Guest guest Posted January 29, 2011 Report Share Posted January 29, 2011 Esther - Sorry, does not do this. Her brother is always accusing her of doing this, but he just misplaces his stuff (because he does not put it away where it belongs) and then he finds it later. Darlene (mom to 14 and 12 in one week!) On Sat, Jan 29, 2011 at 10:20 AM, estherdennis1 wrote: > > > Does anyone else have a problem with their child taking things from other > kids? My daughter is 5 and repeatedly swipes things from other kids. > Pencils, small objects, toys. She's pretty sneaky with it. Now when > something is missing in the class, other kids just assume Millie has taken > it. I thought maybe this was an only child thing, she doesn't have to share > much at home. But then, maybe it's part of the diagnosis. She also takes > things from the classroom like small people/toys or small stuffed animals. > Just wondering if anyone else has this problem and what they do about it. > > Thanks, > Esther, mom to Millie age 5, fully included in K5 class > > > -- “Knowing is not enough, we must apply. Willing is not enough, we must do.” Johann Wolfgang von Goethe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 29, 2011 Report Share Posted January 29, 2011 Oh, yes! and add a good dose of lying. This was a problem all thru elementary school. She even stole things from me and her sister and gave them away. She took her teacher's watch.  I never knew if this was mds or other dynamics for sure. It seemed it was tied to not having friends. She would steal things and give them to others to make friends. Keep things of others that she wanted to be friends. She would say my best friend gave me this ring. " Red Flag! "  There was even an incident in HS to get a boy's attention.  This was dangerous. I also wanted to teach her that if she wanted something that someone else had she could come home and put it on her wish list and then save her allowance to buy it.  I don't know if this really worked but it gave her some idea about saving to get what you want. We had ongoing family counseling so this was addressed by the counselor. I also used patience in the beginning and tried to talk to her about taking things that don't belong to her and what is the difference between lying and the truth and stealing. She did understand it was wrong. One thing the therapist said was to ask her how she felt when she did these things. Luckily there was guilt. And how do you think your friend feels when her ring is gone?   For , she would " do " and then think things thru later. It is an impluse behavior that she still struggles with. There was a turning point where she took a book from the school book fair and got caught. This scared her and seemed to make it real that she could not steal. The patience time was over and she lost priveledges, TV, grounded, write a letter why she was grounded and why it would not happen again. She understood what she was doing was wrong. I spent much time talking with her about " if I make this choice what could be the consequences. "   Again, for , I think it is an issue of impulse behavior without thinking of consequences of the choice. This will be a life challenge for her.  I sometimes don't like to respond to these issues because what happens for me may not be the case for the other. We are dealing with mosiacs - different pieces. I adopted my girls when they were older, there are other issues that came into the mix as well, the doctors suspected fetal alcohol, abandoment issues, RAD,  and dealing with being adopted. I hope this helps. 17mds, 19 ________________________________ To: MosaicDS Sent: Sat, January 29, 2011 9:20:24 AM Subject: stealing  Does anyone else have a problem with their child taking things from other kids? My daughter is 5 and repeatedly swipes things from other kids. Pencils, small objects, toys. She's pretty sneaky with it. Now when something is missing in the class, other kids just assume Millie has taken it. I thought maybe this was an only child thing, she doesn't have to share much at home. But then, maybe it's part of the diagnosis. She also takes things from the classroom like small people/toys or small stuffed animals. Just wondering if anyone else has this problem and what they do about it. Thanks, Esther, mom to Millie age 5, fully included in K5 class Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 29, 2011 Report Share Posted January 29, 2011 Yes my daughter Veronique who is now 14 has done this all of her life as well..many discussions on how she would feel etc..at school she would steal everyones erasers..she has a thing now where she will take any money in my purse and keep it in hers..she did steal a scent from a store once when she was about 8..I took her straight back to the store and spoke to the manager and then i took her to the manager and we had a good talking to her..she never ever did that again thank god..(and the store manger was brilliant) Veronique does lie..but does own up to it later on..but she will make up a massive long story to suit her needs...it is a work in progress. I take hints from everyone. ________________________________ To: MosaicDS Sent: Sat, 29 January, 2011 11:44:52 AM Subject: Re: stealing Oh, yes! and add a good dose of lying. This was a problem all thru elementary school. She even stole things from me and her sister and gave them away. She took her teacher's watch. I never knew if this was mds or other dynamics for sure. It seemed it was tied to not having friends. She would steal things and give them to others to make friends. Keep things of others that she wanted to be friends. She would say my best friend gave me this ring. " Red Flag! " There was even an incident in HS to get a boy's attention. This was dangerous. I also wanted to teach her that if she wanted something that someone else had she could come home and put it on her wish list and then save her allowance to buy it. I don't know if this really worked but it gave her some idea about saving to get what you want. We had ongoing family counseling so this was addressed by the counselor. I also used patience in the beginning and tried to talk to her about taking things that don't belong to her and what is the difference between lying and the truth and stealing. She did understand it was wrong. One thing the therapist said was to ask her how she felt when she did these things. Luckily there was guilt. And how do you think your friend feels when her ring is gone? For , she would " do " and then think things thru later. It is an impluse behavior that she still struggles with. There was a turning point where she took a book from the school book fair and got caught. This scared her and seemed to make it real that she could not steal. The patience time was over and she lost priveledges, TV, grounded, write a letter why she was grounded and why it would not happen again. She understood what she was doing was wrong. I spent much time talking with her about " if I make this choice what could be the consequences. " Again, for , I think it is an issue of impulse behavior without thinking of consequences of the choice. This will be a life challenge for her. I sometimes don't like to respond to these issues because what happens for me may not be the case for the other. We are dealing with mosiacs - different pieces. I adopted my girls when they were older, there are other issues that came into the mix as well, the doctors suspected fetal alcohol, abandoment issues, RAD, and dealing with being adopted. I hope this helps. 