Attentinon Barb: Re: feeling down

[Guest guest]

Barb,

I tried emailing you, but not sure if you got it so here goes. I

understand your frustration completely and I am nowhere near as far

along in the disease process as you, but I have had knee surgery and

then I was in a walking cast for six weeks not long ago so I do have

an idea of how frustrating the disease of RA is.

I too had great difficuly in asking for help. I found it

frustrating and humiliating. Then I discovered a very kind man, a

life coach, Beckwith, who taught me something that I want to

share with you. Does it bring you joy to help other people? Do you

feel better about yourself when you do something for someone no

matter how small? If so, then who are you to deny someone else from

feeling that same joy? By asking them for help, my family feels

less mad at the disease and more able to help and less frustrated

because they feel like all they do is watch me suffer. When I

started asking for help with just little things, like opening stuff

and laundry, (I am sure you know better than anyone what stuff), it

was amazing. My daughter who is 14, lights up like a Christmas tree

when she is able to help me out a little. She does not resent me at

all and seems to find joy in giving just as I do. So again as

yourself, who are YOU to DENY your FAMILY the JOY of GIVING?

Now, don't take this offensively or anything. It was just meant as

a sharing experience because this works for me very well and I hope

it works for you too. Every time I fall into that trap of overdoing

it and not wanting to ask, I think of the above. I sooooo hope it

helps you too. That would really make my day! I do enjoy giving

too; I just have to give different things now since I got sick. If

you need to talk or anything, you can email me at

tracierae143@... anytime. I hope you feel better soon.

Hugs from Maine,

Tracie

> I don't write much but this time my daughter knew that I needed to

talk

> to someone that probably goes through the same feelings as I am.

>

> Am I the only one that gets so frustrated about not being able to

do

> things around the house. I've had over a dozen surgeries because

of my

> RA. I am severely limited to what I can do because even though I

had

> knuckle replacements on both hands, limited fusion on both hands

then a

> total fusion on one hand. That doesn't even count the knee and

ankle

> surgeries I've had. My family doesn't think I know my own

limitations

> just because a few times I over did things. My problem, so I have

been

> told is that I don't ask for help enough. I find it hard to ask

for

> help because I feel I am losing my independance, but my family

doesn't

> understand that. My daughter who was diagnosed with Lupus in

January

> told me that this group would tell me frankly and to the point

what to

> do and where to go for help. I am 51 and have had Severe RA for 33

> years. My daughter Kris (kukukris82@y...) got some needed answers

> from the group so I am hoping for the same. Barb in Illinois