Depersonalization Disorder

[Guest guest]

I have always known that there is something else there including my MDS. However

the doctors here in England will not listen to me. So I have concocted a plan to

get my research on the disorder and follow it up with examples of my behaviour

and what I've known all my life to show them that I have this disorder.

Does anyone know of this disorder? If you do, can you tell me anything about it.

This is what I know which is true to me.

Depersonalization disorder effects me in periods of feeling disconnected or

detached from my body and thoughts. It makes me feel like I'm living in a dream.

I do not loose contact with reality, I can separate fantasy from fiction. Since

my childhood I've been using my imaginary world as back up whenever life gets

too much for me. This is created by my version of celebrities. It is more of a

coping mechanism than anything.

As with MDS, I have had panic attacks, feelings of anxiety, depression and

breakdowns of memory when I have a frustration/confusion episode. When things

are too much and I don't understand I get a stress head which is basically like

a tight band around my head. I remember having them at primary school

(kindergarten to you).

I believe this disorder shows me the way into my fantastical coping mechanism. I

live alone and sometimes imagine someone with me if I get too lonely. I did an

online test to see what my results would be on this. I have printed this out

also for information for the doctor.

This is what is says:

Your score is 42.

Your score of 42 falls in the range of severe depersonalization (25-75). We

recommend that you be evaluated by a professional who is trained in the

administration of the full SCID-D interview. If your depersonalization has

interfered with your relationship with friends, family or co-workers, or has

affected your ability to work or has caused you distress, it is particularly

important that you obtain a professional consultation.

(There has been so many incidents with family, friends and co-workers due to my

emotional and behavioural well-being. Although I have developed a lot I can

still see this happening. I am working on it but it may be helpful to look into

this to see if its this that is causing it.)

Should an experienced clinician find that you have a dissociative disorder, you

have a treatable illness with a very good prognosis of recovery. Your illness is

widely shared by others who coped with trauma by using the self protective

defence of dissociation.

With proper treatment, in time you will no longer find it necessary to

disconnect from yourself or your feelings. Eventually as you grow strong enough

to reconnect with your memories, feelings and behaviours and begin to accept

them as your own, your depersonalization will be reduced and you will become a

more integrated and psychologically healthy person.

I would also just like to say that within the past and the present I do feel

like I want to be someone else. Due to my childhood I created my own character

to become. I used to write stories, plays and poems and used a different name

each time. Like using a pen name to write under. Eventually one of them stuck

and my tutor knew me as my character. She is called: Jodie Bradford. She

does not have a disability. I use her whenever I get too low. I don't use her as

much now but I still separate myself from reality whenever it gets too much.

I use my media knowledge for my imaginary world and have created more of a

stable and consistent presence for myself. I think this is due to family not

being close. I believe that this disorder leads to daily functioning or even to

my disability. I believe that this disorder comes and goes. Please let mw know

what you think before I carry on with my quest to the doctor or a professional

within my area.

Thanks

-May Minett