Guest guest Posted July 3, 2005 Report Share Posted July 3, 2005 How do you guys all get husband support. Some days he is pretty supporative other days he is like it can't be that bad I try to act like it doesn't bug me but it is really getting to me. He doesn't go in any of my appoitments with me. Says he is sick of taking me to the doctors will its not like I asked for this. I am sick of going to but I figure it is a part of my like so I will deal with Sorry guys to ramble on I am just feeling really down in between the pain, swelling and everything that is going on as trying to figure out if I should ask the doctor for a increase in my meds Thanks for all your support. Thanks Angie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 3, 2005 Report Share Posted July 3, 2005 Angie: If your pain isn't under control, please talk to your doc or Rheumy about it. There's no need to suffer in silence. It took me a while to speak up and be heard about pain meds....but glad I finally did. My pain is no where near 100% under control, but it's much better than it was when I was newly diagnosed. Also, depression is very common when you have a chronic illness like RA. Please, if you're feeling down for an extended period of time, mention it to your doc and see if there's something you can take. I am very lucky as far as husbands/boyfriends go. I was 2.5 years into a relationship when I was diagnosed, and I've had nothing but incredible support. My heart breaks for those of you who are going through this with a less than considerate partner. I don't know you husband and can't even begin to make a decision on the type of person he is. All I can say is that he may be shutting down because he's scared. Some men handle the stress of situations like this by shutting down and putting up a wall. On the other hand, maybe he's cold and callous. It's not for me to say. You have to make the ultimate decision as to whether you should stay or go. No matter what you decide you will find support here when or if you need it. Hang in there, --- In , " along302003 " <along3@c...> wrote: > How do you guys all get husband support. Some days he is pretty > supporative other days he is like it can't be that bad I try to act > like it doesn't bug me but it is really getting to me. He doesn't go > in any of my appoitments with me. Says he is sick of taking me to the > doctors will its not like I asked for this. I am sick of going to but > I figure it is a part of my like so I will deal with Sorry guys to > ramble on I am just feeling really down in between the pain, swelling > and everything that is going on as trying to figure out if I should > ask the doctor for a increase in my meds > Thanks for all your support. > > Thanks > Angie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 4, 2005 Report Share Posted July 4, 2005 Hi, Thanks a for the kind words. Yet there are moments I wish I could have done something when it all started. Now I do understand it was beyond anybody. Then there was the ignorance of RA. It was a terrible time. She was only 20 when detected with RA. My lil' sister had to take a year off her studies. She was the best student in her batch. She did go back and pursue her degree. She just wasted before our eyes. But she lost so much of self-confidence. But thank God for good doctors and medication she is better than then. We (family) wish so much that she would be able to find a partner. Its a bit unnerving to have the read the recent posts on 'husbands'. Would she be better off alone? Being her sister I know she is someone who be better having a husband & family. But what if the man cannot cope with her RA and with her self-esteem not too strong.. that would not help at all. I would definately not be able to see her go through anymore hurting. My father initially was not supportive and I know today it was just that he could not accept & cope with what was happening to the daughter he was so proud of. His being that way just added to the pain to her & to us. My mother just compensated for all that was not there. God bless her! & my father - for willing to finally accept. Somewhere in my heart I do believe there are good men. I am married to one. But they are so few, so rare. Will keep praying. Wish & pray there is loads & loads of love and support for all. Regards, Sheena [ ] Re: husbands Angie: If your pain isn't under control, please talk to your doc or Rheumy about it. There's no need to suffer in silence. It took me a while to speak up and be heard about pain meds....but glad I finally did. My pain is no where near 100% under control, but it's much better than it was when I was newly diagnosed. Also, depression is very common when you have a chronic illness like RA. Please, if you're feeling down for an extended period of time, mention it to your doc and see if there's something you can take. I am very lucky as far as husbands/boyfriends go. I was 2.5 years into a relationship when I was diagnosed, and I've had nothing but incredible support. My heart breaks for those of you who are going through this with a less than considerate partner. I don't know you husband and can't even begin to make a decision on the type of person he is. All I can say is that he may be shutting down because he's scared. Some men handle the stress of situations like this by shutting down and putting up a wall. On the other hand, maybe he's cold and callous. It's not for me to say. You have to make the ultimate decision as to whether you should stay or go. No matter what you decide you will find support here when or if you need it. Hang in there, --- In , " along302003 " <along3@c...