Guest guest Posted December 11, 2006 Report Share Posted December 11, 2006 Bunny, Your story brought me to tears several times, although I'm just a boy of 47. :-) Evil stepmothers come in different boxes. Your true mom, apparently, because of her illness (that could be treated these days) didn't believe that she was your true mom, since she felt she could lose you (oh, well, did she ever have your to beging with). You are proving again that the worst thing you can do to a BP is that you go along with her... On the other hand, if we don't have eternal life, we're screwed, anyway, and if we do, the parable of the workers comes into effect: even if you work for the last our of the day, you'll get a ful day's wages. He may be an alcoholic or a drug addict at the moment but if he was truly the love of your life, you migh be able to heal him. Still, DO NOT expect him to fulfill your needs because he probably cannot. Hugs, 'Matic Returning to the scene of the crime I just had a very shocking thing happen to me, and I need to vent...so here goes. My oldest daugther is a cheerleader at the same high school i attended. She told us last night that she is cheering for wrestling tonight. (Something new...they usually just cheer for basketball) All of a sudden I became flooded with emotions and began to sob and shake uncontrolably. You see.. when I was in high school I had this boyfriend. We dated for 4 years....he was the captain of the wrestling team and I was the team manager. He was the love of my life...my prince charming. We had so many happy memories.... most of them revolved around wrestling season. He was such a fabulous wrestler...the star of the show....always. My nada totally ruined my relationship with him. Making accusations about him....saying horrible, horrible things. He finally got a scholarship to the college he dreamed about attending. It was such a huge accomplishment. ...very early on in our relationship he had a terrible accident and spent almost a year in shock trauma. I stayed with him every moment...reading to him, feeding him... encouraging him to walk and talk. He had to learn all over again. We were so completely and utterly in love....it was like from a storybook... complete with wicked witch. His senior year he won states....when they delared him the winner of the match he ran over to where i was sitting picked me up and carried me back to the center circle where he got down on one knee and proposed. I was elated....Nada was enraged. She came down off the bleachers and snatched the ring out of his hand...she raced out the doors and threw my engagement ring in the pond behind our school. The next night, a friend of mine snuck me out of my house and I met my boyfriend at the pond We exchanged wedding vows...it wasn't a legal ceremony of course, but it meant the world to us. After a couple of days the word spread about what happened and my nada came up with the most vindictive plot of her entire life. Either I broke it off with him or she would call the college he had his scholorship for and tell them that he had anger issues and that he had beaten and raped me. She convinced me that the accusation alone would lose him his scholarship. ...and I believed her. His happiness and fulfilling his dream meant so much to me....I just wasn't willing to risk his dream...i loved him too much. So I broke it off....and we haven't spoken since. I run into his Aunt all the time....and every time I see her she just hugs me and starts to cry...she just keeps repeating " you were the one...you were the one that my Leonard was supposed to spend his life with....his heart died when the two of you broke up...he is just a shell of a man now... you wouldn't like him now...remember him the way he was when he was with you ...that is how i try to remember him. " Every time...i get the same speech... i'm just glad my husband is so tolerant.... i don't think i would handle something like that as well as he does if the shoe were on the other foot. Just thinking about walking into that same gym....with the mats and the crowd...i can feel it just thinking about it...it's like i'm there again... witnessing the murder of my happiness at the hands of nada. The emotions are just all over the place.....i' m still that love struck 17 year old girl. ...but i'm now in touch with nada's sickness and my hatred for her. I wish I had allowed myself to hate her back then. I wish I would have stood up to her manipulation and recognized this sickness. Last night I had a dream that I went to school to pick up my daughter.... only i couldn't get in...the doors were locked. I went around back and saw a man standing by the pond... ..it was my boyfriend... he was standing there, smiling at me.....but before I could even speak he turned and walked away...disappearing into the woods... fading out like a ghost. Ugggh....I hate her! I hate that she has scarred me like this! I hate that because her HER picking my daughter up from school is so distressing for me. So tonight I will return to the scene of the crime.....I hope I can hold it together. Kisses and Nibbles, Bunny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 11, 2006 Report Share Posted December 11, 2006 All I can really