New here

[Guest guest]

,

Has being a doctor given you any advantages on this dreaded disease?

Stellato

-------------- Original message --------------

I am new and wanted permission to share what at 45 brings me to tears

because I finally found and I do mean finally found something that is

all nat. and works.

I am a Mother of 5 girls and live in Colorado. I love it here. I like

to Sing Christian Contemporary Music and Knit.

I have 3 dogs 2 cats a rabbit two frogs LOL and a fish.

I like to go camping and fishing and well thats about it.

I was diagnosed with Fibro 20 years ago but I think I had it when I

was a child.

Anyway thats me.

Dr. Brady

[Guest guest]

Hi ...

I'm also new....and really not sure how to even work the yahoo thing!!

BUT.....I AM curious as to how you cured your fibro and how long it's been

since you've been cured?? Thanks.......((I myself have had it for 6 years and

know EXACTLY what your going thru.............I am 48.....as of late, my lower

back gave out and sciatica has been ruling OVER the fibro......I pray daily that

GODD WILL intervene and do a miracle....but I was just curious about your

situation....Thanx, Pam in Illinois

-------------- Original message ----------------------

> I am new and wanted permission to share what at 45 brings me to tears

> because I finally found and I do mean finally found something that is

> all nat. and works.

> I am a Mother of 5 girls and live in Colorado. I love it here. I like

> to Sing Christian Contemporary Music and Knit.

> I have 3 dogs 2 cats a rabbit two frogs LOL and a fish.

> I like to go camping and fishing and well thats about it.

> I was diagnosed with Fibro 20 years ago but I think I had it when I

> was a child.

> Anyway thats me.

>

> Dr. Brady

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Pam,

I was really blessed my brother in FL had a CFO who gave him some Mona Vie for

his back. It worked great so he thought of me and sent it. It has been two

months of absolute control of my pain. I have wept over what for me has been a

LONG time in coming.

I recently shared this with a Moderator of my other Fibro group and she has had

the exact same results! PTL

I wept then too! LOL

In all honesty I don't think I would have even tried it if my brother had not

sent it free. ( I am embarrased to admit that)

Anyway that is my blessing. From the depths of my heart I encourage you to try

it. I will keep you in my prayers.

If you want to purchase some email me and I will head you in the right

direction.

God Bless you.

Sincerely,

Re: New here

Hi ...

I'm also new....and really not sure how to even work the yahoo thing!!

BUT.....I AM curious as to how you cured your fibro and how long it's been

since you've been cured?? Thanks.......((I myself have had it for 6 years and

know EXACTLY what your going thru.............I am 48.....as of late, my lower

back gave out and sciatica has been ruling OVER the fibro......I pray daily that

GODD WILL intervene and do a miracle....but I was just curious about your

situation....Thanx, Pam in Illinois

-------------- Original message ----------------------

From: " Brady "

<Noahsarkshopping@...>

> I am new and wanted permission to share what at 45 brings me to tears

> because I finally found and I do mean finally found something that is

> all nat. and works.

> I am a Mother of 5 girls and live in Colorado. I love it here. I like

> to Sing Christian Contemporary Music and Knit.

> I have 3 dogs 2 cats a rabbit two frogs LOL and a fish.

> I like to go camping and fishing and well thats about it.

> I was diagnosed with Fibro 20 years ago but I think I had it when I

> was a child.

> Anyway thats me.

>

> Dr. Brady

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

No I am afraid being a doctor did not help. My doctorate is in Biblical Studies

and I am a certified nutritionist. I was in the same place that I see most folks

on our list with a long list of meds and well despair at times.

It was not until my Brother sent me some Mona Vie that everything finally

changed. 2 months ago he sent me 4 bottles of what is the premier acai blend

with 18 other fruits. I think he sent it because he could tell I was a total

skeptic. He had a bad back and had remarkable results and thought of me. So I

took my first 3 ounces and had my Fibro pain go away. 5 hours later it will

creep back up and I take my 2nd dose. I have never been so grateful in my life.

It has changed everything. I can even pick up my 5 year old. I had also had 3

back surgeries in the late 80's. I feel incredible. My biggest challenge is not

going crazy with activity and wearing myself out with 17 hour days etc.

I honestly thank God for this. I never would have believed it if I hadn't tried

it myself. I did share with a Mod on another of my Fibro Friends Groups and she

the exact same thing happen.

It's really weird. But great!

Sincerely,

Brady

Re: New here

,

Has being a doctor given you any advantages on this dreaded disease?

