Guest guest Posted July 4, 2005 Report Share Posted July 4, 2005 There are some good men out there still....... My husband is the most supportive man I know. He takes such good care of me. I was diagnosed three years ago and upon my diagnosis he took me to dinner and he said I am sorry that you got diagnosed with RA but I want you to know that it is not your disease but our disease and I swear it has been that way from then on. He knows more about the disease than I do, as he is always researching. He is an engineer and has to get to the bottom of everything..LOL. My husband makes sure I have everything I need (cane, splints etc....) I have been up many nights crying in pain and so has he. He will rub my legs get my heat pads and whatever it takes to make me comfortable he will do. He even installed a second shower head in out bath so he can help me shower...now that is wonderful. As for our sex life well it is still wonderful because I am comfortable enough to tell him if I am doing something that hurts and we re-adjust....... I wish I could clone him because I would be rich.........*S*...Not bragging here but he is wonderful and if he got sick I would be there for him also...He is the love of my life and I am his. gentle hugs, Corinne Ps: there are still lots of good men out there. aclavern33@... wrote: > Guys, > men are just not wired like we are. They are take tenderness, > nurturing and > emotion are a sign of weakness...though shalt not be weak. > > Again when the wife is the foundation in a marriage and she gets > sick...they > get scared and retreat to the what I call the " little boy corner " of > denial. > It takes some time and for some that time never comes. > > For a man with a sick wife..he thinks we need money so I will work > harder > and things will get better. Now we women know that we would rather > had them by > out sides...but that is not how they think. > > Men do not like the ugly details. Men are fixers by nature. You say > you > have a problem then it should quickly be fixed. RA is not like > that...its an > on going problem with constant adjustments. > > The first thing a man thinks is I may loose my mate..how will I care > for my > kids? What happens to my sex life? if you are working, what will > happen to > us financially if she can't work anymore? This is the short > list...but it > goes on and on. Everyone's fear are slightly different. > > Be patient..keep communicating..keep providing info on your medical > condition. I use to leave reading material out for my hubby to > read. I found him > reading very late one nite when he thought I was asleep. Then I > learned he was > talking to a female co-worker with RA and Fibro trying to get more > info. > They will ask and learn...but only in there own time and with out > nagging or > pushing. Most also prefer to get info from a non involved party..so > they may > never talk to you about it. but you will find they suddenly know > what you > need and how to go about meeting that need. > > Again be patient, keep communicating, and seek professional counsel to > help > you cope. > > Toni > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 4, 2005 Report Share Posted July 4, 2005 There are some good men out there still....... My husband is the most supportive man I know. He takes such good care of me. I was diagnosed three years ago and upon my diagnosis he took me to dinner and he said I am sorry that you got diagnosed with RA but I want you to know that it is not your disease but our disease and I swear it has been that way from then on. He knows more about the disease than I do, as he is always researching. He is an engineer and has to get to the bottom of everything..LOL. My husband makes sure I have everything I need (cane, splints etc....) I have been up many nights crying in pain and so has he. He will rub my legs get my heat pads and whatever it takes to make me comfortable he will do. He even installed a second shower head in out bath so he can help me shower...now that is wonderful. As for our sex life well it is still wonderful because I am comfortable enough to tell him if I am doing something that hurts and we re-adjust....... I wish I could clone him because I would be rich.........