Guest guest Posted August 8, 2005 Report Share Posted August 8, 2005 Hi Tess I think it might help if more people accepted the fact that depression is a real disease and not something you can wish away with your thoughts (wouldn't that be great). I don't know if I'm going in the right direction with this but depression can be (actually often is) a lifetime battle. It is as real as diabetes. Something in your body/chemical make-up is missing and needs to be replaced and it can't be overcome with good thoughts. You need medicine and hopefully you won't be ashamed or concerned about taking it. Depression is often simply caused by some chemical your body quit producing that's all. My depression developed with the RA so I have been taking anti depressants for about five years. As long as I take them I'm perfectly fine. If I try and stop I'm not. I hope I'm not making this sound too clinical but so many people think this is something that can be controlled with attitude but no one would ever try and control diabetes or RA with attitude (of course it's always good to have a good attitude). Depression is the same. There is just such a social stigma that we are somehow out of control if we have to take medicine. Today's world is so different with all the real life pressures, stress and weird chemicals we ingest in our food it's not surprising we don't have more mental problems. Gosh I hope this is making you feel better and not worse. I guess my bottom line is that it's perfectly normal to feel the way you do and taking medicine can help you feel like your old self. Take Care (I'm such a rationalist) Babs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 8, 2005 Report Share Posted August 8, 2005 Hi Tess I think it might help if more people accepted the fact that depression is a real disease and not something you can wish away with your thoughts (wouldn't that be great). I don't know if I'm going in the right direction with this but depression can be (actually often is) a lifetime battle. It is as real as diabetes. Something in your body/chemical make-up is missing and needs to be replaced and it can't be overcome with good thoughts. You need medicine and hopefully you won't be ashamed or concerned about taking it. Depression is often simply caused by some chemical your body quit producing that's all. My depression developed with the RA so I have been taking anti depressants for about five years. As long as I take them I'm perfectly fine. If I try and stop I'm not. I hope I'm not making this sound too clinical but so many people think this is something that can be controlled with attitude but no one would ever try and control diabetes or RA with attitude (of course it's always good to have a good attitude). Depression is the same. There is just such a social stigma that we are somehow out of control if we have to take medicine. Today's world is so different with all the real life pressures, stress and weird chemicals we ingest in our food it's not surprising we don't have more mental problems. Gosh I hope this is making you feel better and not worse. I guess my bottom line is that it's perfectly normal to feel the way you do and taking medicine can help you feel like your old self. Take Care (I'm such a rationalist) Babs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 8, 2005 Report Share Posted August 8, 2005 Tess, It sounds to me that you are extremely hard on yourself. You have overcome many obstacles just a few being your weight loss as well as your health issues. No one is perfect. It sounds as if you expect that of yourself. I have found that many people think " the grass is greener " but when reality hits, and if everyone put their problems in the middle of a room and were asked to pick any of the problems put there, most people would pick back up THIER own pile. I have had some devestating things happen in my life ( the loss of both sets of twins, and the death of my cousin all within 2 years) many people said to me " oh, you are so strong " but I did not feel that way. I felt that it was my job to continue on living , to be a good wife and the best mother I could be to my living child. No I am not a hero or bragging, because at times I wanted to die myself but I realized that was not God's plan for me. So, I decided to live my life the best way I could. I had/ and still have my hard days but I let myself ride them out. If I want to cry, I cry if I want to be sad all day and pull out all my writings, poems, momentos, I do that. I have found that you must let yourself FEEL at these moments. Do not let anyone tell you how or what to feel, just let yourself be. I think you will find that you are a very strong person but that life sometimes is alot to handle. Be gentle to yourself and accepting of your feelings. That may make it easier to handle your not so good days. Just my humble opinion. I will say a prayer for you. gentle hugs, Sandie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 8, 2005 Report Share Posted August 8, 2005 Tess, It sounds to me that you are extremely hard on yourself. You have overcome many obstacles just a few being your weight loss as well as your health issues. No one is perfect. It sounds as if you expect that of yourself. I have found that many people think " the grass is greener " but when reality hits, and if everyone put their problems in the middle of a room and were asked to pick any of the problems put there, most people would pick back up THIER own pile. I have had some devestating things happen in my life ( the loss of both sets of twins, and the death of my cousin all within 2 years) many people said to me " oh, you are so strong " but I did not feel that way. I felt that it was my job to continue on living , to be a good wife and the best mother I could be to my living child. No I am not a hero or bragging, because at times I wanted to die