Re: Me and my boyfriend have a question

January 3, 2007

There isn't one person here that could definately diagnose you or

anybody else with BPD. That really takes a theropist who's

speciality is in personality disorders. We could probably reconize

borderline in people we have been around for awhile. I would

strongly suggest seeing a theropist that does specialize in

personality disorders, as some do not even believe they exist.

I will say what you are doing is not good. That symptom alone does

not make someone borderline. You sould read some books like " Stop

walking on Eggshells " , Understanding the Borderline Mother " and Get

me out of Here " . The latter is a book by Reiland who recoved

from BPD. It's a good book. Please seek help for whats ever going on

with you. I do have to wonder if you have been so unstable why your

boyfriend stays with you? Please do not say love. Love maybe be able

to move mountains, but it takes a codependent person to stay in a

bad relationship. Sounds like he needs some help too. Good Luck.

>

> Our situation is that my mother most definitely has BPD and I

(being

> raised by her) either have BPD myself or at least have BPD

tendencies.

> I'm in a relationship with a guy who has been absolutely great and

> supportive even though I have put him through hell. In our

> relationship I tend to go through phases or mood swings (whatever

you

> want to call them). One of the phases I go through is I start

> thinking that everything in our relationship is horrible and can't

be

> fixed and that it was always horrible and I start thinking back to

> previous fights and thinking that that is how it all has been all

the

> time. So with this I freak out and leave. I've done this 3 or 4

> times. And we amazingly get back together and things are great.

This

> time around I have recognized that my mom has BPD and that I have

> those same tendencies and I am planning on going to a therapist

after

> I move in with my boyfriend again. We are both concerned that I'm

> going to get into this mode again and end up splitting even though

> that is not what I really want.

>

> Our question is what are some techniques that we could maybe use

when

> I get this way and what are some methods that others have used to

deal

> with the same or similar situations? Is recognizing it now going

to

> help with it or is it something that I'm just always bound to do

> again? My boyfriend and I were thinking of maybe some sort of

signal

> when I get this way. Is that effective or am I already lost by

that

> point? Any help with this would be greatly appreciated.

>

January 3, 2007

It is very possible for someone not to be borderline, but exhibit

the same behavior as a borderline. Many of us have done that, and

we call this 'fleas'. This is from the saying - If you lay with

dogs, you will get fleas. And if you are raised by a borderline,

then you will probably act like a borderline in some ways. The big

difference is that someone who is truely borderline is not

introspective. He/she does not think that he/she may have a

problem, does not try to change, does not admit to being wrong.

It is a good idea for you to see a therapist. When I was a child,

my mother told me so many times that I was crazy, that the first

thing I did as an independent adult was go to a psychiatrist to find

out if I really was crazy! (I wasn't! LOL)

It is very possible that you and your boyfriend have many issues

stemming from how you were raised, and those issues are surfacing in

your relationship. I used to get into a similar situation where I

though everything was horrible, and there was no way the situation I

was in would get better. At that stage in my life, I was very

driven by my emotional state. I finally realized how I was

catastrophizing, and worked on getting myself to a place where I

could better assess each situation i was in. What you described

sounds similar to me.

I really think you should see a therapist and get counseling for the

problems you are encountering. We can offer you techniques, but a

counselor works with you at a more intense level, and I do think

that would be helpful. HOWEVER, (unfortunately there is a catch

her), it is sometimes a struggle to find a good therapist. Don't

give up on therapy if you should happen to get a dud the first few

times.

Keep on posting.

Sylvia

>