*S*...Not bragging here but he is wonderful and if he got sick I would be there for him also...He is the love of my life and I am his. gentle hugs, Corinne Ps: there are still lots of good men out there. aclavern33@... wrote: > Guys, > men are just not wired like we are. They are take tenderness, > nurturing and > emotion are a sign of weakness...though shalt not be weak. > > Again when the wife is the foundation in a marriage and she gets > sick...they > get scared and retreat to the what I call the " little boy corner " of > denial. > It takes some time and for some that time never comes. > > For a man with a sick wife..he thinks we need money so I will work > harder > and things will get better. Now we women know that we would rather > had them by > out sides...but that is not how they think. > > Men do not like the ugly details. Men are fixers by nature. You say > you > have a problem then it should quickly be fixed. RA is not like > that...its an > on going problem with constant adjustments. > > The first thing a man thinks is I may loose my mate..how will I care > for my > kids? What happens to my sex life? if you are working, what will > happen to > us financially if she can't work anymore? This is the short > list...but it > goes on and on. Everyone's fear are slightly different. > > Be patient..keep communicating..keep providing info on your medical > condition. I use to leave reading material out for my hubby to > read. I found him > reading very late one nite when he thought I was asleep. Then I > learned he was > talking to a female co-worker with RA and Fibro trying to get more > info. > They will ask and learn...but only in there own time and with out > nagging or > pushing. Most also prefer to get info from a non involved party..so > they may > never talk to you about it. but you will find they suddenly know > what you > need and how to go about meeting that need. > > Again be patient, keep communicating, and seek professional counsel to > help > you cope. > > Toni > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 4, 2005 Report Share Posted July 4, 2005 Does he have a brother maybe??? lol.............sounds like he is a great guy and you are both so lucky. hugs Pat in so Ore --- Corinne Drover <Corinne@...> wrote: > There are some good men out there still....... > My husband is the most supportive man I know. He > takes such good care > of me. I was diagnosed three years ago and upon my > diagnosis he took me > to dinner and he said I am sorry that you got > diagnosed with RA but I > want you to know that it is not your disease but our > disease and I swear > it has been that way from then on. He knows more > about the disease than > I do, as he is always researching. He is an > engineer and has to get to > the bottom of everything..LOL. > My husband makes sure I have everything I need > (cane, splints etc....) > I have been up many nights crying in pain and so has > he. He will rub my > legs get my heat pads and whatever it takes to make > me comfortable he > will do. He even installed a second shower head in > out bath so he can > help me shower...now that is wonderful. As for our > sex life well it is > still wonderful because I am comfortable enough to > tell him if I am > doing something that hurts and we re-adjust....... > I wish I could clone him because I would be > rich.........*S*...Not > bragging here but he is wonderful and if he got sick > I would be there > for him also...He is the love of my life and I am > his. > > gentle hugs, > > Corinne > > Ps: there are still lots of good men out there. > > aclavern33@... wrote: > > > Guys, > > men are just not wired like we are. They are take > tenderness, > > nurturing and > > emotion are a sign of weakness...though shalt not > be weak. > > > > Again when the wife is the foundation in a > marriage and she gets > > sick...they > > get scared and retreat to the what I call the > " little boy corner " of > > denial. > > It takes some time and for some that time never > comes. > > > > For a man with a sick wife..he thinks we need > money so I will work > > harder > > and things will get better. Now we women know > that we would rather > > had them by > > out sides...but that is not how they think. > > > > Men do not like the ugly details. Men are fixers > by nature. You say > > you > > have a problem then it should quickly be fixed. > RA is not like > > that...its an > > on going problem with constant adjustments. > > > > The first thing a man thinks is I may loose my > mate..how will I care > > for my > > kids? What happens to my sex life? if you are > working, what will > > happen to > > us financially if she can't work anymore? This is > the short > > list...but it > > goes on and on. Everyone's fear are slightly > different. > > > > Be patient..keep communicating..keep providing > info on your medical > > condition. I use to leave reading material out > for my hubby to > > read. I found him > > reading very late one nite when he thought I was > asleep. Then I > > learned he was > > talking to a female co-worker with RA and Fibro > trying to get more > > info. > > They will ask and learn...but only in there own > time and with out > > nagging or > > pushing. Most also prefer to get info from a non > involved party..so > > they may > > never talk to you about it. but you will find > they suddenly know > > what you > > need and how to go about meeting that need. > > > > Again be patient, keep communicating, and seek > professional counsel to > > help > > you cope. > > > > Toni > > > > > > > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > removed] > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 4, 2005 Report Share Posted July 4, 2005 Does he have a brother maybe??? lol.............sounds like he is a great guy and you are both so lucky. hugs Pat in so Ore --- Corinne Drover <Corinne@...