Input Thank You

[Guest guest]

Thank You Erbussmom, Betsy, Fresabird, , , Lizzy, Kyla, , Non,

a, O, for your kind, wise, honest words of wisdom and for sharing your

perspectives on this matter. Each one of your posts helped me to see the

situation from a different point of view, addressed a common KO issue of

trusting OUR gut instincts, filled me with strength, hope, validation, and

clarity. These are a few of many aspects that I love about this group.

After reading your responses this morning and when I awoke this morning, I knew

that what my psychiatrist had said to me was not only unproffessional but rude.

And why it was so hard for me to make this assessment yesterday and believe in

myself was three-fold: One, my father was huge in the medical community in

Alaska and taught me by beating me in front of another doctor when I was 10 for

not holding the door open (waiting for the doc to walk through first) for a doc

at my dad's surgery center and the doc appreciated my father beating me by

saying, " ________ spare the rod, spoil the child. " So I grew up always

subserviant to docs. Even when we could afford to " move on up " , my dad wouldn't

b/c he told me to " never upstage a doctor and never disagree unless you have

more power over them. " So I fear docs, which i told this psychiatrist about.

The second reason, which was addressed by so many, is that as a KO, I was

trained to not trust my gut. TRAINED. The RULES changed from day to day. So

now that the insanity is gone, I am starting to really trust my gut more and it

feels weird. God, sometimes I'm not even sure that it is my gut that is

" talking. " So this is a growing challenge that can be accomplished.

The third reason is that I'm not sure if it was a theraputic technique or not

b/c my depressed feelings that were turned against me were then turned on him.

But I keep thinking that if it were theraputic, say to create a transference, it

would deal with the issue we were discussing and not something else.

Bottom line, I don't feel that this is going to work, so I will get back to

finding a therapist that does have extensive experience in working with KO's of

BPD.

From the entirity of my heart, thank you all.

Love,

Greg.

Re: Input Requested

>

Greg,

As a newbie to the group, I have to say that I have found your posts

to be insightful, truthful and so supportive of others while at the

same time respecting their own personal issues and choices. I think

that you must possess a great deal of emotional intelligence for that.

I wonder what experience your therapist has had with KO BPD, it

sounds like you need to find one who " fits " you better. In the

meantime, please know that you are supported here, even if it's just

good thoughts sent your way!

Take care,

O.

> Hey Everyone,

>

> I had therapy today, early this afternoon. It has taken this long

to calm down enough to write coherently, and I still am not sure how

this is going to come out. I had just explained a dream and the

feelings that I used to have and that are now coming back as I've

gone n/c with my mom to my psychiatrist. I was very vulnerable and

even told him so. He said, " Your emotional IQ must be very low. Oh,

that didn't sound right. " From the look on my face, I gathered that

he realized he made a huge Freudian slip. I asked him, " What makes

you say that? " And he tried to skirt it. He said that I may have

problems reading people's emotions, people's body language, etc.

THAT IS ALL BULL SHIT. If anything, I'm too acute at reading these

things. So I stayed right with it and said " What indicators show

you that I have a lack of emotional skill sets? I realize that, as a

child of a mother who has BPd And a father that had APD I have some

difficult times trusting people, but it

> just takes me longer. " He told me that b/c I was not mirrored

properly, it's only natural that I would have deficits. I agreed,

but that first statement had a harsh, quick tone to it that stings to

this moment. I also told him that while I was in school last year,

we had one class that the prof encouraged us to take all these very

expensive psych tests, as they were freee or next to free. I did and

my score on teh emotional IQ was very high. I told him this and he

just laughed. He's missed 3 appointments out of 8 and I didn't like

his remark 3 weeks ago that he had me scheduled in his calendar

indefinitely. He wasn't laughing: Tuesdays at 1:30. This is not

what feel right; it's not what I signed up for. When I ask himabout

the treatment plan, he gets vague and skirts the question and then

when something emotionally hard comes up, he says, " Well, this is why

we need to keep working on your past, as it effects your present

dating.... " Yes, and NO. If I listen to

> only my gut intuition, it is telling me to end the " therapy. " He

is after my money. he is helping on the way, but isn't putting much

effort into it. After many sentences he said today, I reminded him

what it was like having a BPD mother and what UBM said about it. I

think that this irritated him. He told me in the beginning that he

has some experience treating BPD and KO BPD. I'm not sure he's had

enough, b/c the things he is saying are so not a part of the BPD

world. He's a nice guy, but i'm not paying for nice. and that

comment almost first thing was anything but nice. I know that

therapy is a form of manipulation with consent, one-way relationship,

built on trust. Was he manipulating me to get me to feel other

feelings or transference or what???????? ?? The last thing is that I

read about other people's posts about how they feel good after

sessions and I don't. I feel worse. Any advice or comments are

welcome..... ...Thanks. Greg.

