An inquiry - they shouldn't be paying for me

[Guest guest]

Hi all,

Another day, another uncomfortable / stressful belief.

Feedback, examples for the turnarounds, possible underlying beliefs or

your own experience with this belief appreciated.

(Is there anyone that hasn't felt uncomfortable at some point when

someone else has paid for something?)

With love and thanks,

Jon

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Inquiry: They shouldn't be paying for me

Is that true?

No

How do I react when I believe this thought?

I feel stressed, I feel uncomfortable about them paying for stuff, for

food, for energy for me.

I pull away, I feel uncomfortable

I avoid doing the grocery shopping with them, not wanting to face up

to what they are doing.

When I do go, I limit what I pick out at the supermarket, not wanting

them to buy much for me.

Does this thought bring peace or stress into your life?

Stress – in the moment that they are buying food for me, it is stressful.

Can I think of a single stress-free reason to keep this thought?

No – my fear is that if I don't believe this thought I will never pay

for anything ever again – that I will always be dependent on them for

food and money.

Can I think of a reason to drop this thought?

Yes, I'd feel less embarrassed about it.

Who would I be without this thought?

Freer, happier, more at ease with what they are doing. No-one is

forcing them to do it, they offer, they encourage me to pick out food

I want to eat.

Without this thought I feel very grateful for what they are doing,

able to really appreciate how much they love me and are prepared to do

for me.

If I could never ever believe this thought again, with my parents or

anyone else, I'd be much more open to saying yes and accepting

whatever is offered by others, not playing the tape of " I should be

paying for this myself " .

Without this thought I can see they are not paying for me, they are

just doing what feels right for them, no more no less. It's not

really about me at all.

Turnarounds:

1: They should be paying for me

Yes, this is truer, this is reality for now, they are paying for some

stuff for me.

They are paying for me because I am their child and that's what some

parents do for their children, regardless of their age, they pay for

things.

2: I shouldn't be paying for them

Yes, this is also true right now – they have the money at the moment,

I don't – so it would be silly if I was paying for them at this point

in time :-)

This may happen at another time, but not yet.

3: I shouldn't be paying for my thinking

Yes, this is also truer – it's when I believe these kind of thoughts

that I feel tired, heavy, like I'm carrying a weight.

Without it I'm lighter, less burdened.

I also shouldn't be `paying' for my thinking in the sense of being

taken in by these thoughts that argue with reality – it's like

accepting `monopoly money' instead of the real thing – worthless and

it costs me.