Guest guest Posted April 21, 2007 Report Share Posted April 21, 2007 Hi Keliz, Ok, so I'm not going anywhere. But boy was I nearly there. I don't like it when it gets that dark. I truly thank God you guys are here. You really saved me this time. And thankfully I had enough wits about me that I was able to make myself get on here to talk about it. As I was at the point that I couldn't rationalize. Rationalize in the sense of being able to even think about what this would do to my children and everyone else in my life. The only rationalization I had was I knew it couldn't end it here at home, it would have to be at a Motel so my 15 yr old son didn't find me as he is the first one home during the day. Honestly, that was the only thing I thought about. All I could think was they'd have to understand and not want or expect me to keep living under the stress we have and the pain and suffering I live through each and every day. Those were my thoughts and were written in my letter. Jenna hasn't posted to the group in a while, but her and I talk off group a lot and I had emailed her, expressing my feelings and thoughts. I don't know how she did it, but somehow with only having my name and the town I live in, she managed to have the police come to my home to check on me. I'm not even listed anywhere. But she found me. lol The day before yesterday, ummm Thursday it was, when I was suppose to be in bed all day? Well, it was noon and I had gone in to lay down, at the time I was feeling kind of anxious, or at least that's what I thought I felt. I took a 1/2 a Xanax and sat on the edge of the bed. Working my crossword puzzle book, I began to have this lump in my throat and chest, like something was stuck, then a different kind of heartburn took over, while the lump stayed there. I didn't have anything for heartburn so I had to try and ignore it. Finally I took another 1/2 of a Xanax, thinking maybe this really is anxiety. I laid down, and just as I got comfortable laying down, there was a tingling sensation come over my body, my feet and hands and jaws namely, and my feet and hands broke out into a sweat. This sat me right back up. I thought something isn't right. My heart was beating rather fast and wouldn't slow down. I first called Danny and had him talk to me until the Xanax kicked in. Hopefully this was anxiety and the medicine would take care of the problem. But it didn't. Finally I remembered I had some baby aspirin in my purse and I took 3 of them. The symptoms began to subside some. I couldn't remember the details of the email Rose had sent out with the details of a woman having a heart attack. I felt kind of disoriented, woozy and dizzy, so I didn't want to try coming to the computer to find out. I called my Aide, she came over (she lives very close by) and called a Nurse hotline, told them of my symptoms and what the baby aspirin had done. She said go to the ER, I could have had a heart attack. Of course, the chest Xray showed the left side of my heart greatly enlarged, the EKG showed some mild blockage in the right side of my heart and they wanted to keep me, which I wouldn't stay as this wasn't the hospital my Doc came to. Plus with all that was going on at home, I didn't see that I could stay up there. So I promised to call my doc the next morning as by this time it was nearly 5pm. Thank God I remembered the aspirin in my purse and remembered from Rose's post (thank you Rose) that this could have been a heart attack. Otherwise I might have just gone to sleep and not woke up. So, I guess this also shows I really don't want to die, I just want it all to stop. I will be calling my Cardio first thing Monday morning and keeping everything calm around the house this weekend and taking baby aspirin every day. I didn't call my doc Friday as I didn't have anyone to take me there if he wanted to see me Friday. will be home all weekend too, so I'll have someone here to call 911 if I can't. So don't worry, I'll be ok Thank you for being here for me Keliz, it means a lot to me. The same for everyone here. You guys are my life line, don't forget that! Love and hugs, Tommie <thankful to be alive> Re: Twilight Zone/Tommie > > > --- > Now dont go and do anything rash, my friend. What would we do without > you? You have been delt several blows, but I believe in you and your > ability to muddle through. I know you have been having a hell of a > flare, and that you feel worthless. We have discussed this. But you > have had worse and have come through. > Today is finally sunny but now I have the wind to contend with. I > wanted to walk the dogs at the humane society but I have really bad > knees today. Jeff was not happy. He wants me to get out of the house > and do something. Too bad. > Jeff got a raspberry and white chocolate cake yesterday and it is > sitting there waiting for me to eat tonight. YUM.I'll save some > virtual cake for you to eat when you want, lol. > Guess What? I used your recipie for ribs last night and it was > delicious! Thank you. I used lots of BBQ sauce which I like. Today I > made split pea soup. And Jeff says I'm not industrious. I have like > 12 cups of soup tho...does it freeze? > I think of you often, and you always raise my spirits. > > HUGS > keliz > > > . > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 21, 2007 Report Share Posted April 21, 2007 Wow - Tommie, I haven't had a chance to read many of the emails this week, but you have been through the ringer, haven't you? I wished I could say something that would help. More importantly, I am really glad that you are okay. We all need you hang around a bit longer! Take care and think about things that make you feel good! Gayla http://chronicpain-byladyfrog.com Re: Twilight Zone/Tommie > > > --- > Now dont go and do anything rash, my friend. What would we do without > you? You have been delt several blows, but I believe in you and your > ability to muddle through. I know you have been having a hell of a > flare, and that you feel worthless. We have discussed this. But you > have had worse and have come through. > Today is finally sunny but now I have the wind to contend with. I > wanted to walk the dogs at the humane society but I have really bad > knees today. Jeff was not happy. He wants me to get out of the house > and do something. Too bad. > Jeff got a raspberry and white chocolate cake yesterday and it is > sitting there waiting for me to eat tonight. YUM.I'll save some > virtual cake for you to eat when you want, lol. > Guess What? I used your recipie for ribs last night and it was > delicious! Thank you. I used lots of BBQ sauce which I like. Today I > made split pea soup. And Jeff says I'm not industrious. I have like > 12 cups of soup tho...does it freeze? > I think of you often, and you always raise my spirits. > > HUGS > keliz > > > . > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 21, 2007 Report Share Posted April 21, 2007 Yes Gayla, I have this week. I'm so glad it's over and I am putting it behind me. I never want to live a week like this ever again. If God is still yet strengthening me with all of this stuff, I don't even want to think of the bad thing that is going to happen to warrant such strength. That is scary when you think about it that way. Re: Twilight Zone/Tommie > > > --- > Now dont go and do anything rash, my friend. What would we do without > you? You have been delt several blows, but I believe in you and your > ability to muddle through. I know you have been having a hell of a > flare, and that you feel worthless. We have discussed this. But you > have had worse and have come through. > Today is finally sunny but now I have the wind to contend with. I > wanted to walk the dogs at the humane society but I have really bad > knees today. Jeff was not happy. He wants me to get out of the house > and do something. Too bad. > Jeff got a raspberry and white chocolate cake yesterday and it is > sitting there waiting for me to eat tonight. YUM.I'll save some > virtual cake for you to eat when you want, lol. > Guess What? I used your recipie for ribs last night and it was > delicious! Thank you. I used lots of BBQ sauce which I like. Today I > made split pea soup. And Jeff says I'm not industrious. I have like > 12 cups of soup tho...does it freeze? > I think of you often, and you always raise my spirits. > > HUGS > keliz > > > . > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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