I shouldn't have had sex with him.

[Guest guest]

i shouldn't have had sex with him

1, no it's not true, i did

that's reality

3, i feel a little nervous and scared, i feel like i gave it away too

easily, i feel regretful and alittle guilty, i could subtly beat up on

myself and make it mean something about me. I feel fearful that I will

end up confused again after getting some good clarity back. I tell

myself i should have been stronger and not been so caught up in

instant gratification, I treat him as if he has some hold over me, i

put him up on a pedestal and think that he's gonna take his affections

away from me and then I'll have lost something.

my mind travels to all the times i've had sex after the relationship

ends and how i'm making the same mistake again.

i get to give myself a hard time, beat up on myself, feel full of

remorse and resentment, see myself as a victim, i get to negate the

tenderness that passed between us, i get to throw away the love he

expressed for me last night. I get to right that there's something

wrong with me because I couldn't say no.. ( well actually i could and

i did and then i said yes).

if i couldn't believe this thought then the worst thing that could

happen is i could do it again and get my feelings hurt.

i'm in gods business thinking i know whats best for my path again.

this thought brings me stress.

4, peaceful, in my business, feeling the sweetness of the moment,

getting on with my day, aware of my breath, feeling my physical body,

if i could never believe thos thought again, i would have sex freely

without making it mean anything other than enjoying the beauty that

comes from sharing a intimate moment. I'd have no regrets about any of

my past lovers, I would see the perfect flow in all of it and i would

notice that until yesterday i was perfectly great and happy in my life

without him. I would love the fact that we shared a great time

together last night and think of him tenderly.

T.A I should have had sex with him.

1, truer because I did

2, because I actually stopped myself before I did it and asked myself

whether i was doing it because I wanted him to love me or because i

was enjoying the moment and it was certainly becasue i was enjoying

the moment

3, it was the sweetest love making i've ever had and I was able to be

extremely open and vulnerable and today i get to see where i'm still

attached to my story.

T.A I should have had sex with me

1, well thats true because i was really only having sex with my story

2, at one point i wanted him to stop and be present with me and feel

my love for him and then i realised that that was my job and i tned

into myself and saw how much love i had for me.

sure theres some other turnarounds here .

comments and feedback welcome

pipx