Re: No BP Meds

October 9, 2001

Oh dear, can't be quiet about this any longer...

Terri:

What do you mean you won't be able to eat much?

I thought you lived with your boyfriend, (a Policeman,

right?) You need to eat, your nutritional needs have

to met in order to maintain your overall health.

Surely, he would notice if you stopped eating?

I know you guys sleep in seperate beds and I can see

the wisdom in that, even if I don't do it myself but

don't tell me you keep seperate grocery stashes?

The problem with me is I get quite protective of

people I know, (apparently even on-line) and I can't

believe your boyfriend is oblivious to all of this

and/or hasn't found a way to help you out without

bruising your pride. I know he's a great guy and all

that but if he's going to be around for the long term

surely it's time you both started teaming up?

I don't want to induce more stress than you have

already but the fact is, right now your kidneys are as

good as they're ever going to be. You may not feel

great about letting him in on what's up with you but

sooner or later he's going to have to be involved.

Give him the chance to help you out.

The state of the world as it is today should

illustrate the fact that no man (or woman)is an

island. We are all dependant on each other one way or

the other.

take your meds. Stay well.

s.

--- mtnbikelady1973@... wrote:

<HR>

<tt>

Thanks guys. & nbsp; I've scraped together some money to

go get them. & nbsp; I

just won't be able to eat much this week LOL & nbsp; I'm

going to pick them

up after work today.

Pierre, why would this combination of meds be a big

deal to stop for

a week? & nbsp; I'm just curious what could happen.

On the nephrologist front, I don't have one. & nbsp; So

I can't call one for

sample drugs. & nbsp; They'd want me to come in for a

checkup, and they

can't ever work you in for 3 months. LOL & nbsp; I get

my prescriptions

through my GP for now. & nbsp; I tried calling them

yesterday and was put on

hold for 10 minutes. & nbsp; I got tired of waiting and

hung up.

Teri

</tt>

<td align=center><font size= " -1 "

color=#003399>

October 9, 2001

Sam,

I'm afraid it's me that is the problem. He is a wonderful guy, and

he offered me the money to go get the pills, and since I had a late

class last night, he even offered to go pick them up for me. I

turned him down.

I guess it's more in my head and personality than anything else -

accepting monetary help from someone, even the most important man in

the world to me. I left my mom and moved out on my own when I was 15

years old. I thought I was a grown up, and thought I could just do

everything on my own. I managed to finish high school while working

full-time, and I never once asked for money. Some days I was lucky

to get a bean burrito to eat. But I did it all on my own. I even

seemed to support a lazy ex-husband who kept getting fired.

I see it this way - I am a technically-single woman that works full-

time and makes pretty good money for what I do (sitting on my butt

all day in an office). I SHOULD be able to pay my own bills and take

care of myself without help.

The reason I didn't want to accept his money for the pills is because

his birthday is this weekend, and I don't have the money to get him

anything until Monday (payday). I'm already feeling bad about that,

that's why I didn't want to take his money when I'm the one supposed

to be getting HIM a present.

Also, he gave me money to get my college textbooks last month. I

paid him back, but I don't want him thinking I'm a mooch LOL Like I

said, it's all in my head, and he helps me all the time (buying our

groceries alot, taking me out to eat, etc.). I guess I need to

somehow get past this fiercely independent streak regarding money.

I've never asked for help from my family, and I have pawned stereo

equipment, CDs, etc., in the past to get money instead of asking.

As for the food, that was more of a joke. We eat out alot, nothing

fancy, but it's just easier with me going to school. He'll buy all

the food this week if I can't pitch in, and he'll never say a bad

word about it. I'm the one that feels bad.

Teri

October 9, 2001

Terri:

Straight talk, girl to girl.

I do know where you're coming from. I left an abusive

home at age 16 after being bounced between parents who

told me I had less rights in the house than my

stepbrother's girlfriend because she had at least

offered to pay rent whereas I paid for nothing. I was

15 when my Father said that.