say is " Holy Shit! " That is just the most unbelievably sad story! She destroyed 2 lives. On the other hand, you have a daughter, who you wouldn't have in your life had plan " A " gone according to plan (I assume?), and who you'd probably not trade for the world. It is a horrible horrible thing to have happened to you. The sort of thing that would bring law-suits today (he could have sued your ma for stolen property, did you ever recover the ring?) It's very, very sad for your high-school sweet-heart to be in such a state. I'd hope that you've found love & strength in your life since. Sometimes I think of all the regrets I have in life, all the times I listened to Fada when I shouldn't have... but I'm in a good place in my life right now, with a good person I love, and regrets only make me wonder what happy things in my life I might be missing now as well? > > I just had a very shocking thing happen to me, and I need to vent...so here > goes. > > My oldest daugther is a cheerleader at the same high school i attended. She > told us last night that she is cheering for wrestling tonight. (Something > new...they usually just cheer for basketball) All of a sudden I became > flooded with emotions and began to sob and shake uncontrolably. You see.. > when I was in high school I had this boyfriend. We dated for 4 years....he > was the captain of the wrestling team and I was the team manager. He was > the love of my life...my prince charming. We had so many happy memories.... > most of them revolved around wrestling season. He was such a fabulous > wrestler...the star of the show....always. My nada totally ruined my > relationship with him. Making accusations about him....saying horrible, > horrible things. He finally got a scholarship to the college he dreamed > about attending. It was such a huge accomplishment....very early on in our > relationship he had a terrible accident and spent almost a year in shock > trauma. I stayed with him every moment...reading to him, feeding him... > encouraging him to walk and talk. He had to learn all over again. We were > so completely and utterly in love....it was like from a storybook...complete > with wicked witch. His senior year he won states....when they delared him > the winner of the match he ran over to where i was sitting picked me up and > carried me back to the center circle where he got down on one knee and > proposed. I was elated....Nada was enraged. She came down off the > bleachers and snatched the ring out of his hand...she raced out the doors > and threw my engagement ring in the pond behind our school. The next night, > a friend of mine snuck me out of my house and I met my boyfriend at the pond > We exchanged wedding vows...it wasn't a legal ceremony of course, but it > meant the world to us. After a couple of days the word spread about what > happened and my nada came up with the most vindictive plot of her entire > life. Either I broke it off with him or she would call the college he had > his scholorship for and tell them that he had anger issues and that he had > beaten and raped me. She convinced me that the accusation alone would lose > him his scholarship....and I believed her. His happiness and fulfilling his > dream meant so much to me....I just wasn't willing to risk his dream...i > loved him too much. So I broke it off....and we haven't spoken since. I > run into his Aunt all the time....and every time I see her she just hugs me > and starts to cry...she just keeps repeating " you were the one...you were > the one that my Leonard was supposed to spend his life with....his > heart died when the two of you broke up...he is just a shell of a man now... > you wouldn't like him now...remember him the way he was when he was with you > ..that is how i try to remember him. " Every time...i get the same speech... > i'm just glad my husband is so tolerant....i don't think i would handle > something like that as well as he does if the shoe were on the other foot. > > > > Just thinking about walking into that same gym....with the mats and the > crowd...i can feel it just thinking about it...it's like i'm there again... > witnessing the murder of my happiness at the hands of nada. The emotions > are just all over the place.....i'm still that love struck 17 year old girl. > ..but i'm now in touch with nada's sickness and my hatred for her. I wish I > had allowed myself to hate her back then. I wish I would have stood up to > her manipulation and recognized this sickness. Last night I had a dream > that I went to school to pick up my daughter....only i couldn't get in...the > doors were locked. I went around back and saw a man standing by the pond... > .it was my boyfriend...he was standing there, smiling at me.....but before I > could even speak he turned and walked away...disappearing into the woods... > fading out like a ghost. Ugggh....I hate her! I hate that she has scarred > me like this! I hate that because her HER picking my daughter up from > school is so distressing for me. So tonight I will return to the scene of > the crime.....I hope I can hold it together. > > Kisses and Nibbles, > Bunny > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 11, 2006 Report Share Posted December 11, 2006 