Thoughts on emotional journeis

[Guest guest]

Tess,

I apologize for saying you are too hard on yourself. It was not meant to be

demeaning or to make light of what you are going through. I meant it to be that

you have been through so much and have come so far. Maybe you are impatient

with yourself( I know that is the case with me at times)

Dealing with pain daily is such a hard thing to do and can really sap your

energy and make your outlook on life change. I know this to be true myself and

struggle daily to remind myself what I " can " do and what I do accomplish daily.

I will be praying for you.

sandie

[Guest guest]

Tess,

Since I am one that said it, please accept my deepest apologies. You've

help open my eyes and I really do appreciate it. I don't have the gift

of words and don't know what I can say that won't make you feel worse.

When I say you are to hard on yourself, it isn't because of

anxiety/depression issues.

We both know that they aren't issues that you can control by willing

them to happen.

I am someone that WAS very hard on myself a good part of my life. I

was picked on in grade school, very shy in high school, and poor self

esteem carried with me throughout much of my adult life. It's only in

the last 10 years that I've looked at myself differently. To bad it

took me 40 years!

When I say that you're to hard on yourself, I say it because you've

come a very long way, but you're not where you want to be yet, and I'm

thinking that you're upset with yourself that you're not getting there

quicker. As someone that has dealt with depression for many years, I

can agree with you that no one can tell you to pull themselves up by

the bootstraps.

I will try to be more careful with my choice of words. I would never

want to hurt you.

Hugs,

a

On Aug 12, 2005, at 4:23 PM, Grammi B wrote:

> Thank you all for your love and support...I know you care, and that

> means a great deal to me.

>

> One thing I need to say..when expressing myself about

> depression/anxiety/emotional issues, it is a hurtful thing to be told

> " You are too hard on yourself. "   I KNOW the intent is a good one.  But

> look at it this way...

>

> Even if I am too hard on myself, do you really think it is something

> I deliberately do, or can 'just change'?  It is sort of like telling a

> person with a depressive illness to " pull oneself up by the

> bootstraps'.  Dear Lord, if it was only that easy.

>

> Also, how does it help me deal with the situation?  How is that

> constructive?  I do not see that it is.  Wouldn't it be better to make

> suggestions on how to initiate small changes into my life, my

> perceptions?  " You are too hard on yourself " feels like a criticism,

> whether it is meant that way or not.

>

> I think through things a great deal...probably too much at times, and

> I think my tendency to analyze comes out in my writing...so you all

> are 'seeing' what I am 'thinking' and mulling over. For the most part,

> I think thinking things through...rather than to just say " Oh well,

> nothing can be done " - is a positive thing.  I am tenacious and try so

> hard to keep putting one foot ahead of the other. 

>

> So, I hope you will think about these words coming from my

> perspective, and sent with love.  Sometimes we just need to be heard.

>

> Love & hugs...

>

> Tess

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Tess, I do something that is probably stupid to some people, but I

keep a list of things that make me happy, and I go back and read it

some times. When I finish I feel a little bit lighter in spirit, and

able to handle stuff a bit easier. They are things that only I would

care about, but that's the point of it. I have very few people that I

can talk to about things, so I try to find little ways to cope on my

own. I try to stay busy, and try not to isolate myself from others

because that's a red flag & a guarantee that I will go into deeper

depression. There are times when the bears in my closet get to

growling, no matter what I throw at them to silence them. It's been a

long time since I have been suicidal, but back when I was getting the

hell beat out of me on a regular basis, it happened a lot. I was in

therapy for a good while after I finally left my first husband.

Now I try to take care of myself first because I'm just no good to

anyone else if I don't. I pray for you every day, and hope brighter

days for you.

Love

Jane

> Thank you all for your love and support...I know you care, and that

means a great deal to me.

>

> One thing I need to say..when expressing myself about

depression/anxiety/emotional issues, it is a hurtful thing to be

told " You are too hard on yourself. " I KNOW the intent is a good

one. But look at it this way...

>

> Even if I am too hard on myself, do you really think it is

something I deliberately do, or can 'just change'? It is sort of

like telling a person with a depressive illness to " pull oneself up

by the bootstraps'. Dear Lord, if it was only that easy.

>

> Also, how does it help me deal with the situation? How is that

constructive? I do not see that it is. Wouldn't it be better to

make suggestions on how to initiate small changes into my life, my

perceptions? " You are too hard on yourself " feels like a criticism,

whether it is meant that way or not.

>

> I think through things a great deal...probably too much at times,

and I think my tendency to analyze comes out in my writing...so you

all are 'seeing' what I am 'thinking' and mulling over. For the most

part, I think thinking things through...rather than to just say " Oh

well, nothing can be done " - is a positive thing. I am tenacious and

try so hard to keep putting one foot ahead of the other.

>

> So, I hope you will think about these words coming from my

perspective, and sent with love. Sometimes we just need to be heard.

>

> Love & hugs...

>

> Tess

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I guess it's all personal perspective and how you choose to look at something.

When a person says " You're too hard on yourself " I know that generally they are

meaning that in a good way and it's my choice to take it as good or as bad. I

know I've said it myself to people - meaning that, from my standpoint, they seem

to be treating themselves too harshly and blaming themselves too much for what's

happened. It's certainly not meant in a negative way. It's more of an attempt

to absolve them from taking so much blame onto themselves.

We all have a choice as to how to look at life. I know it's difficult when

you're in pain and when life seems pretty dark. But all healing comes from

within, and the power to heal is with ourselves first. If we take things others

say and construe them as bad (even though we logically know they weren't meant

that way) then we're surrounding ourselves with negativity that doesn't need to

be there. Negativity is not helpful to our health.