Stellato

-------------- Original message --------------

From: " Brady "

<Noahsarkshopping@...>

I am new and wanted permission to share what at 45 brings me to tears

because I finally found and I do mean finally found something that is

all nat. and works.

I am a Mother of 5 girls and live in Colorado. I love it here. I like

to Sing Christian Contemporary Music and Knit.

I have 3 dogs 2 cats a rabbit two frogs LOL and a fish.

I like to go camping and fishing and well thats about it.

I was diagnosed with Fibro 20 years ago but I think I had it when I

was a child.

Anyway thats me.

Dr. Brady

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 10/5/06 6:37:56 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

Noahsarkshopping@... writes:

> was really blessed my brother in FL had a CFO who gave him some Mona Vie

> for his back. It worked great so he thought of me and sent it. It has been two

> months of absolute control of my

Hi,

Where is the best place to get this product and is it availabe without all

the other fruits?

[Guest guest]

Well Ive finally made the choice to see my Dr about this. I have known

for years that is it possible that I have fibromyalgia,My mother and 3

cousins have it. But I do have a high pain tolerence and have been

putting it off. I also have hidradenitis and have seen my Dr for that.

All these years I have learned to deal with the pain. I have too many

resonsibilites that have kept me going. As of late I cant stand it. So

I see my Dr in the morning. I hope she can help. Thanks for having

this group, its good to know I am not alone.

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I too suffer with FM symptons. I now am on my 2nd medication, and am

looking for a more holistic way of life. After 1 1/2 years, I finally

am feeling better. I went on a whole body cleanse for 2 weeks, and

found a wonderful site that you might be interested in:

http://www.candidasupport.org/index.html

<http://www.candidasupport.org/index.html>

Please take a look at the symptons for Candida. I sincerely believe now

that I have this condition instead of FM.

I'm curious what you think. Let me know!

>

> Well Ive finally made the choice to see my Dr about this. I have known

> for years that is it possible that I have fibromyalgia,My mother and 3

> cousins have it. But I do have a high pain tolerence and have been

> putting it off. I also have hidradenitis and have seen my Dr for that.

> All these years I have learned to deal with the pain. I have too many

> resonsibilites that have kept me going. As of late I cant stand it. So

> I see my Dr in the morning. I hope she can help. Thanks for having

> this group, its good to know I am not alone.

>

[Guest guest]

Saw my Dr...it is fibromyalgia. I was Rx'ed tramadol flexril and xanax.

She said she has seen fantastic results with the combination, so I hope

to get some relief.

thanks to everyone whos sent me emails.

its much appreacited.

-

>

> Well Ive finally made the choice to see my Dr about this. I have known

> for years that is it possible that I have fibromyalgia,My mother and 3

> cousins have it. But I do have a high pain tolerence and have been

> putting it off. I also have hidradenitis and have seen my Dr for that.

> All these years I have learned to deal with the pain. I have too many

> resonsibilites that have kept me going. As of late I cant stand it. So

> I see my Dr in the morning. I hope she can help. Thanks for having

> this group, its good to know I am not alone.

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Jim

I find it helps me and my relationship with my AS husband to break down any long term goal into very small steps. Doing this has helped us to achieve what seems unachievable at the start. Also, asking him to tell me what he thinks he can achieve at each step helps us to succeed and remain positive and set realistic goals, and likewise for me too. Doing the changes like this helps to stop us feeling overwhelmed and then immobilised by the sheer enormity of the task ahead.

Day by day, little by little...

Good luck...sending you some 'positivity'.

Delyth

[Guest guest]

Tim Channon wrote:

> Lori D. Cole wrote:

>> e and others,

>>

>> I just wonder how NT you are or I am? What are the chances that someone

>> with AS would marry a complete NT partner? Some of the traits that are on

>> the spectrum are exhibited by supposedly NT partners as I learn more about

>> this, wouldn't you say? For instance, I am sound sensitive, I do web

>> design, always hated those work lunches out to celebrate birthdays, and

>> favor cotton clothes over something scratchy.

>

> These things are over rated as much to do with spectrum.

>

> There are items I do not like, so what, there are things my wife doesn't

> like.

>

> Celebrate. Not even sure what the word really means. Hand waving kind of

> word.

Tim's got it exactly right. But, in a way, so does Lori.

So very, very much of what's ascribed to AS, on this List and elsewhere

all over the world, has *nothing* to do with AS _per se_. Rather, it's

just a common behavior, *shared* by NT and AS in some or another degree.

Here's what's happening:

My husband is AS;

My husband has [this behavior];

I don't like [this behavior];

...so AS is causing [this behavior].

*Very sloppy* thinking, and a well-known but common Logical Fallacy.