myself but I realized that was not God's plan for me. So, I decided to live my life the best way I could. I had/ and still have my hard days but I let myself ride them out. If I want to cry, I cry if I want to be sad all day and pull out all my writings, poems, momentos, I do that. I have found that you must let yourself FEEL at these moments. Do not let anyone tell you how or what to feel, just let yourself be. I think you will find that you are a very strong person but that life sometimes is alot to handle. Be gentle to yourself and accepting of your feelings. That may make it easier to handle your not so good days. Just my humble opinion. I will say a prayer for you. gentle hugs, Sandie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 8, 2005 Report Share Posted August 8, 2005 Hi Tess, I have carried around depression most of my life. Its so easy to sneak back into your life, no matter how you try to shut it out. Then with illness, its so hard to go each day, and do normal things other people do. I feel so isolated now, like I am in a world of my own. You have really come along way, and you still have a long road to go. But, you just have to take each day, and love yourself. Depression is so hard to conquer. I always think I have done it, and go off my medication, but it just creeps back in. You should do all this for you. It is hard not to listen to others around you, but you to need positive input. Were all here for you always, and if you ever need to chat, I'm here for you. God Bless, Tawny --- In , " Grammi B " <grammi_love@m...> wrote: > Dear Friends...I think I have fallen into a way of thinking that is really upsetting to me. I have lost nearly 150 pounds in the past 15 months (have about 50-70pounds to go to get to my goal weight), and I feel, most of the time, physically, better than in many, many years. Yet, the past year has been riddled with bouts of deep depression and tormenting anxiety. These have plagued me since my childhood, and I am now 54. > > Sometimes, as I suppose most of us do, I tend to think that since I feel better, that EVERYTHING must be better now. After all, if I have lost a human being of weight, what can keep me down? But, even with medication and counseling, the emotional shadows crawl back and snatch a piece of my life. > > I have strong faith, and am pretty tenacious...I fall, but I get back up and try again. But perhaps I am not understanding nor accepting that the depressive and anxiety episodes are as much an illness as ra, psa, morbid obesity, diabetes, asthma, etc. > > Though I never want to " give in " to the depression and anxiety, I think I must learn somehow to accept that they are challenges that may be with me for all my life. But I get into my own brand of wishful thinking, and sometimes go into denial mode...perhaps the depression and anxiety are gone! But, no, they were just on hiatus, it seems. > > I fall into the trap that I complain about others doing...the mind set that " If she can lose all that weight and overcome so many odds, surely she can handle the depression and anxiety. " Then I hold myself up to impossible, inhuman standards. And when I fall, which I eventually do, my heart is crushed. > > Here I am at 54, both grateful that this ol' doggy can still learn new tricks, but sad as well that " my " plans sometimes get waylaid by the emotional issues. Can I ever come to really accept ME? And to learn to fashion a life that allows for these rough patches without falling apart? > > I welcome your thoughts. > > With love & hope always... > > Tess > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 8, 2005 Report Share Posted August 8, 2005 Hi Tess, I have carried around depression most of my life. Its so easy to sneak back into your life, no matter how you try to shut it out. Then with illness, its so hard to go each day, and do normal things other people do. I feel so isolated now, like I am in a world of my own. You have really come along way, and you still have a long road to go. But, you just have to take each day, and love yourself. Depression is so hard to conquer. I always think I have done it, and go off my medication, but it just creeps back in. You should do all this for you. It is hard not to listen to others around you, but you to need positive input. Were all here for you always, and if you ever need to chat, I'm here for you. God Bless, Tawny > Dear Friends...I think I have fallen into a way of thinking that is really upsetting to me. I have lost nearly 150 pounds in the past 15 months (have about 50-70pounds to go to get to my goal weight), and I feel, most of the time, physically, better than in many, many years. Yet, the past year has been riddled with bouts of deep depression and tormenting anxiety. These have plagued me since my childhood, and I am now 54. > > Sometimes, as I suppose most of us do, I tend to think that since I feel better, that EVERYTHING must be better now. After all, if I have lost a human being of weight, what can keep me down? But, even with medication and counseling, the emotional shadows crawl back and snatch a piece of my life. > > I have strong faith, and am pretty tenacious...I fall, but I get back up and try again. But perhaps I am not understanding nor accepting that the depressive and anxiety episodes are as much an illness as ra, psa, morbid obesity, diabetes, asthma, etc. > > Though I never want to " give in " to the depression and anxiety, I think I must learn somehow to accept that they are challenges that may be with me for all my life. But I get into my own brand of wishful thinking, and sometimes go into denial mode...perhaps the depression and anxiety are gone! But, no, they were just on hiatus, it seems. > > I fall into the trap that I complain about others doing...the mind set that " If she can lose all that weight and overcome so many odds, surely she can handle