I try not to criticize those around me who are trying to help. I know that

dealing with my illness is hard on them too.

in Alaska

----- Original Message -----

From: Grammi B

One thing I need to say..when expressing myself about

depression/anxiety/emotional issues, it is a hurtful thing to be told " You are

too hard on yourself. " I KNOW the intent is a good one. But look at it this

way...

Even if I am too hard on myself, do you really think it is something I

deliberately do, or can 'just change'? It is sort of like telling a person with

a depressive illness to " pull oneself up by the bootstraps'. Dear Lord, if it

was only that easy.

Also, how does it help me deal with the situation? How is that constructive?

I do not see that it is. Wouldn't it be better to make suggestions on how to

initiate small changes into my life, my perceptions? " You are too hard on

yourself " feels like a criticism, whether it is meant that way or not.

[Guest guest]

Tess, I can understand where you are coming from. As you said, I'm

sure the intent was good, but it is something that you can't

change. I KNOW I am too hard on myself. It's just something you

can't change over night. By being hard on myself, it makes me think

things through. Writing what I am think helps me to SEE what is

going on in my noggin!! I may think it, but if I write it and SEE

it, then it gives me something more tangeable(sp?) to work with.

So, you go right ahead and write out your thoughts. If you want to

share them, I am here for you, as are most/all of us in this group.

Sometimes we just need to get it out!!.....Hugs...Marina

> Thank you all for your love and support...I know you care, and

that means a great deal to me.

>

> One thing I need to say..when expressing myself about

depression/anxiety/emotional issues, it is a hurtful thing to be

told " You are too hard on yourself. " I KNOW the intent is a good

one. But look at it this way...

>

> Even if I am too hard on myself, do you really think it is

something I deliberately do, or can 'just change'? It is sort of

like telling a person with a depressive illness to " pull oneself up

by the bootstraps'. Dear Lord, if it was only that easy.

>

> Also, how does it help me deal with the situation? How is that

constructive? I do not see that it is. Wouldn't it be better to

make suggestions on how to initiate small changes into my life, my

perceptions? " You are too hard on yourself " feels like a criticism,

whether it is meant that way or not.

>

> I think through things a great deal...probably too much at times,

and I think my tendency to analyze comes out in my writing...so you

all are 'seeing' what I am 'thinking' and mulling over. For the most

part, I think thinking things through...rather than to just say " Oh

well, nothing can be done " - is a positive thing. I am tenacious

and try so hard to keep putting one foot ahead of the other.

>

> So, I hope you will think about these words coming from my

perspective, and sent with love. Sometimes we just need to be heard.

>

> Love & hugs...

>

> Tess

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Because you are the dear, kind people you are, I can say things here that I

would probably hesitate to say elsewhere for fear of criticism and unkindness.

I KNOW you all care here, and what a tremendous gift you give me in allowing me

to speak from my heart. I treasure you all and this little place of ours at RA

Support.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((RA Group))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Always,

Tess

[Guest guest]

Greetings, ! My name is Ken, and I post occasionally....I am so sorry

that you have this darned R.A....I myself have it pretty severe, and just git

news I also have Kaposies sarcoma!! Great! Anyway, I noticed that you live in

Alaska...I wonder if I might ask you a favor? I collect " Baseball Caps " . and I

want to ask if you can tell me how much a baseball cap from Alaska would cost?

If I send you the money, do you think I might prevail upon you to send me some

kind of hat that says something about Alaska? I would be so greatful, if you

could! Well, thank you, and I hope your R.A. settles down, and doesn't becomeas

bad as mine! God Bless you, Thank you, and I hope your R.A. just " goes away!

(fat chance, huh? All my love to you......squarehead ken

<trickers@...> wrote:I guess it's all personal perspective and how

you choose to look at something. When a person says " You're too hard on

yourself " I know that generally they are meaning that in a good way and it's my

choice to take it as good or as bad. I know I've said it myself to people -

meaning that, from my standpoint, they seem to be treating themselves too

harshly and blaming themselves too much for what's happened. It's certainly not

meant in a negative way. It's more of an attempt to absolve them from taking so

much blame onto themselves.

We all have a choice as to how to look at life. I know it's difficult when

you're in pain and when life seems pretty dark. But all healing comes from

within, and the power to heal is with ourselves first. If we take things others

say and construe them as bad (even though we logically know they weren't meant

that way) then we're surrounding ourselves with negativity that doesn't need to

be there. Negativity is not helpful to our health.

I try not to criticize those around me who are trying to help. I know that

dealing with my illness is hard on them too.

in Alaska

----- Original Message -----

From: Grammi B

One thing I need to say..when expressing myself about

depression/anxiety/emotional issues, it is a hurtful thing to be told " You are

too hard on yourself. " I KNOW the intent is a good one. But look at it this

way...

Even if I am too hard on myself, do you really think it is something I

deliberately do, or can 'just change'? It is sort of like telling a person with

a depressive illness to " pull oneself up by the bootstraps'. Dear Lord, if it

was only that easy.

Also, how does it help me deal with the situation? How is that constructive?

I do not see that it is. Wouldn't it be better to make suggestions on how to

initiate small changes into my life, my perceptions? " You are too hard on

yourself " feels like a criticism, whether it is meant that way or not.

[Guest guest]

Tess,

YOU are a treasure to our group.

a

On Aug 13, 2005, at 11:46 AM, Grammi B wrote:

> Because you are the dear, kind people you are, I can say things here

> that I would probably hesitate to say elsewhere for fear of criticism

> and unkindness.  I KNOW you all care here, and what a tremendous gift

> you give me in allowing me to speak from my heart.  I treasure you

> all  and this little place of ours at RA Support.

>

> (((((((((((((((((((((((((RA Group))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

>

> Always,

>

> Tess