Re: Re: To tell or not to tell??

[Guest guest]

verleen wrote:

, I think you are right. My AS husband can't tell a lie. Its just something he can't do. He is too literal; too honest. He can't even tell a lie to partiicipate in a little, harmless prank. However, I only know my own experiences with my husband. Are there any AS folks that can lie creatively and easily? ? Could you fabricate such a lie to cover up something serious, like an affair? Verleen---me here:

people with AS do have difficulty with what has been broadly described as a "lack of theory of mind"

combined with communication difficulties most people with AS think that other people know what is going on in their head.

to use an example if i drop a glass in the kitchen i may not tell anyone about it, as i assume that they will have heard it, see the mess on the floor and deduce that there is broken glass on the floor and to be carefull, to others, by not telling them it appears as if i am being careless.

i will poften say hello and good morning to people in " my head" and it appears that i am not communicating. th epoint being that some AS will not lie as they assume that what is going on in their head is visible and patently obvious to all...they just do not lie.

however it is my experience that some with AS are quite accomplished liars and can be very devious. they have through life experience figured out that no one can possibly know what they are thinking and make ludicorus claims thinking that because no one knows what is going on in their head that they are immune to any scrutiny and can make statements that are patently untrue to others but they seem to think that because it is in their head...no one else can see it.

so you can have some quite tragically funny answers from an AS that are a combination of truthfull lies.

"yeah baby, i fu**ed her but i make love to you"

36 m diagnosed AS

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[Guest guest]

verleen said:

Daneka, I thought was serious. I do have trouble "reading" in the true tone in internet postings, unless the person adds a "lol" or "LMAO", or some other thing to convey what the written words do not. I need to see the person's face and hear their tone to determine what they are really saying. Verleen ---me here:

this is symptomatic of communication diffs with AS.

i as an AS person prefer to have somethign in front of me written that i can read, re-read and digest free of inference and nuance.

whereas i may write something and in my head it is funny, it doesnt convey as such in written comunication, it is just funny to me and no one else. but because it is funny to me i dont feel a need to add lol or lmao etc.

when communicating verbally, unless i have rehearsed what is to be said or discussed i find i am constantly confused by what people say.

36 m diagnosed AS , funny guy.

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Verleen and ,

I took this the wrong way too, but only because I know that is AS, so I assumed that it was serious- my bad!

Subject: Re: Re: To tell or not to tell??To: aspires-relationships Date: Friday, July 18, 2008, 10:19 AM

verleen said:

Daneka, I thought was serious. I do have trouble "reading" in the true tone in internet postings, unless the person adds a "lol" or "LMAO", or some other thing to convey what the written words do not. I need to see the person's face and hear their tone to determine what they are really saying. Verleen ---me here:

this is symptomatic of communication diffs with AS.

i as an AS person prefer to have somethign in front of me written that i can read, re-read and digest free of inference and nuance.

whereas i may write something and in my head it is funny, it doesnt convey as such in written comunication, it is just funny to me and no one else. but because it is funny to me i dont feel a need to add lol or lmao etc.

when communicating verbally, unless i have rehearsed what is to be said or discussed i find i am constantly confused by what people say.

36 m diagnosed AS , funny guy.

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,

Mu children have complained a few times that I have missed an exit. I just take it in stride now, and get off, circle around and come back. I used to be embarrassed about it!

Subject: Re: To tell or not to tell??To: aspires-relationships Date: Friday, July 18, 2008, 8:01 PM

Hi ,He's not likely to be having an affair. Not in his personality, andsomething he and I don't believe in. Of course, never say never butthe probability is low. Besides, I'd probably have to orchestrate itfor him if he ever did want to----Ha ha. Put it on my list of thingsto do!! Just kidding. He's not one to lie, just get lost. When wewere recently on our vacation, I'd look up and notice our exit wascoming in he was in the far left lane. We would miss the exit andhave to catch the next and do a big circle around. Luckily he doesn'tget sent out much for work!!Later,> > From: david bailey <daysbays@.. .>> Subject: Re: [aspires-relationsh ips] To tell or not to tell??> To: aspires-relationshi psyahoogroups (DOT) com> Date: Thursday, July 17, 2008, 11:09 AM> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > lisa said:> > > > > So, here's my question of the day: What is the

opinion on disclosing> to the employer the AS diagnosis?> > My husband works for a large company that handles government> contracts. Seems like lately, they've been switching things up a bit> and he has recently gotten a new boss. I've noticed some of the> things this new guy has asked him to do have sent him into quite a> tizzy as they are a change up from his regular routine, but not always> out of the scope of his responsibilities. I can't help but wonder what> this guy is thinking about my husband and of course, I'm forever> worried about his job security. > > Yesterday, he was sent out of town which isn't typical but something> popped up where they needed him. He was to be there at 2:30 to work> in coordination with other people, some of which were from out of> state. He planned to leave at noon to give himself plenty of time to> get