>

> ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __

>

[Guest guest]

Greg,

I am glad you are feeling so much better about all of this. Your

instincts are right on. I am really sorry about what your father

put you through. He was a real A-hole. You, on the other hand, are

an intelligent and sensitive person.

When you cancel you appointment with this therapist, you might want

to advise him to take an Emotional IQ test. He will fail! He needs

some therapy to work on his issues.

Take care,

Sylvia

> >

>

> Greg,

>

> As a newbie to the group, I have to say that I have found your

posts

> to be insightful, truthful and so supportive of others while at

the

> same time respecting their own personal issues and choices. I

think

> that you must possess a great deal of emotional intelligence for

that.

>

> I wonder what experience your therapist has had with KO BPD, it

> sounds like you need to find one who " fits " you better. In the

> meantime, please know that you are supported here, even if it's

just

> good thoughts sent your way!

>

> Take care,

> O.

>

> > Hey Everyone,

> >

> > I had therapy today, early this afternoon. It has taken this

long

> to calm down enough to write coherently, and I still am not sure

how

> this is going to come out. I had just explained a dream and the

> feelings that I used to have and that are now coming back as I've

> gone n/c with my mom to my psychiatrist. I was very vulnerable and

> even told him so. He said, " Your emotional IQ must be very low.

Oh,

> that didn't sound right. " From the look on my face, I gathered

that

> he realized he made a huge Freudian slip. I asked him, " What makes

> you say that? " And he tried to skirt it. He said that I may have

> problems reading people's emotions, people's body language, etc.

> THAT IS ALL BULL SHIT. If anything, I'm too acute at reading these

> things. So I stayed right with it and said " What indicators show

> you that I have a lack of emotional skill sets? I realize that, as

a

> child of a mother who has BPd And a father that had APD I have

some

> difficult times trusting people, but it

> > just takes me longer. " He told me that b/c I was not mirrored

> properly, it's only natural that I would have deficits. I agreed,

> but that first statement had a harsh, quick tone to it that stings

to

> this moment. I also told him that while I was in school last year,

> we had one class that the prof encouraged us to take all these

very

> expensive psych tests, as they were freee or next to free. I did

and

> my score on teh emotional IQ was very high. I told him this and he

> just laughed. He's missed 3 appointments out of 8 and I didn't

like

> his remark 3 weeks ago that he had me scheduled in his calendar

> indefinitely. He wasn't laughing: Tuesdays at 1:30. This is not

> what feel right; it's not what I signed up for. When I ask

himabout

> the treatment plan, he gets vague and skirts the question and then

> when something emotionally hard comes up, he says, " Well, this is

why

> we need to keep working on your past, as it effects your present

> dating.... " Yes, and NO. If I listen to

> > only my gut intuition, it is telling me to end the " therapy. " He

> is after my money. he is helping on the way, but isn't putting

much

> effort into it. After many sentences he said today, I reminded him

> what it was like having a BPD mother and what UBM said about it. I

> think that this irritated him. He told me in the beginning that he

> has some experience treating BPD and KO BPD. I'm not sure he's had

> enough, b/c the things he is saying are so not a part of the BPD

> world. He's a nice guy, but i'm not paying for nice. and that

> comment almost first thing was anything but nice. I know that

> therapy is a form of manipulation with consent, one-way

relationship,

> built on trust. Was he manipulating me to get me to feel other

> feelings or transference or what???????? ?? The last thing is that

I

> read about other people's posts about how they feel good after

> sessions and I don't. I feel worse. Any advice or comments are

> welcome..... ...Thanks. Greg.

> >

> > ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __

> >