Re: Progression of LBD? Sundowners? Or Seroquel? + SIBS

June 2, 2008

Hi Imogene -

So good to hear from you! Well, yes, my brother is a cruel person. You and

others here know our mom was an abusive parent - and that only since diagnosis

and proper meds has a relationship with her been possible. That is a real gift

to me - one I wouldn't have imagined possible when she first came to be with me.

But my brother cannot let go of the past: guess he believes he is " owed "

something by having had a rough childhood. I am angry on mom's behafl, because

while she still has good recall of the past, the nasty stuff seems to have been

washed away. And I'm grateful for that - what good is it if she would remember

all that now? I wasn't heartbroken for myself, but his failure to be present for

her hurts her. I think I shared here on a similar topic that I have a male

friend call mom from time to time " being " my brother and send cards to her " from

my brother. " Makes her happy and that's all I care about.

& nbsp;

Hope you will have a restful week: so sorry to hear the pneumo has kicked up

again. No more greens for you, young lady!

& nbsp;

Love, Lin

From: Iward27663@... & lt;Iward27663@... & gt;

Subject: Re: Re: Progression of LBD? Sundowners? Or Seroquel? OT

To: LBDcaregivers

Date: Monday, June 2, 2008, 11:37 PM

Oh Lin! That is worse than horrible, talking to their mother like that. I

know you were heart broken. But, dear, you more than make up for it. You are

one of the most loving persons I know.

Love you so much,

Imogene

In a message dated 6/2/2008 9:18:20 PM Central Daylight Time,

lprattbethany@... writes:

Dear Meri Jane,

Oh, my! I'm bowled over by your message - thanks so much for it. Accepted,

let go and now we can carry on. I'm thinking your sisters are

" wherever " my

brother is: that's the guy who encoruaged me to bring mom and dad (dad has

since passed away) 125 miles away from home to be with me where I work (senior

care center) because they couldn't be on their own. Also the guy who shows

up

once or twice a year (it's a 3 hour ride), is nasty to mom and leaves

after 2

hours. And the one who periodically threatens to put her in " the drool

ward "

because he doesn't see why he should spend the money (hers and dads - not

his

own) & amp;nbsp; supporting her when she's so " far gone. "

& amp;nbsp;

All that to say I'm very protective of my & amp;nbsp;parent, too. Insults,

slurs,

etc not acceptable. & amp;nbsp;And I think many of us here sometimes or even

often

feel we aren't doing enough. That seems to be a symptom of family

caregivers

that goes with this disease.

& amp;nbsp;

So here we are at this site, which is " peopled " with the kindest,

most

understanding and most accepting folks around. & amp;nbsp;There are

disagreements of

opinion here, but never intentional disrespect. I'm glad you're here,

and am

looking forward to getting to know you - and your dear father - better.

& amp;nbsp;

Hugs,

& amp;nbsp;

Lin

**************Get trade secrets for amazing burgers. Watch " Cooking with

Tyler Florence " on AOL Food.

(http://food.aol.com/tyler-florence?video=4? & amp;NCID=aolfod00030000000002)

June 3, 2008

Imogene--glad you are feeling better. Now I have a reason for not eating

canned greens!! : ) I wish I could have handled Ray as well as you handle

your husband. Love, Leona

There's a magical tie to the land of our home, which the heart cannot

break, though the footsteps may roam. Eliza Cook

June 3, 2008

Imogene, you are definitely a trooper here as well! I continue to be amazed at

all you deal

with day after day. Now I am thrilled right along with you with your new found

hearing.

Yay! Celebrating right along with you with a nice warm mug of green tea.

>

> Hi Lin, You are a real trooper! You have a beautiful heart. You have

> forgiven the past, and even cover for your brother, besides actually caring

for you

> Mom. Yours is an example of forgiveness that many could emulate.

>

> No more canned greens! No way! Horrid stuff. I feel better today and my

> lungs are clearing. But, of course, they are so scared that they'll never

fully

> clear.