I severed ties with my family for quite some time as

an adult. I still speak only rarely to my mother. My

father passed away over a year ago and his girlfriend

tricked me into thinking she was the next of kin, got

me to sign the form identifying the body and then made

off with everything -- Everything.

I was told I was too stupid to ever go to University,

(my position on the Dean's list, and the offers of

money I received from various graduate schools once I

graduated pretty much proved that wrong)for some

reason my parent's divorce agreement refers to one

child in the marriage, (my sister) I was 13 when they

divorced and no, I am not illegitimate, I look just

like my Dad. So there were never any monetary

provisions for me and they made sure I knew it.

I was the kid they used to vent their uglies. I was

hit and hurt in a million ways on a regular basis and

once I reached age 13 I NEVER asked for anything from

either of them. I don't even have my high school

annuals because I wouldn't stoop to ask for money.

I lost two molars because I wouldn't ask to go to the

dentist.

BUT there's a pattern here, I lost. I lost and lost

and lost and they never felt a minute's anxiety over

any of it. I took it all on. My Father and mother both

felt I got enough attention for being pretty and smart

and talented, (I was a musical kid) away from home

that I didn't deserve anything from them. And now that

I look back on it I can see that I just let them get

away with it. I let them off the hook by taking it all

on. In the end I didn't help anybody. It left me

irrepairably damaged. J. and I struggle with the

fallout from that bull*** every day. I've always been

the only person I could count on. J. is always getting

on my back about letting people get away with taking

money that should have been mine or not applying for

money I'm owed because I don't want to look like I'm

asking for anything. And so, believe me, I know

better than to suggest you ever take money from your

boyfriend.

Good for you for taking some help in getting your text

books. It's a start. The birthday thing smarts. I'm

not to the point where I'd be feeling alright about

that yet either.

All of that aside. If your man loves you then you have

a responsibility to start breaking that pattern and

give him the trust it takes to be vulnerable enough to

admit you can't always do everything on your own. I

think that could be scary because kids who were

damaged in this way usually think that asking for

anything will make their loved ones leave or start the

abuse again or just make them feel less in control.

Real love means you accept your life together warts

and all. You don't get to keep control. Control is an

illusion anyhow. I've done this whole fiercely

independant thing for most of my life and I'm

beginning to see that for many people, certainly for

me, it's just a way of avoiding getting so close that

you might get burned. Cause, I've been burned before.

The trust between people who love each other is a

gift. A person has to realize sometimes, that being in

that ugly, yucky position of needing help is your gift

to your loved ones. If it makes you uncomfortable to

admit you're not entirely self-sufficient welcome to

the human race. Nobody is entirely self sufficient all

the time. Give the people who love you the gift of

needing them now and then. It makes them realize their

importance in your life. It allows them to feel that

they're important to you. I like to feel needed, don't

you? I think most people do.

And I think you need to change your attitude about

your job. Obviously, you're not paid for nothing. If

you weren't saving or making the company you work for

money then, make no mistake, they wouldn't keep you

on.

Sheesh, it's like I'm talking to myself here. No

wonder J. gets so exasperated with me.

I'm off. I have to go and submit an application for

research funding. They extended the deadline because I

was just going to shrug it off -- don't want to ask

for any help...

I'm not kidding. That's the truth.

here endeth the sermon for today.

s.

--- mtnbikelady1973@... wrote:

<HR>

<tt>

Sam,

I'm afraid it's me that is the problem. & nbsp; He is a

wonderful guy, and

he offered me the money to go get the pills, and since

I had a late

class last night, he even offered to go pick them up

for me. & nbsp; I

turned him down.

I guess it's more in my head and personality than

anything else -

accepting monetary help from someone, even the most

important man in

the world to me. & nbsp; I left my mom and moved out on

my own when I was 15

years old. & nbsp; I thought I was a grown up, and

thought I could just do

everything on my own. & nbsp; I managed to finish high

school while working

full-time, and I never once asked for money. & nbsp;

Some days I was lucky

to get a bean burrito to eat. & nbsp; But I did it all

on my own. & nbsp; I even

seemed to support a lazy ex-husband who kept getting

fired.

