Re: Husbands and Ebony AND JUDGEMENT!

July 7, 2005

Dearest Ebony -and anyone else who has bared their souls,

It is so very hard to allow ourselves to be vulnerable by asking

for love and kindness, or some understanding. It is something we ALL

need -it is the way our Creator made us. And even tho this act makes

us vulnerable (the asking), it really is only the brave who will ASK.

I am so sorry for Ebony and anyone else who has bared their souls in

this group...not a " pity " kind of sorry, but more like a " sorrow "

because I know from experience their is NOTHING more LONELY than an

SOS that goes unheeded, or worse, gets beat up for the asking.

Ebony, and anyone else who is braving the storm by asking relative

strangers for shelter -I COMMEND you! And forgive me, but I am

angered FOR YOU TOO! Absolutely not a single soul has the right to

judge another. It is only in the act of REAL love that we should

respond to one another - or not at all.

My Daddy always used to say " If what you have to say will not

uplift or uphold your brother, you ought not say it at all! " I'm sure

I don't have to translate that!

With sincere LOVE for all of you that are hurting,

> Hey Jan,

>

> I don't know if your comment is directed at me or some of the

> others's comments, but I have learned that the entire story is

never

> going to be told and not so sure if it should.

>

> Most people really want things to work and go through a whole range

> of trials and emotions before they just wake up one day and decide

on

> divorce. Many religions are against divorce and I think that is

> where a lot of the uproar is coming from. My motto is if it makes

> you happy and doesn't hurt anyone else then okay be happy.

>

> Because I knew I would have to defend my post, I posted a message

to

> receive only supportive messages because that is what I needed at

te

> time and mainly just some positive experiences from those who have

> been through divorce or going through divorce. Because I have been

> there, I totally believe these women who say they are not being

> supported through this horrific time of their lives. And believe it

> or not some men because there are mostly women/wives here, some men

> actually lose respect for you and see you as damaged goods when you

> can no longer help provide for the family because of illness, and

you

> have to remember some of these men didn't have good examples even

> though that was all the examples they knew, they saw it as the

norm.

> That's picking good mates for your persoanlity type comes in.

> Personally I have to find a way to make a living, there is no way I

> can do that in the situatiion I am in and yet there is no way I can

> just walk out the door with severe uncontrolled RA immediately

> today. There are steps to be made because I want to leave with as

> little fanfare as possible, and hime with much as he had when I

came

> to the marriage if not more. I am attempting to do the right

thing.

> There is sooo much more to it than just what I am posting here and

by

> the reaction to those poor women who posted about not receiving

> support, I think I made the right choice not to reveal too much.

>

> I understand most of you mean well and your posts especially

usually

> bring tears to my very, very dry eyes:) but I don't think you guys

> are anywhere near the ball park with this one and again I know you

> mean well. I think sometimes we can only pull from what we have

> experienced. Kinda like trying to explain to someone perfectly

> healthy what RA feels like or FMS feels like. It cannot be done.

So

> I think this tired horse has been beat to death. We need to let it

> go. I don't think anyone is ever going to reveal anything else

again.

>

> I do thank you all for trying to be helpful.

>

> love/peace, many blessings to you all.

> Ebony

July 7, 2005