the depression and anxiety. " Then I hold myself up to impossible, inhuman standards. And when I fall, which I eventually do, my heart is crushed. > > Here I am at 54, both grateful that this ol' doggy can still learn new tricks, but sad as well that " my " plans sometimes get waylaid by the emotional issues. Can I ever come to really accept ME? And to learn to fashion a life that allows for these rough patches without falling apart? > > I welcome your thoughts. > > With love & hope always... > > Tess > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 8, 2005 Report Share Posted August 8, 2005 Awe Tess, I couldn't of said it better myself. I cannot speak for the others in the group, but I also have repeating bouts of depression,( sometimes daily). I have come a long way also. I was once in a wheel chair, was way over weight, and awfully depressed, my husband died and that same year my first child went off to college away from home and his sister followed not long after that. I had seizures and lived alone, worried constantly. I also do not want to give in to these thoughts and moods I have. After the doctor recently explaining to me I shall be on antidepressants the rest of my life, that some people are just like that. We are not the only ones . I realize what those days are, and just do my best to get through it. I push myself to get outside the house , I push myself to fix something to eat, then eat it !, and to control the opposite reaction, binging when I get depressed , and think, ohhhh what's the use ! . I have come a long way, I walk, walk, and when I get down I think back to where I was unable to walk and how much happier I am at that moment that I can. My mother in law, rest her soul,told me something many many years ago that has stuck with me. I asked her once how she could keep going when she was in so much pain,( she had back sugery, and it didnt help, and arthritis). I saw her in a back cast laughing trying to manuver so she could get out and go do shopping. She told me,, well I figure if Im going to hurt anyway, I'd rather be out doing something while I'm hurting than just sitting here in the house. I had to admire her, and I have often thought on days I do not want to move because everything seems to hurt, if she felt this bad and was still able to go? If my head /and or neck is not hurting bad, I will make myself go, this morning it was unbearable and I gave in to it after trying everything I could for relief. A very hot shower made it bearable long enough to dry off and lie back down on the bed, sleep helped. I'm hear to listen if you care to email back and forth, sometimes it is good just to share with someone, we know we cannot fix one another but we can " listen " . Hugs, Davenport __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 8, 2005 Report Share Posted August 8, 2005 Awe Tess, I couldn't of said it better myself. I cannot speak for the others in the group, but I also have repeating bouts of depression,( sometimes daily). I have come a long way also. I was once in a wheel chair, was way over weight, and awfully depressed, my husband died and that same year my first child went off to college away from home and his sister followed not long after that. I had seizures and lived alone, worried constantly. I also do not want to give in to these thoughts and moods I have. After the doctor recently explaining to me I shall be on antidepressants the rest of my life, that some people are just like that. We are not the only ones . I realize what those days are, and just do my best to get through it. I push myself to get outside the house , I push myself to fix something to eat, then eat it !, and to control the opposite reaction, binging when I get depressed , and think, ohhhh what's the use ! . I have come a long way, I walk, walk, and when I get down I think back to where I was unable to walk and how much happier I am at that moment that I can. My mother in law, rest her soul,told me something many many years ago that has stuck with me. I asked her once how she could keep going when she was in so much pain,( she had back sugery, and it didnt help, and arthritis). I saw her in a back cast laughing trying to manuver so she could get out and go do shopping. She told me,, well I figure if Im going to hurt anyway, I'd rather be out doing something while I'm hurting than just sitting here in the house. I had to admire her, and I have often thought on days I do not want to move because everything seems to hurt, if she felt this bad and was still able to go? If my head /and or neck is not hurting bad, I will make myself go, this morning it was unbearable and I gave in to it after trying everything I could for relief. A very hot shower made it bearable long enough to dry off and lie back down on the bed, sleep helped. I'm hear to listen if you care to email back and forth, sometimes it is good just to share with someone, we know we cannot fix one another but we can " listen " . Hugs, Davenport __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 8, 2005 Report Share Posted August 8, 2005 Dear Tess, We are all " works in progress " from beginning until our earthly end. I suffer my own bouts of depression, and feelings of uselessness. But eventually that little voice comes back (usually one of the grandkids, sometimes Ron, sometimes my own voice) that says...God didn't make no junk! You need to love the YOU that has always been there, before the weight gain, during and after weight loss, and with all the accompanying baggage. If God loves you, can you do any less? It's not wise to argue with the Boss. Continue taking things a day at a time, and celebrate each day for its gift of pure being. Don't let the negative thoughts dictate. And by all means DO allow yourself those days to cry and wonder what it's all about, that is what makes us human. I'm so proud of you! Big