Worse, relative to AS almost always _it just ain't true!_

Lori nailed that one.

- Bill, 76, dx AS

--

WD " Bill " Loughman - Berkeley, California USA

http://home.earthlink.net/~wdloughman/wdl.htm

[Guest guest]

I don't know that I would agree that heightened senses is over rated as an AS/Autistic trait. Both of my sons on the spectrum have particularly heightened senses. With my oldest, AS, it is his hearing, taste, and sense of touch. Clothes in general drive him bonky. He would travel the world completely unencumbered but for the decency laws , my 5 year old also shares this trait. He is very, very sensitive to sound. I swear he could hear a leaf fall in the forest. Sounds that are barely noticeable to me drive him over the edge completely. Taste and textures of food are the same. He literally will waste away before eating things that he finds unpalatable I know this to be a fact because when he was young I tried following the "good parenting" script that everyone is so fond of sharing. I tried not giving him anything else if he did not eat what he was given and found that he lost weight rapidly as opposed to breaking and eating what was put in front of him. Even further back then that, when he was little more than an infant, he began to not eat and lose weight for no apparent reason (this of course was during the time that solids were being introduced) we were forced to put him on drink supplements just to get anything into him, under the doctors supervision. Despite all of our efforts he still weighed less at a year than he did at 6 months. I went to the doctor repeatedly begging for help in finding out what was wrong. They could not tell me. I now know that the solid food and textures were a very large part of the problem.

, 5 year old autistic, is not sensitive to sound but is very sensitive to light. He will cry for about ten minutes every morning after waking up until his eyes adjust to the light. He also is very sensitive to textures of food and clothing, though tastes are not as much an issue. Just my experience.

e

From: WD Loughman

Sent: Wednesday, October 29, 2008 5:30 PM

To: aspires-relationships

Subject: Re: New here

Tim Channon wrote:> Lori D. Cole wrote:>> e and others,>>>> I just wonder how NT you are or I am? What are the chances that someone>> with AS would marry a complete NT partner? Some of the traits that are on>> the spectrum are exhibited by supposedly NT partners as I learn more about>> this, wouldn't you say? For instance, I am sound sensitive, I do web>> design, always hated those work lunches out to celebrate birthdays, and>> favor cotton clothes over something scratchy. > > These things are over rated as much to do with spectrum.> > There are items I do not like, so what, there are things my wife doesn't> like.> > Celebrate. Not even sure what the word really means. Hand waving kind of> word.Tim's got it exactly right. But, in a way, so does Lori.So very, very much of what's ascribed to AS, on this List and elsewhere all over the world, has *nothing* to do with AS _per se_. Rather, it's just a common behavior, *shared* by NT and AS in some or another degree.Here's what's happening:My husband is AS;My husband has [this behavior];I don't like [this behavior];...so AS is causing [this behavior].*Very sloppy* thinking, and a well-known but common Logical Fallacy.Worse, relative to AS almost always _it just ain't true!_Lori nailed that one.- Bill, 76, dx AS-- WD "Bill" Loughman - Berkeley, California USAhttp://home.earthlink.net/~wdloughman/wdl.htm

[Guest guest]

Jim wrote:

> Elaine and Everyone,

>

> I appreciate your feedback. It sounds like our spouses have very

> similar traits. You seem to take it all in stride. I haven't been able

> to accept it. Far from it. And, even after knowing about AS, I still

> feel the severe emotional deprivation of it all.

>

> Since identifying AS, if I'm near her, I get extremely agitated knowing

> she'll never touch me. That's on top of the absence of positive

> feedback and all the other traits. I can't endure it as Bill pointed

> out earlier is necessary.

That's one interpretation of my words.

But in any event mere endurance is not enough. It *must* be

accompanied by some positive-going action on *your* part, toward her.

Endurance may buy you time. But only *action* may provide a result.

She has to help, of course: " Takes Two to Tango " . But where she *can't*

help, whatever the reason, *you* must provide it. " Can't endure " is not

enough reason to avoid it. These are Early Days yet, if you love her

and value what " marriage " means.

In nautical terms, you're the " burdened vessel " which must move to avoid

a collision. You carry the burden of moving - not she - because you're

the one who can!

But also, like two rock-climbers far from help and roped together: If

*one* is in trouble, they're *both* in trouble. Neither can help the

other without *first helping himself*.

From " all the above " I jump to a conclusion:

IF you truly want to save your marriage, you *both* need professional

help. Especially even, *you* too. Because you're the " burdened vessel "

and *don't know how* to make course corrections. You need a Bar Pilot,

....a professional.

