Re: Listening to joys is more enjoyable than listening to concerns

[Guest guest]

Hey ,

Not that I'm complaining, but where are the turnarounds? :-)

With love and thanks,

Jon x

>

> When I am around people who seem to bitch a lot, I don't enjoy being

> around them.

>

> I realize instead of saying they 'bitch' a lot, I could say 'who

> express a lot of concerns with how their life is going,' but either

> way I seem to let it affect my mood

>

> I have one ex-friend who lives where I'm moving to, and we once used

> to get together frequently and have a good time. But the last few

> times we got together, seems like she just bitched and bitched. I am

> clearer now that she was just caught up in her stories. Then I guess

> I let myself get caught up in mine; including that being around

> people who gripe isn't enjoyable, but being around people who enjoy

> their life is.

>

> I spoke up to her, saying I was finding it hard to be around her, as

> she was complaining so much. She got teary eyed, apologized, and said

> next time we got together she would be more positive. It got better

> for awhile, but one time she called me and just started bitching.

> After awhile, I just gently hung up the phone. She called back, I

> didn't answer. I wrote her a letter explaining why I hung up. Now I

> find myself thinking of asking if she'd like to get together. Hmm,

> not sure why I'd do that, and wondering if I do, will I again put

> limitations on how she can be around me? God, that sounds crappy,

> that I won't just let a friend be how they are.

>

> I should enjoy being around people who complain. Is that true?

>

> Well, no, as usually I don't.

>

> How do I feel when I think this thought?

>

> Well, another thought follows, that I wish I had more friends. But

> then again I just like being around people I like being around. Okay,

> I 'feel' my chest tighten, throat and face tighten. Feels like I'm

> withdrawing/closing up.

>

> Who would I be without this thought? Ahhh, my eyes relax, a smile

> comes to my face. It IS okay, it IS reality, that I don't enjoy it.

> Yeah that's okay.

>

> Hey, now I don't feel like complaining about those who complain too

> much.

>

> And now, I find I enjoy being with me.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hey ,

Just taking your original subject line, and un-censoring it:

" Listening to joys is more enjoyable than listening to bitching "

and I'm noticing how this isn't always true for me - sometimes I enjoy

listening to bitching, especially when I'm in a moaning kind of mood -

how good it can be to let it rip in that place, really have a good

bitch and moan, say that life is crappy, etc, etc.

And when I'm in that place listening to other people's joys isn't very

enjoyable - I just want them to shut up and keep their happy mood to

themself :-)

Much love,

Jon

[Guest guest]

That stuff are classis 'work' material.

i'd suggest doing the work seriously on couple of stuff you believe

in, and it doesn't mean you have to go back and get together with her.

i find that for me also many times i like to complain my problems,

just to put it out there.. and then i dont do the work.. and nothng

changes.

other times i complain a lot, do the work only barely .. fast.. and un

effective.. and i forget to ask stuff such as .. " who's business am i

in " .. and miss for optional turnarounds.

and other times i do the work with respect.. and 95% i get sweet

results which seem to manifest itself in reality afterwords.

cheers.

>

> When I am around people who seem to bitch a lot, I don't enjoy being

> around them.

>

> I realize instead of saying they 'bitch' a lot, I could say 'who

> express a lot of concerns with how their life is going,' but either

> way I seem to let it affect my mood

>

> I have one ex-friend who lives where I'm moving to, and we once used

> to get together frequently and have a good time. But the last few

> times we got together, seems like she just bitched and bitched. I am

> clearer now that she was just caught up in her stories. Then I guess

> I let myself get caught up in mine; including that being around

> people who gripe isn't enjoyable, but being around people who enjoy

> their life is.

>

> I spoke up to her, saying I was finding it hard to be around her, as

> she was complaining so much. She got teary eyed, apologized, and said

> next time we got together she would be more positive. It got better

> for awhile, but one time she called me and just started bitching.

> After awhile, I just gently hung up the phone. She called back, I

> didn't answer. I wrote her a letter explaining why I hung up. Now I

> find myself thinking of asking if she'd like to get together. Hmm,

> not sure why I'd do that, and wondering if I do, will I again put

> limitations on how she can be around me? God, that sounds crappy,

> that I won't just let a friend be how they are.

>

> I should enjoy being around people who complain. Is that true?

>

> Well, no, as usually I don't.

>

> How do I feel when I think this thought?

>

> Well, another thought follows, that I wish I had more friends. But

> then again I just like being around people I like being around. Okay,

> I 'feel' my chest tighten, throat and face tighten. Feels like I'm

> withdrawing/closing up.

>

> Who would I be without this thought? Ahhh, my eyes relax, a smile

> comes to my face. It IS okay, it IS reality, that I don't enjoy it.

> Yeah that's okay.

>

> Hey, now I don't feel like complaining about those who complain too

> much.

>

> And now, I find I enjoy being with me.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Facy, I love you :-)

Re: Listening to joys is more enjoyable than

listening to concerns

> That stuff are classis 'work' material.

