Re: KO Flea - Self Punishment

[Guest guest]

I used to do this alot, and my boyfriend would get a little frustrated

with me. I'd be telling him a story about my Grannada and something

that I'd said or did, and then I'd say how I felt bad about it. He

ended up correcting me, telling me that I didn't need to feel sad,

guilty, etc., whatever, and that I was totally justified in my

reaction. So, now, whenever I feel bad about something FOO related, I

ask him if I'm justified. Every once in a while I get the " Yeah, you

overreacted a little. But it was hilarious! " , but for the most part,

I'm in the right.

He's really halping me to learn what's an appropriate reaction and

what isn't, among other things.

Neko Jaimie

[Guest guest]

I use what I call the cell phone technique

If I am home alone, I just talk out loud (even shouting sometimes).

If I am in public, I grab my cell phone and pretend I am talking to someone.

No, I have told you 100 times, that is not true

You are a wonderful person, do not pay any attention to that jerk.

Talking out loud to myself has been a great morale booster. It also STOPS

those crazy negative nada routine's in my head.

Blessings, mg

[Guest guest]

Something in us is programmed with the message that we're not whole

human beings, not worthy of a place in the world. Maybe that breeds

our need to punish ourselves. -Kyla

.......oboy, I do agree with you. It is sad, isn't it. Each one of us has

special, unique talents and we are the last one to give ourselves credit.

Banish those negative thoughts. GO AWAY !!!!!

Blessings, mg

[Guest guest]

MG,

I talk out loud to myself, too. It is a great healer to hear the words of

affirmation and it does stop those insidius tapes. I love your techniques.

I'll use those in the future!

Thanks for sharing that.

Greg.

Re: KO Flea - Self Punishment

I use what I call the cell phone technique

If I am home alone, I just talk out loud (even shouting sometimes).

If I am in public, I grab my cell phone and pretend I am talking to someone.

No, I have told you 100 times, that is not true

You are a wonderful person, do not pay any attention to that jerk.

Talking out loud to myself has been a great morale booster. It also STOPS those

crazy negative nada routine's in my head.

Blessings, mg

[Guest guest]

Self punishment hey...well i admit this to very few people...but sometimes after

i get off the phone with my mother...i am so enraged and numbed out that i cut

myself...and i know that is a sympotm generally associated with being

borderline...and that scared me for a long time thinking that meant i was...but

i realize now that the pain that my mother stirred up inside me is sometimes too

much for me to process and my pitiful brain has come up with this really

maladapitve method to purge some of the pain..by showing it on the outside

instead of the silent inside where it has hidden for so long...

so self punishment i understand...

Laurel

kylaboo728 wrote:

Yes! I think it's related to our need to find something wrong with

ourselves, especially if every other area of our life is going well.

I had a good friend point that out to me -- she said " Could it be that

you're feeling guilty for having such a good life, so you beat

yourself up for the n/c with your nada? "

We've got good marriages, good children, good lives -- all

representing independence (not to mention survival in spite of our

childhoods!).

My friend noticed that I had just described everything as going great

in my life (we were catching up over lunch) and then I told her I felt

a little guilty for not talking to my parents.

Something in us is programmed with the message that we're not whole

human beings, not worthy of a place in the world. Maybe that breeds

our need to punish ourselves.

-Kyla

>

> Any other KO's out there have the flea of self punishment so

nada/fada

> doesn't have to do it?

>

> I find myself verbally berating myself for what a bad daughter I am

> and I do KNOW that they were really the bad parents. I'm just not

> able to totally kick that flea out yet.

>

> Anybody succeed in getting rid of that one? What did you do to stop

> punishing yourself?

>

> a

>

Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help at @....

SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT Respond ON THE GROUP.

To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call 888-35-SHELL

() for your copy. We also refer to “Understanding the Borderline

Mother” (Lawson) and “Surviving the Borderline Parent,” (Roth) which you can

find at any bookstore. Welcome to the WTO community!

From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community and author SWOE and

the SWOE Workbook.

[Guest guest]

so self punishment i understand.. .Laurel

Sending you hugs, Laurel. Also positive thoughts and prayers. mg

[Guest guest]

Hi, Laurel!

Good for you for having the strength and courage to share about this!