> wrote: > There are some good men out there still....... > My husband is the most supportive man I know. He > takes such good care > of me. I was diagnosed three years ago and upon my > diagnosis he took me > to dinner and he said I am sorry that you got > diagnosed with RA but I > want you to know that it is not your disease but our > disease and I swear > it has been that way from then on. He knows more > about the disease than > I do, as he is always researching. He is an > engineer and has to get to > the bottom of everything..LOL. > My husband makes sure I have everything I need > (cane, splints etc....) > I have been up many nights crying in pain and so has > he. He will rub my > legs get my heat pads and whatever it takes to make > me comfortable he > will do. He even installed a second shower head in > out bath so he can > help me shower...now that is wonderful. As for our > sex life well it is > still wonderful because I am comfortable enough to > tell him if I am > doing something that hurts and we re-adjust....... > I wish I could clone him because I would be > rich.........*S*...Not > bragging here but he is wonderful and if he got sick > I would be there > for him also...He is the love of my life and I am > his. > > gentle hugs, > > Corinne > > Ps: there are still lots of good men out there. > > aclavern33@... wrote: > > > Guys, > > men are just not wired like we are. They are take > tenderness, > > nurturing and > > emotion are a sign of weakness...though shalt not > be weak. > > > > Again when the wife is the foundation in a > marriage and she gets > > sick...they > > get scared and retreat to the what I call the > " little boy corner " of > > denial. > > It takes some time and for some that time never > comes. > > > > For a man with a sick wife..he thinks we need > money so I will work > > harder > > and things will get better. Now we women know > that we would rather > > had them by > > out sides...but that is not how they think. > > > > Men do not like the ugly details. Men are fixers > by nature. You say > > you > > have a problem then it should quickly be fixed. > RA is not like > > that...its an > > on going problem with constant adjustments. > > > > The first thing a man thinks is I may loose my > mate..how will I care > > for my > > kids? What happens to my sex life? if you are > working, what will > > happen to > > us financially if she can't work anymore? This is > the short > > list...but it > > goes on and on. Everyone's fear are slightly > different. > > > > Be patient..keep communicating..keep providing > info on your medical > > condition. I use to leave reading material out > for my hubby to > > read. I found him > > reading very late one nite when he thought I was > asleep. Then I > > learned he was > > talking to a female co-worker with RA and Fibro > trying to get more > > info. > > They will ask and learn...but only in there own > time and with out > > nagging or > > pushing. Most also prefer to get info from a non > involved party..so > > they may > > never talk to you about it. but you will find > they suddenly know > > what you > > need and how to go about meeting that need. > > > > Again be patient, keep communicating, and seek > professional counsel to > > help > > you cope. > > > > Toni > > > > > > > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > removed] > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 4, 2005 Report Share Posted July 4, 2005 LOL.....actually he do ........yes we are lucky and it breaks my heart to know that so many don't have support! Alvarez wrote: > Does he have a brother maybe??? > lol.............sounds like he is a great guy and you > are both so lucky. > > hugs > Pat in so Ore > > --- Corinne Drover <Corinne@...> wrote: > > > There are some good men out there still....... > > My husband is the most supportive man I know. He > > takes such good care > > of me. I was diagnosed three years ago and upon my > > diagnosis he took me > > to dinner and he said I am sorry that you got > > diagnosed with RA but I > > want you to know that it is not your disease but our > > disease and I swear > > it has been that way from then on. He knows more > > about the disease than > > I do, as he is always researching. He is an > > engineer and has to get to > > the bottom of everything..LOL. > > My husband makes sure I have everything I need > > (cane, splints etc....) > > I have been up many nights crying in pain and so has > > he. He will rub my > > legs get my heat pads and whatever it takes to make > > me comfortable he > > will do. He even installed a second shower head in > > out bath so he can > > help me shower...now that is wonderful. As for our > > sex life well it is > > still wonderful because I am comfortable enough to > > tell him if I am > > doing something that hurts and we re-adjust....... > > I wish I could clone him because I would be > > rich.........