Guest guest Posted April 27, 2008 Report Share Posted April 27, 2008 Thanks for sharing all that, Jan! I think my mother will, at some point, see it as her familiar place. She already doesn't remember what her house looks like, and hasn't since the day she left it. That disturbs her but she still wants to go back to it. I think we're not seeing the more high functioning residents because they don't sit in the halls...one of the things I'm going to ask about is her seating at meals. Another thing is that her roommate doesn't do anything but sit in her chair and mumble loudly, she doesn't feed herself and can't move by herself, but her husband keeps a radio on in the room with country music playing loudly enough to be heard over the lady's O2 equipment - and my mom HATES country music. They did tell me that this was the bed they had open, and that they do try to put residents together who are similar in mental faculties and physical abilities. Something else about which I will ask at the conference on Friday... My mom's birthday is May 1st, if I can't take her out (depending on her state of mind at the time) then I will see if we can take dinner in to eat with her. His, Sherry ('s daughter) www.owly.net ----- Original Message ----- Sounds terrific Sherry! I hope they can match your mom up with people that have the same interests and are higher functioning than some of the ones that sit in the halls, so she doesn't feel so lonely and as if she doesn't fit in. You will meet the ones that visit their LOs frequently too and make friends with them. My husband and I have a social circle of friends at the nh. Sometimes the visiting people and I have a little party with our LOs and we play dominoes and even though my husband can not play the game, because he can not reason how, he enjoys seeing everyone together and he gets some attention too. I always say; " When life hands you lemons, make lemonade out of it " Make the best of what you can out of it. It's not a thrill to be in a nh, but you can make it the best that you can. It has somewhat become my social life now. I do get out with my friends too, but I spend a whole lot of time at the nh with my husband and our new friends. Last New Years, I asked the nurses if I could bring in Sparkling Cider and crackers and I set up a table and brought in balloons and paper cups and disposable bowls of crackers and shared with anyone that wanted to celebrate. My husband smiled the entire evening and that is rare to see him smile, he has a blank expression most of the time. On the activity schedule they put the residence's birthdays too and I saw one man had a birthday on the same day as mine, so I bought a mini cake, that serves 2-4 people to his room and his wife was there too and I walked in and introduced my husband and me and they were thrilled about the cake and asked us to join them. I explained it was my birthday too and the 4 of us had a small party and now they are new friends of ours too. My husband is 21 years older than I. I turned 60 in January. I have a feeling once your mother gets to know some people that she can speak with or just share some common things with, as Steve and she did, she will be ok...................Jan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 1, 2008 Report Share Posted May 1, 2008 Dear Sherry, I had no idea your Mom was so far away -- I'm sorry if I missed that. Gosh, you have your hands full! My MIL is only about 15 min away, and it is hard for me to get to see her every day btw schooling the kids, caring for my 5 mo old, and helping out with our home business. I'm also sorry if I didn't seem to take your Mom's depression seriously -- I know her despair really weighs on your heart. No matter how difficult it is dealing with an LO, you love them, and you are bearing her burdens with her -- perhaps a lot of them for her, right? I don't want to be harsh or cynical, but I do want to just let you know that she is probably also seeking attention from you and she doesn't know how to do it but through suicidal ideation. You are in a touch spot, being so far away. Please don't feel too pulled down, Remember that you are not responsible for her LBD, you are not responsible for her financial situation, you are not responsible for the fact that she is in an nh -- you are trying to help fix problems that you did not begin and that you cannot miraculously cure. Take care of yourself, girl, and remember that you are doing your best and your utmost. Even if your Mom never realizes it, that doesn't make it any less true or make you less loving. You hang in there! You are loved, Kate Thank you for remembering Donna! My mom is downstate about 70 miles away (140 miles round trip = $30 for gas, that I don't have) so I won't see her, they said she may be back from the psych hospital tomorrow but more likely it will be next week. I'm not quite sure how I will handle her birthday. I don't want it to slip by without comment; OTOH she is in such a deep depression that she is actively trying to figure out a way to commit suicide any way she can. Calling her to say " Happy Birthday " doesn't seem right, considering, so I've been agonizing about what do say/do all morning. I will probably call her later and play it by ear although I'm sure she'll be calling here also - she keeps calling and wanting me to come down there, calling to tell me goodbye because she's going to do herself in, having the nurses call to tell me to bring her different things, etc...I anticipate that today will be no different... I appreciate the note, Donna, and hope my mom is having a little better