Thinking of you all and keeping us all in prayers.

[Guest guest]

Hi to each and everyone of you. I pray you are all enjoying the

summer. I am doing my best to cope with each day and like many of

you, it is not easy. My one and only daughter who was my best friend

has completly turned her back on me since she married this loser

off the internet. I am still not over that heartache this is causing

me. That is what drove me to the suicide attempt that I truly am so

sorry about. I swear it was like I was on automatic pilot. It was

not something I wanted to do.I do not even remember writing the e-

mail that I write to a member in this group that- I wanted to set my

family free. Dear Lord have mercy. I do feel like a burden but no

matter what I guess we have to carry on and so I urge you all to

keep praying and guard your hearts and have a good support group and

friends as we cannot make it alone with this disease. It's not easy

living with such pain and depression which can be a part of living

with chronic pain. I battle with depression daily and paxill was

what I was on till last month when they change the anti-deprssant to

zoloff. I do not feel it is helping. I have to move from here as I

only had my daughter and I lost her now. I hate being here. I

trusted her with ALL my finaces which she will not return and I have

no way of moving and I tell you I am praying like crazy as this is a

tough one to deal with. I never in my wildest dreams would have

thought my daughter would be capable of doing this to me. I have

good days and bad days and I know I have to lift up my cross

everyday and just do all that I can even when some days it's just to

stay in bed and cry. I am truly grateful for this group. I am going

to see if there is a support group to meets somewhere in the area as

I do not think this living alone and being in isolation is a good

thing. I pray for God to give us all the strenght to keep on keepin

on, one day at a time. To Jen and the many others....just for

today.... you can do it. Things can change and remissions can happen

and we have to have faith. I am doing my best to trust in God and to

have faith in Him as I know of no better way. Thank you to all who

wrote. I have not been able to read the e-mails sent to me yet. I

hope to and to - You wrote about Anchorage. I had seen both r/a

Dr's there and one died in a plane crash last year and the other is

a good Dr. He treats you very well. He has vision problems but trust

me he is as good as they come. He will treat the disease. He will

not give out pain meds. Like the other r/a Dr., he wants one to go

to the pain specialist which can be a good thing but then again we

all have to be on our guard as I was over medicated at the pain

center and that was a nightmare, when I was in Anchorage. Feel free

to e-mail me if you want and personally I wish I could see that Dr.

again as in this area the Dr's suck big time. He is a very honest

and conciensious Dr. and well respected. He will treat the disease,

whatever you have and do blood work and work with you in that way. I

think he does write rx for ultram only if I remember right.

Anyway I 've written way to much. Thank you all for sharing your

experience, strenght and hope. God bless each and everyone of you.

Sincerly and with love,always,In Jesus's love, Marie