Re: using siblings to gang up (reply to ) hair and skin color

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

Your brown hair is something I can relate to. I have darker skin coloring,

dark brown hair and dark eyes. My siblings have lighter skin tones, and clear

eyes. I absolutely think being the " bad child " and being split " black " has to

do with coloring of my body. I really do. For nada, the lighter one is the

better.

Nada told me once that I should only date guys with clear eyes, and blue eyes

were the most desirable, because I have some genes for clear eyes, and if I were

to have children with someone with dark eyes, then those genes would be lost

forever. Nada told me to " keep the genes for clear eyes " as if something is

wrong with me for darker coloring and eyes.

The thing that is really wierd about this, as if that isn't wierd enough, is

that I have always felt more comfortable among black and Latino people. I sort

of look Latino, although that is not my heritage, but it also has to do with

being immigrant. Being an immigrant, you sort of have more freedom to choose

which ethnic group you want to hang out with in the US, because you are not

really defined in the census categories. But, I always have darker skinned

friends, all my life. My brother, who is lighter, hangs out exclusively with

whiter people. This makes sense to me, because he was split white and I was

split black. This is totally reasonable to me. The thing is, I have had a lot

of people question me, especially white people, as to why I would hang out with

mostly darker skinned people when I could almost go either way in terms of my

own coloring. It's not something I can explain to normal people, and it's not

really logical, and I really feel uncomfortable when

people ask me about it.

Sometimes people get it. People will just say " oh, she's black " . and I think,

yeah I am, on the inside, because I was split black most of my life. I have

found more acceptance and care among browner people than among white people. I

feel uncomfortable around white people. I guess I am a reverse-prejudiced

person, but it is really just the result of decades of training from nada, my

siblings, the foo and nada's preferential treatment of my lighter siblings.

Do I sound crazy, or has anyone else felt this way?? I think it is

especially interesting because in terms of immigrants and trying to find your

place in America, my brother married a REALLY blonde woman. She looks like a

Barbie doll. Nada loves her. I guess they are " keeping the clear eyed genes "

as nada would say.

Ozzy, isn't it?

Walkingto happiness.

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