This List has helped you frame the questions. If your wife can't or

won't go with you, *you* (the " burdened vessel " ) should go alone.

Mixing metaphors: As in rock-climbing, safeguard *your* stance first,

then move to help your wife.

* * *

I'm jumping in here because " I can't endure it " was what both my wife

and me said *to each other*! For years!

She was the first to move (early on); she had to - *I couldn't*.

That bought us time. That's why, on this List, I call her my " Sainted

Wife " .

Eventually, understanding I'm AS, *I* could move. Only then, seeing

what damage *I'd* done to " us " (our marriage), I did.

Perhaps, with your loving help (beyond mere endurance; with your

increased self-control) your AS partner might reach a similar point.

For that I think you *both* need professional help. This List no longer

is enough. For or on behalf of either of you. Maybe especially you.

Then, IF separating or divorce cannot be avoided, you'll have the

genuine comfort of *knowing* you'd truly " done everything " .

[Guest guest]

My husband refuses to wear 'baggy' cloths, my son Adam refuses to wear t-shirts unless they are white, all labels have to be cut out. I always describe Adam as having 'built in surround sound' he can hear a watch ticking from the other side of a room when no one else can being next to it, or even the person actually wearing the watch, he is very sensitive to smell, Sunday we had a gas man come out and swap our gas meter for a new one, the smell of gas woke Adam up who came running down stairs in a panic telling us to get out the house, i was standing next to the 'repair' and couldn't smell gas but it woke him up!!! he can hear the electricity running through appliances that have been left on 'stand by', rather than have a sandwich he will take bread wet it under the

tap/forcet roll it into a ball and eat it, yuk! his eye for detail is truly amazing, whether spotting something no one else does or drawing a picture usually a train, the detail he uses is faultless.He has a remarkable brain!!!

Elaine

To: aspires-relationships Sent: Wednesday, 29 October, 2008 23:14:44Subject: Re: New here

I don't know that I would agree that heightened senses is over rated as an AS/Autistic trait. Both of my sons on the spectrum have particularly heightened senses. With my oldest, AS, it is his hearing, taste, and sense of touch. Clothes in general drive him bonky. He would travel the world completely unencumbered but for the decency laws , my 5 year old also shares this trait. He is very, very sensitive to sound. I swear he could hear a leaf fall in the forest. Sounds that are barely noticeable to me drive him over the edge completely. Taste and textures of food are the same. He literally will waste away before eating things that he finds unpalatable I know this to be a fact because when he was young I tried following the "good parenting" script that everyone is so fond of sharing. I tried not giving him anything else if he did not eat what he was given

and found that he lost weight rapidly as opposed to breaking and eating what was put in front of him. Even further back then that, when he was little more than an infant, he began to not eat and lose weight for no apparent reason (this of course was during the time that solids were being introduced) we were forced to put him on drink supplements just to get anything into him, under the doctors supervision. Despite all of our efforts he still weighed less at a year than he did at 6 months. I went to the doctor repeatedly begging for help in finding out what was wrong. They could not tell me. I now know that the solid food and textures were a very large part of the problem.

, 5 year old autistic, is not sensitive to sound but is very sensitive to light. He will cry for about ten minutes every morning after waking up until his eyes adjust to the light. He also is very sensitive to textures of food and clothing, though tastes are not as much an issue. Just my experience.

e

From: WD Loughman

Sent: Wednesday, October 29, 2008 5:30 PM

To: aspires-relationshi psyahoogroups (DOT) com

Subject: Re: [aspires-relationsh ips] New here

Tim Channon wrote:> Lori D. Cole wrote:>> e and others,>>>> I just wonder how NT you are or I am? What are the chances that someone>> with AS would marry a complete NT partner? Some of the traits that are on>> the spectrum are exhibited by supposedly NT partners as I learn more about>> this, wouldn't you say? For instance, I am sound sensitive, I do web>> design, always hated those work lunches out to celebrate birthdays, and>> favor cotton clothes over something scratchy. > > These things are over rated as much to do with spectrum.> > There are items I do not like, so what, there are things my wife doesn't> like.> > Celebrate. Not even sure what the word really means. Hand waving kind of> word.Tim's got it exactly right. But, in a way, so does Lori.So very, very much of what's ascribed

to AS, on this List and elsewhere all over the world, has *nothing* to do with AS _per se_. Rather, it's just a common behavior, *shared* by NT and AS in some or another degree.Here's what's happening:My husband is AS;My husband has [this behavior];I don't like [this behavior];...so AS is causing [this behavior].*Very sloppy* thinking, and a well-known but common Logical Fallacy.Worse, relative to AS almost always _it just ain't true!_Lori nailed that one.- Bill, 76, dx AS-- WD "Bill" Loughman - Berkeley, California USAhttp://home. earthlink. net/~wdloughman/ wdl.htm

