannot fathom why I would act this way if I reallyloved her. Which indeed I do, but the love is out of need not a twoway fully functional and engaged model that most people expect. Herview is that she has been giving and I have been taking in the relationship,and I think in a sense that is true. My giving is the financial support,but the emotional support is missing. So I expect things from herthat I am unable to provide back to her which is encouragement, and emotionalresponse to meet her needs.She has issues as a result of all thistoo. You do not come out of this unscathed. Her self confidenceand self esteem have been impacted hugely. Each day is a strugglefor her and me. There is an internal demon that I am fighting againstwhich creates a lot of the anxiety and tension.My wife could have chosen to leave butshe stayed. That is what is so important. One final thing in all this. Thelife of an AS can have such a profound affect on the NT partner to theextent that they have to either get out or start living the same sort oflife as the AS partner. This is what has happened for my wife. Myway or the highway as the old saying goes. Greg GreerManager, Enterprise Service ManagementService ManagementIBM Corporation-Level 2, 3 Brookhollow Ave, BaulkhamHills, NSW 2065'Tel: +61-2-9849-1989ÃˆMobile:+61-Fax: +61-2-9849-16568Email: ggreer@....com "Cheryl Cain"<cherylsopris (DOT) net> Sent by: aspires-relationships 09/03/2009 12:38 PMPlease respond toaspires-relationships To<aspires-relationships >ccSubjectRe: questionï»¿ Hi Greg, I am always so grateful for your posts. This could be our story as well. Theparts about inability to listen and issues relating to your family andtheir lack of support not only resonate, but are stunning for me to read- to know that someone with AS can see and voice this. I know that your wife has suffered as youmost likely have as well - but the fact that you are coming so much closerto being on the same page, what a blessing. I send her my best wishes for the energyshe needs so much - if she is like me, she is so very tired and while goingforward, is trying each minute to figure out how. Thank you for sharing your vulnerabilityand thoughts with this post. Cheryl Re: questionSorry I found this note so late after it was posted.I can provide a view from my own personal; experience regarding how ASprogressed for me. As a child I was one of the many that was never diagnosed and thereforeno intervention was possible. Growing up was awkward and bullying was a regular feature of school experience. AS folk tend to try to fly under the radar due to this because theydo not want to stand out. This resulted in average academic performanceand from a sports perspective the inherent clumsiness was a barrier toperforming well at that. This is when avoidance behaviours set in and got reinforced and this becomesmore entrenched over time. Into adulthood I seemed to be "normal" and threw myself intoorganisations like Lions, Jaycees, Rostrum and Toastmasters to try anddevelop some skills to get involved . The social awkwardness remainedand I found it challenging sticking to these types of endeavours, but Inever had to account to anyone while single. I led my own privatelife away from work tending to isolate myself. Then came the marriage, which from day one seemed fine but due to lackof awareness and the inherent inflexibility characterised by AS, becameafter the first few years very challenging for my wife. She tookon board the task to keep the marriage ticking but it was a huge effortby her to do this. When she reacted to this after a time I did notunderstand why she was so angry and tended to blame her. This ledto a lot of dysfunctional behaviour and I developed a siege mentality whichthen precipitated panic attacks because I did not know how to deal emotionallywith what was going on. The usual thoughts regarding the situation were that marriage counsellingwas required but I said no to that to the disappointment of my wife becauseI did not see that there was anything wrong with me. I saw it asothers who had a problem and that drove the wedge further until the relationshipstarted breaking down. Eventually I read in a local paper an article on AS and found that I couldidentify so much with what was being described. I was desperate atthis stage as by then I had isolated myself from my wife and daughters. I was not functioning emotionally. I contacted Aspires who directedme to a clinical psychologist who specialised in AS. Getting a diagnosis vindicated what my wife had been thinking for sometime. Basically I did not accept that I had a problem and thoughtit was still about relationship issues and I fought the diagnosis for acouple of years. Any emotionally charged issues I had expected mywife to fix and she was in a downward spiral which I did not know how tohelp her with. She became totally emotionally exhausted and concentratedon what she could control rather than deal with someone who refused toengage in a collaborative process to make some real improvements.From my side it seemed that I was totally clueless about what I could change. I was successful career wise but the avoidance behaviours led tofeelings of rejection by my wife. All of the life decisions I leftup to her because I felt that if she made the decisions that would makeher happy. One of the key issues was my inability to listen to my wife because I wasinterpreting things based on limited information. I could not read bodylanguage and facial cues which people with NT seem to do intuitively. Iwas always focused on a solution while she was trying to get a mutuallyagreeable outcome based on compromise. If I saw how something could besolved I went ahead and did it. She felt excluded from the processwhile I was stunned when things did not turn out to her liking. Ialways assumed that I had the right information and acted on it which ledto some disasters and my wife not getting what she wanted. This reinforcedthe avoidance behaviours which hurt my family more and more.My own family have not been supportive of my wife, tending to blame herfor what was going on. They were wrong and despite me trying overthe last few years to convince them of this they believe it is somethingher and I have to sort out. They do not realise the huge toll ithas taken of her and do not believe her. This is for life it is notsomething that can be cured as it is a cognitive difference with how bothher and I perceive the world and think about things. It is a lifesentence for both of us. Eventually I started to make some progress but not anywhere near fast enoughfor my wife. That said things are starting to get better but thereis the 1 step forward and 2 steps back that occur from time to time. Stillfinding it challenging but trying to make a difference.Things do get worse as time progresses with AS, unless the person who hasit wants to do something about it. That is the key. No oneelse can do it for you. Thank God I have a very compassionate wifewho wants to see things improve but is just as challenged as I am in makingthat happen. Lets hope we get there. I hope this helps from an AS perspective. I did not develop thisawareness until after the diagnosis. Greg dx AS at 53 "JoOrr" <westromewestrome> Sent by: aspires-relationships 20/02/2009 10:57 PMPlease respond toaspires-relationships To<aspires-relationships >ccSubject questionTo everyone who responded to my question re:â€œechoâ€. This term was told to be by an OT (occupationaltherapist) and I had never heard of it before. Thankyou all for your responses. I have learned a lot about AS thru this siteand I am grateful for everyoneâ€™s honesty and candid answers. Doesanyone know what effect AS will have on someone as they become older? Do the actions/behaviors become worse? I have a friend who isover 60 and am concerned if her spouse passed, would she be capable of takingcare of herself? She is very dependent on her husband. Justa caring friend. __________ Information from ESET Smart Security, version of virus signaturedatabase 3873 (20090220) __________The message was checked by ESET Smart Security.http://www.eset.com Windows Liveâ„¢ Groups: Create an online spot for your favorite groups to meet. Check it out.

