inquiry - people should prefer me

[Guest guest]

*1) Is it true?

*susie and jenn should ask me to go with them to the park and prefer my

company over others. michelle should have only wanted me to be her favorite

playmate. nathan should give me more attention than tisha and he should

prefer me. kevin should only want me as his companion and life partner...he

should prefer me to other women. katia should not have fun with other

friends and she should always prefer to be with me.

*What's the reality of it?*

they don't. all these people sometimes prefer my company and sometimes

don't. mostly don't.

*

Whose business is it?

*Theirs.

*

2) Can you absolutely know it's true?

*No, especially since it's not even my business.

*

And it means that...

*when people don't prefer me, it means that i'm no good. that i'm a loser.

that i am a reject. that i can't get it right. it means i'm separate.

*

What do you think you would have?

*i would have proof that i'm worthy and loveable. i would have connection.

*What's the worst that could happen?

*i could end up lonely and rejected, feeling the constant pain of

separation, and die.

*

3) How do you react when you think that thought?

*I feel a sharp pain in my chest. i feel incredibly jealous of others that

i perceive are preferred over me. i feel sick in my stomach. i measure how

much attention is given to others compared to me. i feel guilty for not

spending more time with people so that they could choose me. i withdraw. i

really feel like shit. i want to hide, and sometimes do. i purposefully

avoid susie and jenn. i avoid being with nathan and tisha at the same time.

i'm constantly mad at michelle for picking favorites. i can't give of

myself completely to any of these people, or kevin, because i feel hurt

and/ or afraid of being hurt.

*Can you see a reason to drop that thought? (And please don't)

*yes

*4) Who would you be without that thought?*

*

*

i would be in my own business. i would accept me as i am and them as they

are. i would be open to love. i would be present. i would be loving myself

and them. in the little time that i do run into them, i would be open for

connection instead of closed off and hiding.

*Turnaround*

*

**to myself: *i should prefer myself. if i did that, i would be in my own

business. i would accept myself 100%, whether i'm social " enough " , pretty

" enough " , interesting " enough " or not. it wouldn't mean anything whether

others preferred me or not, because i would already be preferring myself.

*to the other*

*

**to the opposite: *i should prefer people. i don't prefer any of these

people...but only because i've made up that they are causing me to feel

bad. if i forgave that, saw through the lie that is, i would be free to

prefer them. they are choosing each other because they think they can get

their needs to be happy better met through those people. not because they

think those people are better than me. and they're probably right.

*

*

*For others... I am willing to/ I look forward to...

*