[Guest guest]

BTW, did you ever resolve the trouble at Adam's school?

e

From: Elaine

Sent: Thursday, October 30, 2008 6:01 AM

To: aspires-relationships

Subject: Re: New here

My husband refuses to wear 'baggy' cloths, my son Adam refuses to wear t-shirts unless they are white, all labels have to be cut out. I always describe Adam as having 'built in surround sound' he can hear a watch ticking from the other side of a room when no one else can being next to it, or even the person actually wearing the watch, he is very sensitive to smell, Sunday we had a gas man come out and swap our gas meter for a new one, the smell of gas woke Adam up who came running down stairs in a panic telling us to get out the house, i was standing next to the 'repair' and couldn't smell gas but it woke him up!!! he can hear the electricity running through appliances that have been left on 'stand by', rather than have a sandwich he will take bread wet it under the tap/forcet roll it into a ball and eat it, yuk! his eye for detail is truly amazing, whether spotting something no one else does or drawing a picture usually a train, the detail he uses is faultless.He has a remarkable brain!!!

Elaine

From: Usarian <usarianbluebottle>To: aspires-relationships Sent: Wednesday, 29 October, 2008 23:14:44Subject: Re: New here

I don't know that I would agree that heightened senses is over rated as an AS/Autistic trait. Both of my sons on the spectrum have particularly heightened senses. With my oldest, AS, it is his hearing, taste, and sense of touch. Clothes in general drive him bonky. He would travel the world completely unencumbered but for the decency laws , my 5 year old also shares this trait. He is very, very sensitive to sound. I swear he could hear a leaf fall in the forest. Sounds that are barely noticeable to me drive him over the edge completely. Taste and textures of food are the same. He literally will waste away before eating things that he finds unpalatable I know this to be a fact because when he was young I tried following the "good parenting" script that everyone is so fond of sharing. I tried not giving him anything else if he did not eat what he was given and found that he lost weight rapidly as opposed to breaking and eating what was put in front of him. Even further back then that, when he was little more than an infant, he began to not eat and lose weight for no apparent reason (this of course was during the time that solids were being introduced) we were forced to put him on drink supplements just to get anything into him, under the doctors supervision. Despite all of our efforts he still weighed less at a year than he did at 6 months. I went to the doctor repeatedly begging for help in finding out what was wrong. They could not tell me. I now know that the solid food and textures were a very large part of the problem.

, 5 year old autistic, is not sensitive to sound but is very sensitive to light. He will cry for about ten minutes every morning after waking up until his eyes adjust to the light. He also is very sensitive to textures of food and clothing, though tastes are not as much an issue. Just my experience.

e

From: WD Loughman

Sent: Wednesday, October 29, 2008 5:30 PM

To: aspires-relationshi psyahoogroups (DOT) com

Subject: Re: [aspires-relationsh ips] New here

Tim Channon wrote:> Lori D. Cole wrote:>> e and others,>>>> I just wonder how NT you are or I am? What are the chances that someone>> with AS would marry a complete NT partner? Some of the traits that are on>> the spectrum are exhibited by supposedly NT partners as I learn more about>> this, wouldn't you say? For instance, I am sound sensitive, I do web>> design, always hated those work lunches out to celebrate birthdays, and>> favor cotton clothes over something scratchy. > > These things are over rated as much to do with spectrum.> > There are items I do not like, so what, there are things my wife doesn't> like.> > Celebrate. Not even sure what the word really means. Hand waving kind of> word.Tim's got it exactly right. But, in a way, so does Lori.So very, very much of what's ascribed to AS, on this List and elsewhere all over the world, has *nothing* to do with AS _per se_. Rather, it's just a common behavior, *shared* by NT and AS in some or another degree.Here's what's happening:My husband is AS;My husband has [this behavior];I don't like [this behavior];...so AS is causing [this behavior].*Very sloppy* thinking, and a well-known but common Logical Fallacy.Worse, relative to AS almost always _it just ain't true!_Lori nailed that one.- Bill, 76, dx AS-- WD "Bill" Loughman - Berkeley, California USAhttp://home. earthlink. net/~wdloughman/ wdl.htm

[Guest guest]

Thanks for asking e, no not yet, i am waiting for a date for a formal meeting with the teacher, i will not let the matter drop though especially as today Adam asked me if "is it rude to tell someone to grow up when you are angry? i said yes and it's also an insult, and he then told me his teacher was 'having a go' at him and he said something back to her and she replied "oh grow up Adam"!!! oh boy am i bloody furious. It's half term here and the schools are closed for 1 week but come Monday i'm straight on that phone and will demand a meeting ASAP.I will let you know the outcome.