>

> Thursday, I have an appointment to get my new hearing aids adjusted. I am

> just thrilled with them! I can hear the TV, but more importantly I can hear

my

> beloved Don. Other people with normal hearing have a time hearing him

> sometimes, but now I can hear! You can imagine how hard it is to figure out

what

> people are saying, and then finally being able to hear it. You are in the

" know "

> about old sick people, so you would certainly understand. Perhaps you know

> then how thrilled I am.

>

> Hey, everyone celebrate my hearing gain with me! It's wonderful!

>

> My Darling Don is getting really scrambled. I have to watch him like a baby.

> Twice the last month and now this, he has left the water running from a hose

> outside. One was left on for days. The other was just over night. That bill

> was 72 dollars. What is this months going to be? " Oh Nelly! " (an expression

> of exclamation)

>

> Don is more easily agitated now than he has been for a long time, but I

> continue to treat him with love, and he just kind of melts. I sure am glad!

>

> Thanks for writing, Lin, I read all of your mail. Well, I read all the mail.

> I wouldn't want to leave anyone out.

>

> Love you all, and am Celebrating,

> Imogene

>

> In a message dated 6/3/2008 12:01:47 AM Central Daylight Time,

> lprattbethany@... writes:

>

> Hi Imogene -

> So good to hear from you! Well, yes, my brother is a cruel person. You and

> others here know our mom was an abusive parent - and that only since

diagnosis

> and proper meds has a relationship with her been possible. That is a real

> gift to me - one I wouldn't have imagined possible when she first came to be

> with me. But my brother cannot let go of the past: guess he believes he is

> " owed " something by having had a rough childhood. I am angry on mom's behafl,

> because while she still has good recall of the past, the nasty stuff seems to

> have been washed away. And I'm grateful for that - what good is it if she

would

> remember all that now? I wasn't heartbroken for myself, but his failure to

> be present for her hurts her. I think I shared here on a similar topic that I

> have a male friend call mom from time to time " being " my brother and send

> cards to her " from my brother. " Makes her happy and that's all I care about.

> & nbsp;

> Hope you will have a restful week: so sorry to hear the pneumo has kicked up

> again. No more greens for you, young lady!

> & nbsp;

> Love, Lin

>

> **************Get trade secrets for amazing burgers. Watch " Cooking with

> Tyler Florence " on AOL Food.

> (http://food.aol.com/tyler-florence?video=4? & NCID=aolfod00030000000002)

>

June 3, 2008

Well, yes and no, about it making life easier. It will take time. Now I have

to get used to too much sound. What made that noise? What is this sound? Am

I just hearing wind from the A/Cs, or what is creating all that noise? I love

hearing Don, but I am having to adjust the equipment so that I can hear, but

not have too much too fast. That has just about been fulfilled. I notice now

that I can go most of the day without adjusting them. They are a real

blessing, and I know in time the adjustments will be made and I will hear as

well

as the next person. I do adapt well, and am doing just that.

Thanks Donna, You can't know how happy I am to have them. May I never take

my new ears for granted.

Love a lot,

Imogene

In a message dated 6/3/2008 11:54:43 AM Central Daylight Time,

twomido@... writes:

Imogene,

So glad you are back in the " hearing " business. I'm doing a jig!!! Sure

must make life a lot easier. Don appreciates it too!

Hugs,

Donna R

Caregave for Mom (after I brought her from WI to MI) for 3 years and 4th

year in a nh.

She was almost 89 when she died in '02. No dx other than mine.

**************Get trade secrets for amazing burgers. Watch " Cooking with

Tyler Florence " on AOL Food.

(http://food.aol.com/tyler-florence?video=4? & NCID=aolfod00030000000002)

June 3, 2008

Leona, that is quite a compliment, but dear you have done very well. Don't

degrade yourself. We tend to think everyone does better than us, and we go on

the terrible guilt trips, but Leona, you did the best you could. How could

anyone expect more?

I do love you very much, and am sorry it's so hard.