I see it this way - I am a technically-single woman

that works full-

time and makes pretty good money for what I do

(sitting on my butt

all day in an office). & nbsp; I SHOULD be able to pay

my own bills and take

care of myself without help.

The reason I didn't want to accept his money for the

pills is because

his birthday is this weekend, and I don't have the

money to get him

anything until Monday (payday). & nbsp; I'm already

feeling bad about that,

that's why I didn't want to take his money when I'm

the one supposed

to be getting HIM a present.

Also, he gave me money to get my college textbooks

last month. & nbsp; I

paid him back, but I don't want him thinking I'm a

mooch LOL & nbsp; Like I

said, it's all in my head, and he helps me all the

time (buying our

groceries alot, taking me out to eat, etc.). & nbsp; I

guess I need to

somehow get past this fiercely independent streak

regarding money. & nbsp;

I've never asked for help from my family, and I have

pawned stereo

equipment, CDs, etc., in the past to get money instead

of asking.

As for the food, that was more of a joke. & nbsp; We eat

out alot, nothing

fancy, but it's just easier with me going to

school. & nbsp; He'll buy all

the food this week if I can't pitch in, and he'll

never say a bad

word about it. & nbsp; I'm the one that feels bad.

Teri

</tt>

<td align=center><font size= " -1 "

color=#003399>

October 9, 2001

Sam, it's good to know where you're coming from, and I thank you for

telling us (or me) your story. I know your feelings, I've been there

(except for physical abuse....we were mainly mentally/verbally abused

as kids by the stepwitch). I'm working on being able to let him help

me. I used to fight and argue if he even wanted to buy me a shirt or

something, just because. I let him take me shopping last weekend and

get some clothes, without much arguing. I'm getting better!

Teri

>

> <HR>

> <html><body>

> <tt>

> Sam,

>

> I'm afraid it's me that is the problem. & nbsp; He is a

> wonderful guy, and

> he offered me the money to go get the pills, and since

> I had a late

> class last night, he even offered to go pick them up

> for me. & nbsp; I

> turned him down.

>

> I guess it's more in my head and personality than

> anything else -

> accepting monetary help from someone, even the most

> important man in

> the world to me. & nbsp; I left my mom and moved out on

> my own when I was 15

> years old. & nbsp; I thought I was a grown up, and

> thought I could just do

> everything on my own. & nbsp; I managed to finish high

> school while working

> full-time, and I never once asked for money. & nbsp;

> Some days I was lucky

> to get a bean burrito to eat. & nbsp; But I did it all

> on my own. & nbsp; I even

> seemed to support a lazy ex-husband who kept getting

> fired.

>

> I see it this way - I am a technically-single woman

> that works full-

> time and makes pretty good money for what I do

> (sitting on my butt

> all day in an office). & nbsp; I SHOULD be able to pay

> my own bills and take

> care of myself without help.

>

> The reason I didn't want to accept his money for the

> pills is because

> his birthday is this weekend, and I don't have the

> money to get him

> anything until Monday (payday). & nbsp; I'm already

> feeling bad about that,

> that's why I didn't want to take his money when I'm

> the one supposed

> to be getting HIM a present.

>

> Also, he gave me money to get my college textbooks

> last month. & nbsp; I

> paid him back, but I don't want him thinking I'm a

> mooch LOL & nbsp; Like I

> said, it's all in my head, and he helps me all the

> time (buying our

> groceries alot, taking me out to eat, etc.). & nbsp; I

> guess I need to

> somehow get past this fiercely independent streak

> regarding money. & nbsp;

> I've never asked for help from my family, and I have

> pawned stereo

> equipment, CDs, etc., in the past to get money instead

> of asking.

>

> As for the food, that was more of a joke. & nbsp; We eat

> out alot, nothing

> fancy, but it's just easier with me going to

> school. & nbsp; He'll buy all

> the food this week if I can't pitch in, and he'll

> never say a bad

> word about it. & nbsp; I'm the one that feels bad.