17mds, 19 ________________________________ To: MosaicDS Sent: Sat, January 29, 2011 9:20:24 AM Subject: stealing Does anyone else have a problem with their child taking things from other kids? My daughter is 5 and repeatedly swipes things from other kids. Pencils, small objects, toys. She's pretty sneaky with it. Now when something is missing in the class, other kids just assume Millie has taken it. I thought maybe this was an only child thing, she doesn't have to share much at home. But then, maybe it's part of the diagnosis. She also takes things from the classroom like small people/toys or small stuffed animals. Just wondering if anyone else has this problem and what they do about it. Thanks, Esther, mom to Millie age 5, fully included in K5 class Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 29, 2011 Report Share Posted January 29, 2011 that was a powerful message but well worth reading. Mom of (ds age 5) stealing Does anyone else have a problem with their child taking things from other kids? My daughter is 5 and repeatedly swipes things from other kids. Pencils, small objects, toys. She's pretty sneaky with it. Now when something is missing in the class, other kids just assume Millie has taken it. I thought maybe this was an only child thing, she doesn't have to share much at home. But then, maybe it's part of the diagnosis. She also takes things from the classroom like small people/toys or small stuffed animals. Just wondering if anyone else has this problem and what they do about it. Thanks, Esther, mom to Millie age 5, fully included in K5 class Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 29, 2011 Report Share Posted January 29, 2011 Yes, and I found myself wanting to inquire about the author's credentials. Judie, mom to Christi 32, and others > that was a powerful message but well worth reading. > Mom of (ds age 5) > stealing > > > Does anyone else have a problem with their child taking things from other > kids? > My daughter is 5 and repeatedly swipes things from other kids. Pencils, > small > objects, toys. She's pretty sneaky with it. Now when something is missing > in the > class, other kids just assume Millie has taken it. I thought maybe this > was an > only child thing, she doesn't have to share much at home. But then, maybe > it's > part of the diagnosis. She also takes things from the classroom like small > people/toys or small stuffed animals. Just wondering if anyone else has > this > problem and what they do about it. > > Thanks, > Esther, mom to Millie age 5, fully included in K5 class > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 30, 2011 Report Share Posted January 30, 2011 Hi Esther, I'm sorry you are having this problem with your daughter and that she is experiencing these impulsive acts. I believe the stealing is apart of her feeling of inadequacy in the world. I know its hard to imagine a five year old having these type of feelings. Feelings that are expressed by obtaining material objects secretly. She feels that she has fooled everyone and gotten something over on them. But, its a two edged sword. She now has to make up a rational to herself for both the stealing and another story if caught. Hence, the lying (to herself and to the people around her) and stealing go hand-in-hand. The impulse and act of stealing are emotionally exciting and exillerating and forms a basis for a personal secret world. A world she is creating and controlling because she has no control over the world around her. She is feeling that she is on her own and must make her own way and that way includes taking things that she wants and being someone she wants to be.... but, can't justify wanting. Does that make sense to you? She may become fixated on an object and find a way to make it hers. She wants it to be a part of her secret world. Part of the problem is that she is feeling alienated, segregated, and has no one to communicate with (besides this secret self). Is she also hiding a secret? A secret about herself or her family? That sublte form of dishonisty fortified by her family will influence her to do other " secret " things like stealing. The impulse comes from that inner secret self. The best thing you can do is keep in a frequent (as frequent as possible) and loving communication with her. She may have other issues that is keeping her acceptance in the family a question in her mind. Discover what it is and have a family discussion about it. Its best to bring all the secrets out before they damage her more. Make sure you show her physcial expressions of love to make her feel loved and accepted. She is suffering more than you suspect from self recrimination and confusion. She doesn't understand the impulse (the secret act) to steal and has no resistence to it. The world will treat Millie harshly if she doesn't conquer these feelings. Make sure she understands the consequences are out of your sphere of control. I'll pray for Millie that she will find satisfaction within herself and no longer has a need to be compensated for some real or imagined injustice. God's Blessings, Ron (Father to Trinity | DS-11)  ________________________________ To: MosaicDS Sent: Sat, January 29, 2011 8:20:24 AM Subject: stealing  Does anyone else have a problem with their child taking things from other kids? My daughter is 5 and repeatedly swipes things from other kids. Pencils, small objects, toys. She's pretty sneaky with it. Now when something is missing in the class, other kids just assume Millie has taken it. I thought maybe this was an only child thing, she doesn't have to share much at home. But then, maybe it's part of the diagnosis. She also takes things from the classroom like small people/toys or small stuffed animals. Just wondering if anyone else has this problem and what they do about it. Thanks, Esther, mom to Millie age 5, fully included in K5 class Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 31, 2011 Report Share Posted January 31, 2011 My daughter is going to be 5 next month and has been stealing from the classroom and a planner from my mom. I have to talk to her about it. I haven't yet but plan to have a chat with her. The stealing from the classroom is the real problem. This is something new. I will post if anything changes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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