Hi all. Upset at the moment.

July 3, 2005

Hi all,

Very upset at the moment, so may decide to stay away from the RA

boards because I don't want to project any of it onto you guys or

get any of it mirrored back to me because of my comments. I visit 2

of them here.

Any of your comments can be mailed to the personal e-mail.

If any of you have been through divorce and want to share a story

you think may help, please feel free to send an e-mail.

I am contemplating divorce and really think it's best. However, I

am not interested in hearing a defense for him or anything like

that. I have allowed more than I should already based on my

condition and my daughter's condition. If I am ever to fight this I

will have to stand up for myself and attempt to surround myself with

people who care about my outcome. I have very little to start over

but willing to go through the lonliness, emotional distress, and

basically living without most of the luxuries I have for a chance at

peace and happiness, if that's possible. There are many, many who

already support him in whatever he does. His family consists of

mostly women and they wait on him constantly more than I ever

could. No need for a wife, right? It's their way.

I don't blame anyone, except myself and never have. Any negatives I

mention are ones to give me the courage and to remind me why this is

something I have to do. I have hinted around here often but I think

I need to get serious now.

I have decided not to take anything except what he is willing to

part with. I am mainly interested in things regarding my daughter.

I mentioned this to him and he has placed the entire thing with me

and just flippantly says " you have 30 days, so get started. " ??? I

want to do this without lawyers. I can't afford them anyway, and

really want this handled in a civil manner without fussing or

arguments.

I guess I amm trying to see if anyone has gone through a divorce and

come out of it intact without the bickering or belittling each other

about it. He has already placed the blame on me which is what got

me upset. (I just want to end it peacefully.) I guess gearing up

for a case against me. I am too tired to blame back and can't

afford to be stressed out.

Thanks for allowing me to talk about this. Talk to you soon.

Ebony

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