Worry about others

[Guest guest]

Sometimes I find myself worrying about people I don't know- its just a

vaugue thought that passes. But I worry about kids who are like I was.

Kids with learning disabilities and so forth. Problem kids I guess. I find

myself thinking *gosh, I hope their parents are nice to them and aren't mean

to them and don't beat them or rage at them or make up stupid songs* and so

forth.

And then I think about my brother stuck with her- I would like to see him

more often. But I just don't have the energy to deal with Nada more often.

And if I do visit and see my brother and we are near each other she will

complain that I am not " doing it correctly " . I don't talk to him enough or

interact with him enough or whatever. Yeesh- what does she want me to do-

lead a tone deaf sing along with just me singing? I don't think so. Maybe

if she wasn't always watching tv or complaining we might be able to interact

more easily.

But then the doubt and worry come. What if she is actually right? I

suppose there is a chance of that? And besides its not like I have any

power, not legally or otherwise. So then I worry about my brother I don't

get to talk to on the phone because he doesn't do conversations other than

hi, bye, and ok. And I am worrying about other kids if they have parents

like mine. And I worry about christmas and how she is going to complain

like last year or do something else and then be so upset that I don't like

christmas and how dare i not like it- I don't complain about my presents

though.

I let go of the worry- it always passes and it is usually brief. I know it

is the sort of thing I can't do anything about. If wishes were horses...

Does anyone else ever find themselves just thinking that they are so

powerless due to whatever various things that are impossible to circumvent

or take on? And I know its true. But I don't like it even if I have to

accept it.

-Ata