Sis Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 8, 2005 Report Share Posted August 8, 2005 Dear Tess, We are all " works in progress " from beginning until our earthly end. I suffer my own bouts of depression, and feelings of uselessness. But eventually that little voice comes back (usually one of the grandkids, sometimes Ron, sometimes my own voice) that says...God didn't make no junk! You need to love the YOU that has always been there, before the weight gain, during and after weight loss, and with all the accompanying baggage. If God loves you, can you do any less? It's not wise to argue with the Boss. Continue taking things a day at a time, and celebrate each day for its gift of pure being. Don't let the negative thoughts dictate. And by all means DO allow yourself those days to cry and wonder what it's all about, that is what makes us human. I'm so proud of you! Big Sis Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 8, 2005 Report Share Posted August 8, 2005 I remember that my mother said pretty much the same thing, that she could hurt somewhere else just as easily as she could at home, so she might as well go somewhere and not sit cooped up at home by herself. Sue On Monday, August 8, 2005, at 02:03 PM, Davenport wrote: > My > mother in law, rest her soul,told me something many > many years ago that has stuck with me. I asked her > once how she could keep going when she was in so much > pain,( she had back sugery, and it didnt help, and > arthritis). I saw her in a back cast laughing trying > to manuver so she could get out and go do shopping. > She told me,, well I figure if Im going to hurt > anyway, I'd rather be out doing something while I'm > hurting than just sitting here in the house. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 8, 2005 Report Share Posted August 8, 2005 I remember that my mother said pretty much the same thing, that she could hurt somewhere else just as easily as she could at home, so she might as well go somewhere and not sit cooped up at home by herself. Sue On Monday, August 8, 2005, at 02:03 PM, Davenport wrote: > My > mother in law, rest her soul,told me something many > many years ago that has stuck with me. I asked her > once how she could keep going when she was in so much > pain,( she had back sugery, and it didnt help, and > arthritis). I saw her in a back cast laughing trying > to manuver so she could get out and go do shopping. > She told me,, well I figure if Im going to hurt > anyway, I'd rather be out doing something while I'm > hurting than just sitting here in the house. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 8, 2005 Report Share Posted August 8, 2005 Tess, You have two major diseases, RA and diabetes, and depression can come with either or both of them. We recently had a discussion about depression on both of my diabetes lists, in fact. But in addition, you have had life-changing surgery. Major changes in a person's life can certainly affect her moods. I am lucky enough not to get depressed often, but then I take a combination of two triclycic anti-depressants to prevent migraines. I'm sure they help me stay on an even keel. The doctor who prescribed them said that my neurotransmitters were depleted, and these meds would replenish them. He was certainly right about that, because I no longer have migraines as long as I take the meds. Maybe your neurotransmitters are depleted. Maybe you haven't found the right combination of meds to prevent the feelings of depression. Keep bugging the doctors until they get it right. Know that we're here to lend you support. Sue On Monday, August 8, 2005, at 11:12 AM, Grammi B wrote: > > Though I never want to " give in " to the depression and anxiety, I > think I must learn somehow to accept that they are challenges that may > be with me for all my life. But I get into my own brand of wishful > thinking, and sometimes go into denial mode...perhaps the depression > and anxiety are gone! But, no, they were just on hiatus, it seems. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 8, 2005 Report Share Posted August 8, 2005 Tess, You have two major diseases, RA and diabetes, and depression can come with either or both of them. We recently had a discussion about depression on both of my diabetes lists, in fact. But in addition, you have had life-changing surgery. Major changes in a person's life can certainly affect her moods. I am lucky enough not to get depressed often, but then I take a combination of two triclycic anti-depressants to prevent migraines. I'm sure they help me stay on an even keel. The doctor who prescribed them said that my neurotransmitters were depleted, and these meds would replenish them. He was certainly right about that, because I no longer have migraines as long as I take the meds. Maybe your neurotransmitters are depleted. Maybe you haven't found the right combination of meds to prevent the feelings of depression. Keep bugging the doctors until they get it right. Know that we're here to lend you support. Sue On Monday, August 8, 2005, at 11:12 AM, Grammi B wrote: > > Though I never want to " give in " to the depression and anxiety, I > think I must learn somehow to accept that they are challenges that may > be with me for all my life. But I get into my own brand of wishful > thinking, and sometimes go into denial mode...perhaps the depression > and anxiety are gone! But, no, they were just on hiatus, it seems. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 8, 2005 Report Share Posted August 8, 2005 Tess, you have been strong for so long that when depression does set in, it hits hard. Depression is a normal part of what you are going through. You have been handed a lot on your plate to have to deal with. When I have a good day with no pain, I think that hey, maybe I am ok now. I learn the hard way that I am not. That just puts me into a downhill slide into depression. I think it comes down to our independence. We have to give up so much because of these diseases tht we have. Just because you have jumped so many hurdles doesn't make you super woman!! It doesn't mean that all the hurdles are jumpable. Sometimes we come across a hurdle that looks so tall that it over whelms us. Don't give into it. Embrace it and accept it as another challenge. Acceptance is not always easy. Neither is asking for help. Sometimes we have to swallow our pride, and it is a bitter thing to swallow. I will keep you in my prayers that you get through this bought.........Marina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 8, 2005 Report Share Posted August 8, 2005 Tess, you have been strong for so long that when depression does set in, it hits hard. Depression is a normal part of what you are going through. You have been handed a lot on your plate to have to deal with. When I have a good day with no pain, I think that hey, maybe I am ok now. I learn the hard way that I am not. That just puts me into a downhill slide into depression. I think it comes down to our independence. We have to give up so much because of these diseases tht we have. Just because you have jumped so many hurdles doesn't make you super woman!! It doesn't mean that all the hurdles are jumpable. Sometimes we come across a hurdle that looks so tall that it over whelms us. Don't give into it. Embrace it and accept it as another challenge. Acceptance is not always easy. Neither is asking for help. Sometimes we have to swallow our pride, and it is a bitter thing to swallow. I will keep you in my prayers that you get through this bought.........Marina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 9, 2005 Report Share Posted August 9, 2005 Hi Tess. First off, congrats on the amazing weight loss! I too was morbidly obese and managed to lose 160 pounds in just over a year. I still struggle with my old way of thinking and adjusting to my new body image. It's such a lifestyle change....isn't it? As for the depression, I also understand. I've been dealing with it myself for years. What happens for most of us is that we do end up taking meds. We feel better after a while, figure we don't need the meds anymore....then stop taking them. Or, for some of us....we just don't take them at all. We somehow convince ourselves that things will get better and that it's just a " phase " we're going through. Depression/anxiety should be treated no differently than if you have diabetes, asthma or high blood pressure. It is a medical condition, and you should seek medical treatment for it. If you have a broken arm, you get a cast for it, right? Don't deny yourself the medical assistance you need to enhance and improve your quality of life. I'm so glad you posted about this. So many of us suffer in silence unnecessarily every single day. I hope that if there's someone out there who's feeling depressed that they read this and speak to their doctor about treatment options. Tess....you are just one of the many wonderful people that make this group such a great place for support and information. Thank you so much for sharing with us. > Dear Friends...I think I have fallen into a way of thinking that is really upsetting to me. I have lost nearly 150 pounds in the past 15 months (have about 50-70pounds to go to get to my goal weight), and I feel, most of the time, physically, better than in many, many years. Yet, the past year has been riddled with bouts of deep depression and tormenting anxiety. These have plagued me since my childhood, and I am now 54. > > Sometimes, as I suppose most of us do, I tend to think that since I feel better, that EVERYTHING must be better now. After all, if I have lost a human being of weight, what can keep me down? But, even with medication and counseling, the emotional shadows crawl back and snatch a piece of my life. > > I have strong faith, and am pretty tenacious...I fall, but I get back up and try again. But perhaps I am not understanding nor accepting that the depressive and anxiety episodes are as much an illness as ra, psa, morbid obesity, diabetes, asthma, etc. > > Though I never want to " give in " to the depression and anxiety, I think I must learn somehow to accept that they are challenges that may be with me for all my life. But I get into my own brand of wishful thinking, and sometimes go into denial mode...perhaps the depression and anxiety are gone! But, no, they were just on hiatus, it seems. > > I fall into the trap that I complain about others doing...the mind set that " If she can lose all that weight and overcome so many odds, surely she can handle the depression and anxiety. " Then I hold myself up to impossible, inhuman standards. And when I fall, which I eventually do, my heart is crushed. > > Here I am at 54, both grateful that this ol' doggy can still learn new tricks, but sad as well that " my " plans sometimes get waylaid by the emotional issues. Can I ever come to really accept ME? And to learn to fashion a life that allows for these rough patches without falling apart? > > I welcome your thoughts. > > With love & hope always... > > Tess > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 9, 2005 Report Share Posted August 9, 2005 Hi Tess. First off, congrats on the amazing weight loss! I too was morbidly obese and managed to lose 160 pounds in just over a year. I still struggle with my old way of thinking and adjusting to my new body image. It's such a lifestyle change....isn't it? As for the depression, I also understand. I've been dealing with it myself for years. What happens for most of us is that we do end up taking meds. We feel better after a while, figure we don't need the meds anymore....then stop taking them. Or, for some of us....we just don't take them at all. We somehow convince ourselves that things will get better and