Guest guest Posted March 13, 2008 Report Share Posted March 13, 2008 Start with afraid. What are you afraid of. Is that something that can really happen? Would it actually be good if it did? Catastrophic? Do you have your finger on the red button or work for a nuclear plant? Threatened? Does this go with afraid. The reason you are hating this person is probably because you are afraid and threatened of them and by them. This leads back to the afraid part. Really look at what is going on. Are they going to hit you? Fire you? Kill you? Blame you? Since they haven't done any of these things yet it is NOT true. You are projecting a bad future on yourself that you don't even know is true. If you still can't seem to let go of the thought; keep it. Instead, see yourself in the sea of chaos as a separate from it. Meditate on what can go wrong and see yourself just watching it. Watch it from all sides. Get angry and watch it in anger. Get afraid and watch it as afraid. Get strong and watch it as strong. Decide what your response can be from each emotion. Pick the one that suits you. Picture yourself being angry at losing your job over this and what you would do next. Picture yourself being afraid and what you would do next with that emotion and again being distant and strong (a rock). Which emotion will bring peace. _____ From: Loving-what-is [mailto:Loving-what-is ] On Behalf Of dawnaberu Sent: Thursday, March 13, 2008 6:57 AM To: Loving-what-is Subject: Awfulness Hello everyone, I have been working on a situation at work, dont think I need to give the boring details, but one of my thoughts about it is This is awful,.....my responses are: 1)no 2)no 3)I feel afraid, depressed,bleak, have the urge to leave my job,seeing things as catastrophic, feeling threatened, hating the person involved. I am struggling with Q4 I cannot imagine myself in this situation without having the thought that its awful any suggestions? With thanks, Dawn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 13, 2008 Report Share Posted March 13, 2008 Hi , thx for your help. " I'd start with looking closer and answer 1. " belief...its awful..... if people disapprove of me(I hadnt seen what I really beleve is awful , I thought it was the whole situation, thx again for that) Q1 No millions of things are worse Q3 When i think this thought i feel afraid , anxious, alone, I tremble, isolated I treat others as superior as i try to ingratiate myself and gain their approval and exaggerate their wisdom I put myself under pressure to get there approval and sell myself out. When I attach tot his thought i see people being verbally nasty to me. I feel stressed when i think this thought and doubt myself Q4I would be clear and strong I would not be afraid to try new things More self accepting/ more other accepting More confident feel better able to be myself Turnaround Its awful if i disapprove of me, yes i become very critical of my appearance, which makes me feel unacceptable and i avoid social contact Its awful if i disapprove of others Yes because im being judgemental Yes because it could upset them Yes because it goes against my values Its not awful if people disapprove of me yes because i have survived disapproval before there are definitely worse things that could happen to me than other peoples disapproval, eg car crash, stroke, cancer Its not awful because some good could come out of others disapproval such as i could see its not so bad and help me face my fears All comments gratefully recieved Dawn. > > I'd start with looking closer and answer 1. > > So, you don't have any proofs for what is awfull about it? > > Why is it awful? What is it that is awful about it? > > You should know that. Or, if you can't find ANYTHING that is awfull about it, then you might get a more genuine answer. And really feel it. > > And if you DO know what is awful about it, look at these things that are awful about it, until you can't find any more. > > to 3: get into the situation. The one the thought really works on you (you work on the thought): you sit at the office (or maybe when you wake up? Are on your way there? Are at home?) - how do you talk to others about your job? How do you treat them if they don't show understanding? How do you treat people who have a great job (in what ways do you notice you separate from them)? > > THEN go to 4: go through the same situations you depicted in 3. This time without even thinking about YOUR job. In 3 you had a look at your everyday life. In four you look again. And picture your life without this thought ever existing, again. > > And when you get to the turnaround... I try to formulate the thought in a way, that's like: the job is awful... TO ME. It get's really personal that way. And remember that you are looking at your life you have this thought ONLY. Not sooner, not later. > > If you then can formulate a genuine no. 6... your work on this one is done. > > And it may come back! ;-) > > Love, > > > > ----- Ursprüngliche Mail ---- > > Von: dawnaberu > > An: Loving-what-is > > Gesendet: Donnerstag, den 13. März 2008, 12:57:07 Uhr > > Betreff: Awfulness > > > > Hello everyone, > > > > I have been working on a situation at work, dont think I need to give > > the boring details, but one of my thoughts about it is > > > > This is awful,.....my responses are: > > > > 1)no > > 2)no > > 3)I feel afraid, depressed,bleak, have the urge to leave my job,seeing > > things as catastrophic, feeling threatened, hating the person involved. > > > > I am struggling with Q4 > > I cannot imagine myself in this situation without having the thought > > that its awful > > > > any suggestions? > > > > With thanks, Dawn > > > Lesen Sie Ihre E-Mails jetzt einfach von unterwegs. > www.yahoo.de/go > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 13, 2008 Report Share Posted March 13, 2008 Hi , thx for this I will consider your points, thx again Dawn > > Start with afraid. What are you afraid of. Is that something that can > really happen? Would it actually be good if it did? > > > > Catastrophic? Do