To Judi-Re: A very bad day...Reply to Pat

April 30, 2005

Dear Pat,

I'm so sorry about your husband, and how much it must take out of you

to care for him, not feeling too great yourself! My husband, Ron,

has Parkinson's, but that has made him more understanding of my needs

and feelings, and accompanying me to my doctors' appointments helped

there too. I also go with him to his appointments. Isn't there any

sort of " Medi-Van " that could pick your husband up and take him to

work and give you a few hours' break?

We live in a tri-level house too, and it is our " dream home " that we

bought 4 years ago. Going up the stairs to our bedroom at night is a

chore, but I'm not ready to give this up just yet. We spent so many

years in a tiny, cramped house and sometimes it is just nice to come

upstairs to the computer/craft room and be by myself. Other times,

Ron will leave me to watch something " fluffy " (as he calls it) on TV

while he goes down to the den to watch football or golf.

I had a good talk with my daughter last night, since her husband just

saw his doctor, and they have to make some real life-style changes.

Tom is 20 years older than and smoked from the time he was 12

until just last year when he and got married. She was just so

knocked back when the doctor put Tom back on his blood pressure meds

(only a lighter dose) and ordered some heart screening. She cried

and admitted that with Tom, as with us, she is just so afraid of

losing him and changing her whole life, that it is better for her to

pretend nothing is wrong. I explained to her that it wasn't easy for

her Dad and me to be diagnosed with serious illnesses within a few

months of each other, and that it HAS changed our life, but in ways

it has made it better, as we live each day to the fullest (as well as

we can that is!) We don't " sweat the small stuff " any more, and try

to find ways to make each other's life easier and more pleasant. You

wouldn't think after nearly 30 years that there would be even more

love than ever, but it's true. She and I had a good cry, and she

promised to be more empathetic and supportive of us and of Tom, and

they are coming over today so we can help them do some meal planning

(eliminating the 20 cups of coffee a day, and throwing away the ever-

present grease jar.)

Hang in there, and any time you want to talk, I'm here.

Blessings,

Judi

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