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What to do alone

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Sorry, guess today it is hitting me again with depression. My close

friends, the small number of them are mostly up north for the summer

and the ones who remain seem to keep their distance thinking I am

just too much with this disease. And of course, the turmoil of my ex

living two houses away.

It is hard as hell to live alone with family 1300 miles away. I go

days on end with only the dogs and parrots to talk to, at least they

don't care I am different now. I find the loneliness becoming both

welcome and hateful, if that makes sense.

Case in point, I am in the middle of a $20-30,000 extreme makeover of

my mouth since the rsd changed my jawbone and gums. The only way I

could make the first dental surgeon appt. was to actually fly in a

friend from CA to take me, as I had 10 ativan and a facial block.

Having my entire top gums cut open, bone grafting, suturing back the

gums and taking 10 teeth at one time, I really needed help.

Now I face phase two on the 26th and have no driver.

Now I have to do it is to see the RSD neurologist first for another facial

block, then the surgeon without anesthesia, just local injections for her to do

the same to my lower jaw, only this time only 5 teeth come out but the gum

cutting, bone grafting, etc. is the same.

So when it comes to even needing help, nada. Again, just need to vent maybe I'll

stop crying now.

Liz

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