Guest guest Posted February 25, 2007 Report Share Posted February 25, 2007 They just can't let us go out into the world and be on our own, can they? They always have to have that smirk on their face like they know better and we're going to screw it up. My nada didn't want me to get married, was mostly a pain in the ass, but I earnestly kept trying (in my ignorance).... Then, when I graduated from college, she found a medical emergency with her father to rush off to, and conveniently missed it. She could have flown out the next day, as there was nothing she could do anyway. But, she said " I had to be there for my mother " ......How about your daughter? She has continued to find something wrong with every life passage I've gone through. I am finally starting to wise up at age 44. You're so lucky you've gotten smarter a lot earlier. Your life will be better for it. What moxie it took for you to not invite her! I salute your courage! That was the right thing to do! Kind of like following through on a tough punishment for a child so that they'll never forget the lesson. Good for you for digging out of the hole she put you in. {hugs} Kyla > > thank you kyla. > > yes, the engaged thing was what sent me into a state of " the last > straw " and yielded me into therapy. her response to my engagement was > a long exhale and " i kind of figured this would happen " . nothing happy > about it. then it was six months of her telling a lot of lies to my > family, that i expected everyone to pay for my wedding but i wanted > everything my way. (mind you, she offered to pay for the venue and i > accepted... i guess that means i was using her? wanting everything my > way; i.e. i wanted to wear a strapless gown) she then proceeded to say > that she probably would not have time to come to the wedding and that > if she even did, she couldn't relate to my social circle and has > nothing in common with our kind of people. (my husband and i are > tattooed, but pretty straight-laced and normal, for the most part. > needless to say, that when i was in my teens she used to use meth and > hang out with other addicts, who were inappropriate in many ways, > tattooed people on our couch - and yes, my mother acquired a couple > tattoos during that time- even tried to convince me to get one when i > was, i don't know, 15? funny how she's above that now.)i ended up not > inviting her and haven't spoken to her since. > > she sends my husband and i cards exclaiming cliche's like, " enjoy your > marriage and know that everyday together is a blessing and may your > love continue to grow " , blah, blah, blah. like nothing ever happened. > i'm sure she has it in her head that i'm the one that's being an a- hole. > > anyway, thanks again and i will be in touch and active on this board! > -christine > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 25, 2007 Report Share Posted February 25, 2007 Oh, and I forgot to mention: What IS it with BPDs and cliche's? My nada spouts these sayings and " statistics " that she's either made up, or is parroting from some news program she saw. I think she's susceptible to just hopping on any old thought bandwagon because she truly has no strongly held beliefs of her own. (Well, she likes to rage against authority, so I guess that's a viewpoint.) She loves to start these sayings and platitudes with " In this country.... " If she can knock our country while doing it, all the better. Some of them have been unintentially funny -- " We have too much food in this country " ...... " We don't know how to grieve in this country " .... The list is endless. It's worse when she's been drinking. I have a hard time not busting out laughing at some of them. Ugh. -Kyla > > thank you kyla. > > yes, the engaged thing was what sent me into a state of " the last > straw " and yielded me into therapy. her response to my engagement was > a long exhale and " i kind of figured this would happen " . nothing happy > about it. then it was six months of her telling a lot of lies to my > family, that i expected everyone to pay for my wedding but i wanted > everything my way. (mind you, she offered to pay for the venue and i > accepted... i guess that means i was using her? wanting everything my > way; i.e. i wanted to wear a strapless gown) she then proceeded to say > that she probably would not have time to come to the wedding and that > if she even did, she couldn't relate to my social circle and has > nothing in common with our kind of people. (my husband and i are > tattooed, but pretty straight-laced and normal, for the most part. > needless to say, that when i was in my teens she used to use meth and > hang out with other addicts, who were inappropriate in many ways, > tattooed people on our couch - and yes, my mother acquired a couple > tattoos during that time- even tried to convince me to get one when i > was, i don't know, 15? funny how she's above that now.)i ended up not > inviting her and haven't spoken to her since. > > she sends my husband and i cards exclaiming cliche's like, " enjoy your > marriage and know that everyday together is a blessing and may your > love continue to grow " , blah, blah, blah. like nothing ever happened. > i'm sure she has it in her head that i'm the one that's being an a- hole. > > anyway, thanks again and i will be in touch and active on this board! > -christine > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 25, 2007 Report Share Posted February 25, 2007 thanks kyla! yes, they do seem to get more insane with big life passages, because that means you're individuating and separating. i was telling my husband the other day that nada refused to take a picture with me after my highschool graduation and left because she had a headache. i sat there, watching everybody else get hugs/flowers/pictures while my mother got walked back to her car. that was nice. the wedding, well that was a disaster (with nada) from the beginning. and because my foo didn't want any added tensions from nada, nobody from my foo came except for one cousin. it was a beautiful day, don't get me wrong. but i still feel kind of sad when i go through the wedding album and there's so much of my husband's family and only one from mine. but, i will and always have felt that my friends are my family...and there was plenty of them there that day, so it kind of makes up for it. THE CLICHE'S! yes! they have many, don't they? my nada's favorite is " know why they call it the present? because everyday is a gift. " sucks because it really is a beautiful statement. too bad she has no idea what it means. it just sounds good to her, i suppose. and you're right about having no sense of self and the reasoning in clinging to them. i've always felt that way about nada. love to you kyla. -christine. > > > > thank you kyla. > > > > yes, the engaged thing was what sent me into a state of " the last > > straw " and yielded me into therapy. her response to my engagement > was > > a long exhale and " i kind of figured this would happen " . nothing > happy > > about it. then it was six months of her telling a lot of lies to my > > family, that i expected everyone to pay for my wedding but i wanted > > everything my way. (mind you, she offered to pay for the venue and > i > > accepted... i guess that means i was using her? wanting everything > my > > way; i.e. i wanted to wear a strapless gown) she then proceeded to > say > > that she probably would not have time to come to the wedding and > that > > if she even did, she couldn't relate to my social circle and has > > nothing in common with our kind of people. (my husband and i are > > tattooed, but pretty straight-laced and normal, for the most part. > > needless to say, that when i was in my teens she used to use meth > and > > hang out with other addicts, who were inappropriate in many ways, > > tattooed people on our couch - and yes, my mother acquired a couple > > tattoos during that time- even tried to convince me to get one > when i > > was, i don't know, 15? funny how she's above that now.)i ended up > not > > inviting her and haven't spoken to her since. > > > > she sends my husband and i cards exclaiming cliche's like, " enjoy > your > > marriage and know that everyday together is a blessing and may your > > love continue to grow " , blah, blah, blah. like nothing ever > happened. > > i'm sure she has it in her head that i'm the one that's being an a- > hole. > > > > anyway, thanks again and i will be in touch and active on this > board! > > -christine > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.