*S*...Not > > bragging here but he is wonderful and if he got sick > > I would be there > > for him also...He is the love of my life and I am > > his. > > > > gentle hugs, > > > > Corinne > > > > Ps: there are still lots of good men out there. > > > > aclavern33@... wrote: > > > > > Guys, > > > men are just not wired like we are. They are take > > tenderness, > > > nurturing and > > > emotion are a sign of weakness...though shalt not > > be weak. > > > > > > Again when the wife is the foundation in a > > marriage and she gets > > > sick...they > > > get scared and retreat to the what I call the > > " little boy corner " of > > > denial. > > > It takes some time and for some that time never > > comes. > > > > > > For a man with a sick wife..he thinks we need > > money so I will work > > > harder > > > and things will get better. Now we women know > > that we would rather > > > had them by > > > out sides...but that is not how they think. > > > > > > Men do not like the ugly details. Men are fixers > > by nature. You say > > > you > > > have a problem then it should quickly be fixed. > > RA is not like > > > that...its an > > > on going problem with constant adjustments. > > > > > > The first thing a man thinks is I may loose my > > mate..how will I care > > > for my > > > kids? What happens to my sex life? if you are > > working, what will > > > happen to > > > us financially if she can't work anymore? This is > > the short > > > list...but it > > > goes on and on. Everyone's fear are slightly > > different. > > > > > > Be patient..keep communicating..keep providing > > info on your medical > > > condition. I use to leave reading material out > > for my hubby to > > > read. I found him > > > reading very late one nite when he thought I was > > asleep. Then I > > > learned he was > > > talking to a female co-worker with RA and Fibro > > trying to get more > > > info. > > > They will ask and learn...but only in there own > > time and with out > > > nagging or > > > pushing. Most also prefer to get info from a non > > involved party..so > > > they may > > > never talk to you about it. but you will find > > they suddenly know > > > what you > > > need and how to go about meeting that need. > > > > > > Again be patient, keep communicating, and seek > > professional counsel to > > > help > > > you cope. > > > > > > Toni > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > > removed] > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 4, 2005 Report Share Posted July 4, 2005 LOL.....actually he do ........yes we are lucky and it breaks my heart to know that so many don't have support! Alvarez wrote: > Does he have a brother maybe??? > lol.............sounds like he is a great guy and you > are both so lucky. > > hugs > Pat in so Ore > > --- Corinne Drover <Corinne@...> wrote: > > > There are some good men out there still....... > > My husband is the most supportive man I know. He > > takes such good care > > of me. I was diagnosed three years ago and upon my > > diagnosis he took me > > to dinner and he said I am sorry that you got > > diagnosed with RA but I > > want you to know that it is not your disease but our > > disease and I swear > > it has been that way from then on. He knows more > > about the disease than > > I do, as he is always researching. He is an > > engineer and has to get to > > the bottom of everything..LOL. > > My husband makes sure I have everything I need > > (cane, splints etc....) > > I have been up many nights crying in pain and so has > > he. He will rub my > > legs get my heat pads and whatever it takes to make > > me comfortable he > > will do. He even installed a second shower head in > > out bath so he can > > help me shower...now that is wonderful. As for our > > sex life well it is > > still wonderful because I am comfortable enough to > > tell him if I am > > doing something that hurts and we re-adjust....... > > I wish I could clone him because I would be > > rich.........