that it's just a " phase " we're going through. Depression/anxiety should be treated no differently than if you have diabetes, asthma or high blood pressure. It is a medical condition, and you should seek medical treatment for it. If you have a broken arm, you get a cast for it, right? Don't deny yourself the medical assistance you need to enhance and improve your quality of life. I'm so glad you posted about this. So many of us suffer in silence unnecessarily every single day. I hope that if there's someone out there who's feeling depressed that they read this and speak to their doctor about treatment options. Tess....you are just one of the many wonderful people that make this group such a great place for support and information. Thank you so much for sharing with us. > Dear Friends...I think I have fallen into a way of thinking that is really upsetting to me. I have lost nearly 150 pounds in the past 15 months (have about 50-70pounds to go to get to my goal weight), and I feel, most of the time, physically, better than in many, many years. Yet, the past year has been riddled with bouts of deep depression and tormenting anxiety. These have plagued me since my childhood, and I am now 54. > > Sometimes, as I suppose most of us do, I tend to think that since I feel better, that EVERYTHING must be better now. After all, if I have lost a human being of weight, what can keep me down? But, even with medication and counseling, the emotional shadows crawl back and snatch a piece of my life. > > I have strong faith, and am pretty tenacious...I fall, but I get back up and try again. But perhaps I am not understanding nor accepting that the depressive and anxiety episodes are as much an illness as ra, psa, morbid obesity, diabetes, asthma, etc. > > Though I never want to " give in " to the depression and anxiety, I think I must learn somehow to accept that they are challenges that may be with me for all my life. But I get into my own brand of wishful thinking, and sometimes go into denial mode...perhaps the depression and anxiety are gone! But, no, they were just on hiatus, it seems. > > I fall into the trap that I complain about others doing...the mind set that " If she can lose all that weight and overcome so many odds, surely she can handle the depression and anxiety. " Then I hold myself up to impossible, inhuman standards. And when I fall, which I eventually do, my heart is crushed. > > Here I am at 54, both grateful that this ol' doggy can still learn new tricks, but sad as well that " my " plans sometimes get waylaid by the emotional issues. Can I ever come to really accept ME? And to learn to fashion a life that allows for these rough patches without falling apart? > > I welcome your thoughts. > > With love & hope always... > > Tess > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 9, 2005 Report Share Posted August 9, 2005 Tess, Life without problems can still be an emotional roller coaster. Add all the recent changes in your life and it's easy to see why sometimes you spin out of control. It isn't easy to accept the fact that depression is a part of your life, but it can be managed with the right meds. I hope you will see your doctor and let him know that you're having such a problem with depression and anxiety. It could be something as easy as adjusting your medication. I have to agree with Sandie, you're to hard on yourself. Maybe you expected to much from loosing all that weight. Maybe you thought it would end the depression, when in reality the depression could have contributed to the weight problem in the first place. I just hope this passes soon. Depression isn't easy to live with. You can't just tell yourself to be happy. Knowing it is a chemical imbalance, you have to realize it isn't something you can control by just willing it to happen. That human being you lost really SHOULD have been kind and taken away all the bad health issues too. Sending you cyber hugs and hoping you feel better. hugs, a On Aug 8, 2005, at 11:12 AM, Grammi B wrote: > Dear Friends...I think I have fallen into a way of thinking that is > really upsetting to me. I have lost nearly 150 pounds in the past 15 > months (have about 50-70pounds to go to get to my goal weight), and I > feel, most of the time, physically, better than in many, many years. > Yet, the past year has been riddled with bouts of deep depression and > tormenting anxiety. These have plagued me since my childhood, and I > am now 54. > > Sometimes, as I suppose most of us do, I tend to think that since I > feel better, that EVERYTHING must be better now. After all, if I have > lost a human being of weight, what can keep me down? But, even with > medication and counseling, the emotional shadows crawl back and snatch > a piece of my life. > > I have strong faith, and am pretty tenacious...I fall, but I get > back up and try again. But perhaps I am not understanding nor > accepting that the depressive and anxiety episodes are as much an > illness as ra, psa, morbid obesity, diabetes, asthma, etc. > > Though I never want to " give in " to the depression and anxiety, I > think I must learn somehow to accept that they are challenges that may > be with me for all my life. But I get into my own brand of wishful > thinking, and sometimes go into denial mode...perhaps the depression > and anxiety are gone! But, no, they were just on hiatus, it seems. > > I fall into the trap that I complain about others doing...the mind > set that " If she can lose all that weight and overcome so many odds, > surely she can handle the depression and anxiety. "  Then I hold myself > up to impossible, inhuman standards. And when I fall, which I > eventually do, my heart is crushed. > > Here I am at 54, both grateful that this ol' doggy can still learn > new tricks, but sad as well that " my " plans sometimes get waylaid by > the emotional issues. Can I ever come