you have your finger on the red button or work for a > nuclear plant? > > > > Threatened? Does this go with afraid. The reason you are hating this person > is probably because you are afraid and threatened of them and by them. This > leads back to the afraid part. Really look at what is going on. Are they > going to hit you? Fire you? Kill you? Blame you? Since they haven't done any > of these things yet it is NOT true. You are projecting a bad future on > yourself that you don't even know is true. If you still can't seem to let > go of the thought; keep it. Instead, see yourself in the sea of chaos as a > separate from it. Meditate on what can go wrong and see yourself just > watching it. Watch it from all sides. Get angry and watch it in anger. > Get afraid and watch it as afraid. Get strong and watch it as strong. > Decide what your response can be from each emotion. Pick the one that suits > you. Picture yourself being angry at losing your job over this and what you > would do next. Picture yourself being afraid and what you would do next > with that emotion and again being distant and strong (a rock). Which > emotion will bring peace. > > > > > > _____ > > From: Loving-what-is [mailto:Loving-what- is ] > On Behalf Of dawnaberu > Sent: Thursday, March 13, 2008 6:57 AM > To: Loving-what-is > Subject: Awfulness > > > > Hello everyone, > > I have been working on a situation at work, dont think I need to give > the boring details, but one of my thoughts about it is > > This is awful,.....my responses are: > > 1)no > 2)no > 3)I feel afraid, depressed,bleak, have the urge to leave my job,seeing > things as catastrophic, feeling threatened, hating the person involved. > > I am struggling with Q4 > I cannot imagine myself in this situation without having the thought > that its awful > > any suggestions? > > With thanks, Dawn > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 14, 2008 Report Share Posted March 14, 2008 Q4 can sometimes be a challenge to get. I heard ask, if you were a Martian who just arrived on Earth and do not have a reference for what you were witnessing, who would you be looking at that situation? Hope it helps. > > Hello everyone, > > I have been working on a situation at work, dont think I need to give > the boring details, but one of my thoughts about it is > > This is awful,.....my responses are: > > 1)no > 2)no > 3)I feel afraid, depressed,bleak, have the urge to leave my job,seeing > things as catastrophic, feeling threatened, hating the person involved. > > I am struggling with Q4 > I cannot imagine myself in this situation without having the thought > that its awful > > any suggestions? > > With thanks, Dawn > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 14, 2008 Report Share Posted March 14, 2008 Wow , that is absolutely brilliant, if only i could keep that in my head.I,m going to carry it with me and refer often Thanks again, Dawn > > just a thought about the turnaround for disapproval of others being awful: > > have you ever done something that you are proud of, that you Knew was the right thing for you to do or say, that 'caused' or brought about the disapproval of others? Can you see in that how it was good to have their disapproval? There are many people in mylife who would never do some of the things that I find essential (for instance my born-again Christian-influenced Mom disapproves of my meditation and yoga practise, things I cherish....) I see how her disapproval is based on her beliefs and how it is right and good for her to disapprove as long as she continues to hold certain beliefs. I love that she does that for herself and is true to herself. And I love that I do what I do for me whether she disapproves or not. It has nothing to do with me or our love for one another. In fact, other's approval or disapproval has ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with me, EVER. THis is a really amazing thing to start to really see, very freeing. When I see how there approval or > disapproval is based Compeletly on their own belief system, I see that their compliments or criticism have nothing to do with my behaviour and I can continue to ask myself what needs to be done next, staying in my own business and not taking their disapproval personally. In this way I gain my own approval (stay within my own integrity). A great way to live, so far, when I can do it. > > Thanks for your work Dawn. > > C > > dawnaberu wrote: > Hi , > > thx for your help. > > " I'd start with looking closer and answer 1. " > > belief...its awful..... if people disapprove of me(I hadnt seen what > I really beleve is awful , I thought it was the whole situation, thx > again for that) > Q1 No millions of things are worse > Q3 > When i think this thought i feel afraid , anxious, alone, I tremble, > isolated > I treat others as superior as i try to ingratiate myself and gain > their approval and exaggerate their wisdom > I put myself under pressure to get there approval and sell myself out. > When I attach tot his thought i see people being verbally nasty to me. > I feel stressed when i think this thought and doubt myself > > Q4I would be clear and strong > I would not be afraid to try new things > More self accepting/ more other accepting > More confident > feel better able to be myself > Turnaround > Its awful if i disapprove of me, > yes i become very critical of my appearance, which makes me feel > unacceptable and i avoid social contact > Its awful if i disapprove of others > Yes because im being judgemental > Yes because it could upset them > Yes because it goes against my values > > Its not awful if people disapprove of me > yes because i have survived disapproval before > there are definitely worse things that could happen to me than other > peoples disapproval, eg car crash, stroke, cancer > Its not awful because some good could come out of others disapproval > such as i could see its not so bad and help me face my fears > > All comments gratefully recieved > > Dawn. > > > > > I'd start with looking