Back in the old days

[Guest guest]

OK, , I accept your apologies.

Yes I remember us being in your bug. And being disappointed when

you didn't show any interest in me.

You never asked me out, never showed any genuine interest.

I was confused. We talked in your room all night- but I couldn't

read you. You disagreed with me so much, I just assumed you were

tormenting me, because you acted like you didn't want me to leave,

but you were arguing with me all the time. We never agreed on

anything. And you would talk about how great Chandra was, that's

when I knew I had no chance.

I assumed I had lost to the " cooler " female, and that's the way it

was. Scientists were dorks and losers.

So, to avert confusion, I made that decision that you didn't like

me, (Now I know differently) and I couldn't stand to see you two

together.

It wasn't so much that I lost you; I could accept that- but that I

lost her. I thought you weren't interested in me, and I was so

confused as to why Chandra in the end hated me. I couldn't

understand why she would lie to me about liking you, when I was

willing to step away- that was my attempt at loyalty to her.

Why did she betray me so much? Why did she have to lie to me when I

happily would have gotten out of her way? If she liked you, why

didn't she just ask you out?

That's how I felt back then. I didn't understand anything about the

NT structure, and was so hurt and confused.

She was jealous, (as if I was any threat!) and I had to be done away

with, because she couldn't have 2 socially unacceptable persons

around her and be OK in the NT world. That was one of the most

painful things I ever experienced- her betrayal of me.

I never knew she stepped away for awhile, but she only did to

assuage the NT social group.

They would say that Chandra hung out with you only because she was

so " nice " .

Sure, a possible alcoholic (she hid bottles of the stuff from her

parents when she was 11 years old or so, and loved to get thrashed),

who not only talked bad about you and me, but ALL her friends. She

told me everything about her friends that she didn't like- she

really put them down. Dee-dee was too mean, and a bitch, the

oriental girl was nothing but an air headed bimbo, etc. She really

wasn't loyal to any of them. She was just pretending to be a part

of the group. She was also very competative with women.

That's why she sent me down to check you out.

1. She wanted to have someone to compete with for you

OR

2. She was hoping we would hit it off so that she could keep her

feelings for you a secret, and then put us both down.

At this point I can't tell.

Her shame in having me around was because I didn't fit in. I made

her look bad by association. She never really cared about me.

It was paramount for her to have a man in her life, and to be

socially acceptable. I think that's one reason she liked alcohol so

much- it helped her in this regard. I remember she told me she was

teased and an outcast like us, when she was a kid. Then

things " changed " . I suspect that had to to with the drinking, as it

can do that to a person.

She must have told her friends god knows what about me, because they

threatened me at one point. I didn't realize it was a threat until

after they had tried to carry it out. They told me they were hoping

to ruin my life for a long time... but in NT speak I couldn't

understand.

I'm curious...

What happened between you and Chandra? In the end, what made you

decide that she didn't deserve your affection? How did her freinds

respond to the two of you dating?

What did they say about me? What did SHE say about me?

(Sorry if I'm being nosy. You can email me privately if you want

with answers. Curiosity killed the cat- I've always wanted to know,

but just now got the gumption to ask. It's really none of my

buisness.)

What did they do to you in middle and high school?

Jeanette