> i'd suggest doing the work seriously on couple of stuff you believe

> in, and it doesn't mean you have to go back and get together with her.

> i find that for me also many times i like to complain my problems,

> just to put it out there.. and then i dont do the work.. and nothng

> changes.

> other times i complain a lot, do the work only barely .. fast.. and un

> effective.. and i forget to ask stuff such as .. " who's business am i

> in " .. and miss for optional turnarounds.

> and other times i do the work with respect.. and 95% i get sweet

> results which seem to manifest itself in reality afterwords.

> cheers.

[Guest guest]

>

> Facy, I love you :-)

thanks, i need you to

>

> Re: Listening to joys is more enjoyable than

> listening to concerns

>

>

> > That stuff are classis 'work' material.

> > i'd suggest doing the work seriously on couple of stuff you believe

> > in, and it doesn't mean you have to go back and get together with her.

> > i find that for me also many times i like to complain my problems,

> > just to put it out there.. and then i dont do the work.. and nothng

> > changes.

> > other times i complain a lot, do the work only barely .. fast.. and un

> > effective.. and i forget to ask stuff such as .. " who's business am i

> > in " .. and miss for optional turnarounds.

> > and other times i do the work with respect.. and 95% i get sweet

> > results which seem to manifest itself in reality afterwords.

> > cheers.

>

[Guest guest]

Really Facy, are you sure?

What if Hanle isn't loving you right now - are you still alive, breathing?

Much love my friend,

Jon

> >

> > Facy, I love you :-)

>

> thanks, i need you to

>

> >

[Guest guest]

your at no sympathy on the tone scale of scientology which is

higher than sympahty. just an observation..

Sympathy is lower because it enjoys keeping people down and

dependent. rh

-- In Loving-what-is , " " wrote:

>

> When I am around people who seem to bitch a lot, I don't enjoy being

> around them.

>

> I realize instead of saying they 'bitch' a lot, I could say 'who

> express a lot of concerns with how their life is going,' but either

> way I seem to let it affect my mood

>

> I have one ex-friend who lives where I'm moving to, and we once used

> to get together frequently and have a good time. But the last few

> times we got together, seems like she just bitched and bitched. I am

> clearer now that she was just caught up in her stories. Then I guess

> I let myself get caught up in mine; including that being around

> people who gripe isn't enjoyable, but being around people who enjoy

> their life is.

>

> I spoke up to her, saying I was finding it hard to be around her, as

> she was complaining so much. She got teary eyed, apologized, and said

> next time we got together she would be more positive. It got better

> for awhile, but one time she called me and just started bitching.

> After awhile, I just gently hung up the phone. She called back, I

> didn't answer. I wrote her a letter explaining why I hung up. Now I

> find myself thinking of asking if she'd like to get together. Hmm,

> not sure why I'd do that, and wondering if I do, will I again put

> limitations on how she can be around me? God, that sounds crappy,

> that I won't just let a friend be how they are.

>

> I should enjoy being around people who complain. Is that true?

>

> Well, no, as usually I don't.

>

> How do I feel when I think this thought?

>

> Well, another thought follows, that I wish I had more friends. But

> then again I just like being around people I like being around. Okay,

> I 'feel' my chest tighten, throat and face tighten. Feels like I'm

> withdrawing/closing up.

>

> Who would I be without this thought? Ahhh, my eyes relax, a smile

> comes to my face. It IS okay, it IS reality, that I don't enjoy it.

> Yeah that's okay.

>

> Hey, now I don't feel like complaining about those who complain too

> much.

>

> And now, I find I enjoy being with me.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

>

> your at no sympathy on the tone scale of scientology which is

> higher than sympahty. just an observation..

> Sympathy is lower because it enjoys keeping people down and

> dependent. rh

I find that scale interesting, thanks for feedback.

I've heard when someone comes on stage to sit and do 'the work' with

, and if she doesn't see they're open to looking at their issues

enough to investigate, she has them leave stage.

[Guest guest]

wanted to read this list to see if you commented..

glad you find it intersting i do also.

people go up and down the tone scale.

but you can sort of spot the one people are at most of the time.

I think im at fear a lot.

did the work on depression .

I used monas advice on doing the work as if the emotion

were a person.

DEpression says i dont appreciate it..

I use it to manipulate people and to stay down.

and to keep my idenity to get sympathy.

nice to be aware of that... thanks for the feedback on the

feedback.. roslyn

-- In Loving-what-is , " " wrote:

>

>

> >

> > your at no sympathy on the tone scale of scientology which is

> > higher than sympahty. just an observation..

> > Sympathy is lower because it enjoys keeping people down and

> > dependent. rh

>

> I find that scale interesting, thanks for feedback.

>

> I've heard when someone comes on stage to sit and do 'the work' with

> , and if she doesn't see they're open to looking at their issues

> enough to investigate, she has them leave stage.

>

>

>