> wrote: > How do you guys all get husband support. Some days he is pretty > supporative other days he is like it can't be that bad I try to act > like it doesn't bug me but it is really getting to me. He doesn't go > in any of my appoitments with me. Says he is sick of taking me to the > doctors will its not like I asked for this. I am sick of going to but > I figure it is a part of my like so I will deal with Sorry guys to > ramble on I am just feeling really down in between the pain, swelling > and everything that is going on as trying to figure out if I should > ask the doctor for a increase in my meds > Thanks for all your support. > > Thanks > Angie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 4, 2005 Report Share Posted July 4, 2005 Sheena, Don't give up hope that your sister will find a good man that will accept her. My husband married me knowing all about RA. We were good friends for 15 years before we got married. He's healthy and outgoing, and I couldn't believe he wanted to marry ME. He was my late husband's best friend. When I lost my first husband to cancer, his best friend made a promise to him that he'd take care of me and our children. He sure kept his word. We spent our first anniversary in a rehab hospital after my first knee replacement. He snuck in a bottle of wine and the top of our wedding cake. We've been very happily married now for almost 9 years. Yes, there are a lot of jerks out there, but there are good men too. It's hard for healthy people to find good men!!! It also breaks my heart to read about unsupportive spouses. Your sister sounds so much like me. I was also in my 20 and in school when diagnosed. I also had to take off school because of RA. I was at the top of my class. I've been taking part time classes here and there, but never could go back full time. I know I couldn't do nursing now anyway. In the most unexpected place and time, your sister just may meet someone. a On Jul 4, 2005, at 10:00 AM, Sheena wrote: > Hi, > > Thanks a for the kind words. Yet there are moments I wish I could > have > done something when it all started. Now I do understand it was beyond > anybody. Then there was the ignorance of RA. > > It was a terrible time. She was only 20 when detected with RA. My lil' > sister had to take a year off her studies. She was the best student > in her > batch. She did go back and pursue her degree. She just wasted before > our > eyes. But she lost so much of self-confidence. But thank God for good > doctors and medication she is better than then. > > We (family) wish so much that she would be able to find a partner. > Its a bit > unnerving to have the read the recent posts on 'husbands'. Would she > be > better off alone? Being her sister I know she is someone who be better > having a husband & family. But what if the man cannot cope with her > RA and > with her self-esteem not too strong.. that would not help at all. I > would > definately not be able to see her go through anymore hurting. > > My father initially was not supportive and I know today it was just > that he > could not accept & cope with what was happening to the daughter he > was so > proud of. His being that way just added to the pain to her & to us. My > mother just compensated for all that was not there. God bless her! & > my > father - for willing to finally accept. > > Somewhere in my heart I do believe there are good men. I am married > to one. > But they are so few, so rare. Will keep praying. > > Wish & pray there is loads & loads of love and support for all. > > Regards, > Sheena Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 4, 2005 Report Share Posted July 4, 2005 Like someone else said---'in sickness and in health' is a term/condition that we all agreed to when we got married. These guys need to realize that. I was diagnosed only six months after we were married and he has been the greatest husband through the whole thing. He insists on going to the doc with me to ask questions and listen to what the doc has to say himself. It upsets me to no end to hear that some of you have to go through this without the one person who should be by you the most. Marriage is a partnership. Maybe some of these guys need to take a walk in their wives' shoes sometime. I wonder what they would expect of their wives if they got cancer or had a heart attack. I'm almost positive that things would be a lot different! My husband is my best friend and we support each other in everything that goes on in our lives--the good and the bad. I wish the best for all of you. diana louisiana nonny46 <nonny46@...> wrote: Dear Angie, I don't post often, but my heart goes out to you! I am blessed to have one of the GOOD husbands, but I'm not sure how he would act if he were not ill himself. He has Parkinson's Disease, and we were diagnosed (I have FM, MS, and Dercum's) at the same time. We go to each other's doctor appointments, mostly for support, but also to be sure that someone else is there to hear what the doctor is saying and remember it. I said something one day about all the bother I am, and he said " our vows were " in sickness and in health, for better or for worse, in good times and in bad " and as I promised before God and our friends and family, that I will do. " Our daughter, who lives nearby, is just now beginning to realize her parents do not have boundless energy to babysit (she has 2-year old triplets and a 5-year old) and her husband does help us when we need it. I pray that God opens your husband's eyes and heart to be where you need him, Judi ie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 5, 2005 Report Share Posted July 5, 2005 I see them in the movies...but never in real life! These men like you are talking about. I have had cancer...and still no husband at my side. He has NEVER gone to the doctor's with me. Except when I lost my baby to " demise " , he was there for the first 24 hrs of labor, gotta give 'em that; but not there for the actual delivery! He was never there for any of my 7 (count 'em, seven) surgeries., or my radiation. But still, he claims he has always been there for me... > Dear Angie, > > I don't post often, but my heart goes out to you! I am blessed to have > one of the GOOD husbands, but I'm not sure how he would act if he were > not ill himself. He has Parkinson's Disease, and we were diagnosed (I > have FM, MS, and Dercum's) at the same time. We go to each other's > doctor appointments, mostly for support, but also to be sure that > someone else is there to hear what the doctor is saying and remember > it. I said something one day about all the bother I am, and he > said " our vows were " in sickness and in health, for better or for > worse, in good times and in bad " and as I promised before God and our > friends and family, that I will do. " > > Our daughter, who lives nearby, is just now beginning to realize her > parents do not have boundless energy to babysit (she has 2-year old > triplets and a 5-year old) and her husband does help us when we need > it. I pray that God opens your husband's eyes and heart to be where > you need him, > > Judi > ie > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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