*S*...Not > > bragging here but he is wonderful and if he got sick > > I would be there > > for him also...He is the love of my life and I am > > his. > > > > gentle hugs, > > > > Corinne > > > > Ps: there are still lots of good men out there. > > > > aclavern33@... wrote: > > > > > Guys, > > > men are just not wired like we are. They are take > > tenderness, > > > nurturing and > > > emotion are a sign of weakness...though shalt not > > be weak. > > > > > > Again when the wife is the foundation in a > > marriage and she gets > > > sick...they > > > get scared and retreat to the what I call the > > " little boy corner " of > > > denial. > > > It takes some time and for some that time never > > comes. > > > > > > For a man with a sick wife..he thinks we need > > money so I will work > > > harder > > > and things will get better. Now we women know > > that we would rather > > > had them by > > > out sides...but that is not how they think. > > > > > > Men do not like the ugly details. Men are fixers > > by nature. You say > > > you > > > have a problem then it should quickly be fixed. > > RA is not like > > > that...its an > > > on going problem with constant adjustments. > > > > > > The first thing a man thinks is I may loose my > > mate..how will I care > > > for my > > > kids? What happens to my sex life? if you are > > working, what will > > > happen to > > > us financially if she can't work anymore? This is > > the short > > > list...but it > > > goes on and on. Everyone's fear are slightly > > different. > > > > > > Be patient..keep communicating..keep providing > > info on your medical > > > condition. I use to leave reading material out > > for my hubby to > > > read. I found him > > > reading very late one nite when he thought I was > > asleep. Then I > > > learned he was > > > talking to a female co-worker with RA and Fibro > > trying to get more > > > info. > > > They will ask and learn...but only in there own > > time and with out > > > nagging or > > > pushing. Most also prefer to get info from a non > > involved party..so > > > they may > > > never talk to you about it. but you will find > > they suddenly know > > > what you > > > need and how to go about meeting that need. > > > > > > Again be patient, keep communicating, and seek > > professional counsel to > > > help > > > you cope. > > > > > > Toni > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > > removed] > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 5, 2005 Report Share Posted July 5, 2005 Toni, Just had to write in and let you know that not all husbands or men are alike. There are still a few gems out there. My hubby has been soooo supportive of me. He has grocery shopped, done all the carpooling for our three younger children, cooked dinner, worked and even taken off work to take care of me and the younger children on my bad days. He is my best friend and has been great about the decline in our sex life. It is still there, just much different. He has been patient and researched the issue like you would not believe. He goes with me to the doctor now and speaks up for me and I am so grateful because sometimes I am too sick to care and to fight for myself. He is a sensitive man even cutting my toenails since one got infected as I was too embarrassed to tell him I needed help. He does them all the time for me. He installed a handheld showerhead so I could wash my own hair because I wanted to do it myself being stubborn which I can be. He has given up so much and I feel so bad about it sometimes, but as he says in sickness and in health and he knows I would do the same for him. We are still young but things could be much worse. Don't give up. As Dr. Phil would say, they may be wired the same as you said, but some of them are trainable:o) Really he is the best. I know Corinne's hubby is good to her also. I have chatted with her a few times. Just thought you should know. Hugs, Tracie in Maine > > > > > > > Guys, > > > > men are just not wired like we are. They are take > > > tenderness, > > > > nurturing and > > > > emotion are a sign of weakness...though shalt not > > > be weak. > > > > > > > > Again when the wife is the foundation in a > > > marriage and she gets > > > > sick...they > > > > get scared and retreat to the what I call the > > > " little boy corner " of > > > > denial. > > > > It takes some time and for some that time never > > > comes. > > > > > > > > For a man with a sick wife..he thinks we need > > > money so I will work > > > > harder > > > > and things will get better. Now we women know > > > that we would rather > > > > had them by > > > > out sides...but that is not how they think. > > > > > > > > Men do not like the ugly details. Men are fixers > > > by nature. You say > > > > you > > > > have a problem then it should quickly be fixed. > > > RA is not like > > > > that...its an > > > > on going problem with constant adjustments. > > > > > > > > The first thing a man thinks is I may loose my > > > mate..how will I care > > > > for my > > > > kids? What happens to my sex life? if you are > > > working, what will > > > > happen to > > > > us financially if she can't work anymore? This is > > > the short > > > > list...but it > > > > goes on and on. Everyone's