>

> Teri

>

> </tt>

>

>

>

>

>

> <table border=0 cellspacing=0 cellpadding=2>

> <tr bgcolor=#FFFFCC>

> <td align=center><font size= " -1 "

> color=#003399>

October 9, 2001

Re: No BP Meds

> Thanks guys. I've scraped together some money to go get them. I

> just won't be able to eat much this week LOL I'm going to pick them

> up after work today.

>

> Pierre, why would this combination of meds be a big deal to stop for

> a week? I'm just curious what could happen.

>

(snipped)

>

> Teri

>

I'm not saying that anything would necessarily happen, but with your

unmedicated BPs running 150-180/95-128, the upper end of that suggests your

BP can get pretty high. With BP meds, when you miss a day, it's not too bad,

3 days and BP may start getting way up there again. In your case, stopping

both at the same time could be risky, because the combination of 160mg of

Diovan and 240mg of Verapamil twice a day packs quite a punch. If I did

that, I would surely end up in Emerg with a hypertensive emergency.

Verapamil, being a calcium channel blocker, keeps your coronary arteries

wide open. If you stop it suddenly, especially a high dose like that, you

could conceivably be risking a heart attack at worse (perhaps from a

coronary spasm), and shortness of breath at least. This is ignoring the risk

of stroke from the severe hypertension. My guess would be that you would be

risking trouble on the 4th or 5th day, after the drugs have washed out of

your system. So, nothing may happen, but it's not a risk I would want to

take, especially with any degree of chronic renal disease.

Pierre

October 9, 2001

One thing to keep in mind, ACE Inhibitors have a "rebound effect", where let's say your BP was 130/90 prior to starting ACE Inhibitors, a month later, you stop taking them. Your BP might go to 150/110 for a while, due to this effect.

Marty

RE: No BP Meds

Before you were on your BP meds, how was your blood pressure? Mine was pretty good, but my meds make it almost perfect. How many mg are you taking and of what, and what is your BP when you are on them?

-----Original Message-----From: mtnbikelady1973@... Sent: Monday, October 08, 2001 3:59 PMTo: iga-nephropathy Subject: No BP MedsHey guys.....financial trouble again. I ran out of my BP meds on Friday, and can't afford to get them until this weekend. I get paid next Monday, but could write a "hot check" that wouldn't get to my bank before my paycheck was deposited on Monday.So, since I can't take my pills for a week, is there anything that might explode by me missing a week's worth of BP pills? Sometimes being broke sucks. Oh yeah, I refuse to ask anyone for money. I've been on my own since I was 15 and just DON'T ask for help.Thanks, Teri

October 9, 2001

Whoa girls

You

messages certainly set some loud ‘ding dongs’ in my head I can tell. I don’t wish to go into details about

what I endured during my childhood, but something very much along the lines you

describe, but with violence playing a great part in it, which I am pleased to

say I have dealt with and now am a better person for it.

Please don’t

think I am being condescending or patronising here, this is just something that

really helped me. Do either of you

know of Dr Phil McGrath, Life Strategist, he appears on Oprah regularly. This guy has been a great help to me,

and I have done all his workshops on line and have all his books.

Just a

thought, helped me, but appreciate it is not for everyone.

Best

wishes

-----Original

Message-----

From: Farr

Sent: 09 October 2001 18:10

To: iga-nephropathy

Subject: Re: Re:

No BP Meds

Terri:

Straight talk, girl to girl.

I do know where you're coming from. I left an abusive

home at age 16 after being bounced between parents who

told me I had less rights in the house than my

stepbrother's girlfriend because she had at least

offered to pay rent whereas I paid for nothing. I was

15 when my Father said that.

I severed ties with my family for quite some time as

an adult. I still speak only rarely to my mother. My

father passed away over a year ago and his girlfriend

tricked me into thinking she was the next of kin, got

me to sign the form identifying the body and then made

off with everything -- Everything.

