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I've been journaling and searching for signals that nada and the foo

have left me with over time in accordance with Surviving a Borderline

Parent (pp.25), thought I'd share the healing.

Signal-

Nada: If you leave me I'll get sick and die; this will be all your fault.

FOO: Don't let us down, and if you do we'll rationalize/penalize

it/you in terms of the rules of the world not the tilted rules we live

by and project, but if we screw up were void from rules of the world.

Nada:Now I'm going to give you this gift to make myself feel like a

good parent; this gift is a weapon for me to use to make you feel

guilt, anger and unloved.

Nada: you are a ungrateful, terrible and selfish person but I still

love you, why cant' you just love your mother for who she is? Why

can't you respect me like the bible says, you know what happens to

children that don't respect their mother's and father's, do you really

want that?

Nada:Every mistake I've made in parenting you is warranted, because I

had to " START ALL OVER AT 40! " and your father left me.

Nada: I have it the hardest, you shouldn't feel like you have it

harder than I do. Your so selfish, lots of people all over the world

have it much worse. Christ, look at Africa !

Lessons of my FOO:

-you shouldn't trust the voice that moves you forward

-you are insignificant and invisible to us

-you are a burden to us

-We help because your our little brother because we love you and

refuse to allow you to have the essential emotions, time and

developmental needs because its too late and we never had them, why

should you?

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