GRIEF WISH LIST (TUCK AWAY...YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN YOU MIGHT NEED IT)

[Guest guest]

Grief Wish List

If you have been through grief you will relate to this.If you are going through

it you will relate. If you have never been through this type of grief. keep this

handy ... it may help you one day.

My Grief Wish List

1. I wish you would not be afraid to speak my loved one's name. They lived and

were important and I need to hear their name.

2. If I cry or get emotional if we talk about my loved one, I wish you knew that

it isn't because you have hurt me; the fact they have died has caused my tears.

You have allowed me to cry and I thank you. Crying and emotional outbursts are

healing.

3. I wish you wouldn't let my loved one die again by removing from your home his

pictures, artwork or other remembrances.

4. I will have emotional highs and lows, ups and downs. I wish you wouldn't

think that if I have a good day my grief is all over, or that if I have a bad

day, I need psychiatric counseling.

5. I wish you knew that the death of a child is different from other losses and

must be viewed separately. It is the ultimate tragedy and I wish you wouldn't

compare it to your loss of a parent, a spouse or a pet.

6. Being a bereaved person is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn't stay away

from me.

7. I wish you knew all the crazy grief reactions that I am having are in fact

very normal. Depression, anger, frustration and hopelessness and the questioning

of values and beliefs are to be expected following a death.

8. I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be over in six months. The first few

years are going to be exceedingly traumatic for us. As with alcoholics, I will

never be 'cured' or a formerly bereaved,'but forever be a 'recovering' from my

bereavement.

9. I wish you understood the physical reaction to grief. I may gain weight or

lose weight, sleep all the time or not at all, develop, a lot of illnesses and

be accident prone, all of which are related to my grief.

10. Our loved one's birthday, the anniversary of his death and the holidays are

terrible times for us.I wish you could tell us that you are thinking about them

on these days and if we get quiet and

withdrawn, just know that we are thinking about them and don't try to coerce us

into being cheerful.

11. I wish you wouldn't offer to take me out for a drink, or to a party, this is

just a temporary crutch and the only way I can get through this grief is to

experience it. I have hurt before and I can heal.

12. I wish you understood that grief changes people. I am not the same person I

was before my loved one died and I never will be that person again. If you keep

waiting for me to get back to 'my old self', you will stay frustrated. I am a

new creature with new thoughts, dreams, aspirations, values and beliefs. Please

try to get to know the new me: maybe you will still like me.

Unknown

~ " If I could reach up and hold a star for every time you've made me smile, the

entire evening sky would be in the palm of my hand. " ~