I was told I was too stupid to ever go to University,

(my position on the Dean's list, and the offers of

money I received from various graduate schools once I

graduated pretty much proved that wrong)for some

reason my parent's divorce agreement refers to one

child in the marriage, (my sister) I was 13 when they

divorced and no, I am not illegitimate, I look just

like my Dad. So there were never any monetary

provisions for me and they made sure I knew it.

I was the kid they used to vent their uglies. I was

hit and hurt in a million ways on a regular basis and

once I reached age 13 I NEVER asked for anything from

either of them. I don't even have my high school

annuals because I wouldn't stoop to ask for money.

I lost two molars because I wouldn't ask to go to the

dentist.

BUT there's a pattern here, I lost. I lost and lost

and lost and they never felt a minute's anxiety over

any of it. I took it all on. My Father and mother both

felt I got enough attention for being pretty and smart

and talented, (I was a musical kid) away from home

that I didn't deserve anything from them. And now that

I look back on it I can see that I just let them get

away with it. I let them off the hook by taking it all

on. In the end I didn't help anybody. It left me

irrepairably damaged. J. and I struggle with the

fallout from that bull*** every day. I've always been

the only person I could count on. J. is always getting

on my back about letting people get away with taking

money that should have been mine or not applying for

money I'm owed because I don't want to look like I'm

asking for anything. And so, believe me, I know

better than to suggest you ever take money from your

boyfriend.

Good for you for taking some help in getting your text

books. It's a start. The birthday thing smarts. I'm

not to the point where I'd be feeling alright about

that yet either.

All of that aside. If your man loves you then you have

a responsibility to start breaking that pattern and

give him the trust it takes to be vulnerable enough to

admit you can't always do everything on your own. I

think that could be scary because kids who were

damaged in this way usually think that asking for

anything will make their loved ones leave or start the

abuse again or just make them feel less in control.

Real love means you accept your life together warts

and all. You don't get to keep control. Control is an

illusion anyhow. I've done this whole fiercely

independant thing for most of my life and I'm

beginning to see that for many people, certainly for

me, it's just a way of avoiding getting so close that

you might get burned. Cause, I've been burned before.

The trust between people who love each other is a

gift. A person has to realize sometimes, that being in

that ugly, yucky position of needing help is your gift

to your loved ones. If it makes you uncomfortable to

admit you're not entirely self-sufficient welcome to

the human race. Nobody is entirely self sufficient all

the time. Give the people who love you the gift of

needing them now and then. It makes them realize their

importance in your life. It allows them to feel that

they're important to you. I like to feel needed, don't

you? I think most people do.

And I think you need to change your attitude about

your job. Obviously, you're not paid for nothing. If

you weren't saving or making the company you work for

money then, make no mistake, they wouldn't keep you

on.

Sheesh, it's like I'm talking to myself here. No

wonder J. gets so exasperated with me.

I'm off. I have to go and submit an application for

research funding. They extended the deadline because I

was just going to shrug it off -- don't want to ask

for any help...

I'm not kidding. That's the truth.

here endeth the sermon for today.

s.

--- mtnbikelady1973@... wrote:

<HR>

<tt>

Sam,

I'm afraid it's me that is the problem. & nbsp; He is a

wonderful guy, and

he offered me the money to go get the pills, and since

I had a late

class last night, he even offered to go pick them up

for me. & nbsp; I

turned him down.

I guess it's more in my head and personality than

anything else -

accepting monetary help from someone, even the most

important man in

the world to me. & nbsp; I left my mom and moved out on

my own when I was 15

years old. & nbsp; I thought I was a grown up, and

thought I could just do

everything on my own. & nbsp; I managed to finish high

school while working

full-time, and I never once asked for money. & nbsp;

Some days I was lucky

to get a bean burrito to eat. & nbsp; But I did it all

on my own. & nbsp; I even

seemed to support a lazy ex-husband who kept getting

fired.

I see it this way - I am a technically-single woman

that works full-

time and makes pretty good money for what I do

(sitting on my butt

all day in an office). & nbsp; I SHOULD be able to pay

my own bills and take

care of myself without help.