to really accept ME? And to > learn to fashion a life that allows for these rough patches without > falling apart? > > I welcome your thoughts. > > With love & hope always... > > Tess > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 9, 2005 Report Share Posted August 9, 2005 Tess, Life without problems can still be an emotional roller coaster. Add all the recent changes in your life and it's easy to see why sometimes you spin out of control. It isn't easy to accept the fact that depression is a part of your life, but it can be managed with the right meds. I hope you will see your doctor and let him know that you're having such a problem with depression and anxiety. It could be something as easy as adjusting your medication. I have to agree with Sandie, you're to hard on yourself. Maybe you expected to much from loosing all that weight. Maybe you thought it would end the depression, when in reality the depression could have contributed to the weight problem in the first place. I just hope this passes soon. Depression isn't easy to live with. You can't just tell yourself to be happy. Knowing it is a chemical imbalance, you have to realize it isn't something you can control by just willing it to happen. That human being you lost really SHOULD have been kind and taken away all the bad health issues too. Sending you cyber hugs and hoping you feel better. hugs, a On Aug 8, 2005, at 11:12 AM, Grammi B wrote: > Dear Friends...I think I have fallen into a way of thinking that is > really upsetting to me. I have lost nearly 150 pounds in the past 15 > months (have about 50-70pounds to go to get to my goal weight), and I > feel, most of the time, physically, better than in many, many years. > Yet, the past year has been riddled with bouts of deep depression and > tormenting anxiety. These have plagued me since my childhood, and I > am now 54. > > Sometimes, as I suppose most of us do, I tend to think that since I > feel better, that EVERYTHING must be better now. After all, if I have > lost a human being of weight, what can keep me down? But, even with > medication and counseling, the emotional shadows crawl back and snatch > a piece of my life. > > I have strong faith, and am pretty tenacious...I fall, but I get > back up and try again. But perhaps I am not understanding nor > accepting that the depressive and anxiety episodes are as much an > illness as ra, psa, morbid obesity, diabetes, asthma, etc. > > Though I never want to " give in " to the depression and anxiety, I > think I must learn somehow to accept that they are challenges that may > be with me for all my life. But I get into my own brand of wishful > thinking, and sometimes go into denial mode...perhaps the depression > and anxiety are gone! But, no, they were just on hiatus, it seems. > > I fall into the trap that I complain about others doing...the mind > set that " If she can lose all that weight and overcome so many odds, > surely she can handle the depression and anxiety. "  Then I hold myself > up to impossible, inhuman standards. And when I fall, which I > eventually do, my heart is crushed. > > Here I am at 54, both grateful that this ol' doggy can still learn > new tricks, but sad as well that " my " plans sometimes get waylaid by > the emotional issues. Can I ever come to really accept ME? And to > learn to fashion a life that allows for these rough patches without > falling apart? > > I welcome your thoughts. > > With love & hope always... > > Tess > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 9, 2005 Report Share Posted August 9, 2005 Tess honey, please don't beat yourself up! You have been through a lot of changes over the past year and a half, and even good change can be a huge adjustment. I cannot begin to tell you how proud I am of your accomplishments, and how glad I am to know you as a sister in Christ and a friend. I have always thought that the more intelligent, the more caring and sensitive a person is,the easier it is to become depressed. Plus the fact that you have dealt with chronic illnesses, it catches up with you after a while. You are walking through one of those valleys right now, and the important thing is that you keep on walking. I have faith that God will see you through this, you are precious to Him, a miracle of His own making, and to all of us here in your RA family. Wish I was there to give you a hug. I am going through separation anxiety, this will be the first time in 30 years that I am living all alone, and it's sort of freaking me out. Just the idea of coming home to an empty apartment every day....wow. I know that God has great things in store for Chas, and for me. I've always heard that thing, " When God closes a door, He opens a window>' Well, I don't think He always does that at the same time. Sometimes we just have to walk down that hall between the closed door and the open window, and trust Him for strength for the journey. Much love and prayers. Jane --- In , " Grammi B " <grammi_love@m...> wrote: > Dear Friends...I think I have fallen into a way of thinking that is really upsetting to me. I have lost nearly 150 pounds in the past 15 months (have about 50-70pounds to go to get to my goal weight), and I feel, most of the time, physically, better than in many, many years. Yet, the past year has been riddled with bouts of deep depression and tormenting anxiety. These have plagued me since my childhood, and I am now 54. > > Sometimes, as I suppose most of us do, I tend to think that since I feel better, that EVERYTHING must be better now. After all, if I have lost a human being of weight, what can keep me down? But, even with medication and counseling, the emotional shadows crawl back and snatch a piece of my life. > > I have strong faith, and am pretty tenacious...I fall, but I get back up and try again. But perhaps I am not understanding nor accepting that the depressive