Christmas Blues

[Guest guest]

I'm not sure if it is the holiday itself, or the fact that my family

members are writing or calling to tell me how devastated my nada is

since n/c several wks ago. That I'm making a horrible decision that

I'll regret....I've taken the " thanks for your concern " approach, but

I'm getting pretty upset being viewed as the bad guy... everyone

assumes I'm the crazy one. My friends tell me, " She's your

mother...and it is Christmas...you can't keep your kids from seeing

her, that would be wrong. My husband, who supports my decision, is

beginning to see the effects of my mother. I have been trying to

convince my husband that it is time to move away, start over and

leave everyone behind. A very lonely stance. So whoas me, I have

the holiday ho hums. Anyone got any advice?

KW

[Guest guest]

KW, so sorry this is such a hard time for you!

I know, for me, one thing that makes the holidays so sad is that it just

reinforces my feelings of helplessness where my foo's concerned: they've always

taken my nada's side, believed her smear campaigns about me, and see ME as the

crazy, difficult, ungrateful daughter.

" Thanks for your concern " is a great response and definitely one way to go.

Have you ever tried telling them that your nada has BPD, that your need to be NC

with her is typical for people who's parents have his illness, and that if

they're truly interested in being helpful about your problems with her, they can

research this illness online or read some of the books about it?

I'm planning on doing this myself this year with my foo! I'm not NC, but

everyone's aware of " our difficult relationship " and many times in the past foo

members have tried to talk to me about it. I'm realizing my reluctance to talk

openly about her illness is really more about my sense of having to protect nada

than anything else. Of course, they STILL have the option of not believing me

-- but at least I'll know I've spoken the truth and represented myself to them

in an honest way.

Anyhow, just my thoughts!

Shana

Christmas Blues

To: WTOAdultChildren1

> I'm not sure if it is the holiday itself, or the fact that my

> family

> members are writing or calling to tell me how devastated my nada

> is

> since n/c several wks ago. That I'm making a horrible decision

> that

> I'll regret....I've taken the " thanks for your concern "

> approach, but

> I'm getting pretty upset being viewed as the bad guy... everyone

> assumes I'm the crazy one. My friends tell me, " She's your

> mother...and it is Christmas...you can't keep your kids from

> seeing

> her, that would be wrong. My husband, who supports my decision,

> is

> beginning to see the effects of my mother. I have been trying

> to

> convince my husband that it is time to move away, start over and

> leave everyone behind. A very lonely stance. So whoas me, I

> have

> the holiday ho hums. Anyone got any advice?

>

> KW

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Shana,

Thank you for the support. You hit the nail on the head. I haven't talked

about my nada's BPD so that i wouldn't be spreading the ugly truth. I guess

a hidden agenda of ultimately protecting her. Bad habits are hard to break.

I like your approach of, " if you really want to help, then research

this... " Of course my mother doesn't have the illness and I'm just the

crazy daughter who thinks she has it...and has gotten some bad advice.

Thank you,

KW

>From: slarsen988@...

>Reply-To: WTOAdultChildren1

>To: WTOAdultChildren1

>Subject: Re: Christmas Blues

>Date: Tue, 12 Dec 2006 09:09:37 +0000 (GMT)

>

>KW, so sorry this is such a hard time for you!

>

>I know, for me, one thing that makes the holidays so sad is that it just

>reinforces my feelings of helplessness where my foo's concerned: they've

>always taken my nada's side, believed her smear campaigns about me, and see

>ME as the crazy, difficult, ungrateful daughter.

>

> " Thanks for your concern " is a great response and definitely one way to go.

> Have you ever tried telling them that your nada has BPD, that your need

>to be NC with her is typical for people who's parents have his illness, and

>that if they're truly interested in being helpful about your problems with

>her, they can research this illness online or read some of the books about

>it?

>

>I'm planning on doing this myself this year with my foo! I'm not NC, but

>everyone's aware of " our difficult relationship " and many times in the past

>foo members have tried to talk to me about it. I'm realizing my reluctance

>to talk openly about her illness is really more about my sense of having to

>protect nada than anything else. Of course, they STILL have the option of

>not believing me -- but at least I'll know I've spoken the truth and

>represented myself to them in an honest way.

>

>Anyhow, just my thoughts!

>

>Shana

>

>

>

> Christmas Blues

>To: WTOAdultChildren1

>

> > I'm not sure if it is the holiday itself, or the fact that my

> > family

> > members are writing or calling to tell me how devastated my nada

> > is

> > since n/c several wks ago. That I'm making a horrible decision

> > that

> > I'll regret....I've taken the " thanks for your concern "

> > approach, but

> > I'm getting pretty upset being viewed as the bad guy... everyone

> > assumes I'm the crazy one. My friends tell me, " She's your

> > mother...and it is Christmas...you can't keep your kids from

> > seeing

> > her, that would be wrong. My husband, who supports my decision,

> > is

> > beginning to see the effects of my mother. I have been trying

> > to

> > convince my husband that it is time to move away, start over and

> > leave everyone behind. A very lonely stance. So whoas me, I

> > have

> > the holiday ho hums. Anyone got any advice?

> >

> > KW

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>