Elaine

To: aspires-relationships Sent: Thursday, 30 October, 2008 19:12:39Subject: Re: New here

BTW, did you ever resolve the trouble at Adam's school?

e

From: Elaine

Sent: Thursday, October 30, 2008 6:01 AM

To: aspires-relationshi psyahoogroups (DOT) com

Subject: Re: [aspires-relationsh ips] New here

My husband refuses to wear 'baggy' cloths, my son Adam refuses to wear t-shirts unless they are white, all labels have to be cut out. I always describe Adam as having 'built in surround sound' he can hear a watch ticking from the other side of a room when no one else can being next to it, or even the person actually wearing the watch, he is very sensitive to smell, Sunday we had a gas man come out and swap our gas meter for a new one, the smell of gas woke Adam up who came running down stairs in a panic telling us to get out the house, i was standing next to the 'repair' and couldn't smell gas but it woke him up!!! he can hear the electricity running through appliances that have been left on 'stand by', rather than have a sandwich he will take bread wet it under the tap/forcet roll it into a ball and eat it, yuk! his eye for detail is truly amazing, whether spotting something no one else does or drawing a picture usually a train,

the detail he uses is faultless.He has a remarkable brain!!!

Elaine

From: Usarian <usarianbluebottle (DOT) com>To: aspires-relationshi psyahoogroups (DOT) comSent: Wednesday, 29 October, 2008 23:14:44Subject: Re: [aspires-relationsh ips] New here

I don't know that I would agree that heightened senses is over rated as an AS/Autistic trait. Both of my sons on the spectrum have particularly heightened senses. With my oldest, AS, it is his hearing, taste, and sense of touch. Clothes in general drive him bonky. He would travel the world completely unencumbered but for the decency laws , my 5 year old also shares this trait. He is very, very sensitive to sound. I swear he could hear a leaf fall in the forest. Sounds that are barely noticeable to me drive him over the edge completely. Taste and textures of food are the same. He literally will waste away before eating things that he finds unpalatable I know this to be a fact because when he was young I tried following the "good parenting" script that everyone is so fond of sharing. I tried not giving him anything else if he did not eat what he was given

and found that he lost weight rapidly as opposed to breaking and eating what was put in front of him. Even further back then that, when he was little more than an infant, he began to not eat and lose weight for no apparent reason (this of course was during the time that solids were being introduced) we were forced to put him on drink supplements just to get anything into him, under the doctors supervision. Despite all of our efforts he still weighed less at a year than he did at 6 months. I went to the doctor repeatedly begging for help in finding out what was wrong. They could not tell me. I now know that the solid food and textures were a very large part of the problem.

, 5 year old autistic, is not sensitive to sound but is very sensitive to light. He will cry for about ten minutes every morning after waking up until his eyes adjust to the light. He also is very sensitive to textures of food and clothing, though tastes are not as much an issue. Just my experience.

e

From: WD Loughman

Sent: Wednesday, October 29, 2008 5:30 PM

To: aspires-relationshi psyahoogroups (DOT) com

Subject: Re: [aspires-relationsh ips] New here

Tim Channon wrote:> Lori D. Cole wrote:>> e and others,>>>> I just wonder how NT you are or I am? What are the chances that someone>> with AS would marry a complete NT partner? Some of the traits that are on>> the spectrum are exhibited by supposedly NT partners as I learn more about>> this, wouldn't you say? For instance, I am sound sensitive, I do web>> design, always hated those work lunches out to celebrate birthdays, and>> favor cotton clothes over something scratchy. > > These things are over rated as much to do with spectrum.> > There are items I do not like, so what, there are things my wife doesn't> like.> > Celebrate. Not even sure what the word really means. Hand waving kind of> word.Tim's got it exactly right. But, in a way, so does Lori.So very, very much of what's ascribed

to AS, on this List and elsewhere all over the world, has *nothing* to do with AS _per se_. Rather, it's just a common behavior, *shared* by NT and AS in some or another degree.Here's what's happening:My husband is AS;My husband has [this behavior];I don't like [this behavior];...so AS is causing [this behavior].*Very sloppy* thinking, and a well-known but common Logical Fallacy.Worse, relative to AS almost always _it just ain't true!_Lori nailed that one.- Bill, 76, dx AS-- WD "Bill" Loughman - Berkeley, California USAhttp://home. earthlink. net/~wdloughman/ wdl.htm

[Guest guest]

Bill,

I'll meet you half-way. I need therapy to include her. Your process sounds reasonable to ensure full due-diligence, but I "can't" do it alone. I don't have much left to give. After 10-million calls, I found a psychologist with expertise/experience in AS and relationships. I'll keep you posted.

