Off topic -- Been in the hospital. Hello from Ebony

August 17, 2005

Sorry to hear about all you have gone through....I hope you have recovered

completly and can feel as good as possible. I lost my dad last year to Brain

cancer, I know how hard it is to lose a parent. HUGS. It will get better, she

is pain free now and in a better place.

Cortnee

stillbreathing29 <stillbreathing29@...> wrote: Hello cyber family. I have

adopted you guys as my family.

I know I have a lot of catching up to do with all of you.

Also, welcome to all of the new members.

My thoughts are a bit scattered but I want to fill you in, I just

recently got out of the hospital. They worked 12 hours to stabilize

me with septicemia from cat scratch (I rescued a ferral kitten before

getting ill), blood clot in the lungs, fluid around lungs, and

heart. there was more they say but I think they was the major part

of it. I feel lucky to be alive. RA is bad but never had to be

hospitalized before where I was unable to move the entire time. The

legs looked like tree trunks. The entire body was full of water 3

times my normal size. I am normally around 138 pounds, 5' 8 " but who

knows what I weighed with the edema from them giving so much fluids

IV to save me. I also feel like a walking testimony as I am sure all

of you here do too. I am to go once a week now for monitoring.

In addition, while in the hospital those 15 days, I learned my Mom

passed away. So you can see why my thoughts are a bit scattered

now. However, stressed the relationship with Mom, it was still

difficult to hear. I called my Mom every week to always keep

communication lines open. And now that she is gone the things I

wanted from her don't seem so important. I feel she did the best she

could with 8 children on her own. She too needed the things I

searched for and it turns out to be a generational thing. She just

didn't have the capacity to do the things we expected, and maybe I

should have looked elsewhere. I am glad I kept in touch anyway and

followed my heart so that now I can feel good about my choices.

Right after being released from CCU, I had an overwhelming desire to

call my mother, can't know if my call made her condition worse ( she

had diabetes and nerve damage in her legs so was in a wheelchair most

of the time) but I was calling to say goodbye because I wasn't sure I

would live. My husband said you don't need to call her. Stop being a

baby. I called her anyway, I told her I loved her very much and

that's all that is important. I was happy to tell her that because

that would be our last real conversation. I was just discharged

early in order to attend her funeral 8/12, Mom's funeral was 8/13.

Mom was not yet 60. It just goes to show age doesn't matter. You can

go at any time. I took a flight there but only arrived in time for

the ending. I hope mom understands. I think things turned out like

that because the funeral itself would have been too stressful on me.

The family was in total chaos.

So, I wanted to get back here to thank you for being there for

support for not just the RA but also for the off topic things as well

that can sometimes contribute to the RA pain. I know I am a changed

person because of this ordeal and while I know it can happen to any

of and has happened to many, it was life changing for me..

So, will probably need to go back on DMARDs behind all of this due to

heavy prednisone given and the other meds given in the hospital. The

RA started back up briefly. It has quieted down somewhat today,

however. Maybe it will stay that way. Sure hope so. Thinking of

going back on the Humira. Not sure right now.

Hope all is well with you. Talk to you soon.

God bless

love/light

Ebony

August 17, 2005