Guest guest Posted February 23, 2006 Report Share Posted February 23, 2006 Toni says to Alice: >>It was I who felt judged. And your answer patting on the back for "dissing" my understanding of NOW made be temporarily feel that way.<< --"It was I who felt judged" implies that I did not also feel judged by you. I'm not so sensitive that I'd bear a grudge, but you did talk down to me, saying things like "every educated person knows" and other cliches used to belittle or dismiss other people's opinions, and if you want to transcend your complexes, you'll have to realize that the way you communicate when you feel judged (often when you aren't being judged, just being disagreed with) makes others feel judged. You will continue getting into tangles with thinking types and with anyone who makes you feel judged, and you will not see the problem on your own side. You might say things like, "I know I have a complex" but when there is conflict and it's time to wake up, you'll remain asleep. To wake up, recognize that there are times when you feel judged by someone who just doesn't have the same opinion as you and is expressing it to support their own position, not to put you down. Again, many therapists and others will fail to give you accurate feedback about how you communicate, but I am not under that obligation, and I feel honesty is often better than appeasing a complex that harms its owner. I like you as a person, but I'm not going to gloss it over if you step on my toes, thinking I've stepped on yours when I have not. Brings words and photos together (easily) with PhotoMail - it's free and works with Yahoo! Mail. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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