March 10, 2009

Greg,

Sorry for my late reply, but I have gotten a bit behind on emails, and taken awhile to read this. I love your post. As for your family's reaction and disbelief of your wife, there are two things I see:

(1) If they feel awkward about getting involved, then telling you that the two of you will need to work it out is actually saying they do not want to take a side, and that is really a great sign- it means that they are open to believing you, I think. This might be an NT reaction to believing you, but wanting to be politically correct within the family in case there was anyone else who was actually taking a side, one way or the other.

(2) If you have AS in your family- and I think you might- I am pretty sure my mother was AS, for example-- then they would react differently to the whole thing- remember, they are un-dx, and would not have your TOM. Just wait for them! They might really believe it is all her fault, since they might not see the NT side of things just yet- but they might love her anyway.

(3) If I were you, I would not discuss the whole thing too much with family, since in keeping things between you and your wife, you are actually helping her quite a lot. If they criticize her to you, when she is not around, I would get the facts for about 15 seconds, and then ask them to talk to you when she is present and able to speak to whatever they are saying- if it involves them- or politely tell them it is none of their business if it is not about them- if it is gossip, then say that the person involvved should speak to the two of you, because you do not play middle-man (or a polite version of this), and be through.

I really appreciate the way you have shared about AS with your family. For my did, I found that I could share lots of info with him as long as I did not say the word "Asperger", and he totally got it- but if I said that word, the name was too hard for him to handle. I am not too sure if anyone else anywhere reacts the same way he did.

I was really encouraged by reading your post. - I would like to get married again, but have not found anyone yet- maybe one day I will, and I will be able to act in a manner that will make him feel as comfortable with me as if I were NT, even though there will be quite a few differences- some good ones included in that. I had to ask myself if it would be unfair to another person to fall in love with him if he is NT, but I do not believe this.