day today! His, Sherry **************Need a new ride? Check out the largest site for U.S. used car listings at AOL Autos. (http://autos.aol.com/used?NCID=aolcmp00300000002851) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 1, 2008 Report Share Posted May 1, 2008 Sherry, I think today is May 1st? and your Mom's birthday. Please give her a hug from us. Hugs, Donna R Caregave for Mom (after I brought her from WI to MI) for 3 years and 4th year in a nh. She was almost 89 when she died in '02. No dx other than mine. Re: Sherry/Feeling better Thanks for sharing all that, Jan! I think my mother will, at some point, see it as her familiar place. She already doesn't remember what her house looks like, and hasn't since the day she left it. That disturbs her but she still wants to go back to it. I think we're not seeing the more high functioning residents because they don't sit in the halls...one of the things I'm going to ask about is her seating at meals. Another thing is that her roommate doesn't do anything but sit in her chair and mumble loudly, she doesn't feed herself and can't move by herself, but her husband keeps a radio on in the room with country music playing loudly enough to be heard over the lady's O2 equipment - and my mom HATES country music. They did tell me that this was the bed they had open, and that they do try to put residents together who are similar in mental faculties and physical abilities. Something else about which I will ask at the conference on Friday... My mom's birthday is May 1st, if I can't take her out (depending on her state of mind at the time) then I will see if we can take dinner in to eat with her. His, Sherry ('s daughter) www.owly.net ----- Original Message ----- Sounds terrific Sherry! I hope they can match your mom up with people that have the same interests and are higher functioning than some of the ones that sit in the halls, so she doesn't feel so lonely and as if she doesn't fit in. You will meet the ones that visit their LOs frequently too and make friends with them. My husband and I have a social circle of friends at the nh. Sometimes the visiting people and I have a little party with our LOs and we play dominoes and even though my husband can not play the game, because he can not reason how, he enjoys seeing everyone together and he gets some attention too. I always say; " When life hands you lemons, make lemonade out of it " Make the best of what you can out of it. It's not a thrill to be in a nh, but you can make it the best that you can. It has somewhat become my social life now. I do get out with my friends too, but I spend a whole lot of time at the nh with my husband and our new friends. Last New Years, I asked the nurses if I could bring in Sparkling Cider and crackers and I set up a table and brought in balloons and paper cups and disposable bowls of crackers and shared with anyone that wanted to celebrate. My husband smiled the entire evening and that is rare to see him smile, he has a blank expression most of the time. On the activity schedule they put the residence's birthdays too and I saw one man had a birthday on the same day as mine, so I bought a mini cake, that serves 2-4 people to his room and his wife was there too and I walked in and introduced my husband and me and they were thrilled about the cake and asked us to join them. I explained it was my birthday too and the 4 of us had a small party and now they are new friends of ours too. My husband is 21 years older than I. I turned 60 in January. I have a feeling once your mother gets to know some people that she can speak with or just share some common things with, as Steve and she did, she will be ok...................Jan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 1, 2008 Report Share Posted May 1, 2008 Sherry, what a positive report. Thank you for sharing your good news! I hope your mother continues on this uphill of her ride. Then you can too! Gibsons BC Mother died Aug. 12, 2006 at age 92 after 13 year decline from PDD. > > Thank you Kate . I very much appreciate your kind words and > understanding! > > My mom's NH is only 1/2 mile away, and I'm able to get there every day. The > psych hospital where she is this week is 70 miles away but she'll be coming > back to the NH the first part of next week, they said. The guardianship > hearing is on Monday at probate court, also...she signed the DPOA for my > sister but didn't sign the guardianship papers (we didn't ask her to because > it didn't seem right to have someone who we're claiming to be incompetent > make that sort of decision - if she's incompetent to make her own decisions, > then how could she be competent to make such a huge one?) so we'll have to > have the hearing. > > I just got off the phone with her today, and whatever they're doing down > there seems to be working. Yesterday she was desperate to escape from her > life. Today she asked me some very lucid questions, remembered some of the > details of her situation with the house/piano/jewelry/etc. without me > reminding her, and didn't mention suicide once. She even asked me about how > my day was going! I wanted to cry I was so happy, it was so different. I > told her that I'm working (I take calls at home from 9-5, M-F and schedule > the techs for my BIL's pest control company) and this afternoon I'll be > working in the shop (I have an at-home business also) and doing my April > invoicing...she asked what Pete was up to, and I told her he's in the shop > packaging today's orders to get the ready to ship...she remembered that > Casey's prom is coming up on Saturday night (but