and anxiety episodes are as much an illness as ra, psa, morbid obesity, diabetes, asthma, etc. > > Though I never want to " give in " to the depression and anxiety, I think I must learn somehow to accept that they are challenges that may be with me for all my life. But I get into my own brand of wishful thinking, and sometimes go into denial mode...perhaps the depression and anxiety are gone! But, no, they were just on hiatus, it seems. > > I fall into the trap that I complain about others doing...the mind set that " If she can lose all that weight and overcome so many odds, surely she can handle the depression and anxiety. " Then I hold myself up to impossible, inhuman standards. And when I fall, which I eventually do, my heart is crushed. > > Here I am at 54, both grateful that this ol' doggy can still learn new tricks, but sad as well that " my " plans sometimes get waylaid by the emotional issues. Can I ever come to really accept ME? And to learn to fashion a life that allows for these rough patches without falling apart? > > I welcome your thoughts. > > With love & hope always... > > Tess > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 9, 2005 Report Share Posted August 9, 2005 Tess honey, please don't beat yourself up! You have been through a lot of changes over the past year and a half, and even good change can be a huge adjustment. I cannot begin to tell you how proud I am of your accomplishments, and how glad I am to know you as a sister in Christ and a friend. I have always thought that the more intelligent, the more caring and sensitive a person is,the easier it is to become depressed. Plus the fact that you have dealt with chronic illnesses, it catches up with you after a while. You are walking through one of those valleys right now, and the important thing is that you keep on walking. I have faith that God will see you through this, you are precious to Him, a miracle of His own making, and to all of us here in your RA family. Wish I was there to give you a hug. I am going through separation anxiety, this will be the first time in 30 years that I am living all alone, and it's sort of freaking me out. Just the idea of coming home to an empty apartment every day....wow. I know that God has great things in store for Chas, and for me. I've always heard that thing, " When God closes a door, He opens a window>' Well, I don't think He always does that at the same time. Sometimes we just have to walk down that hall between the closed door and the open window, and trust Him for strength for the journey. Much love and prayers. Jane > Dear Friends...I think I have fallen into a way of thinking that is really upsetting to me. I have lost nearly 150 pounds in the past 15 months (have about 50-70pounds to go to get to my goal weight), and I feel, most of the time, physically, better than in many, many years. Yet, the past year has been riddled with bouts of deep depression and tormenting anxiety. These have plagued me since my childhood, and I am now 54. > > Sometimes, as I suppose most of us do, I tend to think that since I feel better, that EVERYTHING must be better now. After all, if I have lost a human being of weight, what can keep me down? But, even with medication and counseling, the emotional shadows crawl back and snatch a piece of my life. > > I have strong faith, and am pretty tenacious...I fall, but I get back up and try again. But perhaps I am not understanding nor accepting that the depressive and anxiety episodes are as much an illness as ra, psa, morbid obesity, diabetes, asthma, etc. > > Though I never want to " give in " to the depression and anxiety, I think I must learn somehow to accept that they are challenges that may be with me for all my life. But I get into my own brand of wishful thinking, and sometimes go into denial mode...perhaps the depression and anxiety are gone! But, no, they were just on hiatus, it seems. > > I fall into the trap that I complain about others doing...the mind set that " If she can lose all that weight and overcome so many odds, surely she can handle the depression and anxiety. " Then I hold myself up to impossible, inhuman standards. And when I fall, which I eventually do, my heart is crushed. > > Here I am at 54, both grateful that this ol' doggy can still learn new tricks, but sad as well that " my " plans sometimes get waylaid by the emotional issues. Can I ever come to really accept ME? And to learn to fashion a life that allows for these rough patches without falling apart? > > I welcome your thoughts. > > With love & hope always... > > Tess > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 9, 2005 Report Share Posted August 9, 2005 Hi, I have been out of town and missed so many posts. People have expressed themselves so tenderly and compassionately. I wanted to just claim this verse for you, dear Tess: Isa. 43:2: when you pass through the waters, I will be with you. Love and Prayers, Beth Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 9, 2005 Report Share Posted August 9, 2005 Hi, I have been out of town and missed so many posts. People have expressed themselves so tenderly and compassionately. I wanted to just claim this verse for you, dear Tess: Isa. 43:2: when you pass through the waters, I will be with you. Love and Prayers, Beth Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 2, 2009 Report Share Posted September 2, 2009 Thanks Dawn and others, I like to hear everyones perspective as I do not have CMT but my son does. I want to try as hard as I can to understand him and how he feels and not try to trivialize his complaints but also help him to be strong and push on. Without experiencing it myself I find it hard to sympathize sometimes and I need to take a step back and think how he may be feeling. Lori Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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