closer and answer 1. > > > > So, you don't have any proofs for what is awfull about it? > > > > Why is it awful? What is it that is awful about it? > > > > You should know that. Or, if you can't find ANYTHING that is awfull > about it, then you might get a more genuine answer. And really feel > it. > > > > And if you DO know what is awful about it, look at these things > that are awful about it, until you can't find any more. > > > > to 3: get into the situation. The one the thought really works on > you (you work on the thought): you sit at the office (or maybe when > you wake up? Are on your way there? Are at home?) - how do you talk > to others about your job? How do you treat them if they don't show > understanding? How do you treat people who have a great job (in what > ways do you notice you separate from them)? > > > > THEN go to 4: go through the same situations you depicted in 3. > This time without even thinking about YOUR job. In 3 you had a look > at your everyday life. In four you look again. And picture your life > without this thought ever existing, again. > > > > And when you get to the turnaround... I try to formulate the > thought in a way, that's like: the job is awful... TO ME. It get's > really personal that way. And remember that you are looking at your > life you have this thought ONLY. Not sooner, not later. > > > > If you then can formulate a genuine no. 6... your work on this one > is done. > > > > And it may come back! ;-) > > > > Love, > > > > > > > > ----- Ursprüngliche Mail ---- > > > Von: dawnaberu <dawnaberu@> > > > An: Loving-what-is > > > Gesendet: Donnerstag, den 13. März 2008, 12:57:07 Uhr > > > Betreff: Awfulness > > > > > > Hello everyone, > > > > > > I have been working on a situation at work, dont think I need to > give > > > the boring details, but one of my thoughts about it is > > > > > > This is awful,.....my responses are: > > > > > > 1)no > > > 2)no > > > 3)I feel afraid, depressed,bleak, have the urge to leave my > job,seeing > > > things as catastrophic, feeling threatened, hating the person > involved. > > > > > > I am struggling with Q4 > > > I cannot imagine myself in this situation without having the > thought > > > that its awful > > > > > > any suggestions? > > > > > > With thanks, Dawn > > > > > > Lesen Sie Ihre E-Mails jetzt einfach von unterwegs. > > www.yahoo.de/go > > > > > > > > > --------------------------------- > Be smarter than spam. See how smart SpamGuard is at giving junk email the boot with the All-new Yahoo! Mail > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 14, 2008 Report Share Posted March 14, 2008 -Helps alot, thanks for this Dawn > > Q4 can sometimes be a challenge to get. I heard ask, if you > were a Martian who just arrived on Earth and do not have a reference > for what you were witnessing, who would you be looking at that > situation? > > Hope it helps. > > > > > > > Hello everyone, > > > > I have been working on a situation at work, dont think I need to > give > > the boring details, but one of my thoughts about it is > > > > This is awful,.....my responses are: > > > > 1)no > > 2)no > > 3)I feel afraid, depressed,bleak, have the urge to leave my > job,seeing > > things as catastrophic, feeling threatened, hating the person > involved. > > > > I am struggling with Q4 > > I cannot imagine myself in this situation without having the > thought > > that its awful > > > > any suggestions? > > > > With thanks, Dawn > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 15, 2008 Report Share Posted March 15, 2008 Hi Dawn, I'm not sure I totally agree with about there not being any need to keep it in your head. I would even recommend that you print out her great story below and fold the paper up and put it in your pocket as a " touch stone " . When you feel your thoughts drifting to unpleasant thoughts, feel the paper in you pocket against your leg, or touch it with your hand. It can really help to bring yourself back into your own business. Smile to yourself and think, here I go again, getting in someone else's business. We are physical beings. Physical reminders can be extremely helpful. And of course, going back to the work as soon as you can after a slip is essential too. Love Helen > Wow , that is absolutely brilliant, if only i could keep > that in my head.I,m going to carry it with me and refer often > > Thanks again, Dawn > > > > just a thought about the turnaround for disapproval of others being > awful: > > > > have you ever done something that you are proud of, that you > Knew was the right thing for you to do or say, that 'caused' or > brought about the disapproval of others? Can you see in that how it > was good to have their disapproval? There are many people in mylife > who would never do some of the things that I find essential (for > instance my born-again Christian-influenced Mom disapproves of my > meditation and yoga practise, things I cherish....) I see how her > disapproval is based on her beliefs and how it is right and good for > her to disapprove as long as she continues to hold certain beliefs. > I love that she does that for herself and is true to herself. And I > love that I do what I do for me whether she disapproves or not. It > has nothing to do with me or our love for one another. In fact, > other's approval or disapproval has ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with me, > EVER. THis is a really amazing thing to start to really see, very > freeing. When I see how there approval or > > disapproval is based Compeletly on their own belief system, I see > that their compliments or criticism have nothing to do with my > behaviour and I can continue to ask myself what needs to be done > next, staying in my own business and not taking their disapproval > personally. In this way I gain my own approval (stay within my own > integrity). A great way to live, so far, when I can do it. > > > > Thanks for your work Dawn. > > > > C > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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