To: aspires-relationships Sent: Sunday, March 8, 2009 9:13:50 PMSubject: Re: question

Sorry I found this note so late after it was posted. I can provide a view from my own personal; experience regarding how AS progressed for me. As a child I was one of the many that was never diagnosed and therefore no intervention was possible. Growing up was awkward and bullying was a regular feature of school experience. AS folk tend to try to fly under the radar due to this because they do not want to stand out. This resulted in average academic performance and from a sports perspective the inherent clumsiness was a barrier to performing well at that. This is when avoidance behaviours set in and got reinforced and this becomes more entrenched over time. Into adulthood I seemed to be

"normal" and threw myself into organisations like Lions, Jaycees, Rostrum and Toastmasters to try and develop some skills to get involved . The social awkwardness remained and I found it challenging sticking to these types of endeavours, but I never had to account to anyone while single. I led my own private life away from work tending to isolate myself. Then came the marriage, which from day one seemed fine but due to lack of awareness and the inherent inflexibility characterised by AS, became after the first few years very challenging for my wife. She took on board the task to keep the marriage ticking but it was a huge effort by her to do this. When she reacted to this after a time I did not understand why she was so angry and tended to blame her. This led to a lot of dysfunctional behaviour and I developed a siege mentality which then precipitated panic attacks because I did

not know how to deal emotionally with what was going on. The usual thoughts regarding the situation were that marriage counselling was required but I said no to that to the disappointment of my wife because I did not see that there was anything wrong with me. I saw it as others who had a problem and that drove the wedge further until the relationship started breaking down. Eventually I read in a local paper an article on AS and found that I could identify so much with what was being described.. I was desperate at this stage as by then I had isolated myself from my wife and daughters. I was not functioning emotionally. I contacted Aspires who directed me to a clinical psychologist who specialised in AS. Getting a diagnosis vindicated what my wife had been thinking for some time. Basically I did

not accept that I had a problem and thought it was still about relationship issues and I fought the diagnosis for a couple of years. Any emotionally charged issues I had expected my wife to fix and she was in a downward spiral which I did not know how to help her with. She became totally emotionally exhausted and concentrated on what she could control rather than deal with someone who refused to engage in a collaborative process to make some real improvements. From my side it seemed that I was totally clueless about what I could change. I was successful career wise but the avoidance behaviours led to feelings of rejection by my wife. All of the life decisions I left up to her because I felt that if she made the decisions that would make her happy. One of the key issues was my inability to listen to my wife because I was interpreting

things based on limited information. I could not read body language and facial cues which people with NT seem to do intuitively. I was always focused on a solution while she was trying to get a mutually agreeable outcome based on compromise. If I saw how something could be solved I went ahead and did it. She felt excluded from the process while I was stunned when things did not turn out to her liking. I always assumed that I had the right information and acted on it which led to some disasters and my wife not getting what she wanted. This reinforced the avoidance behaviours which hurt my family more and more. My own family have not been supportive of my wife, tending to blame her for what was going on. They were wrong and despite me trying over the last few years to convince them of this they believe it is something her and I have to sort out. They do not realise the huge

toll it has taken of her and do not believe her. This is for life it is not something that can be cured as it is a cognitive difference with how both her and I perceive the world and think about things. It is a life sentence for both of us. Eventually I started to make some progress but not anywhere near fast enough for my wife. That said things are starting to get better but there is the 1 step forward and 2 steps back that occur from time to time. Still finding it challenging but trying to make a difference. Things do get worse as time progresses with AS, unless the person who has it wants to do something about it. That is the key. No one else can do it for you. Thank God I have a very compassionate wife who wants to see things improve but is just as challenged as I am in making that happen. Lets hope we get

there. I hope this helps from an AS perspective. I did not develop this awareness until after the diagnosis. Greg dx AS at 53

"Jo Orr" <westromewestrome (DOT) com> Sent by: aspires-relationshi psyahoogroups (DOT) com 20/02/2009 10:57 PM

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[aspires-relationsh ips] question

To everyone who responded to my question re: â€œechoâ€. This term was told to be by an OT (occupational therapist) and I had never heard of it before. Thank you all for your responses. I have learned a lot about AS thru this site and I am grateful for everyoneâ€™s honesty and candid answers. Does anyone know what effect AS will have on someone as they become older? Do the actions/behaviors become worse? I have a friend who is over 60 and am concerned if her spouse passed, would she be capable of taking care of herself? She is very dependent on her husband. Just a caring friend. __________ Information from ESET Smart Security, version of virus signature database 3873 (20090220) __________The message was checked by ESET Smart Security.http://www.eset. com

March 11, 2009

,

My family and my wife are like oil and

water. I have some family members who are on the spectrum, (undiagnosed

of course), and two nephews who are ADD and ADHD. My mother is also

AS (HFA and undiagnosed). Also a niece who is autistic but with my sister's

intervention (her mother) has progressed to being more AS over the last

few years (not HFA). My sister has done a lot to get the town motivated

to provide care and respite for others in the community and she is very

involved in fostering intervention strategies for other families. She

started intervention strategies with my neice from the age of 3 and has

done a remarkable job. Shaming and blaming the school system is her

favourite past time to get them to meet the needs of such people as well

as the local council and the Dept of Health. She ROCKS.

