Re: Thinking of you all and keeping us all in prayers.

July 25, 2005

Marie,

I hope everything works out soon. You are in my

thoughts and prayers.

Beth(AR)

--- snowespi <snowespi@...> wrote:

> Hi to each and everyone of you. I pray you are all

> enjoying the

> summer. I am doing my best to cope with each day and

> like many of

> you, it is not easy. My one and only daughter who

> was my best friend

> has completly turned her back on me since she

> married this loser

> off the internet. I am still not over that heartache

> this is causing

> me. That is what drove me to the suicide attempt

> that I truly am so

> sorry about. I swear it was like I was on automatic

> pilot. It was

> not something I wanted to do.I do not even remember

> writing the e-

> mail that I write to a member in this group that- I

> wanted to set my

> family free. Dear Lord have mercy. I do feel like a

> burden but no

> matter what I guess we have to carry on and so I

> urge you all to

> keep praying and guard your hearts and have a good

> support group and

> friends as we cannot make it alone with this

> disease. It's not easy

> living with such pain and depression which can be a

> part of living

> with chronic pain. I battle with depression daily

> and paxill was

> what I was on till last month when they change the

> anti-deprssant to

> zoloff. I do not feel it is helping. I have to move

> from here as I

> only had my daughter and I lost her now. I hate

> being here. I

> trusted her with ALL my finaces which she will not

> return and I have

> no way of moving and I tell you I am praying like

> crazy as this is a

> tough one to deal with. I never in my wildest dreams

> would have

> thought my daughter would be capable of doing this

> to me. I have

> good days and bad days and I know I have to lift up

> my cross

> everyday and just do all that I can even when some

> days it's just to

> stay in bed and cry. I am truly grateful for this

> group. I am going

> to see if there is a support group to meets

> somewhere in the area as

> I do not think this living alone and being in

> isolation is a good

> thing. I pray for God to give us all the strenght to

> keep on keepin

> on, one day at a time. To Jen and the many

> others....just for

> today.... you can do it. Things can change and

> remissions can happen

> and we have to have faith. I am doing my best to

> trust in God and to

> have faith in Him as I know of no better way. Thank

> you to all who

> wrote. I have not been able to read the e-mails sent

> to me yet. I

> hope to and to - You wrote about Anchorage. I

> had seen both r/a

> Dr's there and one died in a plane crash last year

> and the other is

> a good Dr. He treats you very well. He has vision

> problems but trust

> me he is as good as they come. He will treat the

> disease. He will

> not give out pain meds. Like the other r/a Dr., he

> wants one to go

> to the pain specialist which can be a good thing but

> then again we

> all have to be on our guard as I was over medicated

> at the pain

> center and that was a nightmare, when I was in

> Anchorage. Feel free

> to e-mail me if you want and personally I wish I

> could see that Dr.

> again as in this area the Dr's suck big time. He is

> a very honest

> and conciensious Dr. and well respected. He will

> treat the disease,

> whatever you have and do blood work and work with

> you in that way. I

> think he does write rx for ultram only if I remember

> right.

> Anyway I 've written way to much. Thank you all for

> sharing your

> experience, strenght and hope. God bless each and

> everyone of you.

> Sincerly and with love,always,In Jesus's love,

> Marie

>

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July 25, 2005