Imogene

In a message dated 6/3/2008 1:20:59 PM Central Daylight Time,

lchereshnoski@... writes:

Imogene--glad you are feeling better. Now I have a reason for not eating

canned greens!! : ) I wish I could have handled Ray as well as you handle

your husband. Love, Leona

There's a magical tie to the land of our home, which the heart cannot

break, though the footsteps may roam. Eliza Cook

**************Get trade secrets for amazing burgers. Watch " Cooking with

Tyler Florence " on AOL Food.

(http://food.aol.com/tyler-florence?video=4? & NCID=aolfod00030000000002)

June 3, 2008

Oh , thank you for being my partner in celebrating my hearing gain.

But--- green tea? Oh, you mean a green lemon drop. I'll have one of those two.

Bouncing with laughter,

And with love in my heart,

Imogene

In a message dated 6/3/2008 1:23:46 PM Central Daylight Time,

stim@... writes:

Imogene, you are definitely a trooper here as well! I continue to be amazed

at all you deal

with day after day. Now I am thrilled right along with you with your new

found hearing.

Yay! Celebrating right along with you with a nice warm mug of green tea.

**************Get trade secrets for amazing burgers. Watch " Cooking with

Tyler Florence " on AOL Food.

(http://food.aol.com/tyler-florence?video=4? & NCID=aolfod00030000000002)

June 3, 2008

Dearest Lin, do you believe I am always pleasant to everyone? No, I'm not. I

still have enough self respect not to let someone walk all over me or my

LOs. I am far from being the well bred Miss Manners. But, we all have love, and

it shines easily on this List of lovable people. I worked in the real world

and one learns to call the shots sometimes. Not fighting, but firm enough to

let them know this is the way it's going to be.

You bet I'll tell the everyone about Thursday. That is a positive! We all

need a reason to celabrate even if for a minute.

Love a lot, and let the good times roll,

Imogene

In a message dated 6/3/2008 8:18:08 PM Central Daylight Time,

lprattbethany@... writes:

Dear Imogene -

Thanks for your kind words. Really - I am not so pleasant to everyone (and

those on our site know how I am to ignorant, careless doctors!), but this is a

woman who cannot help herself, care for herself, defend herself emotionally.

When folks are stripped so bare they must depend on us for absolutely

everything, I jsut can't hold on to the pain of the past. I forgive my mom

because

her mental illness while I was growing up and into young adulthood was not

her fault. My family treated it like that proverbial elephant in the living

room - " let's all act like nothing's going on. " If believing that my brother

really cares about her makes mom feel better, then that's one of those " loving

lies " I've mentioned here before.

No guilt on my part for that - or anything in the same vein that lifts her

spirits.

& nbsp;

And all of us have similar stories: we're committed to doing what we can to

make today just a bit more plesant, more manageable for our loved ones. You

are loving and accepting of Don's behavior - and would be, I'm sure, even if

he didn't respond so well. It's important to calm and accepting, I think at

every stage of this disease - even, for example, when my mom's " old craziness "

comes out - during infections, for example, when she's & nbsp; screaming and

swearing at me. She's not choosing to act that way - and she can't change it.

& nbsp;

Like everyone else here I'm thrilled about the ear aids! What a joy to be in

conversation with your TTG - and I'm jumping for joy hearing about it.

Please keep us posted about Thursday's adjustments.

& nbsp;

Take care, dear Imogene.

& nbsp;

Lin

& nbsp;

**************Get trade secrets for amazing burgers. Watch " Cooking with

Tyler Florence " on AOL Food.

(http://food.aol.com/tyler-florence?video=4? & NCID=aolfod00030000000002)

June 3, 2008

Dear Imogene -

Thanks for your kind words. Really - I am not so pleasant to everyone (and those

on our site know how I am to ignorant, careless doctors!), but this is a woman

who cannot help herself, care for herself, defend herself emotionally. When

folks are stripped so bare they must depend on us for absolutely everything, I

jsut can't hold on to the pain of the past. I forgive my mom because her mental

illness while I was growing up and into young adulthood was not her fault. My

family treated it like that proverbial elephant in the living room - " let's all

act like nothing's going on. " If believing that my brother really cares about

her makes mom feel better, then that's one of those " loving lies " I've mentioned

here before.