So as you can see, my wife who is Very

NT and my Family have totally different perspectives and expectations about

how relationships should be managed.

One good example is that NTs need to

have the feeling that they are loved reinforced all the time. Not

so for AS. Why would you keep telling someone that all the time?

Then when the friction starts and reconciliation is so difficult,

why would an NT keep believing that when the behaviours are at odds with

how the AS person feels. I still love my wife but she no longer believes

it as what I say and how I respond are inconsistent. I still feel

clueless about how to respond to the tsunamis of emotion from time to time.

My family have a similar difficulty, so the behaviours are institutionalised

within my family and my Wife feels so not a part of how we interact because

we have learned to negotiate how we interact.

We all get on and do not expect a lot

emotionally from each other and we are happy with that. Not so my

wife who wants to be enfolded in the family and be in regular contact and

get very involved. That is not how my family does things. We

can go for 12 months without talking and then meet up and everything is

fine. We just take up where we left off. There are no recriminations

because you do not keep in contact regularly. It is not significant.

What is significant is when we are there.

You are right about keeping things between

my wife and I. I was always very forthright when talking to my family

about our marriage issues which much later I learned were due to the AS/NT

dynamic. I am much more careful now about what I discuss with my

family for there is no doubt I have influenced how they perceive her because

I was not aware of how my wife felt about things.

I now make sure they understand that

they need to talk to her and two of my siblings have finally done

that which is good. The rest see it as our problem not their's and

do not want to get involved and I understand that. It does not help

making progress as one of the huge issues is how my family treat her. I

have treated her in a similar way until the diagnosis.

So understanding brings with it a lot

more responsibility for trying to be part of the solution instead of always

being part of the problem which is what I was doing with my wife. She

felt she was always being pushed or moulded into something that was not

really her. She lost herself. I was lost for years and never

really took the time to get to know her. Lets face it! AS do

not dig to deep into relationships they often do not know how.

Despite all that my wife is still trying

to make sense of it all. She got to the stage where she was ready

to accept that she could expect nothing from me at all. That is the

struggle we both have.

Greg

DX AS at 53

March 11, 2009

Greg,I think you have shown your love for her by being on this list, and constantly asking us how to show you care, and constantly seeking ways to improve your relationship. You take a lot of responsibility for your relationship. Even though you have many difficulties, your being here says a great deal. Have you told her this?There are many little things you can do for variety, and while I am definitely not NT, I can share ways that you will get completely that will work. I would try some of these:(1) Get a die, and roll it, when your wife is not around. Count days for the spots that you get: if you roll a two, count two days. Then, put an innocuous mark on the calendar for that day, to remember.(2) Choose one of

these things to do on that day, that you have not done for awhile, and do it- or do something else to tell her you love her (but it has to be something you have not done in the last month!):Buy her flowers, or pick someGet her a blank card, and write her a little note (or make one)email her a special email-different from the usual ones you send- in the middle of the daycall from work just to ask how she istake her to lunch- or dinnerGet her a little tiny stuffed fuzzy beast- a pretty one!Bring home her favorite cookies or other dessertSet the alarm 30 minutes early, and make her breakfast and bring it to her in bed (and stay there with her, and eat with her)(Write your own ideas below this list, or get others from other people...)(3) Roll the die again, and repeat. The fact that it is a surprise will add spice to the relationship.(4) Definitely feel free to do things more often than the die

says! Dice are just a way to get started...____________________(5) When you contact her, ask her how her day went. Listen intently to what she says. If you get confused, try asking: "How do you feel about that"- and see what you get- she will likely say more of what she is thinking, and you will learn something.(6) I get confused a lot with feelings, so I ask the person I am communicating with to please say that again. Would it help you, too?(7) When she tells you she loves you, reply back that you like to know that! Let her know you hear her and receive her love. I have had to learn to do that- not sure if you need this one- I am really still learning so much about feelings. Formally dx AS age 52; self dx age 50; currently 53 and looking forward to as many years knowing about AS as I lived in ignorance of

it.To: aspires-relationships Sent: Wednesday, March 11, 2009 3:02:50 AMSubject: Re: question

,

My family and my wife are like oil and

water. I have some family members who are on the spectrum, (undiagnosed

of course), and two nephews who are ADD and ADHD. My mother is also

AS (HFA and undiagnosed) . Also a niece who is autistic but with my sister's