there and not be stressed. The location was not quite an hour and> a half away. I happened to call him at 3:50, to check in and see how> he was doing and he wasn't there yet!! He had gotten distracted,> missed an exit or freeway change and didn't notice and drove for close> to three hours before he clued in that something was amiss! The job> was not completed within the allowed time frame and so was rescheduled> for today. He insisted to me that it had nothing to do with him, but> I can't help but wonder if they had sent someone else, would it have> rolled into the second day?> > Thanks,> , way too NT and not exactly lovin' it.> > > me here: yeah i do get quite obsessive about time , especiallyflights and airports. so i do leave early and keep a close eye on thetime and where i am , how long it will take me to get where i plan to be.> i

have never been so distracted by my own thoughts that i have donewhat you described your husband as doing.> in fact if i knew that there where people waiting for me, i would beeven more inisistent about the time.> i think your husband is having an affair.> > 36 m diagnosed AS.> > > > > Not happy with your email address? > Get the one you really want - millions of new email addressesavailable now at Yahoo!>

[Guest guest]

,

Several years back there was an AS man on the list who also mentioned struggling a lot with driving, remembering how to get places, always needing to make right turns, such like problems. This post just triggered that memory so I just wanted to let you know your husband's not the only one!

Jennie AS

Re: To tell or not to tell??

Hey ,When we were first married, I used to joke around and call my husbandWrong Way Romey because there were a couple of times when he woulddrive the wrong way down a one way street---Yikes!! He's much betternow but I can't ever seem to just relax in the car. Hmmm.......In aspires-relationships , Princess wrote:>> ,> > Mu children have complained a few times that I have missed anexit. I just take it in stride now, and get off, circle around andcome back. I used to be embarrassed about it!> > > >No virus found in this incoming message.

Checked by AVG - http://www.avg.com Version: 8.0.138 / Virus Database: 270.5.2/1561 - Release Date: 7/18/2008 6:35 PM

[Guest guest]

and others,

this is one issue that has popped up in our household lately also. My children and I get so nervous in the car sometimes with AS boyfriend, he tends to do as you all are speaking of,going the wrong way,getiing lost,just in general making silly descisions while driving. We can tell him to take a right at the nexy street while giving him directions and he will pass it.

This has caused some conflict between the two of us because I was always correcting and questioning his actions,because he scared me.I am trying to ease up a little,being understanding that it could get on his nerves,but I must admit it is difficult and scarey for me and the kids at times.

michele>> ,> > Mu children have complained a few times that I have missed anexit. I just take it in stride now, and get off, circle around andcome back. I used to be embarrassed about it!> > > >No virus found in this incoming message.

Checked by AVG - http://www.avg. com Version: 8.0.138 / Virus Database: 270.5.2/1561 - Release Date: 7/18/2008 6:35 PM

[Guest guest]

LOL! I have done that once, and gotten pulled over by a policeman, when I was out of town. I just told him I was from out of town (my license plate wea another state anyway), asked him for the directions, he gave them to me, and waved me on! It was many years ago.>> ,> > Mu children have complained a few times that I have missed anexit. I just take it in stride now, and get off, circle around andcome back. I used to be embarrassed about it!> > > >

[Guest guest]

,

I now a few NTs who lie that way, too! I believe in their case, they think they are too good looking, and therefore, they can lie, and it is OK somehow. there are NT women who actually go along with this. Clearly, they know it is all a lie.

When we get caught, we feel bad. tWhen they get caught, they just grin, as if to say, "But you like me, so believe it anyway". Have you seen this, too?

, I think you are right. My AS husband can't tell a lie. Its just something he can't do. He is too literal; too honest. He can't even tell a lie to partiicipate in a little, harmless prank. However, I only know my own experiences with my husband. Are there any AS folks that can lie creatively and easily? ? Could you fabricate such a lie to cover up something serious, like an affair? Verleen---me here:

people with AS do have difficulty with what has been broadly described as a "lack of theory of mind"

combined with communication difficulties most people with AS think that other people know what is going on in their head.

to use an example if i drop a glass in the kitchen i may not tell anyone about it, as i assume that they will have heard it, see the mess on the floor and deduce that there is broken glass on the floor and to be carefull, to others, by not telling them it appears as if i am being careless.

i will poften say hello and good morning to people in " my head" and it appears that i am not communicating. th epoint being that some AS will not lie as they assume that what is going on in their head is visible and patently obvious to all...they just do not lie.

however it is my experience that some with AS are quite accomplished liars and can be very devious. they have through life experience figured out that no one can possibly know what they are thinking and make ludicorus claims thinking that because no one knows what is going on in their head that they are immune to any scrutiny and can make statements that are patently untrue to others but they seem to think that because it is in their head...no one else can see it.

so you can have some quite tragically funny answers from an AS that are a combination of truthfull lies.