she didn't remember when > Saturday night will be)...I was very encouraged because thinking outside of > herself is one of the surest signs that they're handling the depression > effectively. > > She also asked me if she was going to be locked away in the " home " forever > and I reminded her that, once her meds are all straightened out, she will be > able to go on outings with us sometimes. She said, " Oh that's right, I > remember now! Well that gives me some hope then! " She was worried for all > of her things, and if she'd lose those with the house. I told her that > we're taking as much as we can out of the house and storing it for her, the > most important things (like photos) first. I said that we're not going to > be able to take it all out but that we'll get as much as we can. She seemed > content with that, although still a bit worried. > > Then she told me that once her depression is taken care of she'll be ok and > will be able to resume her old life and take care of her own bills/business, > etc. I didn't contradict her, there's no point. One step at a time, and > this step is getting her psych meds back on track and getting her depression > dealt with so she can start working on adapting to the changes in her life > and her future. > > I'm feeling almost elated because I have been so afraid for her. I know > that there will be ups and downs, so I'm going to enjoy the " up " while I can > . > > God bless you Kate! > > His, > Sherry > www.owly.net > > > ----- Original Message ----- > > > I had no idea your Mom was so far away -- I'm sorry if I missed that. > > Gosh, > > you have your hands full! My MIL is only about 15 min away, and it is > > hard > > for me to get to see her every day btw schooling the kids, caring for my > > 5 mo > > old, and helping out with our home business. > > I'm also sorry if I didn't seem to take your Mom's depression seriously -- > > I > > know her despair really weighs on your heart. No matter how difficult it > > is > > dealing with an LO, you love them, and you are bearing her burdens with > > her > > -- perhaps a lot of them for her, right? I don't want to be harsh or > > cynical, but I do want to just let you know that she is probably also > > seeking > > attention from you and she doesn't know how to do it but through suicidal > > ideation. > > You are in a touch spot, being so far away. Please don't feel too pulled > > down, Remember that you are not responsible for her LBD, you are not > > responsible for her financial situation, you are not responsible for the > > fact that she > > is in an nh -- you are trying to help fix problems that you did not begin > > and that you cannot miraculously cure. Take care of yourself, girl, and > > remember that you are doing your best and your utmost. Even if your Mom > > never > > realizes it, that doesn't make it any less true or make you less loving. > > You > > hang in there! You are loved, > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 1, 2008 Report Share Posted May 1, 2008 I guess they had a little party for her there, with cake and everything . Just talked to the nurse who agreed she's doing better today. I said I was glad they were getting her meds straightened out, and she said, " Well, she gets the encouragement she needs HERE! " What the heck was THAT supposed to mean I wonder...anyway, that she's doing better today is all that matters to me . His, Sherry www.owly.net ----- Original Message ----- > She really doesn't know what day it is anyway. Have her birthday next > week when she gets back. I fudged lots of times with Mom. It was the > best I coould do. As long as she gets a birthday it doesn't really matter > which date! > > If Mom remembered later, I would just tell her we couldn't do it on the > day, But she may not remember at all. They love a party whenever if they > are the center of attention. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 1, 2008 Report Share Posted May 1, 2008 Kate, Bravo! Good letter. Love a bunch, Imogene In a message dated 5/1/2008 10:56:47 AM Central Daylight Time, cmided@... writes: Dear Sherry, I had no idea your Mom was so far away -- I'm sorry if I missed that. Gosh, you have your hands full! My MIL is only about 15 min away, and it is hard for me to get to see her every day btw schooling the kids, caring for my 5 mo old, and helping out with our home business. I'm also sorry if I didn't seem to take your Mom's depression seriously -- I know her despair really weighs on your heart. No matter how difficult it is dealing with an LO, you love them, and you are bearing her burdens with her -- perhaps a lot of them for her, right? I don't want to be harsh or cynical, but I do want to just let you know that she is probably also seeking attention from you and she doesn't know how to do it but through suicidal ideation. You are in a touch spot, being so far away. Please don't feel too pulled down, Remember that you are not responsible for her LBD, you are not responsible for her financial situation, you are not responsible for the fact that she is in an nh -- you are trying to help fix problems that you did not begin and that you cannot miraculously cure. Take care of yourself, girl, and remember that you are doing your best and your utmost. Even if your Mom never realizes it, that doesn't make it any less true or make you less loving. You hang in there! You are loved, Kate **************Wondering what's for Dinner Tonight? Get new twists on family favorites at AOL Food. (http://food.aol.com/dinner-tonight?NCID=aolfod00030000000001) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.