No guilt on my part for that - or anything in the same vein that lifts her

spirits.

& nbsp;

And all of us have similar stories: we're committed to doing what we can to make

today just a bit more plesant, more manageable for our loved ones. You are

loving and accepting of Don's behavior - and would be, I'm sure, even if he

didn't respond so well. It's important to calm and accepting, I think at every

stage of this disease - even, for example, when my mom's " old craziness " comes

out - during infections, for example, when she's & nbsp; screaming and swearing at

me. She's not choosing to act that way - and she can't change it.

& nbsp;

Like everyone else here I'm thrilled about the ear aids! What a joy to be in

conversation with your TTG - and I'm jumping for joy hearing about it. Please

keep us posted about Thursday's adjustments.

& nbsp;

Take care, dear Imogene.

& nbsp;

Lin

& nbsp;

From: Iward27663@... & lt;Iward27663@... & gt;

Subject: Re: Re: Progression of LBD? Sundowners? Or Seroquel? +

SIBS

To: LBDcaregivers

Date: Tuesday, June 3, 2008, 11:22 AM

Hi Lin, You are a real trooper! You have a beautiful heart. You have

forgiven the past, and even cover for your brother, besides actually caring

for you

Mom. Yours is an example of forgiveness that many could emulate.

No more canned greens! No way! Horrid stuff. I feel better today and my

lungs are clearing. But, of course, they are so scared that they'll never

fully

clear.

Thursday, I have an appointment to get my new hearing aids adjusted. I am

just thrilled with them! I can hear the TV, but more importantly I can hear my

beloved Don. Other people with normal hearing have a time hearing him

sometimes, but now I can hear! You can imagine how hard it is to figure out

what

people are saying, and then finally being able to hear it. You are in the

" know "

about old sick people, so you would certainly understand. Perhaps you know

then how thrilled I am.

Hey, everyone celebrate my hearing gain with me! It's wonderful!

My Darling Don is getting really scrambled. I have to watch him like a baby.

Twice the last month and now this, he has left the water running from a hose

outside. One was left on for days. The other was just over night. That bill

was 72 dollars. What is this months going to be? " Oh Nelly! " (an

expression

of exclamation)

Don is more easily agitated now than he has been for a long time, but I

continue to treat him with love, and he just kind of melts. I sure am glad!

Thanks for writing, Lin, I read all of your mail. Well, I read all the mail.

I wouldn't want to leave anyone out.

Love you all, and am Celebrating,

Imogene

In a message dated 6/3/2008 12:01:47 AM Central Daylight Time,

lprattbethany@... writes:

Hi Imogene -

So good to hear from you! Well, yes, my brother is a cruel person. You and

others here know our mom was an abusive parent - and that only since diagnosis

and proper meds has a relationship with her been possible. That is a real

gift to me - one I wouldn't have imagined possible when she first came to

be

with me. But my brother cannot let go of the past: guess he believes he is

" owed " something by having had a rough childhood. I am angry on

mom's behafl,

because while she still has good recall of the past, the nasty stuff seems to

have been washed away. And I'm grateful for that - what good is it if she

would

remember all that now? I wasn't heartbroken for myself, but his failure to

be present for her hurts her. I think I shared here on a similar topic that I

have a male friend call mom from time to time " being " my brother and

send

cards to her " from my brother. " Makes her happy and that's all I

care about.

& amp;nbsp;

Hope you will have a restful week: so sorry to hear the pneumo has kicked up

again. No more greens for you, young lady!

& amp;nbsp;

Love, Lin

**************Get trade secrets for amazing burgers. Watch " Cooking with

Tyler Florence " on AOL Food.

(http://food.aol.com/tyler-florence?video=4? & amp;NCID=aolfod00030000000002)

June 3, 2008

Lin ~

Yes, many of us have similar stories of mothers who were mentally ill but

whose illness was either ignored or tolerated simply to keep a semblance of

peace within the family.