Jim

To: aspires-relationships Sent: Wednesday, October 29, 2008 5:34:56 PMSubject: Re: New here

Jim wrote:> Elaine and Everyone,> > I appreciate your feedback. It sounds like our spouses have very > similar traits. You seem to take it all in stride. I haven't been able > to accept it. Far from it. And, even after knowing about AS, I still > feel the severe emotional deprivation of it all. > > Since identifying AS, if I'm near her, I get extremely agitated knowing > she'll never touch me. That's on top of the absence of positive > feedback and all the other traits. I can't endure it as Bill pointed > out earlier is necessary.That's one interpretation of my words.But in any event mere endurance is not enough. It *must* be accompanied by some positive-going action on *your* part, toward her.Endurance may buy you time. But only *action* may provide a result. She has to help, of course: "Takes Two to Tango". But where she *can't* help,

whatever the reason, *you* must provide it. "Can't endure" is not enough reason to avoid it. These are Early Days yet, if you love her and value what "marriage" means.In nautical terms, you're the "burdened vessel" which must move to avoid a collision. You carry the burden of moving - not she - because you're the one who can!But also, like two rock-climbers far from help and roped together: If *one* is in trouble, they're *both* in trouble. Neither can help the other without *first helping himself*.From "all the above" I jump to a conclusion:IF you truly want to save your marriage, you *both* need professional help. Especially even, *you* too. Because you're the "burdened vessel" and *don't know how* to make course corrections. You need a Bar Pilot, ...a professional.This List has helped you frame the questions. If your wife can't or won't go with you, *you* (the "burdened vessel")

should go alone.Mixing metaphors: As in rock-climbing, safeguard *your* stance first, then move to help your wife.* * *I'm jumping in here because "I can't endure it" was what both my wife and me said *to each other*! For years!She was the first to move (early on); she had to - *I couldn't*. That bought us time. That's why, on this List, I call her my "Sainted Wife".Eventually, understanding I'm AS, *I* could move. Only then, seeing what damage *I'd* done to "us" (our marriage), I did.Perhaps, with your loving help (beyond mere endurance; with your increased self-control) your AS partner might reach a similar point.For that I think you *both* need professional help. This List no longer is enough. For or on behalf of either of you. Maybe especially you.Then, IF separating or divorce cannot be avoided, you'll have the genuine comfort of *knowing* you'd truly "done

everything".

[Guest guest]

Jim wrote:

> Bill,

>

> I'll meet you half-way. I need therapy to include her. Your process

> sounds reasonable to ensure full due-diligence, but I " can't " do it

> alone. I don't have much left to give. After 10-million calls, I found

> a psychologist with expertise/experience in AS and relationships. I'll

> keep you posted.

" After 10-million calls... " Yes, sadly. The vast majority of working

mental health pros (in the USA anyway) really have *no clue* about adult

AS, *especially* about AS/NT relationships. Most (of my acquaintance)

actually refuse to take 'em on at all. [unless they need the money, and

you've no way to know of course.]

*Best of Luck* - to both of you. I believe no matter which way it goes,

you'll be glad you made the effort.

[ snip ]

> *From:* WD Loughman

> *To:* aspires-relationships

> *Sent:* Wednesday, October 29, 2008 5:34:56 PM

> *Subject:* Re: New here

[ snip ]

> I'm jumping in here because " I can't endure it " was what both my wife

> and me said *to each other*! For years!

> She was the first to move (early on); she had to - *I couldn't*.

> That bought us time. That's why, on this List, I call her my " Sainted Wife " .

> Eventually, understanding I'm AS, *I* could move. Only then, seeing

> what damage *I'd* done to " us " (our marriage), I did.

>

> Perhaps, with your loving help (beyond mere endurance; with your

> increased self-control) your AS partner might reach a similar point.

>

> For that I think you *both* need professional help. This List no longer

> is enough. For or on behalf of either of you. Maybe especially you.

>

> Then, IF separating or divorce cannot be avoided, you'll have the

> genuine comfort of *knowing* you'd truly " done everything " .