It's hard to keep track of who on this board is NC or not -- but I'm really

hoping you've made the choice to go NC if your nada triggers this behavior in

you. OF COURSE you're not a BP -- but you ARE a KO, with all the " lovely "

baggage that entails -- and it seems like everyone has their own ways of coping

with that. I hope you're taking care of yourself by working on this with a

therapist, because you don't deserve to suffer this way.

It makes me SO angry when I think of all the unnecessary pain our parents caused

us with their insanity!!! No one here deserved it.

Please keep posting about this if it helps you -- we're all here to support and

understand!

Shana

Re: Re: KO Flea - Self Punishment

To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Self punishment hey...well i admit this to very few people...but

> sometimes after i get off the phone with my mother...i am so

> enraged and numbed out that i cut myself...and i know that is a

> sympotm generally associated with being borderline...and that

> scared me for a long time thinking that meant i was...but i

> realize now that the pain that my mother stirred up inside me is

> sometimes too much for me to process and my pitiful brain has

> come up with this really maladapitve method to purge some of the

> pain..by showing it on the outside instead of the silent inside

> where it has hidden for so long...

>

> so self punishment i understand...

>

> Laurel

>

> kylaboo728 wrote:

> Yes! I think it's related to our need to find something wrong

> with

> ourselves, especially if every other area of our life is going well.

>

> I had a good friend point that out to me -- she said " Could it

> be that

> you're feeling guilty for having such a good life, so you beat

> yourself up for the n/c with your nada? "

>

> We've got good marriages, good children, good lives -- all

> representing independence (not to mention survival in spite of

> our

> childhoods!).

>

> My friend noticed that I had just described everything as going

> great

> in my life (we were catching up over lunch) and then I told her

> I felt

> a little guilty for not talking to my parents.

>

> Something in us is programmed with the message that we're not

> whole

> human beings, not worthy of a place in the world. Maybe that

> breeds

> our need to punish ourselves.

>

> -Kyla

>

>

> >

> > Any other KO's out there have the flea of self punishment so

> nada/fada

> > doesn't have to do it?

> >

> > I find myself verbally berating myself for what a bad daughter

> I am

> > and I do KNOW that they were really the bad parents. I'm just

> not

> > able to totally kick that flea out yet.

> >

> > Anybody succeed in getting rid of that one? What did you do to

> stop

> > punishing yourself?

> >

> > a

> >

>

>

>

>

>

> Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help at

> @.... SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT

> Respond ON THE GROUP.

>

> To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call 888-35-

> SHELL () for your copy. We also refer to

> “Understanding the Borderline Mother” (Lawson) and “Surviving

> the Borderline Parent,” (Roth) which you can find at any

> bookstore. Welcome to the WTO community!

>

> From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community and

> author SWOE and the SWOE Workbook.

>

[Guest guest]

thank you, Laurel, Shana, others - I wonder if these feelings that

KOs have might also - at least for some - be related to the rage we

felt/feel that, at least as children, we could not turn outward (or

we risked yet more punishment) - so we turned it inward, on

ourselves. I also know that I internalized my nada's disdain and

hatred for me, simply because we internalize what our parents tell

us about ourselves. It's not ALL that I feel about myself, but I

know that the piece is there, floating around, triggered by nada.

So when it surfaces, I try to see it as a piece apart, rather than

as poisoning all the other things I have learned to feel about

myself, such as love, cherishing, honoring.

> > >

> > > Any other KO's out there have the flea of self punishment so

> > nada/fada

> > > doesn't have to do it?

> > >

> > > I find myself verbally berating myself for what a bad daughter

> > I am

> > > and I do KNOW that they were really the bad parents. I'm just

> > not

> > > able to totally kick that flea out yet.

> > >

> > > Anybody succeed in getting rid of that one? What did you do to

> > stop

> > > punishing yourself?

> > >

> > > a

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help at

> > @... SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT

> > Respond ON THE GROUP.

> >

> > To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call 888-35-

> > SHELL () for your copy. We also refer to

> > " Understanding the Borderline Mother " (Lawson) and " Surviving

> > the Borderline Parent, " (Roth) which you can find at any

> > bookstore. Welcome to the WTO community!

> >

> > From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community and

> > author SWOE and the SWOE Workbook.

> >