fear are slightly > > > different. > > > > > > > > Be patient..keep communicating..keep providing > > > info on your medical > > > > condition. I use to leave reading material out > > > for my hubby to > > > > read. I found him > > > > reading very late one nite when he thought I was > > > asleep. Then I > > > > learned he was > > > > talking to a female co-worker with RA and Fibro > > > trying to get more > > > > info. > > > > They will ask and learn...but only in there own > > > time and with out > > > > nagging or > > > > pushing. Most also prefer to get info from a non > > > involved party..so > > > > they may > > > > never talk to you about it. but you will find > > > they suddenly know > > > > what you > > > > need and how to go about meeting that need. > > > > > > > > Again be patient, keep communicating, and seek > > > professional counsel to > > > > help > > > > you cope. > > > > > > > > Toni > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > > > removed] > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 5, 2005 Report Share Posted July 5, 2005 Toni, Just had to write in and let you know that not all husbands or men are alike. There are still a few gems out there. My hubby has been soooo supportive of me. He has grocery shopped, done all the carpooling for our three younger children, cooked dinner, worked and even taken off work to take care of me and the younger children on my bad days. He is my best friend and has been great about the decline in our sex life. It is still there, just much different. He has been patient and researched the issue like you would not believe. He goes with me to the doctor now and speaks up for me and I am so grateful because sometimes I am too sick to care and to fight for myself. He is a sensitive man even cutting my toenails since one got infected as I was too embarrassed to tell him I needed help. He does them all the time for me. He installed a handheld showerhead so I could wash my own hair because I wanted to do it myself being stubborn which I can be. He has given up so much and I feel so bad about it sometimes, but as he says in sickness and in health and he knows I would do the same for him. We are still young but things could be much worse. Don't give up. As Dr. Phil would say, they may be wired the same as you said, but some of them are trainable:o) Really he is the best. I know Corinne's hubby is good to her also. I have chatted with her a few times. Just thought you should know. Hugs, Tracie in Maine > > > > > > > Guys, > > > > men are just not wired like we are. They are take > > > tenderness, > > > > nurturing and > > > > emotion are a sign of weakness...though shalt not > > > be weak. > > > > > > > > Again when the wife is the foundation in a > > > marriage and she gets > > > > sick...they > > > > get scared and retreat to the what I call the > > > " little boy corner " of > > > > denial. > > > > It takes some time and for some that time never > > > comes. > > > > > > > > For a man with a sick wife..he thinks we need > > > money so I will work > > > > harder > > > > and things will get better. Now we women know > > > that we would rather > > > > had them by > > > > out sides...but that is not how they think. > > > > > > > > Men do not like the ugly details. Men are fixers > > > by nature. You say > > > > you > > > > have a problem then it should quickly be fixed. > > > RA is not like > > > > that...its an > > > > on going problem with constant adjustments. > > > > > > > > The first thing a man thinks is I may loose my > > > mate..how will I care > > > > for my > > > > kids? What happens to my sex life? if you are > > > working, what will > > > > happen to > > > > us financially if she can't work anymore? This is > > > the short > > > > list...but it > > > > goes on and on. Everyone's fear are slightly > > > different. > > > > > > > > Be patient..keep communicating..keep providing > > > info on your medical > > > > condition. I use to leave reading material out > > > for my hubby to > > > > read. I found him > > > > reading very late one nite when he thought I was > > > asleep. Then I > > > > learned he was > > > > talking to a female co-worker with RA and Fibro > > > trying to get more > > > > info. > > > > They will ask and learn...but only in there own > > > time and with out > > > > nagging or > > > > pushing. Most also prefer to get info from a non > > > involved party..so > > > > they may > > > > never talk to you about it. but you will find > > > they suddenly know > > > > what you > > > > need and how to go about meeting that need. > > > > > > > > Again be patient, keep communicating, and seek > > > professional counsel to > > > > help > > > > you cope. > > > > > > > > Toni > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > > > removed] > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.