My father was a minister, and Mom could always do good show time for the

congregation. She was kind and attentive and loving to everyone...everyone but

her own family. She was harshly critical, and most of the time just downright

mean to us. One time a lady from the church was talking with my mother, and I

was standing there beside her, being the quiet little lady that I was expected

to me. The lady looked at me and smiled, and said, " You are so lucky to have

such a sweet mother! " Being but a child, and one who had suffered much at the

hands (and mouth) of my mother, I replied, " You should see her at home! " The

woman laughed, Mom laughed, but ultimately I paid the price for the indiscretion

in terms of screaming, yelling, and beating. I learned to just smile and say,

" thank you " but believe me, in my heart I was still saying, " you should see her

at home " to everyone.

Yes, LBD has changed my mother. I bore the brunt of her abuse when I was

young, but now I am the one who is bearing the lion's share of her caregiving

with Dad. Funny how that works. While at first I railed against it, feeling

that once more I was tied to a woman who despised and abused me, I've found that

I have a sweeter, gentler relationship with Mom now than I ever have had. Once,

in a semi-lucid moment, she looked at me and said, " I never did treat you

fairly, did I? " I told her that I survived it, and grew up to be the woman that

I am. And for that, I thanked her.

While I've many times felt as if I was dealt a poor hand in life, and have had

to face lots of adversities, I do know that everything that has happened to me

has shaped me into who I am today. I am at peace with myself (except for my

desire to lose weight), but it took me 50 years to get there. I know that I am

too tender at times, and too tough at others, but I'm still working on finding

the balance.

Jannis

Redefining Normal Every Day

June 4, 2008

Jannis,

The sentence that you said: " I know that I am too tender at times, and too

tough at others, but I'm still working on finding the balance " really

resonated with me.

Jannis Hallford

<janthegoddess200

3@...> To

Sent by: LBDcaregivers

LBDcaregivers@yah cc

oogroups.com

Subject

Re: Progression of

06/04/2008 12:57 LBD? Sundowners? Or Seroquel? +

AM SIBS

Please respond to

LBDcaregivers@yah

oogroups.com

Lin ~

Yes, many of us have similar stories of mothers who were mentally ill but

whose illness was either ignored or tolerated simply to keep a semblance of

peace within the family.

My father was a minister, and Mom could always do good show time for the

congregation. She was kind and attentive and loving to everyone...everyone

but her own family. She was harshly critical, and most of the time just

downright mean to us. One time a lady from the church was talking with my

mother, and I was standing there beside her, being the quiet little lady

that I was expected to me. The lady looked at me and smiled, and said,

" You are so lucky to have such a sweet mother! " Being but a child, and one

who had suffered much at the hands (and mouth) of my mother, I replied,

" You should see her at home! " The woman laughed, Mom laughed, but

ultimately I paid the price for the indiscretion in terms of screaming,

yelling, and beating. I learned to just smile and say, " thank you " but

believe me, in my heart I was still saying, " you should see her at home " to

everyone.

Yes, LBD has changed my mother. I bore the brunt of her abuse when I was

young, but now I am the one who is bearing the lion's share of her

caregiving with Dad. Funny how that works. While at first I railed

against it, feeling that once more I was tied to a woman who despised and

abused me, I've found that I have a sweeter, gentler relationship with Mom

now than I ever have had. Once, in a semi-lucid moment, she looked at me

and said, " I never did treat you fairly, did I? " I told her that I

survived it, and grew up to be the woman that I am. And for that, I

thanked her.

While I've many times felt as if I was dealt a poor hand in life, and have

had to face lots of adversities, I do know that everything that has

happened to me has shaped me into who I am today. I am at peace with

myself (except for my desire to lose weight), but it took me 50 years to

get there. I know that I am too tender at times, and too tough at others,

but I'm still working on finding the balance.

Jannis

Redefining Normal Every Day

June 4, 2008

Me too!!! (and why do these parts of us too often pop up at the wrong time!)

Courage

Re: Re: Progression of LBD? Sundowners? Or Seroquel?

+ SIBS