Bunny, You can do it. I know what it's like to return to the `scenes of the crimes' and feel MAJOR restimulations. I've turned those occasions into healing events for myself. I kept reminding myself things like, " What happened then isn't going to happen now, " and later, " See, different things happened. The place isn't the problem. " It's going to be better this time. Let us know how it goes. One Non-BP Recovering Man --- Beach Bunny wrote: > I just had a very shocking thing happen to me, and > I need to vent...so here > goes. > > My oldest daugther is a cheerleader at the same high > school i attended. She > told us last night that she is cheering for > wrestling tonight. (Something > new...they usually just cheer for basketball) All > of a sudden I became > flooded with emotions and began to sob and shake > uncontrolably. You see.. > when I was in high school I had this boyfriend. We > dated for 4 years....he > was the captain of the wrestling team and I was the > team manager. He was > the love of my life...my prince charming. We had so > many happy memories.... > most of them revolved around wrestling season. He > was such a fabulous > wrestler...the star of the show....always. My nada > totally ruined my > relationship with him. Making accusations about > him....saying horrible, > horrible things. He finally got a scholarship to > the college he dreamed > about attending. It was such a huge > accomplishment....very early on in our > relationship he had a terrible accident and spent > almost a year in shock > trauma. I stayed with him every moment...reading to > him, feeding him... > encouraging him to walk and talk. He had to learn > all over again. We were > so completely and utterly in love....it was like > from a storybook...complete > with wicked witch. His senior year he won > states....when they delared him > the winner of the match he ran over to where i was > sitting picked me up and > carried me back to the center circle where he got > down on one knee and > proposed. I was elated....Nada was enraged. She > came down off the > bleachers and snatched the ring out of his > hand...she raced out the doors > and threw my engagement ring in the pond behind our > school. The next night, > a friend of mine snuck me out of my house and I met > my boyfriend at the pond > We exchanged wedding vows...it wasn't a legal > ceremony of course, but it > meant the world to us. After a couple of days the > word spread about what > happened and my nada came up with the most > vindictive plot of her entire > life. Either I broke it off with him or she would > call the college he had > his scholorship for and tell them that he had anger > issues and that he had > beaten and raped me. She convinced me that the > accusation alone would lose > him his scholarship....and I believed her. His > happiness and fulfilling his > dream meant so much to me....I just wasn't willing > to risk his dream...i > loved him too much. So I broke it off....and we > haven't spoken since. I > run into his Aunt all the time....and every time I > see her she just hugs me > and starts to cry...she just keeps repeating " you > were the one...you were > the one that my Leonard was supposed to spend > his life with....his > heart died when the two of you broke up...he is just > a shell of a man now... > you wouldn't like him now...remember him the way he > was when he was with you > ..that is how i try to remember him. " Every > time...i get the same speech... > i'm just glad my husband is so tolerant....i don't > think i would handle > something like that as well as he does if the shoe > were on the other foot. > > > > Just thinking about walking into that same > gym....with the mats and the > crowd...i can feel it just thinking about it...it's > like i'm there again... > witnessing the murder of my happiness at the hands > of nada. The emotions > are just all over the place.....i'm still that love > struck 17 year old girl. > ..but i'm now in touch with nada's sickness and my > hatred for her. I wish I > had allowed myself to hate her back then. I wish I > would have stood up to > her manipulation and recognized this sickness. Last > night I had a dream > that I went to school to pick up my daughter....only > i couldn't get in...the > doors were locked. I went around back and saw a man > standing by the pond... > .it was my boyfriend...he was standing there, > smiling at me.....but before I > could even speak he turned and walked > away...disappearing into the woods... > fading out like a ghost. Ugggh....I hate her! I > hate that she has scarred > me like this! I hate that because her HER picking > my daughter up from > school is so distressing for me. So tonight I will > return to the scene of > the crime.....I hope I can hold it together. > > Kisses and Nibbles, > Bunny > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > removed] > > ________________________________________________________________________________\ ____ Any questions? Get answers on any topic at www.Answers.yahoo.com. Try it now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 11, 2006 Report Share Posted December 11, 2006 That is absolutely horrible. I am so sorry that happened!!!! No wonder so many memories