[ snip ]

- Bill, 76, AS

--

WD " Bill " Loughman - Berkeley, California USA

http://home.earthlink.net/~wdloughman/wdl.htm

[Guest guest]

WD Loughman wrote:

> *Best of Luck* - to both of you. I believe no matter which way it goes,

> you'll be glad you made the effort.

Gloves off. (being blunt)

The whole thing is ludicrous.

The need is not for some expensive nutcase but vocational discovery.

This is what we need, the secret unsaid revealed, the didn't know.

Ok in some cases more classic help.

Something else, so far as I know there is only one proper study which

shows what works in head stuff, the rest is either justification for x

or says nothing. (this revealed that neither the method nor the

therapist were dominant and was an unexpected result)

It comes down to the clients, they have to fix themselves and is an

interesting subject on which I could say more but am not sure that is wise.

Without evidence this is why there are so many [enter name] schools in

psychiatrics all claiming to be the one true way. Bull stuff, impossible.

In my belief people keep trying different schools until one works and

they then declare that is one true school. (probably most do the self

help thing of serial things until they get bored or run out of money)

The effect is many schools remain, all claiming success. When this kind

of thing happens it says the 100 different ways are not what it is about.

Ouch, dons gloves.

Feel free to disagree.

[Guest guest]

I want to reply to Tim here, but in no way is my response intended for Jim's situation.

I have to wholeheartedly agree with your sentiment, Tim.. not so much "facts", as I didn't really interpret your response so much as intending to educate as much as to express.. and on that expression, I have had much.. entirely the same experience..

Psychiatrists, psychologists, counsellors, psychoanalysts, pastors.

Bla. I think the research is valuable in society and expert opinions for quoting and education. I think it's good to have people who are professional listeners. I have never experienced one with advice that was worth a hunk of cheese (well.. depending on the cheese.. but a good muenster or smoked provolone? forget it.)

Nothing can replace an old woman's wisdom. Time and time again, the people who have spoken into my life deeply.. like a long needle piercing me from my ear thru to the center of my heart were very old.. whether I knew them or not.

I always got a kick out of my grandmother referring to her 72 year old niece as a "good kid". (/me waxes sentimental)

e and I counselled with a pastor we both respected deeply.. and still do, but all it ever worked out to was him refereeing the arguments. Whoopdee. the arguments were never the point and we both knew it. There was something deeper than that, and we already knew what it was. I believe all couples do because it's what breaks them up. And that's the simple fact that one of 'em's gotta give. Someone's will has to break. Someone has to choose to lay down and lose fro the sake of the relationship. Someone has to value the relationship more than their own _______.

Whatever goes in that blank is up to the giving party to weigh the cost of it.

Best case scenario, both parties come to realization of that fact within a decade or so of each other.. hopefully within a few years. But there's never a guarentee that it will ever happen.

For us, e took the dive. I had done one earlier, and it felt big to me, but it only got us to the starting point, not to a lowest common denominator.

You know what it really was.. we both fell off our mountain peaks of what we wanted and expected from each other into a place where we fully accepted each other as-is, hurtful flaws and all, forgave each other, learned to trust each other, and now.. JUST now.. just these past few weeks, are beginning to build something unique.. different.

I think moving away from our inlaws kind of serves as a figurative thing. We're building our own relationship and raising the kids the way we choose and believing what we choose religiously and politically. I feel too old to be "growing up" in such a way.. 33 for me.. but we both are.. we're different people than we were a year ago ..

Ok, my post is looking less like a response and more like an autobiography by a popular politician..............................................

From: Tim Channon

Sent: Friday, October 31, 2008 8:48 PM

To: aspires-relationships

Subject: Re: New here

WD Loughman wrote:> *Best of Luck* - to both of you. I believe no matter which way it goes, > you'll be glad you made the effort.Gloves off. (being blunt)The whole thing is ludicrous.The need is not for some expensive nutcase but vocational discovery.This is what we need, the secret unsaid revealed, the didn't know.Ok in some cases more classic help.Something else, so far as I know there is only one proper study whichshows what works in head stuff, the rest is either justification for xor says nothing. (this revealed that neither the method nor thetherapist were dominant and was an unexpected result)It comes down to the clients, they have to fix themselves and is aninteresting subject on which I could say more but am not sure that is wise.Without evidence this is why there are so many [enter name] schools inpsychiatrics all claiming to be the one true way. Bull stuff, impossible.In my belief people keep trying different schools until one works andthey then declare that is one true school. (probably most do the selfhelp thing of serial things until they get bored or run out of money)The effect is many schools remain, all claiming success. When this kindof thing happens it says the 100 different ways are not what it is about.Ouch, dons gloves.Feel free to disagree.