The reason I didn't want to accept his money for the

pills is because

his birthday is this weekend, and I don't have the

money to get him

anything until Monday (payday). & nbsp; I'm already

feeling bad about that,

that's why I didn't want to take his money when I'm

the one supposed

to be getting HIM a present.

Also, he gave me money to get my college textbooks

last month. & nbsp; I

paid him back, but I don't want him thinking I'm a

mooch LOL & nbsp; Like I

said, it's all in my head, and he helps me all the

time (buying our

groceries alot, taking me out to eat, etc.). & nbsp; I

guess I need to

somehow get past this fiercely independent streak

regarding money. & nbsp;

I've never asked for help from my family, and I have

pawned stereo

equipment, CDs, etc., in the past to get money instead

of asking.

As for the food, that was more of a joke. & nbsp; We eat

out alot, nothing

fancy, but it's just easier with me going to

school. & nbsp; He'll buy all

the food this week if I can't pitch in, and he'll

never say a bad

word about it. & nbsp; I'm the one that feels bad.

Teri

</tt>

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<tt>

October 9, 2001

I've been thinking about this quite a bit today. (I

have an hour long commute to and from school)

I have to say my first response was " I think I'm doing

darned well all things considered, thanks. " After all

I put myself through college to get my early childhood

education diploma, traveled to the other side of the

country from my toxic family, got myself through my

bachelor's degree, have published a fair amount, and

gotten paid for it and now I'm halfway through my

masters degree.

But I have to admit, there are a lot of aspects to

this indenpendance at all costs thing that I haven't

dealt with as closely as I might like to think.

I never feel entitled to anything and find it almost

impossible to apply for the funding available to me.

Asking for money still just about kills me, even when

it's from employers. As a result, I've been taken

advantage of a lot.

My mother still supports my sister financially and I

can't even begin to tell you what a mess she's made of

her life.

I have a lot of anger to get past when it comes to

them and learning to let other people in has been

really hard.

I can't speak for Terri but I'll think about it.

Now Terri. After what Pierre said I'm more than a

little worried about you. Get to the pharmacy. Do not

pass go, do not eat out. (restaraunt food is full of

salt) Take your meds!!! I mean, come on -- you and

Pierre are casually discussing things like chest pain

and strokes!!!

You're scaring me. Get back on your meds. please.

--- Malt wrote:

> Whoa girls

>

> You messages certainly set some loud 'ding dongs' in

> my head I can tell. I

> don't wish to go into details about what I endured

> during my childhood, but

> something very much along the lines you describe,

> but with violence playing

> a great part in it, which I am pleased to say I have

> dealt with and now am a

> better person for it.

>

> Please don't think I am being condescending or

> patronising here, this is

> just something that really helped me. Do either of

> you know of Dr Phil

> McGrath, Life Strategist, he appears on Oprah

> regularly. This guy has been

> a great help to me, and I have done all his

> workshops on line and have all

> his books.

>

> Just a thought, helped me, but appreciate it is not

> for everyone.

>

> Best wishes

>

> Re: Re: No BP Meds

>

> Terri:

> Straight talk, girl to girl.

> I do know where you're coming from. I left an

> abusive

> home at age 16 after being bounced between parents

> who

> told me I had less rights in the house than my

> stepbrother's girlfriend because she had at least

> offered to pay rent whereas I paid for nothing. I

> was

> 15 when my Father said that.

>

> I severed ties with my family for quite some time as

> an adult. I still speak only rarely to my mother. My

> father passed away over a year ago and his

> girlfriend

> tricked me into thinking she was the next of kin,

> got

> me to sign the form identifying the body and then

> made

> off with everything -- Everything.

>

> I was told I was too stupid to ever go to

> University,

> (my position on the Dean's list, and the offers of

> money I received from various graduate schools once

> I

> graduated pretty much proved that wrong)for some

> reason my parent's divorce agreement refers to one

> child in the marriage, (my sister) I was 13 when

> they

> divorced and no, I am not illegitimate, I look just

> like my Dad. So there were never any monetary

> provisions for me and they made sure I knew it.