flooded back to you. Grace > > I just had a very shocking thing happen to me, and I need to vent...so here > goes. > > My oldest daugther is a cheerleader at the same high school i attended. She > told us last night that she is cheering for wrestling tonight. (Something > new...they usually just cheer for basketball) All of a sudden I became > flooded with emotions and began to sob and shake uncontrolably. You see.. > when I was in high school I had this boyfriend. We dated for 4 years....he > was the captain of the wrestling team and I was the team manager. He was > the love of my life...my prince charming. We had so many happy memories.... > most of them revolved around wrestling season. He was such a fabulous > wrestler...the star of the show....always. My nada totally ruined my > relationship with him. Making accusations about him....saying horrible, > horrible things. He finally got a scholarship to the college he dreamed > about attending. It was such a huge accomplishment....very early on in our > relationship he had a terrible accident and spent almost a year in shock > trauma. I stayed with him every moment...reading to him, feeding him... > encouraging him to walk and talk. He had to learn all over again. We were > so completely and utterly in love....it was like from a storybook...complete > with wicked witch. His senior year he won states....when they delared him > the winner of the match he ran over to where i was sitting picked me up and > carried me back to the center circle where he got down on one knee and > proposed. I was elated....Nada was enraged. She came down off the > bleachers and snatched the ring out of his hand...she raced out the doors > and threw my engagement ring in the pond behind our school. The next night, > a friend of mine snuck me out of my house and I met my boyfriend at the pond > We exchanged wedding vows...it wasn't a legal ceremony of course, but it > meant the world to us. After a couple of days the word spread about what > happened and my nada came up with the most vindictive plot of her entire > life. Either I broke it off with him or she would call the college he had > his scholorship for and tell them that he had anger issues and that he had > beaten and raped me. She convinced me that the accusation alone would lose > him his scholarship....and I believed her. His happiness and fulfilling his > dream meant so much to me....I just wasn't willing to risk his dream...i > loved him too much. So I broke it off....and we haven't spoken since. I > run into his Aunt all the time....and every time I see her she just hugs me > and starts to cry...she just keeps repeating " you were the one...you were > the one that my Leonard was supposed to spend his life with....his > heart died when the two of you broke up...he is just a shell of a man now... > you wouldn't like him now...remember him the way he was when he was with you > ..that is how i try to remember him. " Every time...i get the same speech... > i'm just glad my husband is so tolerant....i don't think i would handle > something like that as well as he does if the shoe were on the other foot. > > > > Just thinking about walking into that same gym....with the mats and the > crowd...i can feel it just thinking about it...it's like i'm there again... > witnessing the murder of my happiness at the hands of nada. The emotions > are just all over the place.....i'm still that love struck 17 year old girl. > ..but i'm now in touch with nada's sickness and my hatred for her. I wish I > had allowed myself to hate her back then. I wish I would have stood up to > her manipulation and recognized this sickness. Last night I had a dream > that I went to school to pick up my daughter....only i couldn't get in...the > doors were locked. I went around back and saw a man standing by the pond... > .it was my boyfriend...he was standing there, smiling at me.....but before I > could even speak he turned and walked away...disappearing into the woods... > fading out like a ghost. Ugggh....I hate her! I hate that she has scarred > me like this! I hate that because her HER picking my daughter up from > school is so distressing for me. So tonight I will return to the scene of > the crime.....I hope I can hold it together. > > Kisses and Nibbles, > Bunny > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 12, 2006 Report Share Posted December 12, 2006 What a terrible thing, Bunny! I agree with Recovering Non-BP that this can be a healing event. Bring tissues and keep them in your pocket just in case. But even if there are tears, remind yourself that you did the best you could in terrible circumstances, and that God directed you to where He wanted you, and that brought your daughter here. You were a child, forced into a decision by an overbearing, cruel adult. These life events were beyond your control. Take it off your shoulders. Take care and good luck, Kyla > > > I just had a very shocking thing happen to me, and > > I need to vent...so here > > goes. > > > > My oldest daugther is a cheerleader at the same high > > school i attended. She > > told us last night that she is cheering for > > wrestling tonight. (Something > > new...they usually just cheer for basketball) All > > of a sudden I became > > flooded with emotions and began to sob and shake > > uncontrolably. You see.. > > when I was in high school I had this boyfriend. We > > dated for 4 years....he > > was the captain of the wrestling team and I was the > > team manager. He was > > the love of my life...my prince charming. We had so > > many happy memories.... > > most of them revolved around wrestling season. He > > was such a fabulous > > wrestler...the star of the show....always. My nada > > totally ruined my > > relationship with him. Making accusations about > > him....saying horrible, > > horrible things. He finally got a scholarship to > > the college he dreamed > > about attending. It was such a huge > > accomplishment....very early on in our > > relationship he had a terrible accident and spent > > almost a year in shock > > trauma. I stayed with him every moment...reading to > > him, feeding him... > > encouraging him to walk and talk. He had to learn > > all over again. We were > > so completely and utterly in love....it was like > > from a storybook...complete > > with wicked witch. His senior year he won > > states....when they delared him > > the winner of the match he ran over to where i was > > sitting picked me up and > > carried me back to the center circle where he got > > down on one knee and > > proposed. I was elated....Nada was enraged. She > > came down off the > > bleachers and snatched the ring out of his > > hand...she raced out the doors > > and threw my engagement ring in the pond behind our > > school. The next night, > > a friend of mine snuck me out of my house and I met > > my boyfriend at the pond > > We exchanged wedding vows...it wasn't a legal > > ceremony of course, but it > > meant the world to us. After a couple of days the > > word spread about what > > happened and my nada came up with the most > > vindictive plot of her entire > > life. Either I broke it off with him or she would > > call the college he had > > his scholorship for and tell them that he had anger > > issues and that he had > > beaten and raped me. She convinced me that the > > accusation alone would lose > > him his scholarship....and I believed her. His > > happiness and fulfilling his > > dream meant so much to me....I just wasn't willing > > to risk his dream...i > > loved him too much. So I broke it off....and we > > haven't spoken since. I > > run into his Aunt all the time....and every time I > > see her she just hugs me > > and starts to cry...she just keeps repeating " you > > were the one...you were > > the one that my Leonard was supposed to spend > > his life with....his > > heart died when the two of you broke up...he is just > > a shell of a man now... > > you wouldn't like him now...remember him the way he > > was when he was with you > > ..that is how i try to remember him. " Every > > time...i get the same speech... > > i'm just glad my husband is so tolerant....i don't > > think i would handle > > something like that as well as he does if the shoe > > were on the other foot. > > > > > > > > Just thinking about walking into that same > > gym....with the mats and the > > crowd...i can feel it just thinking about it...it's > > like i'm there again... > > witnessing the murder of my happiness at the hands > > of nada. The emotions > > are just all over the place.....i'm still that love > > struck 17 year old girl. > > ..but i'm now in touch with nada's sickness and my > > hatred for her. I wish I > > had allowed myself to hate her back then. I wish I > > would have stood up to > > her manipulation and recognized this sickness. Last > > night I had a dream > > that I went to school to pick up my daughter....only > > i couldn't get in...the > > doors were locked. I went around back and saw a man > > standing by the pond... > > .it was my boyfriend...he was standing there, > > smiling at me.....but before I > > could even speak he turned and walked > > away...disappearing into the woods... > > fading out like a ghost. Ugggh....I hate her! I > > hate that she has scarred > > me like this! I hate that because her HER picking > > my daughter up from > > school is so distressing for me. So tonight I will > > return to the scene of > > the crime.....I hope I can hold it together. > > > > Kisses and Nibbles, > > Bunny > > > > > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > > removed] > > > > > > > > > _____________________________________________________________________ _______________ > Any questions? Get answers on any topic at www.Answers.yahoo.com. Try it now. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 12, 2006 Report Share Posted December 12, 2006 Bunny, I will be praying for you. It was beautiful what you had while you had it. That is why I write that BPD is the ultimate of INSANITY. The damage is incomprehensible. Love, Greg. --- kylaboo728 wrote: > > What a terrible thing, Bunny! I agree with > Recovering Non-BP > that this can be a healing event. Bring tissues and > keep them in > your pocket just in case. But even if there are > tears, remind > yourself that you did the best you could in terrible > circumstances, > and that God directed you to where He wanted you, > and that brought > your daughter here. > > You were a child, forced into a decision by an > overbearing, cruel > adult. These life events were beyond your control. > Take it off > your shoulders. > > Take care and good luck, > Kyla > > > > > > > > I just had a very shocking thing happen to me, > and > > > I need to vent...so here > > > goes. > > > > > > My oldest daugther is a cheerleader at the same > high > > > school i attended. She > > > told us last night that she is cheering for > > > wrestling tonight. (Something > > > new...they usually just cheer for basketball) > All > > > of a sudden I became > > > flooded with emotions and began to sob and shake > > > uncontrolably. You see.. > > > when I was in high school I had this boyfriend. > We > > > dated for 4 years....he > > > was the captain of the wrestling team and I was > the > > > team manager. He was > > > the love of my life...my prince charming. We > had so > > > many happy memories.... > > > most of them revolved around wrestling season. > He > > > was such a fabulous > > > wrestler...the star of the show....always. My > nada > > > totally ruined my > > > relationship with him. Making accusations about > > > him....saying horrible, > > > horrible things. He finally got a scholarship > to > > > the college he dreamed > > > about attending. It was such a huge > > > accomplishment....very early on in our > > > relationship he had a terrible accident and > spent > > > almost a year in shock > > > trauma. I stayed with him every > moment...reading to > > > him, feeding him... > > > encouraging him to walk and talk. He had to > learn > > > all over again. We were > > > so completely and utterly in love....it was like > > > from a storybook...complete > > > with wicked witch. His senior year he won > > > states....when they delared him > > > the winner of the match he ran over to where i > was > > > sitting picked me up and > > > carried me back to the center circle where he > got > > > down on one knee and > > > proposed. I was elated....Nada was enraged. > She > > > came down off the > > > bleachers and snatched the ring out of his > > > hand...she raced out the doors > > > and threw my engagement ring in the pond behind > our > > > school. The next night, > > > a friend of mine snuck me out of my house and I > met > > > my boyfriend at the pond > > > We exchanged wedding vows...it wasn't a legal > > > ceremony of course, but it > > > meant the world to us. After a couple of days > the > > > word spread about what > > > happened and my nada came up with the most > > > vindictive plot of her entire > > > life. Either I broke it off with him or she > would > > > call the college he had > > > his scholorship for and tell them that he had > anger > > > issues and that he had > > > beaten and raped me. She convinced me that the > > > accusation alone would lose > > > him his scholarship....and I believed her. His > > > happiness and fulfilling his > > > dream meant so much to me....I just wasn't > willing > > > to risk his dream...i > > > loved him too much. So I broke it off....and we > > > haven't spoken since. I > > > run into his Aunt all the time....and every time > I > > > see her she just hugs me > > > and starts to cry...she just keeps repeating > " you > > > were the one...you were > > > the one that my Leonard was supposed to > spend > > > his life with....his > > > heart died when the two of you broke up...he is > just > > > a shell of a man now... > > > you wouldn't like him now...remember him the way > he > > > was when he was with you > > > ..that is how i try to remember him. " Every > > > time...i get the same speech... > > > i'm just glad my husband is so tolerant....i > don't > > > think i would handle > > > something like that as well as he does if the > shoe > > > were on the other foot. > > > > > > > > > > > > Just thinking about walking into that same > > > gym....with the mats and the > > > crowd...i can feel it just thinking about > it...it's > > > like i'm there again... > > > witnessing the murder of my happiness at the > hands > > > of nada. The emotions > > > are just all over the place.....i'm still that > love > > > struck 17 year old girl. > > > ..but i'm now in touch with nada's sickness and > my > > > hatred for her. I wish I > > > had allowed myself to hate her back then. I > wish I > > > would have stood up to > > > her manipulation and recognized this sickness. > Last > > > night I had a dream > > > that I went to school to pick up my > daughter....only > > > i couldn't get in...the > > > doors were locked. I went around back and saw a > man > > > standing by the pond... > > > .it was my boyfriend...he was standing there, > > > smiling at me.....but before I > > > could even speak he turned and walked > > > away...disappearing into the woods... > > > fading out like a ghost. Ugggh....I hate her! > I > > > hate that she has scarred > > > me like this! I hate that because her HER > picking > > > my daughter up from > === message truncated === ________________________________________________________________________________\ ____ Yahoo! Music Unlimited Access over 1 million songs. http://music.yahoo.com/unlimited Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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