Re: I Finally FOUND ME!!

November 3, 2006

YYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYY Greg! That is an awesome and inspiring

story. You deserve to feel this joy, you have earned it and you're

right, you are worthy of every happiness. Good for you!

Love

>

> Hey Everybody,

>

> I just wanted to share with you what happened yesterday to me and

I feel with every fiber of my being that I am soo Loveable,

Likeable, the shame is gone, the negative self-talk is gone, and I

feel Powerful like I have never felt before in my entire life!! I

am me and I love myself!!

>

> I had that session with my new psychiatrist and (thank you all for

your support and wisdom and reassurance) I felt this power come from

within rise up and I knew I could say exactly what the truth is

directly, without any whimsey. I handed him my " Major Life Events

for Greg " assignment, and he was blown away at the number of pages

and said, " This must have really hurt to rewrite this out? " I said

the truth, " No, it didn't. I've already worked through this stuff

for 25 years. " I then said, " My seeing you is to establish a

relationship with a qualified psychiatrist established in case I

need to have spot therapy (decompensate), to have my prescription

refilled, and to work on gay dating in a goal oriented, short term

amount of sessions. I do not need psychotherapy. In fact, the

psychiatrist that I just left in Dallas, who I saw for 9 years, told

me that I need to get out and live; to take these tools and use them

in real life relationships. Go to therapy for med checks

> and if you need spot treatment, but get out and live, Greg. So,

Dr. ________, are we on the same page? What is my treatment plan

for the goal oriented therapy. " He told me and we launched right

into it. IT WAS GREAT. I learned so much. And at the end, he

said, " Greg, I don't normally talk this directly to my patients. " I

told him " Please do with me. I insist. If there is something that

I think I can't handle and you're being too direct, I'll let you

know. But I also think that a perceptive psychiatrist as you are

would see that as well. I expect you to be this direct in our

sessions. "

>

> I walked out of there and had to walk a mile down the hill into

the busness district of downtown. My God, you guys, I was struttin'

my stuff. I couldn't help it and most of all, I saw absolutely no

need to. It was pouring rain even and this one lady who was

sitting, covered under an awning yelled to me, " You go, baby. You

got it! " Talk about angels talking through people. I walked

through these spots of very dense, strung out, drug addicts and

looked them in the eye and they looked away. I wasn't scared at

all. I thought, if any of you people even tries to hurt me or steal

from me, you and I are goin' to dance, and you ain't comin' up. I

still feel it today. As I told my doc that I had to get my mother

out of my life to have one, without fear, without shame, without

guilt, without obligation. And I feel God's love for me without any

obstructions now. I feel my own love for myself without any

obstructions now. The world isn't this scary place that I used to

fear

> every day. There are dangers, but I am smart and can protect

myself. I am truly alive.

>

> Finally, I wanted to share that I had a conversation with myself

and God when I got home from the store. I was angry that NOT ONE of

my therapists, psyhologists, psychiatrist, etc., ever treated me as

a KO BPD. Had they done this, it would have saved me 5-7 years of

hell and about $22k a year in therapy expenses alone. For me, and I

wonder if it is the same for you guys, the insanity that we grew up

in has a special twist to it, as does the healing. Just like most

people who I've told my mother has BPD and they look at me

like...What they heck????????? The treatment needs to be

different. Regular psychotherapy doesn't work. In fact, it does

damage. It left me for years feeling that I was doomed forever b/c

not even THERAPY was working for me, nor the medications. Nadas and

Fadas are toxic to the soul, if not treated and respectful of

boundaries that are set. Most don't comply with boundaries, so I

was always a prisoner as long as I staying in contact. I am FREE!!!

> Today, I am taking it easy and enjoy the new me after this

growth spurt.

>

> Love,

>

> Greg.

>

November 3, 2006

And YOU are a wonderful thing to find! I am so joyful with you,

Greg! You are often in my prayer.

And I have found, as you have, that if a therapist doesn't

understand the twisted world of BPD, it's no good. I just had a

first session tody with a new T. the last one, with whom I had

about four sessions, told me I probably understood BPD better than

she did. Which confirmed the instinct I'd had - that i was leading

her.