"yeah baby, i fu**ed her but i make love to you"

36 m diagnosed AS

Recent Activity

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Yahoo! Health

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[Guest guest]

- you've hit the nail on the head about the immunity of thought. In Ian's case he lies at times when he would be horrified to be caught out, or he genuinely doesnt think anyone will notice that he has crafted a strategy to get himself out of trouble.(Fool!) He lies to cover up something he should have done, that is by omission, doesnt tell me something important because he thinks it will get him into a situation he cant handle. The worst time was when American lady took a fancy to him and started to contact him by phone and letter. She had met Ian at whilst she was on holiday in England when they were both at a writers conference. She took his well rehearsed, standard responses to females - which he thinks they want to hear -(really sickly : 'I'm sure you could be a poet, I can tell by your lovely nature' puke puke) to be of the amorous

kind, and from then on she constantly phoned, wrote and sent presents. In order not to 'upset' either myself (unaware) or her (unaware) he didnt let on to either of us about the other. She became his stalker, and he didnt do a thing to deter her. He talked to her on the phone but didnt respond to the letters because he doesnt write letters! When she proposed marriage in a 20 page letter he was right in the doodoo as she was about to get on a plane. And STILL he never told me about her. And STILL he never told her about me. In fact, if he hadnt forgotten to take his mobile phone out with him one day which caused me to answer it.... he would still be making excuses to her today. As to that mobile phone conversation, I will leave you to imagine how angry I was. I was mostly angry because he was hurting this poor woman by not telling her that he was living with a partner and was

ensconced in a relationship. That said partner was just washing his darn clothes, and had just bought him a darn car. That he was enjoying the attention because as a geeky teenager he didnt get off with girls and this was sooooo flattering and nice. That he didnt know what to do, as the person he usually asked for advice - me - shouldnt know about the situation in case she cut off his sphericals with a blunt butter knife. Which I would. Lots of NT men do this but at least they are honest love rats. Basically, Ian lies when he thinks he will be laughed at, told off, or have to face up to the consequences of his own actions. Other times, he's so honest I cringe. ("You've got fatter since we last met, havent you?") Judy B, blunting the knives in readiness, Scotland Princess

wrote: , I now a few NTs who lie that way, too! I believe in their case, they think they are too good looking, and therefore, they can lie, and it is OK somehow. there are NT women who actually go along with this. Clearly, they know it is all a lie. When we get caught, we feel bad. tWhen they get caught, they just grin, as if to say, "But

you like me, so believe it anyway". Have you seen this, too? , I think you are right. My AS husband can't tell a lie. Its just something he can't do. He is too literal; too honest. He can't even tell a lie to partiicipate in a little, harmless prank. However, I

only know my own experiences with my husband. Are there any AS folks that can lie creatively and easily? ? Could you fabricate such a lie to cover up something serious, like an affair? Verleen---me here: people with AS do have difficulty with what has been broadly described as a "lack of theory of mind" combined with communication difficulties most people with AS think that other people know what is going on in their head. to use an example if i drop a glass in the kitchen i may not tell anyone about it, as i assume that they will have heard it, see the mess on the floor and deduce that there is broken glass on the floor and to be carefull, to others, by not telling them it appears as if i am being careless. i will poften say hello and good morning to people in " my head" and it appears that i am not communicating. th epoint being that some AS will not lie

as they assume that what is going on in their head is visible and patently obvious to all...they just do not lie. however it is my experience that some with AS are quite accomplished liars and can be very devious. they have through life experience figured out that no one can possibly know what they are thinking and make ludicorus claims thinking that because no one knows what is going on in their head that they are immune to any scrutiny and can make statements that are patently untrue to others but they seem to think that because it is in their head...no one else can see it. so you can have some quite tragically funny answers from an AS that are a combination of truthfull lies. "yeah baby, i fu**ed her but i make love to you" 36 m diagnosed AS Recent Activity 2 New MembersVisit Your Group Yahoo! Health Asthma Triggers How you can identify them. Meditation and Lovingkindness A Yahoo! Group to share and learn. New business? Get new customers. List your web site in Yahoo! Search. . Not happy with your email address? Get the one you really want - millions of new email addresses available now at Yahoo!