>

> I was the kid they used to vent their uglies. I was

> hit and hurt in a million ways on a regular basis

> and

> once I reached age 13 I NEVER asked for anything

> from

> either of them. I don't even have my high school

> annuals because I wouldn't stoop to ask for money.

> I lost two molars because I wouldn't ask to go to

> the

> dentist.

>

> BUT there's a pattern here, I lost. I lost and lost

> and lost and they never felt a minute's anxiety over

> any of it. I took it all on. My Father and mother

> both

> felt I got enough attention for being pretty and

> smart

> and talented, (I was a musical kid) away from home

> that I didn't deserve anything from them. And now

> that

> I look back on it I can see that I just let them get

> away with it. I let them off the hook by taking it

> all

> on. In the end I didn't help anybody. It left me

> irrepairably damaged. J. and I struggle with the

> fallout from that bull*** every day. I've always

> been

> the only person I could count on. J. is always

> getting

> on my back about letting people get away with taking

> money that should have been mine or not applying for

> money I'm owed because I don't want to look like I'm

> asking for anything. And so, believe me, I know

> better than to suggest you ever take money from your

> boyfriend.

>

> Good for you for taking some help in getting your

> text

> books. It's a start. The birthday thing smarts. I'm

> not to the point where I'd be feeling alright about

> that yet either.

>

> All of that aside. If your man loves you then you

> have

> a responsibility to start breaking that pattern and

> give him the trust it takes to be vulnerable enough

> to

> admit you can't always do everything on your own. I

> think that could be scary because kids who were

> damaged in this way usually think that asking for

> anything will make their loved ones leave or start

> the

> abuse again or just make them feel less in control.

> Real love means you accept your life together warts

> and all. You don't get to keep control. Control is

> an

> illusion anyhow. I've done this whole fiercely

> independant thing for most of my life and I'm

> beginning to see that for many people, certainly for

> me, it's just a way of avoiding getting so close

> that

> you might get burned. Cause, I've been burned

> before.

>

> The trust between people who love each other is a

> gift. A person has to realize sometimes, that being

> in

> that ugly, yucky position of needing help is your

> gift

> to your loved ones. If it makes you uncomfortable to

> admit you're not entirely self-sufficient welcome to

> the human race. Nobody is entirely self sufficient

> all

> the time. Give the people who love you the gift of

> needing them now and then. It makes them realize

> their

> importance in your life. It allows them to feel that

> they're important to you. I like to feel needed,

> don't

> you? I think most people do.

>

> And I think you need to change your attitude about

> your job. Obviously, you're not paid for nothing. If

> you weren't saving or making the company you work

> for

> money then, make no mistake, they wouldn't keep you

> on.

>

> Sheesh, it's like I'm talking to myself here. No

> wonder J. gets so exasperated with me.

> I'm off. I have to go and submit an application for

> research funding. They extended the deadline because

> I

> was just going to shrug it off -- don't want to ask

> for any help...

> I'm not kidding. That's the truth.

> here endeth the sermon for today.

> s.

>

> --- mtnbikelady1973@... wrote:

>

> <HR>

> <html><body>

> <tt>

> Sam,

>

> I'm afraid it's me that is the problem. & nbsp; He is

> a

> wonderful guy, and

> he offered me the money to go get the pills, and

> since

> I had a late

> class last night, he even offered to go pick them up

> for me. & nbsp; I

> turned him down.

>

> I guess it's more in my head and personality than

> anything else -

> accepting monetary help from someone, even the most

> important man in

> the world to me. & nbsp; I left my mom and moved out

> on

> my own when I was 15

> years old. & nbsp; I thought I was a grown up, and

> thought I could just do

> everything on my own. & nbsp; I managed to finish high

> school while working

> full-time, and I never once asked for money. & nbsp;

> Some days I was lucky

> to get a bean burrito to eat. & nbsp; But I did it all

>

=== message truncated ===

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