Do you ever wonder?

April 16, 2004

Hi,

Yep, I've wondered all those things, years at a time. The best

answer to some questions is not to ask.

My biggest breakthrough came when I accepted my condition,

focused on my blessings, while not giving up: I'll continue to

seek improvement, I just stopped making myself miserable in

the process.

Early on I COULD NOT adopt positive attitudes or look on the

bright side. People who said I should made me want to puke. So

easy to say, so hard to do. Then easy to do once I learned how.

Now, in hindsight, I wonder what took me so long. (Now it's my

turn to make other people want to puke on sweet advice.)

My specific responses are below.

Peace,

Bruce

> Why me?

-Moot point.

> Will I ever feel " normal " ?

- What's that? I'm 55 years old, & I ain't felt normal yet!

> Will I ever have energy?

-Maybe, maybe not, but don't waste energy worrying about it.

> Will I ever be happy and content?

-Yep, ( & it's a lot easier than finding a good doctor!). Here's the

trick: happiness & contentment are are NOT things you GET,

they're things you DO. Think about it: how can HAVE something if

you're STILL LOOKING FOR IT?

> Will the worry ever go away?

- You mean, unintentionally?

> Will I ever see myself as a complete man?

- That's up to you.

> Does my wife see me as a complete man?

- You'll have to ask her. Chances are probably better than you

think.

> When will I be excited about tomorrow?

- Why not today?

> How other men see me?

- That's their concern, not yours.

> Is there some magic pill or some magic treatment to cure all?

- Of course not.

> Why life feels so hard sometimes?

- Who's doing the feelings?

> Why I can't go a single minute without thinking about this?

- You probably do.

> Why it rules my life?

- Why let it?

> How good it would feel to be like everyone else?

- Be careful what you wish for....

> What it feels like to wake up in the morning and love life.....

- You can wake up in the morning?

>

> Just some things I think about.

- Has that helped yet?

April 16, 2004

, yes I have thought and agonized about everything you said,

cried, got depression treatment three times, gave up, fought back,

you name it. But you know what I ultimately came to? SH_T HAPPENS.

Period. You and I are not dead, we are not being tortured to death,

we are not starving in Samolia, we are not crippled with MS, we are

not blind, or facing the world with horrible birth or accident

defects.

So you now what? You suck it up. You deal with it. You make the

best of it and say thank you every day that you do NOT suffer

anything else. Guess what, frogs are born with three legs and our

zygotes were created with an abnormality. Your attitude towards

yourself and the rest of suffering and dying humanity while alive is

what matters.

best wishes and hang in there

norton

April 16, 2004

Hi

I am 29, and only beginning to come to terms with it. I am over the

extreme embarassment, the wasted years, my teenage years being

stolen from me, and of course every day fighting it out with the

demons in my head. But overall, I guess I am very fortunate.

Unfortunately of all the points discussed, the " does my wife seem me

as a complete man " or (if we substitute wife with a girl friend or

lover) part bothers me the most. That I am still trying to come to

terms with.

Why me?

Remember Van Halen had a song, " Right Now " ? There was a quote there

it went something like " right now someone's mother is dying because

God has to make them die " Something like that. There is X number of

conditions and Y number of people. We all get paired up with

something. I am still fortunate it's only this and not something

worse.

Will I ever feel " normal " ?

Probably Never

Will I ever have energy?

With enough medication, TRT, and something positive, maybe a loving

wife??

Will I ever be happy and content?

This transcends even Hypogonadism

Will the worry ever go away?

Naah...not with me. I am always worried.

Will I ever see myself as a complete man?

Probably Not...which is why I still subconsciously go out there and

get aggressive for no reason, just to prove myself I am a man. Is it

a coincedence so many guys like us are in the Army or law

enforcement?

Does my wife see me as a complete man?

Who knows what lies in the heart of a woman. Do they ever look at us

and say " what the heck am I doing with this guy with no balls?? " Who

knows, it's a deep ocean.

When will I be excited about tomorrow?

There is no tomarrow, only today

How other men see me?

Fuck them. Who cares. If they start crap punch them out (Ok OK

that's a joke)

Is there some magic pill or some magic treatment to cure all?

The pharma industry puts money on where there is a profit. There is

no profit in Hypo...just look how hard it is to get pellets. I have

to drive 400 miles next month to get them. This is not Zimbabwe,

this is USA.

Why life feels so hard sometimes?

Forget that, we are meant for pain and suffering. Only in America

people think they have automatic entitlement to happiness. Rest of

the world know life is hell.

Why I can't go a single minute without thinking about this?

Because it denies you the very essence of your self, your man-hood.

Why it rules my life?

See previous question.

How good it would feel to be like everyone else?

Probably very good. Aah what joy it would be to have a set of health

big testicles in your hands.